A/N: Howdy, neighbors. Are you ready for the last premerge round of House Party? I sure am, so let's get the show on the road.
"Last time on Total Drama House Party…" Hatchet stood in the foyer for the recap. "The hot tub in my secret lounge room broke down, so, uh, executive orders mandated that I open the room up to the team that built a new one. I WOULDA just fixed it myself, but SOMEBODY had to go and get bossy! On Team Chill, Ernie and Kiki bonded some more, while Lauren started getting' all desperate for David's vote. It was pathetic. On Team Flame, Rachel tried gettin' Erica on her side so she could get some numbers in the merge, but the albino girl seemed pretty comfortable havin' nothin' to do with her. Team Thunder lost the challenge – AGAIN! – and Franklin scrambled to get Chappy and Judy to turn on each other. In the end, Franklin got lucky, as he managed to combine his vote with Judy's and take out Chappy. Will Team Thunder survive with only two of 'em left? Will Lauren survive with her sanity slippin'? Will Erica survive with her isolatin' herself? Find out, ya fool! Only on Total! Drama! HOUSE PARTY!"
Franklin and Judy went out to the backyard.
"I must say, that was incredibly stressful," Franklin said. "I was sure I'd be going home."
"I cast my vote like five minutes before the actual ceremony," Judy said. "Did you know you get a penalty vote against you if you don't vote in time for the ceremony? I found that out earlier today."
"Interesting," Franklin said. "I admittedly don't know much about this show. I'm mostly in it for the money."
"To escape your parents, I assume?" Judy asked.
"I never told you-!" Franklin started, shocked to learn that Judy knew his secret.
"I overheard one of your conversations with Preston," Judy admitted.
"You really are too nosy for your own good, you know that?" Franklin said as he shook his head. "But back to the subject at hand: no, I have no reason to escape from my parents."
"Oh, Franklin, that doesn't exactly sound healthy," Judy said worriedly. "Have you considered reporting them to the police?"
"You misunderstand," Franklin smirked. "I have no reason to escape my parents because my parents are dead."
"Whoa! Wait, hold on, do you mean they're dead to you, like you're just in denial or something, or are they actually dead?" Judy asked.
"Why give away all the surprises so soon?" Franklin chuckled. "I don't want to ruin all the fun."
Judy gave Franklin a very concerned look.
Confessional:
Franklin: I don't know a lot about this game, but I have a friend who does – he's the guy who told me about this game in the first place – and he said that holding secrets and slowly revealing them as the game goes on makes you less likely to be voted out. Sounds crazy, I know, but hey, he's the expert. And I really do need that money, so I'll do whatever I can to win.
Judy: Okay, is there anyone on this team who isn't hiding something? Is Ziggy secretly in the CSIS and nobody bothered to tell me? Because I'd believe it at this point!
Erica went to the dining room to eat some breakfast. When she arrived, she approached the kitchen counter.
"Alright, what's for breakfast today? Pain or misery?" Erica snarled.
"Misery," Yolonda quipped. "I take it you're feeling well today."
"I'm not in the mood!" Erica snapped.
"Relax, I'm just playing, sugar," Yolonda giggled as she handed Erica a plate of food. "It's eggs today."
"Fine," Erica leered as she took the plate and sat at her team's table.
"So, you wanna talk about it?" Yolonda asked as she sat across from Erica.
"What do you think?" Erica snapped.
"Great. So, from what I can tell, you're a bit jealous that Barry likes Rachel more than you, huh?" Yolonda asked.
"Excuse me?!" Erica asked as she pounded on the table.
"You do know I can watch the camera footage whenever I want, right?" Yolonda asked rhetorically.
"So, what, you're here to pick on the creepy albino girl while she's down?" Erica frowned.
"I'm here to be a listening ear," Yolonda said. "The best way to come to terms with something is to talk about it."
"Why would you care?" Erica asked.
"Because I've been in your shoes," Yolonda told her. "Before you say anything, I do know what it's like to be picked on for my skin color. There are some Klansmen at my school."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Erica snarled.
"Just establishing ethos," Yolonda said. "Anyway. I have a crush on a boy who spends more time with a different girl than with me."
"So?" Erica asked.
"But instead of getting angry, I respect his decision because I know there's a good reason for it," Yolonda continued.
"But Barry doesn't have any good reason to be spending any time with Rachel!" Erica snapped. "She's a god-awful cum-guzzler who acts like she's so smart and nice and shit, when all she wants is to get into Barry's pants!"
"Yes, that's it, let it out," Yolonda said with an encouraging smile.
"And now you're creeping me out," Erica said. "Go away so I can eat my eggs in peace."
"Alrighty then," Yolonda shrugged.
Confessional:
Yolonda: She'll be back.
Erica: I'm never speaking with her again.
David found Kiki in the ballroom.
"Hey, Kiki," David greeted.
"Oh, hey David," Kiki smiled. "How's it going?"
"It's alright," David said. "I've been worse."
"Is something bothering you?" Kiki asked. "I know I asked yesterday and you said no, but it never hurts to check. We haven't really had a deep conversation in a while."
"I guess we haven't," David chuckled. "In the meantime, Lauren has been bugging me nonstop for my vote. I don't even remember who she wants gone at this point."
"Well, I guess it's a good thing we're on a winning streak, huh?" Kiki chuckled. "And I have no intention of letting that streak break."
"Not even if it lets Lauren into the merge?" David asked.
"Well, if she does make it, she's probably just going to screw herself over," Kiki chuckled. "The only reason she's lasted this long is because of our winning streak. Once we do merge, she'll only make herself a target."
"Yeah, that's a good point," David realized. "Thanks, Kiki. That actually kinda helped."
