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If someone had told Sayaka a week ago she would be sitting inside a ramen store, slurping down a bowl of hot noodles with Akemi Homura, she would have worried they had hit their head very, very hard.
While the situation was unexpected, Sayaka couldn't say the same for how awkward it all felt. Both girls sat in uneasy silence. In lieu of conversation they had chosen to focus on the food in front of them. Sayaka attacked her ramen with the gusto of a true enthusiast, while Homura spooned in hers at a slower, more dignified pace. Sayaka noted, to her immense satisfaction, it still didn't stop Homura from spilling a little of the soup, a small dark spot spreading across the hem of her otherwise pristine cream sweater. Homura's lips tightened in irritation at the same time as Sayaka's stretched into a slight, smug smile.
Sayaka wasn't the only member of Homura's audience. The owner of the restaurant, a square-faced man with greying temples and a stern frown, regarded the two of them with faint suspicion from across the counter. When they'd first come in, he'd asked them roughly what two middle school students were doing dallying about so late at night.
In a moment, which had only compounded Sayaka's already surreal evening, Homura had smiled meekly at the owner and explained how she and her "dear friend" (Sayaka could only presume she had been referring to her) had departed late from their after-school flower arranging club, and how they were feeling just ever so hungry. When the owner had revealed, with all the self-righteous triumph of a judge about to convict a particularly heinous criminal, he was himself well versed in the traditional art, Sayaka's heart had sunk.
Homura, however, was unperturbed. She had returned his veiled accusation with another polite smile, then proceeded to hold a lengthy conversation with the owner, while he prepared their ramen, on the technical aspects of arranging flowers in more detail than Sayaka thought ought to possibly exist. They had just begun debating the importance of the three central stalks in a composition - Sayaka making vague noises of assertion in the background - when their meal was ready. The moment Homura had taken her place at a table, facing away from the owner, the mask had come off and Homura's features slipped into their natural expressionless cast. It had left Sayaka wondering again: What sort of life had Akemi Homua lived before all this began?
Sayaka had long finished the pork. She slowly sucked in the final noodle as she contemplated the question. It disappeared into her mouth with a flick, scattering droplets of broth across the table and the left cuff of Homura's shirt. Homura looked down at her shirt, then, very pointedly, back at Sayaka. Sayaka raised the bowl to her mouth with both hands and polished off the last of the broth. It had the added bonus of cutting her off from Homura's baleful glare.
She set the bowl back down with a satisfied thump. It felt like forever since she'd had a decent meal. She wondered idly if their hollow bodies even needed food, the process certainly hadn't stopped Kyoko from devouring anything she could lay her hands on.
Of course you don't need food, you're a monster. The dark thought ran through Sayaka's skull to her tongue, turning the hot aftertaste of the ramen to sickening grease. Her meal felt like acid in her stomach and she felt an insane urge to run to the bathroom and vomit.
"Miki Sayaka, what did you wish to ask me?" Homura's monotone jolted Sayaka out of her panic. She felt her stomach settle down and the foul taste died away.
"A whole pile of things." The passing pangs of her discomfort made her answer come out far more combative than she'd meant.
Sayaka was feeling on edge for another reason as well. This conversation was important to her. It wasn't just about establishing if she could trust Homura. There was something else she wanted, no, needed.
Sayaka was frankly tired of being pushed around; whether it be by her fellow monsters, that demon Kyuubey, or - as seemed to be happening more and more in the last couple of days - a cold and uncaring cosmos. The last time she'd taken an active decision seemed even further away than when she'd last had a good meal. Demanding Homura tell the truth was a tiny step, but Sayaka was clinging to it as hard as a shipwreak survivor would to driftwood.
Where to begin though? Maybe she could start with something simple Homura had mentioned earlier.
"Why did you want to partner with Kyoko? And don't tell me it was just to fight witches. You're no team player and Kyoko doesn't like anyone else sharing her food," Sayaka finished darkly.
