Chapter 3- Freedom

It was finally time to leave the walls, the only place I have ever known. This would be the make or break moment of my whole life, this would be the thing that holds my fate.

The training they put us through was subpar at best; fighting off wooden titans in a solo setting wasn't exactly realistic. In reality I knew the titans wouldn't just stand idle while we slaughtered them, though I have no clue how fast they would be. I did know, however, that Levi wouldn't have much of a problem outside the walls. As much as I hate that bastard, he was dangerously skilled, and he was fast; I had honestly once believed that I was pretty adept with 3DM gear, but Levi's skills come close to putting me to shame. He held his blades like I held knives, it seemed more beneficial to me and I couldn't understand why the method wasn't adopted much earlier.

When I was positioned with Levi and his companions in the formation, I was secretly thrilled. With Levi near by, I may just have a better chance at survival. With Farlan and Isabel, I could only hope that they would stay alive as well; I had gradually become close to Isabel while staying with her, though we weren't exactly friends. But their mild companionship was helpful none the less. I knew that they weren't as skilled as Levi, but they were capable enough to stay alive, or at least I hoped.

I had almost not even notice that we had to charge forward due to my day dreaming. The gate had opened in front of us and the commander gave the order, men and women willing to sacrifice their lives all ran towards their possible end.

Mine and Levi's horses squeezed together as we passed through the gate. THe darkness of the corridor engulfed us both, and I strained my eyes to see his profile.

Maybe it was just the possibility of his death as well as mine, or the rush of blood through my veins due to the impending expedition, but I saw him in a different light, charging through that dim passage way. Even though Levi was a hardass who had barely spoken to me since we arrived, he wasn't much different than I was. I could see his determination and humanity; he was just a man trying to to what he had to in order to stay alive, just like I was.

I found myself opening my mouth to speak, and had to collect my nerves for a moment, "Levi?"

One of his eyebrows twitched up as he glanced over to me, his eyes narrowed, "What?"

"Stay alive, okay?"

He blinked a few times without responding and turned his head forward.

I guess I should have expected something like that out of him.

"If I have to carry your dead body back, Durant, I'll kill you over again," Levi paused for a moment and smirked, "I don't think even I could carry that much weight,"

And with that, Levi Ackerman ruined the closest thing to a moment we've gotten to, "What the hell are you getting on about!?"

As he open his mouth to respond, my eyes were flooded with light and I was blinded while my vision adjusted. When I could see once again, Levi was looking up into the sky with his mouth still open.

I looked around at the other scouts, all of them were staring straight forward except for Isabel and Farlan who were also marveling at the seemingly endless world.

And for good reason; after all of this training, I had forgotten that they came from the underground and weren't ever granted the option to see how beautiful nature could be. I couldn't blame them for starting, the purple and blues in the sky danced in such a carefree way that could make you forget how harsh the universe is. Birds flew around without a second thought and somehow even the ground felt different. Somehow, this experience could outweigh the dangers all by itself.

"Not bad," I heard from beside me. Exactly right.

We were quickly be rated for sightseeing and returned our sights to the expedition.

It was fairly slow, as far as I guess. But maybe that was because I hadn't fought my own titan yet. While Isabel, Farlan, and Levi all got to show their skills.

We had been traveling for a while, and the shining skies we saw earlier turned to rain.

The three were whispering to each other, being careful not to let me know anything.

I watched as Levi ran ahead of us. Leaving Farlan and Isabel behind was the last thing I expected him to do- regardless of his own personal mission.

The rain engulfed his figure and we were left with the white noise.

I glanced at the two on my left, and to my surprise neither of them looked concerned. Each had a distinct trust in both Levi's and their own capabilities, even in this foreign environment. It pushed them forward, left them with no doubts. The looks on their faces proved that they came with a goal and a purpose, and no matter what they would achieve it. Those three wouldn't just survive like I would- they would live. The privilege to live above ground was something I had always taken for granted, but they understood what a burden it was to not have that privilege. They all probably understood death better than I did. Was that why Levi was so fearless? Or is he the stupid one here?

"Don't worry, Sandrine," Isabel gripped the reins a little tighter, "Farlan and I can take care of anything that comes our way, and Bro can handle himself."

Farlan laughed, "Yeah, if we let you bite it, Levi'd kill us. But we shouldn't have an issue taking care of you, we can handle this."

Levi would kill them? What kind of joke was this?

"He wants-"

The redhead stopped when we heard an ungodly scream and the sound of a flare shooting off, but it was hidden by the wind.

I pulled off towards the sounds, "We have to help, lets go!"

We'd be going in blind, we didn't know what kind of titan it was, we didn't know how many people would be there, we didn't know anything.

We came into a clearing, blood immediately began to stain our horses' legs. There were enough dismembered parts for about ten soldiers, with one titan standing hunched over in the middle of the horror. I pulled my horse into a stop and my comrades barely avoided colliding with me.

"Durant- What are you doing? Lets go!"

The titan whipped its head around to look at us- and my nerves turned to stone.

My first titan, and it turned out to be a nightmare; its red eyes up through the fog and rain to pierce directly into my mind, keeping me rooted into place as a body slipped out of its mouth onto the ground.