"I know, it's weird that I'm helping people now," Kiki said. "And here I thought my androphobia would cripple my game. At this rate, I have to win. No offense to you."
"None taken," David nodded.
Confessional:
David: Although, if Lauren does make it to the merge, that just means I have to put up with her that much longer. And I don't really want that. Now I'm kinda tempted to throw the challenge. Should I do that?
Kiki: Well, it's nice to know David's issues are so easily fixable.
Rachel went out to the balcony, where she found Franklin sitting alone.
"Hello. Mind if I join you?" Rachel asked.
"Uh, sure," Franklin said as Rachel took a seat. "What's up?"
"As you know, the merge is approaching quickly, and I, like everyone else, want to win the game," Rachel told him. "That's why I'm offering a cross-team alliance between Flame and Thunder. You and Judy plus me and Barry. In return, we'll vote out Erica. Of course, this is all assuming we all make it."
"I'm interested," Franklin grinned. "Though it should be said that Judy and I are not necessarily allies."
"Really? That's too bad. Perhaps I'll speak with her later and see if she'd still be up for it," Rachel thought aloud.
"Actually, I have an idea," Franklin said. "Why don't our teams gang up on Team Chill in today's challenge? That way we can ensure that you, me, Judy, and Barry make the merge."
"I like the way you think," Rachel smirked.
"Likewise. And here I thought you were all flirty," Franklin noted.
"Eh, that got old," Rachel shrugged. "Too much effort, not enough results."
"I thought there was something off about you," Franklin said. "Turns out I was right. You're a lot smarter than you let on, huh?"
"Maybe," Rachel said coyly as she winked at Franklin.
"I remember the days where I could wink, if only barely," Franklin chuckled.
"Yeah, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to your eye anyway?" Rachel asked curiously.
"Heh. It's a secret," Franklin told her. "At least for now."
"For now, huh? Well aren't we confident?" Rachel said wryly.
"What do you mean?" Franklin asked.
"You're assuming that you'll still be in the game later," Rachel smirked.
"And you're implying that you're going to vote me off," Franklin returned with a smirk of his own.
"I wouldn't dream of it," Rachel said.
Confessional:
Rachel: If Erica doesn't want to join me and Barry in a merge alliance, then I'm just going to have to get someone else. The reason I chose Team Thunder is because, if their challenge record is any indication, they'll need and probably take all the help they can get, and I intend to give it to them. For now.
Franklin: Honestly, I wouldn't mind having Judy in an alliance with me. She's a bigger physical and social threat than I am, so I don't have to worry about being targeted until she's out. Same with Barry, really. And Rachel's a bigger mental and social threat than I am… This is excellent.
As Barry entered the dining hall for breakfast, he noticed Erica eating by herself.
"Good morning, Eri," Barry smiled.
"Okay, seriously, what's with the 'Eri'?" Erica asked.
"Just a fun nickname I came up with. I can stop using it if you want," Barry told her.
"Whatever," Erica simply replied.
Barry took a plate of food from Yolonda as he sat across from his teammate.
"Look, I'm sorry for losing my temper at you yesterday," Barry apologized.
"When did you lose your temper?" Erica asked.
"When you tried telling me Rachel was just using me," Barry said.
"Oh that?" Erica scoffed. "If that's what you count as losing your temper, I legitimately don't understand how you can stand to be around me, the angry freak that I am."
"Hehe," Barry chuckled awkwardly. "Anyway, that conversation had me thinking. Maybe I do think too positively of others. Maybe Erica's right."
"Yeah well… wait, what?" Erica asked.
"Yep. That's why I'm going to put Rachel to the test, so to speak," Barry smiled. "I'm going to ask her for the honor of being her boyfriend."
"…Again, what?" Erica asked, trying not to let anger seep from her voice.
"Well think about it. If she is just using me, she'll turn me down, right? But if she isn't, and she really does think I'm a good friend, she'll say yes… probably. Aw geez, I'm nervous just thinking about it," Barry blushed.
"You know what?" Erica started threateningly. She took a deep breath and continued speaking. "That's a great idea. You do that."
"Thanks, I will," Barry smiled.
Confessional:
Barry: Whoo… I'm super anxious about this. I really like Rachel, a lot, and I don't want to screw things up. But hey, Erica thinks it's a good idea, so I'd say it's worth a shot.
Erica: (she is banging her head against the confessional wall)
Kiki entered the newly-unlocked lounge room, only to find Ernie already relaxing in the hot tub.
"Ah, Kiki, how goes it?" Ernie greeted.
"You seem like you're in a good mood," Kiki noted.
"This hot tub is, like, amazing," Ernie grinned. "Care to join me?"
"Whoa, slow down there," Kiki said in a half-joking, half-serious manner. "I'm not entirely over my androphobia."
"Oooookay then," Ernie said, a bit confused, but opting not to press Kiki further.
Kiki sat in a chair in between the hot tub and the hors d'oeuvres table.
"So, you excited for the merge?" she asked.
"Totally," Ernie smirked. "It's been said that you're not truly a factor in the game until you, ya know, make the merge."
"Please. We've been factors in this game since Day 1," Kiki scoffed.
"Eh, that's true," Ernie agreed. "But it won't be official until tomorrow."
"So, I've been thinking," Kiki said. "When you, David, and I make it to the final three, would we take each other to the final two, out of honor for the other's game, or let David in and compete for the other spot, since he's not a threat?"
"He's a physical threat," Ernie noted. "One of, like, the biggest in the game, in fact. And the last challenge is almost always physical."
"Aw, is it really?" Kiki asked. "I was hoping for a jury vote like on Survivor."
"Have you not seen a full season of this show?" Ernie asked.