"You are incorrect, Miki Sayaka. That is exactly why I want Sakura Kyoko's strength. Not witches though, just one witch: Walpurgisnacht. It is a being of unparalleled power and malice."
"So, it's like a super-witch or something, then?"
Homura gave Sayaka a long stare in response to her description of Walpurgisnacht, then, a slight nod of reluctant capitulation to Sayaka's description.
"And you were planning to beat it up with Kyoko?"
Another long pause. Another nod.
Sayaka snorted. "That doesn't sound so complicated." There was no nod from Homura this time. Sayaka pinched the bridge of her nose. "But then again neither did becoming a magical girl. Okay, I'll bite. What's the horrible catch that's going to ruin all our lives forever? Again."
"There is no...catch. Walpurgisnacht is - as you have deduced - a more powerful witch. It is the disparity between that calamity and any of the opponents you have faced before which you do not understand. It is the difference, Miki Sayaka, between a strong breeze and a hurricane."
"The witches we faced before weren't exactly a push over." Sayaka muttered.
"Yes, and Walpurgisnacht makes those same witches look like children. Do you understand?"
Sayaka sat back in her chair. She thought of the fear that had gripped her behind her heroic visage when Madoka and Hitomi had been trapped in the strange TV world of the witch named Elly. She remembered the terror and despair of watching Mami being devoured in front of her, while she was powerless to help. She felt the sickness and pain in her gut as Kyuubey had violated her soul gem to give her a practical "demonstration" of her soul's true container.
"No, I don't think I do. I guess I just can't imagine coming across anything worse than what already been done to us."
Homura paused, seeming to consider her words. "That is fair. Then I ask you this: You have some experience with a witch's barrier. How large an area would you estimate Walpurgisnacht could encompass?"
Sayaka had to resist rolling her eyes. She knew Homura was trying to shock her. She was starting to learn, despite appearing as dull and numbing as a Monday morning, Homura had a real penchant for the dramatic. Whether it be one of her countless last minute entrance, the studied way she threw back her hair before beginning a fight or how she couldn't seem to manage a single sentence without coming across as dark and enigmatic. Sayaka knew, whatever answer she gave, it was probably going to be wrong. She may as well go for broke.
"Is it going to...take over the world?" Sayaka said, in a deep, hammy voice that was half borrowed from the villains of the sentai show she used to watch as a kid. The other half was scathing sarcasm.
"...It is a serious question, Miki Sayaka."
"That was a serious answer. So not the whole world then?"
"No, it will not take over the world. Think smaller."
"Okay then. Will it...take over Japan?" The voice returned with gusto.
"Smaller." Homura said, with the slightest hint of teeth grinding together.
"I thought you said it was a super-witch. Its not sounding as bad as you were making out, or maybe you're not as good as you think you are," Sayaka said mockingly. Given the way Homura's empty eyes were boring into her, Sayaka knew it probably wouldn't be healthy for her to continue much longer, but at the moment irritating Homura was far too satisfying to stop. She thought where to pick next.
"Is it going to take over Mitakihara?" Sayaka asked, throwing in a few dastardly chuckles at the end for good measure.
"Yes," said Homura.
The one word of confirmation doused Sayaka's somewhat petty cheer. She felt a chill seeping into her skin.
"That's impossible," she whispered.
It had to be impossible, she asserted to herself again internally, vainly trying to find reassurance in repetition. She had seen witches take over a building, she could even allow for a city block, but the whole of Mitakihara? That was insane.
"Walpurgisnacht is real," Homura quietly insisted. "I have experienced its terror too many times to deny it."
"What do you mean?" Sayaka demanded. "How many times have you fought that thing?"
"I have fought it four times. I have lost four times." Homura leant across the table as she spoke, her hands clenched into fists. Sayaka felt herself shaking slightly as she discovered in Homura's haunted eyes another emotion she never expected to find: Fear. "Four times I have watched everything around me reduced to nothing but dust and echoes."