I should have let them kill me when Erwin captured me. Anything to avoid this. But the village needed the money more than they needed me.

But Isabel and Farlan jumped off of their horses and pulled out their blades, ignorant in the face of that monster. I couldn't let them go alone.

"Wait!"

I pulled out the 3DM pistols and equipped myself. If ignorance was going to determine how quickly the people that I cared about most would receive compensation for all of the wrongs imposed upon them, then I would me the most ignorant, stupid, and conceited bastard there was out there. And I wouldn't let others die for me to do it.

Farlan had already shot his hooks into one of the legs of the titan and swung underneath it. But it was fast, like nothing we were ever prepared for, and in stepped down onto the wire with its other foot before Farlan gained much air behind it.

Isabel and I took the advantage of it turning its back to shoot ourselves on to both of its shoulders. Its jerky movements as it went after farlan forced me to plunge a blade into its neck to have something to hold on to.

I looked around its back to see Isabel eye the nape. I froze in place as i saw the plan forming in her head, then she jumped down to get an angle cut in, but its arm reached around to swat her out of the air, and she flew to the ground.

I was so preoccupied with trying to see her that I didn't notice it moving its other hand before it was crushed me between its neck and palm. The only thing that kept me from dying was the handle of the blade sticking out of its neck and keeping enough space between the hand and neck for me to escape, though harmed. But it didn't just let me off, the hand curled around me, and pulled me in front of its horrid face, breaking my gear and separating me from a handle.

I stared blankly into the face of the beast that had been forcing humanity to hide for so long, but I didn't find any understanding in it. I didn't even try to escape.

I once hoped that once I came face to face with a titan that I would finally understand why all of the strifes happen, and I'd know how to save humanity. I dreamed that I would bring about change for not only my people but all people.

But all I got was control- they controlled us and we were powerless, no matter how hard we fought. The strong killed the weak, the hunters killed the prey.

It stared back at me like it knew- knew that it would survive and I would not.

I was so shocked when Farlan cut open the fingers so I could escape, that I didn't even try to catch myself when I fell to the ground.

My gear broke most of the force from my fall, assuring me that it was most definitely broken.

"Sandrine!" I ran on my damaged leg over to Isabel, feeling my bones groan and crack.

But before i could get to her, I saw her expression change. The carefree girl from training was lost and her face flooded with despair. I heard the distinct wet sound of tearing flesh from behind me, and a gurgling scream that was cut short.

"Farlan-"

She tried to push past me, but I gripped the sleeve of her jacket, "No, you need to get out alive, Isabel."

But she pulled her arm back, the survey corps badge ripped off into my hand in the process.

As she ran towards the awaiting monster, I managed to whimper, but couldn't stop her.

My gear was broken, and my body was damaged: I couldn't help her. I made my way as quickly as I could towards our horses and climbed onto the closest one, taking up my time as I felt by injuries become worse with the work.

Her badge stayed wedged in my palm while I left.

I fled from the scene, and my duty. I saved myself, and I sacrificed them. I threw away all of my morals in the face of a titan, and I put others in danger.

And I left them to die.

I rode for a few minutes without a real clue as to where I was headed, my brain wasn't working.

I could hear the sound of a horse getting closer, and I hoped it was a superior. Even if they berated me for my failure, they might be able to help.

But Levi's face formed out of the rain, determination and strength dripping off of him. I worried he could see the cowardice in my eyes.

"Levi, please don't go down there-" Sadly, that bastard was all I had left, and I didn't want to lose him too, "Please-"

"Isabel and Farlan. Where are they?"

His commanding voice forced my breath to catch in my throat. Facing his strength after what my weaknesses had done was impossible. But I couldn't live my whole life running from my mistakes.

Before got the courage to respond, he turned heel and took off towards the disaster, charging into save his friends.

I stood still in the rain, letting the reality of this life wash over me.

The last thing I wanted was to live through the horror that took someone's family away. I can't justify my life over theirs, I can't justify leaving them behind. I couldn't justify what i had done.

Before I realized, I was chasing Levi, already halfway to the spot where my morals had died.

I didn't know what I was expecting.

Part of me was hoping that Isabel was successful, she beat the titan, and Farlan was safe. That noise we heard was just his blades through its arm, she was running off so they could beat it together. Levi showed up right afterwards, they would tease me about how I ran off, how I wasn't fit for the corps. And they'd be right.

But I was wrong.

I heard his screams before anything else. The sound was so ear shattering that I thought it was coming from the titan at first, and I only realized when I returned to the clearing that it was really his sorrow.

Levi was swarming, cutting up whatever flesh he could get to as long as it wasn't the nape. He screamed so loud that I thought the noise alone would alert the rest of the corps. I could only watch as his rage broke free, leaving all abandon behind.

My horse inched closer, but I whipped the reins back, forcing my head to turn so I couldn't see his despair. I couldn't face my faults.

And I ran before Levi was done with his revenge.

A/N; Sorry for the angst, and sorry I changed Farlan's and Isabel's death a little bit just to make it fit.

Uploading was slow to to school, but it should pick up soon.

Reviews and comments are helpful and welcome! Thanks for reading!