"Admittedly, no," Kiki said. "My therapist signed me up for this show. She thought it'd help with my fears. And so far, it's working."
"Good to hear," Ernie said as he picked up a nearby drink. "To the final two!"
"Oh, uh…" Kiki picked up a different drink from the table to her right. "The final two!"
Confessional:
Kiki: Do I feel bad for more or less replacing David with Ernie as my guy best friend? Not really. David's nice, but he's not exactly very smart, so we don't have much to talk about. Ernie, on the other hand, is a different story. I'm glad I've got a final two deal with him.
Ernie: Kiki's a sweet kid, but, ya know, only one of us can win this game. I intend for it to be me, but hopefully she'll, ya know, be fine with whatever place she gets.
Judy worked out on a treadmill in the gym.
"You know, it's just not the same without Chappy," Judy said to herself.
"I know someone who could take his place," Lauren purred as she entered the gym.
"Lauren, I've told you before, I'm not interested," Judy sighed.
"Oh, don't worry. As much as I'd like to explore every inch of your body, I wasn't talking about me," Lauren snickered.
"Gross," Judy grimaced.
"Anyway, I was talking about my good friend David," Lauren said. "Rumor has it he's itching for a girlfriend, and I figured you two would be perfect for each other."
"You barely know me. How could you know what kind of guy would be perfect for me?" Judy asked.
"Alright, to be honest, I'm matchmaking you with him by process of elimination," Lauren admitted. "Rachel and Kiki are practically taken, Erica's anti-people, and I'm definitely not hooking up with him."
"And Yolonda?" Judy asked.
"Already turned him down," Lauren said. "So what do you say?"
"…I'll give it some thought," Judy told Lauren.
"Cool," Lauren said.
There was a pause.
"So is that all?" Judy asked. No response. "You're staring at my body, aren't you?" Judy sighed.
"Maaaaaaaybe," Lauren said playfully.
"Please leave," Judy said sternly.
"Alrighty. Heheheh," Lauren chuckled.
Confessional:
Judy: Me and David, huh? Granted, he's not the most unattractive person I've met, but we barely know each other. Maybe if the two of us make the merge, I'll see if I can get into an alliance with him. I could use some allies with my only other teammate starting to play sneaky.
Lauren: I hope my girlfriend Taylor doesn't get jealous. Ah, she'll understand. Just look at Judy. I can't stop drooling. Uh, love ya, Tay-Tay!
Franklin found Barry in the game room, playing on an arcade cabinet.
"Ah, Barry, good morning," Franklin greeted.
"Oh, hey Franklin," Barry greeted back. "What's up?"
"Well, I'm not sure if you've heard, but we're in an alliance now," Franklin answered.
"We are?" Barry asked.
"Yup. You, me, Rachel, and maybe Judy," Franklin nodded. "Rachel and I discussed it earlier. Since the merge has to be in the next round, we're making preparations."
"Oh. No, I didn't know that," Barry said. "Actually, I haven't spoken to Rachel at all today. I'm kind of nervous."
"Nervous? About what?" Franklin asked.
"Well, I'm planning on asking her out, but she's so smart and pretty and nice that I'm worried I'm in over my head," Barry answered.
"She is pretty, I'll give you that," Franklin agreed. "I don't know her that well, but she seems smart and nice as well. Hopefully things work out between you two."
"Thanks," Barry said. "I've been playing Donkey Kong for a while now to distract myself from the nerves. I figure that if I can't get the girl, at least Mario will."
"That's funny logic," Franklin chuckled. "And I mean that in a good way."
"Uh, thanks," Barry chuckled awkwardly. "So tell me about yourself. Seeing as how we're in an alliance, I figure it'd be best if we got to know each other."
"Not much to say about me. I lead a pretty quiet lifestyle," Franklin said.
"Then how'd you get…" Barry pointed to his left eye and right cheek. "…these?"
"I guess it's common knowledge by now, so there's no reason not to tell you," Franklin said. "I grew up with abusive parents. Let's just leave it at that."
"Alright, I'll respect that," Barry said.
"Thank you," Franklin said.
Confessional:
Franklin: Well, Barry seems nice enough. He seems pretty trustworthy, if not a bit naïve, so having him as an ally doesn't seem like a bad idea at all. Of course, he's very likely to take Rachel to the end over me, so I'll have to take that into consideration.
Barry: I can't help but notice that Erica isn't in Rachel's merge alliance. I guess I understand why, but I still want to change that. I'd hate to vote out one of my friends over a new ally.
David was about to enter his first class room, only to be interrupted by a voice behind him.
"Hey David! Guess what?!" Lauren exclaimed.
"You're quitting the game?" David muttered.
"Judy said 'maybe'!" Lauren continued.
"Okay…?" David said, a bit weirded out.
"Come on, you said you wanted a girlfriend," Lauren coaxed. "And I'm getting one for you!"
"Can I at least go to my room and chill out?" David asked.
"There's no time for that! You gotta go to her! Make her yours! Make yourself hers!" Lauren insisted.
"Why is there no time?" David asked, his annoyance growing more evident in his tone.
"Because the challenge is probably soon, and there's a 66% chance that either our team or her team will lose!" Lauren said. "What if she goes home? What if you go home?!"
"I'm not going home," David said. "If I voted with Kiki and Ernie, you'd be going home."
"…Oh, David." Lauren shook her head condescendingly. "You still believe that?"
"Believe what?" David asked, now a bit worried.
"That Kiki's on your side. She's playing you," Lauren told David.
"Nuh-uh," David insisted. "She wouldn't be talking to me if she was. She's all guy-o-phobic, remember?"