"But it can't be true," Sayaka blurted out. "Something as big as that - I think people would notice entire towns vanishing into thin air!"
"You would be surprised by what people do not notice, Miki Sayaka," said Homura, looking directly at her.
Sayaka felt a wave of humiliation and anger at the barely veiled insult, which briefly crested over her mounting fear.
"That wasn't part of the deal," Sayaka snapped. "You promised you'd tell me everything. No half-truths, no riddles, you remember? So how come nobody notices when entire towns vanish?"
Homura blinked. "Those were the terms of our deal," she said softly. "Regarding the missing towns, you are correct in a fashion."
Sayaka blinked back, a little startled at Homura's unexpectedly giving ground. "Oh. Good."
"Walpurgisnacht has not been noticed, but its effect have. Surely, you have seen the news. A storm is coming."
Sayaka felt the chill from before penetrating her very bones. "But that's only eight days away." She shook her head in denial. There was one final loose thread to the tale Homura had woven. "If you told Kyoko what's coming, why isn't she helping you?" Sayaka asked quietly. "Whatever she's...become, I can't believe she'd put her own survival over her greed."
Homura shrugged. "Kyoko will likely take what she wants, then she will depart to the next hunting ground before Walpurgisnacht arrives. Do you think she cares what happens to this town?"
"No," admitted Sayaka. "Kyoko doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself." Sayaka paused. She remembered Kyoko in front of her in the park, standing proud and bitter in her threadbare hoodie with more confidence than Sayaka had ever done in her life. 'I'm gonna take this city and turn it into my playground,' she had proclaimed, delivering her declaration of war to Sayaka with a fanged grin. "But she thinks Mitakihara belongs to her. I don't think she's just going to give up without a fight."
"Perhaps. She had always been arrogant. Even with my warning, it would not surprise me if she believed she could defeat Walpurgisnacht on her own."
Sayaka glumly admitted to herself that did sound a lot like Kyoko. She couldn't imagine that girl backing down from any opponent, no matter how insane the odds.
"From what you're saying, even if we team up, have we got any chance of beating this thing?" Sayaka wondered out loud.
"Yes." Homura's quietness did not conceal the steel in her voice. It was funny. It wasn't just the contents of Homura's words which had surprised Sayaka. Against all her expectations she found herself oddly stirred by them. The determination and bravery to face off against such a storm would be inspirational if the person it applied to wasn't Akemi Homura. Even so, she was starting to believe her.
Which also meant she was starting to believe Walpurgisnacht was real.
Sayaka took a deep breath. "Okay, lets say I believe you about all this Walpy stuff-"
"Walpurgisnacht," corrected Homura.
"Whatever. Kyoko still needs to be stopped first. So, no more wasting my time."
Homura's raised eyebrow communicated clearly enough whose time she thought had been wasted so far in their working relationship. "Explain."
"Y'know, that's why you had me fight that witch earlier. You weren't training me to fight Kyoko, you were toughening me up for the super-witch, right?"
Homura crinkled her brows in confusion. "No, Miki Sayka, the purpose of your earlier training was preparation to fight Kyoko. If I wanted to ready you for Walpurgisnacht I would have found you a different opponent."
"Really? How does fighting a witch help me against Kyoko? They don't even use the same weapon."
"Sakura Kyoko is strong."
"I kinda worked that out for myself yesterday evening," Sayaka said, sardonically.
"I do not mean simple physical strength, though she does not lack for martial talent. Sakura Kyoko has the strongest willpower of any magical girl I have encountered."
Sayaka found Homura's praise hard to stomach. "How can you say that? She doesn't believe in anything. All she does is survive."
"Yes. Her survival is remarkable. Can you imagine what strength it would take to walk forward after losing your entire family?"
