The door clinks open and a young woman pokes her head in sheepishly, and slides passed the door. The woman stays close to the door with large eyes and looks about middle age; her suit is a pale pink shade and makes me sick. Behind her a large man walks in, who is obviously a doctor, based on his long white coat. The woman jumps as if afraid of the doctor himself. The wrinkles tell the tale of time and the dark circles under his eyes tell the story of the present. He defiantly does not take this woman sincerely by the way he stands so close behind her and pauses. The petrified woman relaxes when the doctor moves to my bedside and I can't help but chuckle. If she thinks this guy is creepy! I giggle like a little girl, and the displeasured look on the woman makes it that much worse. Doc gives me a disapproving look and I know to behave so in an instant I shut up and look down in shame. People in this place have a way to make you feel like shit.
"Ahem. This is Harley Liddle. Age eighteen. Diagnosis: paranoid schizophrenic, bi-polar type one, depression, anti-personality disorder, and last but sure as hell not least dissociative amnesia. Let's see she was brought in about…" He flips through a few pages on a chart he held behind his back. He frowns for a moment and looks up at me and smiles. "Six months ago. In a manic rage, she killed her friend and lover. Poor thing can't remember her own name sometimes." Six months ago? What the hell is he talking about? The woman perks up. "Um, have you disgusted a lobotomy?" Her eyes flash to me then the ground shyly. This bitch! Does she have any idea what happens when you get a loboto? You don't come back! I've seen it many times! How could she ever imply a lobotomy on me? Now she can't even look me in the eyes.
"Why yes, actually. We have decided to try other methods first, next for example is Insulin Coma or electroshock due to the… nature of her episodes."
"Does she give you any trouble?" She looks at the doc with more courage as if this amuses her. In a dark twist the doctor smiles, and lifts up my blankets and motions to my red bandaged arms, were they originally white? The woman shudders. Good.
To more important thoughts, did he really mean six months? How is that possible? I haven't even been here a full month, let alone six months! Could he be lying? Am I thought far gone? No. No way! I still have fragments of my sanity, but I'm not too far gone. Maybe I've changed a little, but that's not my fault. This place does something to people. This man lies!
My thoughts fault to a dead stop when he points at me. "This girl has been trouble ever since she first got here. Started fights, stabbed a staff member, and the list goes on. She is a threat to others and to herself." He sounds so damning to me. He throws the blanket down and puts down his pointing hand. In sync, we all look to my restraints. I have no memory of any of that! He is clearly lying, and if not how come I can't remember? He's a lying snake! I've never done any of those things! I've never had a boyfriend to start at the first place. Did I? No, this is all a trick and a lie! He's lying and she's eating it up! I don't deserve this hell!
"As of late she has not been co-operating and for the most part incoherent. Little thing doesn't know the difference between up and down any more." I want to scream, but I can't find my lips. I want to fight but I can't find my fists. He doesn't know me. I want to say something but I can't and I don't know why. How could this woman believe any of this? I need to tell the truth! Why would she believe anything I say? Then again, it's the truth that is important, not by the one who said it. A tear runs down my cheek and falls into my matted hair. Doc sets a hand on the top of my head and pats it, obviously noting my tear. "But, we can't give up on her. On her good days, she is the beauty of our institution. She brings great joy to our staff." He says and laughs a gruff laugh at the end. Oh god no! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! My muscles tighten and I feel a sickness rising. Block it out! My mind goes blank.
The woman looks embarrassed and gives a small smile. "She is beautiful." She looks to her feet and back to the man awaiting approval. Is she crazy? He chuckles and looks me dead in the eyes, as if he actually saw my fear and crazed fury, but he finds amusement in my bondage. "She is beautiful, but she needs to behave." Something is not right with this guy. Nothing is right. The silence fills the room silence. I feel like a flea infested, mentally retarded dog, being talked down to. Doc laughs again and in a sliver of a fragment something registers across the woman's face of possible recognition that I am not who the doctor says I am.
As if he smelled the woman's thought, the doctor barks "On with the tour!" She jumps as if to wake herself. Silently the woman nods and follows him to the door and leaves. Just after she is out of hearing range, doc turns to me and grins "See you in therapy." He winks and my blood runs cold and I'm sick. He turns and leaves me to my loneliness, and seals my fate when the lights automatically turn off.
The majority of my time I am alone. Hidden. Abandoned. For the most part, I'd rather be alone than surrounded by creepers. To make things easier to comprehend, let's just say: It's not the patients I'm afraid of. Now to get to the more prominent matter, how in the hell did I get here… I… don't… I can't… remember! Oh god! What am I doing here? What is going on? This isn't right! This isn't supposed to happen to me! I'm not supposed to be here! "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" My scream fills the room and echoes, that pierces my eardrums. I have no time for pain, I need answers! I shriek and kick and pull on my stupid restraints. I have to get out! "Ah! No! This is wrong! No!" I rip one of the hand cuffs and joy fills me and I reach for the opposite, and the door flies open and techs and nurses fill the room. One of the larger men has a… police baton? No! Strange gloved hands hold my arms and squeeze on my scratches. Ouch. "No get away! This is all wrong!" So many cold bare hands grab my body and I can't breathe! Why am I here? The doctor was lying! I would never kill anyone. A hand grabs a fist full of my hair and forces my neck back in one forceful slam. The pain throbs in my scalp. My free hand breaks hold and reaches for anything to grab onto and I catch me what I think is someone's cheek and I dig in with my entire mite.
A deep yell rocks the room and a bitch slap meets my right cheek, and I taste blood. My arms are now warm and wet, and everything in my life hurts. "No! No!" I scream and plead. I don't understand anything! A very familiar sting goes in my neck just below my ear. Another bitch slap to my face, but to my left. "You crazy bitch!" The same voice as the growl, laughs. A fist hits me square in the chest and an oof sound comes from my mouth. A huge hand gropes me and I'm irate! I can't and won't stop moving! The hand on me only tightens its grip, and I can't see the damn culprit. Another sting is in my neck, this one is lower near my collar bone. Everything moves in slow motion as cracked lips mash against mine and forces my mouth open. All of a sudden I become limp and can't move an inch. Laughter, evil laughter; fills the room and faintly I hear "Don't mess with her face! Haha, she's too pretty! Then, something sharp and heavy hits the back of my head.