"That's why she wants to vote you off," Lauren explained. "Plus, you're a challenge threat, and if you make the merge, that could spell trouble for her. She's totally afraid of you."
"You're lying," David frowned.
"Well don't say I didn't warn you," Lauren snickered.
Confessional:
David: Kiki's not playing me. I may not be the smartest, but even I can see that. Lauren's just desperate… I think.
Lauren: Do you think he fell for it? Oh God I hope he fell for it.
The nine houseguests met in the foyer at Hatchet's request.
"Alright, maggots! After twelve gruelin' days here on Total Drama House Party, you're about to hit the halfway point of the game! It's a great honor to make it this far!" Hatchet told the teens. "It takes a lot of skill to make the merge, and eight of y'all-"
"Yeah, skill, or you could just, ya know, be Duncan or Owen and have them rig it for you," Ernie interrupted with a wry grin.
"Did I say you could speak?!" Hatchet barked. "Ten push-ups!"
Ernie sighed and rolled his eyes as he went down to push-up position.
"Anyway, today is the last Playground of Pain challenge of the premerge, so get your butts into the Bus of Horrors so we can do this thing!" Hatchet announced. "And no tryin' to escape the challenge this time! Lauren!"
"Okay, okay, you got me," Lauren chuckled.
Hatchet and all the teens, including Ernie, went for the door.
"Did you even do your push-ups?" David whispered to Ernie.
"Shhhh," Ernie whispered back.
Confessional:
Judy: On one hand, we do have a numbers disadvantage, but on the other, both Franklin and I are pretty athletic, so hopefully we won't end up in last place again.
Barry: Wow! I can't believe the merge is so close! I hope I don't screw it up and end up going home last-second. That'd be bad.
Ernie: Heh. Hatchet was so busy announcing the challenge he didn't even notice me, like, not doing push-ups. Gotta love cheating the system.
During the bus ride to the Playground, Rachel struck up a conversation with Judy.
"So, did Franklin tell you about a possible cross-team alliance at the merge?" Rachel asked.
"He did not. Do tell," Judy responded warily.
"You, me, Franklin, and Barry. To prove our loyalty, we'll vote for Erica as soon as possible," Rachel whispered.
"Interesting," Judy said. "That'd be half of the merge."
"Well, the way I see it, a merge of eight with a cast of twenty is a bit strange," Rachel said. "So I believe they'll be letting some eliminated players return. Of course, we could always let one of them in the alliance. But just one. No need to make ourselves targets."
"I think I see what you're saying," Judy nodded. "Okay, sounds good."
"Great to have you onboard," Rachel smiled.
"So, who do you think would come back anyway?" Judy asked.
"Probably some big drama-makers," Rachel decided. "People like CJ or Tucker."
"I hope not," Judy winced. "I wasn't on a team with either of them and I could still see how awful they were."
"Tell me about it," Rachel said as she shuffled her casted arm.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the bus, David began talking to Erica.
"So, uh, what kind of music do you like?" David asked.
"Why do you care?" Erica asked harshly.
"You seem like the kind of girl who likes metal," David shrugged. "Metal's kind of my thing, and I have nobody to talk about it with."
"If you must know, I listen to Evanescence and Linkin Park sometimes, but usually I listen to The Beatles," Erica answered.
"Oh, okay then," David said.
"What?" Erica asked defensively.
"What? What do you mean 'what'?" David asked.
"You're judging me on my taste in music, aren't you?" Erica snarled.
"I mean, Evanescence and Linkin Park are kind of a running joke with me and my friends. My Chemical Romance too," David admitted.
"Well that's rude. What's wrong with them?" Erica huffed.
"I mean, no offense, but metal's supposed to be about letting out your emotions in a primal release. Not sitting in the corner and crying," David chuckled. "Besides, those bands are all nu-metal."
"Have you not listened to Linkin Park?" Erica snapped. "They're all about primal release. Especially their earlier stuff."
"What about 'Crawling'?" David chuckled. "That's super sit-in-a-corner-and-cry-ish."
"…Shut up," Erica said as she crossed her arms. "It's primal… release… ish… too!"
Confessional:
Rachel: So far the merge is looking good for me. The closest thing to a strategic threat on Team Chill, from what I can tell, is Kiki, and we can always get her out right after Erica if need be.
Judy: Funny enough, I get more of a trustworthy vibe from Rachel, someone I barely know, than I got from Chappy, my longtime teammate. Is that bad?
David: I need to introduce Erica to some real metal. I'd totally play some if there was an amp for my guitar somewhere in the house.
Erica: Typical. David's just another judgmental prick.
The teenagers shortly arrived at the Playground of Pain. The playground was rearranged once again with a medium-sized block in the center, not unlike the one from the maze challenge.
"Interesting setup we have here," Kiki commented.
"It'll all make sense in a second!" Hatchet announced as he wheeled something which was covered by a sheet out of the bus.
"Didn't we already do this challenge?" Lauren asked, unimpressed.
"I SAID WAIT A SECOND!" Hatchet snapped.
"Touchy…" Lauren muttered.
"As I was sayin' before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED…!" Hatchet continued as he removed the sheet, revealing a rack of guns.
"So this is how it ends?" Franklin said with an unsettling grin. "Somehow I always knew."
"Chill out. These are just paintball guns," Hatchet ordered. "Now, each of you will start out the challenge in a different part of the maze. Your simple goal is to cover the opposition in paint. Keep in mind that friendly fire is in effect, and all paint counts against you."
"Come on. Why would anyone hit their own teammate? That makes no sense," Kiki pointed out.
"You'd be surprised," Hatchet said. "Also, as an added rule, if we catch you tryin' to scrub any paint off of yourself, you will get a penalty."
"I'll keep that in mind," Lauren smirked.