Truth be told Sayaka had thought long and hard about Kyoko's past. It was so beyond anything she could imagine it had almost crossed into absurdity. She honestly couldn't understand how Kyoko could keep going, or even if she was. Homura might marvel at Kyoko surviving, but looking no further ahead than the next day, caring nothing for anybody else, could you really call that living?
However, before she answered Homura, Sayaka had a more pressing question of her own. "So, how come Kyoko told you her past?"
"As I said, we worked together before. Sakura Kyoko's past is not her secret, it is her gospel. Why do you think she was so quick to tell you, a stranger, she'd barely known for a couple of days? "
"is that right?" said Sayaka coldly.
Sayaka's hands clenched into fists underneath the table. She thought of the afternoon she and Kyoko had spent together in the church. An outstretched hand offering her an apple. Kyoko's words which wouldn't leave Sayaka's head, no matter how much she wished she could forget them. The balance of hope and despair is always zero.
Kyoko had been trying to teach her a lesson, but Sayaka couldn't believe she would just share her past with anybody. The time they had shared felt too personal. It was bizarre really. Like Homura had said, she'd only known Kyoko for a couple days, and they'd been at each other's throats from nearly the first second during that time, but for one brief moment she almost felt like they'd understood each other completely. She felt a ripple of sorrow. It looked like that afternoon would be the only moment of friendship she and Kyoko would ever share.
What did she mean, Kyoko's past was her gospel? What would Kyoko have to teach Homura anyway? Its not like the girl needed to be anymore cynical than she already was.
"What's your point? So she's strong willed. What difference does it make?"
"Kyoko's blade is pure. Your sword is...stained."
Sayaka scrunched up her face in confusion. "Stained?"
"Yes." Homura paused, she seemed to be looking for the right words. "Your guilt, your pride, your ideals. They make your sword so heavy I am surprised you can swing it at all. For Kyoko there is only her will. You cannot hope to match her head-on."
"I thought you believed magical girls drew their power from their honest feelings?" Sayaka said cooly.
"Yes. And while you cannot accept your own emotions, you will always want for power."
Sayaka had nothing to say to that. What could you say to the truth? If Homura had adopted her usual aura of mild contempt, Sayaka may have retorted, but instead she spoke in a neutral, professional tone, like a doctor delivering an unpleasant diagnosis.
Doubt had been a near constant companion from the moment Sayaka had sealed her contract, no, her curse, with Kyuubey. Even in the early days, her bold statements of how she had accepted her new-found responsibility she now recognised had been nothing more than bravado to cover up her insecurities. Before Kyoko had found her in the park and revealed she had kidnapped Kyosuke, Sayaka had barely known what she was supposed to be fighting for.
Against all her better judgement Sayaka found herself asking Homura for help. "So, my feelings, how do I accept them?"
"I have no idea, they're your feelings." Homura seemed to note Sayaka's rapidly darkening expression. "That was never my plan."
"Well, then, what is your plan," said Sayaka, letting more than a little of her frustration spill into her voice.
"To make you think. Kyoko is not an opponent to be outfight, but even you could outwit her. The witch I pitted you against is also not an opponent you can defeat with brute force."
"Why didn't you just say so earlier?" snapped Sayaka irritably.
"To make you think." Homura repeated. "Trust me, if you follow my instruction, next time you face Sakura Kyoko you will be triumphant."
Sayaka bit back her caustic reply. She had agreed to trust Homura if she answered her questions and so far she had kept up her end of the deal. She couldn't bring herself to say she did trust her, so she crossed her arms and remained silent.
Homura narrowed her eyes. "I see, it is still difficult for you to believe in me." She shrugged. "No matter. How would you beat Sakura Kyoko then?"
"I dunno, I gave her a pretty good run for her money the last couple of times we fought," Sayaka muttered, not meeting Homura's eyes, "maybe if I get a couple more grief seeds -"
"You cannot be that stupid," Homura cut across her. "Or am I really doomed to spend my life repeating myself to fools. Even if you ignore me, you cannot ignore your experience. Sakura Kyoko is strong. I will not put up with you looking down on her any longer."