"And no takin' off clothes to remove paint either!" Hatchet added.
"Dammit," Lauren griped.
"Alright, any more questions?!" Hatchet asked.
"What if we run out of paintballs?" Barry asked.
"Tough turnips!" Hatchet answered. "Anythin' else?"
Nobody responded.
"Alright then! The challenge will last for 45 minutes. Get to your positions and we'll start the challenge!" Hatchet commanded.
Confessional:
Franklin: I happen to know my way with a gun. That, plus the fact that Team Flame has formed a temporary truce with Team Thunder, can only mean victory for me today.
Barry: Seems like a fun challenge. Every year my youth group goes out on a big paintball outing, and I have a blast each and every time.
Kiki: The other teams combined may outnumber us, but we outnumber the teams as individuals, which is good for us considering we're all starting in different parts of the maze. This means it's more likely that two Team Chill members can meet up and double-team any opponents they come across than it is for any other team to do the same.
After the teens all took their places in the maze, the challenge proper began. Hatchet blew his air horn, signifying for the contestants to begin.
"Let's do this!" David bellowed as he started running through the maze.
"Now I know where David is!" Rachel's voice teased from nearby.
"Aw, crap!" David exclaimed as he ran away from Rachel's voice.
After running for a couple minutes, David stopped to catch his breath.
"I think… I lost her…" David panted.
"Maybe," Barry smiled as he appeared next to David. "But you didn't lose me."
"Geez!" David grunted as he ran away, although not without getting hit by a couple of red paintballs.
Judy searched through a different part of the maze, jogging at a brisk pace.
"Let's see, there's a four out of nine chance of finding someone from Team Chill, right?" Judy asked herself. "Or is it four out of eight, since I'm one of the nine? Ugh, math's always been my worst subject."
Judy stopped jogging and looked around with a confused look.
"Where even am I? Stupid math, getting me lost," Judy grumbled.
There were three paths: one to Judy's right, one directly in front of her, and the one from which she had just come.
"Eh, well, you know what they say. When in doubt, take the right path," Judy told herself. "Because, you know, it's the 'right' path."
Lauren found herself in a different part of the maze.
"Holy geez I'm so turned on right now…" Lauren told herself angrily. "Why didn't I just bone David? I mean, yeah, he's a bad kisser, but I'm so desperate right now!"
Lauren punched the wall to her left.
"Ugh. Even if I did, Kiki would probably accuse me or rape or something. Even though that's totally not cool," Lauren sighed. "I said at the start of the game that I know how to respect boundaries, and I meant it. Yeah, I've jumped the gun a couple times, but can you blame me?"
"Do you often talk to yourself?" a voice asked. Lauren turned her head to find Rachel directly to her right.
"Aw, shit," Lauren grumbled. "Of all the people I had to run into, it was the hottest girl this season."
"Um, I'm sorry?" Rachel asked in a simultaneously confused and flattered tone.
"Look, I have an overactive libido, and I'm bisexual. It's not easy," Lauren told her angrily. "I'm not in the mood to deal with you."
"Sounds like you are," Rachel snickered.
Lauren responded by shooting Rachel in the leg.
"Ow! Okay, fair enough," Rachel said.
"Can you even shoot with one hand?" Lauren realized.
"No idea," Rachel grinned as she extended her left arm in front of her, pointing her gun at Lauren. "Want to find out?"
"Or I could just keep shooting you," Lauren said with a sick grin.
"Aw, but you wouldn't want to cover me in bruises, would you, baby?" Rachel asked in a flirtatious voice as she leaned in closer to Lauren.
"N-No…" Lauren said with a heavy blush.
All of a sudden, Lauren felt a sharp pain in her leg. She looked down to see red paint splatters.
"Well what do you know? I can shoot with one hand," Rachel said.
"Screw off!" Lauren shouted as she opened fire at Rachel.
"Fair enough," Rachel said again as she ran for it.
Confessional:
David: Well, I'm off to a great start today. I need to find someone else from Team Chill. Maybe they could be a meat shield or double firepower or something.
Judy: Even if it's not as big as the other maze, it was pretty easy to get lost in that challenge. I've never been great at puzzles, and mazes are no different.
Rachel: Okay, so maybe I'm not totally done flirting. Maybe I'm a bad person for flirting with a hypersexual. I prefer to think of it as "pragmatic". I got away relatively unscathed, didn't I? Besides, Judy told me on the bus that Lauren's been perving on her, so I guess that's retribution for messing with my new alliance.
Erica, meanwhile, wandered through a different part of the maze.
"45 minutes… tch!" Erica huffed. "It's like Hatchet wants me to get skin cancer. Not that I'm surprised."
Erica stopped and looked around.
"Figures he'd pick the one time of day where the sun would shine directly over the maze, so there's no shadows to protect myself from the sunlight," Erica grumbled. "I'd call discrimination, but it's not even worth it at this point."
All of a sudden, Erica felt multiple paintballs to the arm. She turned to see a quick glimpse of Ernie shooting at her, but decided to run so as to avoid getting hit any more.
"Heh. Too easy," Ernie smirked to himself. "This is why you, like, shouldn't monologue in a challenge where you're supposed to be, ya know, stealthy."
Franklin found himself going through a different part of the maze.
"Alright, look alive, Franklin," Franklin muttered to himself. "It's do or die, and I'm too young to die."
Just then, Franklin saw Kiki passing by, and he began to open fire.
"Ahhh!" Kiki shrieked before running off.
"Nowhere to run!" Franklin called out.
As she ran, Kiki turned around in order to get some shots of her own in.
"Ah!" Franklin shouted as a couple paintballs hit him in the shoulder, causing him to stop in his tracks.
Kiki took this opportunity to take a left, knowing Franklin wouldn't be able to see her do so.
"You've made a powerful enemy, Kiki!" Franklin shouted.
"You started it…" Kiki muttered to herself as she continued to run off.
David ran out of breath from running away, and had to rest against the wall.
"This challenge… is not as fun… as I thought it'd be…" David panted.
"Tell me about it," Lauren said as she approached.
"I see you've had a run-in with Team Flame," David commented, noticing the red spots on Lauren's leg.
"Likewise," Lauren said, nodding at the red spots on David's shirt.
"Wanna watch each other's backs?" David asked. "I mean, if we run into someone, we can team up on them."
"Sounds good to me," Lauren grinned. "You know, being in a maze, alone, with you, kinda reminds me of…"
"Can we not bring that up?" David asked.
"Come on, how about we go at it again? For old times' sake," Lauren coaxed.
"Last week doesn't count as 'old times'," David denied.
"Ugh! This is impossible!" Lauren exclaimed.
Confessional:
Erica: Can this challenge be over already?
Franklin: Geez, paintballs hurt. This is my first time with paintball guns, and I have to say, that took me by surprise. Guess I'm going to have to be more careful.
Lauren: Longest 45 minutes of my life, I swear.
Barry wandered through another part of the maze.
"This game's a lot more fun when you can find people," Barry noted. "How much time has passed, anyway? Feels like 20 minutes, but for all I know it could be five."
All of a sudden, Barry heard footsteps, causing him to freeze up. The sound came from the other side of the corner.
"Come to papa…" Barry muttered to himself as he waited for the owner of the footsteps to come closer. He began to hug the corner side of the wall, prepping his gun.
The sound of footsteps stopped. Barry decided to peek around the corner to see if the other person had taken a different direction. To his surprise, Ernie stood there with his gun ready.
"I see you," Ernie grinned as he fired in Barry's direction.
Barry hid back around the corner, and sounds of his footsteps were heard, getting quieter until they stopped.
"Don't, like, make this harder than it needs to be," Ernie said as he went around the corner. He was shocked to find Barry was still there.
"Hello," Barry said, his gun aimed at Ernie.
"You ran in place and, like, ran softer to make it sound like you left, huh?" Ernie asked.
"Yup," Barry confirmed.
"Not bad," Ernie smirked.
"Thanks," Barry said with a smile. "But I still have to shoot you now."
"Oh, right," Ernie said. "I'm, like, not in the mood to run away right now. Can you, like, make this quick?"
"Um, alright?" Barry replied, confused as he began shooting Ernie with his paintball gun.
After a couple seconds, Ernie spoke up. "Alright, that should be good."
Barry stopped firing.
"Thanks," Ernie said.
"Uh, you're welcome," Barry replied, only to be hit in the chest with one of Ernie's paintballs.
"Never said I played completely fair," Ernie grinned as he ran off.
"I thought you weren't in the mood for running!" Barry called as he chased after Ernie.
Judy continued to walk alone in the maze.
"Have I seriously not found anybody yet?" Judy asked herself. "How is that possible?"
All of a sudden, Judy felt a paintball to the leg.
"Ow!" Judy exclaimed. "Who shot me?"
"I did," Erica grunted.
"But what about the truce?" Judy asked.
"What truce?" Erica asked as she shot at Judy again, this time missing.
"Did Barry and Rachel not tell you?" Judy asked. "Team Flame and Team Thunder held a truce in order to take out Team Chill."
"How stupid do you think I am?" Erica snapped.
"It was Rachel's idea," Judy added.
"Rachel's a dumbass," Erica insisted as she shot at Judy again, this time hitting her in the chest. "She's not smart enough for that kind of thing."
"You'd be surprised," Judy muttered.
"Ow!" Erica shouted as she dropped her gun. She looked to her hand and noticed a yellow splat.
"That's enough," Franklin said sternly.
"You call that a truce?" Erica taunted to Judy.
"I'm simply disarming you," Franklin told Erica as he stepped on her gun before she could pick it back up. "So as to keep the truce intact."
"I guess nobody told her about it," Judy told Franklin.
"There's a reason for that," Franklin said to Judy.
"And what might that be?" Erica grunted.
"Should we tell her?" Franklin asked Judy. "It's not like she can change anything."
"Screw you, I can't change anything!" Erica snapped.
Franklin shot Erica in the shoulder.
"Hey!" Erica objected.
"So we won't tell her," Franklin told Judy.
"Got it," Judy nodded.
"You guys suck!" Erica shouted.
Kiki made her way through a different part of the maze.
"Is this challenge almost over?" Kiki asked herself. "I'm getting bored."
"Tell me about it," Rachel said as she appeared behind Kiki.
Kiki quickly turned around to get ready to fire, but lowered her gun when she noticed Rachel's broken arm.
"Can you even shoot with one arm?" Kiki asked. "I'd rather not attack someone who can't fight back."
"Don't worry, I'm harmless," Rachel chuckled.
"So, what, you just want to talk?" Kiki asked.
"I guess," Rachel shrugged. "You can't deny this challenge is pretty boring."
"No, I really can't," Kiki chuckled.
"So, what are your plans for the merge?" Rachel asked.
"I have an alliance of three going for me already," Kiki said. "I'm waiting to see whom they bring back to see if I should add anyone."
"Funny. Most people keep their plans a secret," Rachel chuckled. "I only have an alliance of two currently, just me and Barry, but I'm hoping that an old teammate of mine comes back for the merge. Nolan was cool."
"He was the kid with the dice, right?" Kiki asked.
"That's the one," Rachel confirmed. "He actually got himself voted out because his dice told him to do so."