Sayaka thought of the bruises on Kyosuke's neck, the anticipation in Kyoko's eyes as she'd laid out the torments she planned to inflict on the two of them, the feral snarl as she'd broken Sayaka's body across the flagstones of the church. Sayaka felt her anger churn and boil in her stomach. "Stop calling her strong. She's not strong! She's just a wild beast that needs to be put down!"
Homura smiled at her.
"Is that right? And you believe you have the strength to put her down," Sayaka flinched back as Homura repeated her angry words back to her, the underlying contempt clear in her voice. "You, Miki Sayaka, a simpering, coddled child so unsuited to be a magical girl you almost fell into despair because the boy you like doesn't like you back."
Sayaka's first reaction was to suppress a shudder. It wasn't quite as bad as the first time Sayaka had seen Homura smile, when the raven haired girl had convinced Sayaka to take a grief seed, but it was a close second.
Her second reaction was to lose her temper.
The comment was nothing more than Homura's usual patronising mumbo-jumbo, but when she saw that empty, mocking smile directed at her, she lost all control.
Flush with anger, Sayaka leapt to her feet, slamming both hands on the table so hard it sent the ramen bowls jumping into the air.
"What if did! You got a problem with that, huh!?" She yelled at Homura.
Homura remained seated, carefully returning her chopsticks from where they'd fallen to their place on top of the ramen bowl. "No, I do not care. And you are missing my point. Miki Sayaka, it is high time for you to awaken. You still think you are going to win because Sakura Kyoko is the villain and you are the hero, even if you are styling yourself as a tragic hero these days, rather than a knight in shining armour. The reality is she is strong and you are weak. Given that, I cannot teach you how to win how you want to, but I can teach you how to win. If you can trust me."
Before Sayaka could respond the restaurant owner appeared at their table. "Is everything all right, girls?" He started to collect their empty bowls, but he was clearly there to investigate Sayaka's outburst.
Sayaka looked down at Homura, who was a picture of demure tranquillity, and considered walking away from her for the second time that evening. Maybe after throwing hard something at Homura first.
Sayaka's pride, as small and shrivelled as it was, kept her rooted to the spot though. She and Homura had made a deal, she stubbornly reminded herself. Homura had answered her questions so far, it was only right she stayed in turn. She wouldn't go back on her word, even to someone she loathed.
"No, everything's fine. I apologise for the disturbance," Sayaka bowed to the owner.
The owner nodded. "Alright, I know you're young, but remember you're in public."
Sayaka gave another curt bow as the man walked away, then sat down. She glowered at Homura. "I hate you."
"I don't care if you hate me, but can you trust me?"
Sayaka sank back into her chair, fingers pressing into her temples. It felt like Homura's words had pressed so many jumbled thoughts into her head they were straining against her forehead and she was trying to force them back inside with her hands.
She tried to think past her anger.
Partly she felt despair welling up in her as Homura described Walpurgis...thingy, as constant and certain as the tides, but she felt something else too.
Part of her was happy.
No more constantly battling witches in an endless war of attrition, no more empty days stretching into the horizon, just one, final battle to save her home from an ancient evil. It was practically the definition of heroic. Sayaka felt a sudden surge of guilt. How could she welcome such death and destruction?
It didn't matter.
Yes. Yes, that was right, Sayaka thought. She was a monster. It was only to be expected she would be so evil and selfish. It didn't change the facts. The Witch was coming in eight days, and even if her reasons were all messed up, it had to be stopped.
Sayaka's hands moved away from her head and fell to her sides.
She would likely be dead in eight days. Sayaka felt an odd sense of peace at the thought. True, it wasn't a long time to put her affairs in order. Eight days to beat Kyoko and save Kyosuke. Eight days to make up with Madoka. She felt something catch in her throat. Eight days to say goodbye to her mother.
It. Did. Not. Matter.