"Seriously?" Kiki scoffed.
"Almost makes me wonder how well he'd do if he didn't do the dice thing," Rachel pondered.
"Guess we'll never know," Kiki shrugged.
"ATTENTION, CONTESTANTS!" Hatchet's voice rang throughout the maze. "THIRTY SECONDS LEFT!"
"Well, may the best team win," Kiki told Rachel.
"Likewise," Rachel nodded.
When Kiki turned around to leave, Rachel got a few shots in with her paintball gun.
"Ouch!" Kiki yelped.
"Also, I lied about being harmless," Rachel snickered.
Kiki responded by shooting Rachel in the calf.
Confessional:
Barry: Ernie's someone I'll have to keep an eye on. He seems a lot sneakier than he lets on.
Franklin: Poor Erica has no idea how close she is to being blindsided. Ah well. Such is the game.
Kiki: Rachel's someone I'll have to keep an eye on. She seems a lot sneakier than she lets on.
The nine contestants returned to the outside of the maze in order to be judged by Hatchet.
"Alright, maggots, it's time to see who wins and who loses!" Hatchet said as he scanned over the nine houseguests.
Each of the contestants had been hit at some point, so they each had paint on them.
"In first place…" Hatchet started.
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"Team Thunder!"
"No way!" Judy cheered. "Awesome!" She and Franklin shared a hi-five.
"In second place…" Hatchet continued.
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"…Team Flame!"
"Whew," Barry breathed a sigh of relief.
"Dang it," David grumbled.
"Yup, that means Team Chill is gonna hafta vote someone out tonight!" Hatchet announced. "Y'all have plenty of time to come to a decision, so I suggest y'all use that time wisely!"
Confessional:
Franklin: I have to say, getting first place feels nice. And it will feel even nicer when first place means getting a million dollars.
Erica: Team Thunder totally ganged up on me. Assholes.
Lauren: Holy crap, we were not supposed to lose so soon. Judy and David haven't hooked up yet!
Kiki, Ernie, and David all met up in the ballroom.
"I can't believe we finally get to vote out Lauren," Kiki grinned.
"Good riddance," David sighed. "She's been bugging me nonstop for days."
"Plus, she's, like, pretty sketchy," Ernie added. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, hasn't she always voted for the person who went home every time she, ya know, voted?"
"Wouldn't surprise me," Kiki said. "I know she voted for Spankety and Tucker, and I'm pretty sure she voted for Jilly too…"
"Geez, this girl's been in charge of all the votes!" David realized.
"Thankfully, that won't be the case tonight," Kiki smirked. "Because she'll be going home tonight."
"Sounds good to me," Ernie nodded.
"Me too!" David agreed.
"Awesome," Kiki smiled as she put her hand in the middle of the three of them. David and Ernie did the same. "Here's to our alliance!"
"Alliance!" David and Ernie agreed as the three put their hands in the air.
Confessional:
Kiki: It does my heart good knowing the one girl who's screwed me over this whole game has no power tonight.
David: Aw, geez, now that we've decided on who to vote, Lauren's probably going to bug me all day trying to get me to vote for Kiki.
As soon as David exited the confessional, Lauren appeared before him.
"Gahhh!" David jumped. "You startled me!"
"Sorry, but I really need you to vote for Kiki tonight," Lauren insisted. "I promise I'll hook you up with Judy later."
"Lauren, I don't want Judy," David told her testily. "Yolonda is the girl I like. Yeah, Judy's fine, but Yolonda's super cool and pretty and stuff. So unless you somehow get Yolonda to like me, I'm not voting for Kiki."
"In that case, you wanna do it?" Lauren asked desperately. "I seriously need some lovemaking right now."
"It doesn't count as lovemaking if I don't love you, does it?" David asked rhetorically.
"But… but… but…" Lauren stammered.
"Face it, you're going home tonight," David sighed. "Sorry it had to be this way, but somebody has to go, and I don't want it to be anyone else on our team."
"After all I've done for you?!" Lauren asked.
"You mean bugging the crap out of me?" David scoffed as he walked away. "Goodbye, Lauren."
"Wait, don't leave! I need your vote!" Lauren called as she ran after him.
Confessional:
David: I will not miss her.
Lauren: I dunno, I feel kind of attached to David at this point. I think it's because he looks like my boyfriend, Vincent. Love you, Vin-Vin!
Lauren found Kiki relaxing in the backyard.
"Kiki! We need to talk!" Lauren insisted.
"Scrambling, are we?" Kiki asked.
"Remember when you made out with me in exchange for my vote?" Lauren asked. "And then I kinda went back on that deal?"
"Vividly," Kiki said dryly.
"Well, how about I vote with you now?" Lauren asked.
"Be my guest. I'm voting for you anyway," Kiki told her.
"Okay, but what if we change the vote to Ernie?" Lauren asked.
"Why on Earth would I do that?" Kiki asked.
"Because Ernie's, uh, planning on backstabbing you," Lauren fibbed.
"Convincing," Kiki said sarcastically.
"Stop using sarcastic adjectives at me!" Lauren whined.
"'Vividly' is an adverb, technically," Kiki told her.
"Whatever. If you vote for Ernie, I swear I'll be loyal to you!" Lauren said.
"What happened to your previous loyalty to me back on day one?" Kiki asked.
"Well, this time you don't have a clown on your side, so I really mean it," Lauren said.
"Go away, Lauren," Kiki instructed. "Your patheticity is grossing me out."
"That's not even a real word, Little Miss 'Vividly is an Adverb'!" Lauren whined as she stormed off.
Confessional:
Lauren: I can't go home. Not after making it this far!
Kiki: I almost wish it were 9pm already so we can hurry up and vote her out.
Lauren found Ernie napping in the rec room.
"Ernie! Ernie! Ernie!" Lauren shouted as she shook him awake.
"What do you want, Lauren?" Ernie asked impatiently.
"Vote for Kiki! Please!" Lauren begged.
"Oh, okay," Ernie chuckled. "I'll do just that."
"You will?" Lauren asked hopefully.
"Totally," Ernie smirked. "In fact, I was just going to, ya know, talk to David and convince him to do the same. That way it'll be, like, an easy 3-1 vote."
"Are you being serious right now?" Lauren asked. "I'm having trouble telling."
"Well, you'll just have to, ya know, find out, won't you?" Ernie said facetiously. "Now may I continue napping?"
"Not until I know you were being serious!" Lauren insisted.
"Okay, yes, I was being serious," Ernie said flatly. "Now may I continue napping?"
"Sure," Lauren said as she left the room.
Confessional:
Lauren: I seriously owe Ernie my life in this game. I was afraid I'd be going home.
Ernie: (he snickers) Oh, Lauren. You're ridiculous.
The four members of Team Chill sat on one of the couches in the foyer. Hatchet came down the grand staircase carrying an ice box. He set the ice box down next to him as he stood across from the contestants.
"Well, if it ain't Team Chill," Hatchet commented. "Been a while, ain't it?"
"Just get on with the sodas, please," Kiki said.
"BE PATIENT, YA LITTLE TWERP!" Hatchet roared. He cleared his throat.
"Still touchy, I see," Lauren commented.
"Quiet, you!" Hatchet snapped. "Anyway, first soda goes to David."
David wordlessly caught his can of soda.
"Ernie!"
"Thanks," Ernie grinned as he cracked open his soda and began to drink.
"It's been fun, Kiki," Lauren said confidently. "But only one of us can win the game."
"And that person will be me," Kiki replied, equally confident. "But hey, you got ninth. That's a lot better than I expected for you."
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"…Lauren," Hatchet finally said. "You are safe."
"Yes!" Lauren fist-pumped as she caught her soda.
Kiki was speechless. She looked at David and Ernie in disbelief.
"Sorry, Kiki," David frowned.
"I mean, a 3-1 vote? Not even a tie?" Kiki asked, trying to keep from crying. "Screw you guys!"
Ernie didn't even make eye contact with Kiki.
"Kiki, time to go," Hatchet told the hipster girl.
"Gladly," Kiki huffed as she left through the Door of Shame.
"Oh, wait up!" Yolonda called as she ran for the door. "I'd better go too. Tomorrow is a special interview episode with the contestants who have been voted out so far, and I get to host it."
"Cool," David said. "Good luck."
"Thanks, sugar," Yolonda winked as she left out the door.
"So does this mean we, like, get a day off tomorrow?" Ernie asked.
"Indeed it does," Hatchet confirmed. "Until then, y'all need ta go out to the backyard! Now! DISMISSED!"
Confessional:
Ernie: Well, that certainly wasn't an easy vote. Kiki, if you're, like, watching this, for what it's worth, I do consider you a friend and I did enjoy our talks, but I had my reasons to vote you out. Nothing personal, ya know, just game.
"And with that, we're down to eight!" Hatchet told the camera. "The contestants seem to think people are comin' back. Are they right? And how are the losers doin' since they been voted out? You're gonna have to be patient, and find out next time, on Total! Drama! HOUSE PARTY!"
Rachel went up to the balcony that night with a note in her hand.
"'Dear Rachel, meet me on the balcony tonight. I want to talk to you about something.'" She read. "I wonder what this is all about."
As Rachel entered the balcony, she noticed Barry sitting at the table there.
"H-Hi, Rachel," Barry said with a huge blush on his face.
"Barry?" Rachel asked. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Well, I was thinking, since we're good friends and all, and the merge is coming up soon, and… aw, geez," Barry said anxiously. "Do you want me to be your girlfriend? Er, boyfriend?"
Rachel chuckled. "Barry, you're adorable when you're nervous, you know that?"
"Um, thank you?" Barry said nervously.
Rachel gave Barry a kiss on the cheek. "My answer is yes."
"Wait, seriously? I mean, you really mean it? Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I just-"
Rachel cut Barry off with a kiss on the lips.
"Shut up and cuddle me," Rachel said as she sat on Barry's lap.
Confessional:
Rachel: What can I say? Barry's a sweet guy, and he's not too bad-looking, either. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little something for him. Let's see how it goes from here.
Barry: Thank you, God! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Holy Spirit!
Votes:
Kiki: Lauren. There's really nothing else to say.
Lauren: I vote for Kiki. Hopefully Ernie was being serious when he said he'd turn on her.
Ernie: Look, the merge is coming up, and I want to, like, make it to the end. In order to do that, I need to, ya know, avoid elimination. In order to do that, I'm going to need some targets, and Lauren's definitely a bigger target than Kiki is, plus she's, ya know, not as big of a threat. So, sorry, but I vote for Kiki. She would have done the same.
David: So, Ernie tells me that Kiki made a final two deal with him and that she's going to ditch me whenever she feels like it. I know Ernie and Kiki are friends, so I don't think he'd lie about that unless it was for real. Plus, didn't Lauren say something like that earlier? Anyway, I vote for Kiki.
A/N:Yup, Lauren survives another day. Kiki was essentially the ultimate distraction, with a sad backstory (that she never got to reveal), character development (which ended up biting her in the butt, with the guys she befriended stabbing her in the back), and multiple dimensions to her character (which made it look like she would make it far). I'm sorry to Kiki's fans that she had to go, but Lauren has a place in the merge, while Kiki did not. Hope you still enjoy the story regardless.