Sayaka knew they would be sad when she was gone, but it couldn't be helped. Beyond saving Kyosuke, there was nothing left in the world worth living for. However, with the storm that was coming, Sayaka finally felt she had found a cause worth dying for. Maybe she was playing the tragic heroine, but maybe that was enough.
The tiny spark of determination she had lit this morning had kindled into a fire. She had purpose.
Sayaka turned her attention back to the restaurant and to the girl sat opposite her. Homura had not spoken, seemingly waiting for Sayaka to fill the silence, instead appraising her with that calculating look Sayaka had grown to dislike so much.
Could she trust Akemi Homura?
True, she was a dark and gloomy girl, and Sayaka couldn't but shake off the feeling she had more than a couple of screws loose. Wasn't that understandable though? If Sayaka had seen the things Homura had seen, four towns utterly destroyed, hundreds upon thousands killed, would she be able to walk away from it as the same person?
There was still something though which didn't feel quite right, like a picture tilted slightly at the wrong angle. Homura seemed to have kept her end of the bargain, but Sayaka couldn't bring herself to trust her completely. At least, not until she worked out what was bothering her about the girl.
Sayaka nodded slowly. "I trust you want to stop what's coming, but no further. I still think your up to something."
"Even though I answered all your questions?"
Sayaka snorted. "Just means I haven't asked the right questions yet."
Homura smiled. This time it wasn't the terrible, emptiness Sayaka saw before. Rather, the right corner of her mouth curled up into a slight, mischievous smirk. "You are learning. If you carry on with my training, I promise will continue to answer your questions." The smile vanished. "You are decided then, Miki Sayaka? You will give me your power to stop Walpurgisnacht."
"Yes. I promise I'll stand with you when the time comes. You will not be alone." Sayaka said solemnly, holding out her hand. Homura stared at it. "You're meant to shake it," Sayaka prompted.
"I am aware," Homura said. It may have been Sayaka's imagination in the dim of the restaurant, but she was sure Homura's cheeks turned a very pale tinge of pink. "I just...I did not expect you to-" Homura stopped herself, then threw back her dark hair with an airy toss. "I am glad you are finally taking this seriously, Miki Sayaka."
Homura reached out her own hand and they shook. Sayaka was a little surprised how small and delicate Homura's hand felt in her own. It was hard to believe those same hands had held a gun.
Sayaka knew she wasn't always the brightest lantern in the shrine, but even she noticed Homura's smug satisfaction as they sealed their agreement. It was her second deal with the devil, Sayaka thought to herself ruefully, and it had barely been a month.
She knew Homura was using her. At least, unlike Kyuubey, she was honest about it. That girl likely saw Sayaka as nothing more than cannon fodder to throw against the storm, and she may be right. But the witch would not find her easy pickings. Monsters like her were hard to kill and Sayaka was decided, if nothing else, she was going to go down fighting.
On that cheery thought, both girls got up from the table. They passed the owner on their way to the door.
"Thanks for the meal, it was really nice." Sayaka bowed again. "I'm so sorry about earlier."
The owner waved them away. "Don't worry about it," he said gruffly. "I'm glad you made up with your friend. She seems like a good girl."
Sayaka stared at the owner in disbelief as he walked away. She suddenly heard an odd sound to her side. She whirled round and saw that Homura's hand had flown to her mouth.
Sayaka shook her head as they walked out of the door together. She had come to a point in her life where she felt she could accept just about anything, whether it was living as an empty husk of a human being, a super-witch coming to kill them all, or a tiny cute rabbit-shaped alien being the embodiment of pure evil, but the idea Akemi Homura may have just laughed was not one of them.
Phew. Again, sorry for the delay. Started a new job in September which has kept me very busy, and this chapter has been a real pain to write. Satisfying, but a pain. The biggest challenge was trying to capture how Sayaka and Homura would interact with each other. I'd love to hear what you think, what worked for you and what didn't.