So I want to thank everyone for their review! I have read every one of them and they all made me smile! And for the reviewers who were guessing who is standing there. You will get your answer in this chapter! Enjoy!

I take in the view of the person standing in front of me. And my first thought is beautiful, so beautiful. In front of me stands Dimitri. He is even more beautiful than I can remember. My 6 foot 7 Russian. No Rose, not yours. His hair hangs loose around his face. He stills wears that stupid duster of him. I let my eyes roam over his body. His clothing style and hair hasn't changed much over the years. But his face, oh, he looks so much older. There are a lot more lines on his face. I wonder what made him look this much older.

But then I meet his eyes. Those beautiful eyes of him. They speak a whole story when I look at him. And I know that I am not the only one who hasn't forget about us. He smiles at me and open his arms for me. Without thinking I lunge forward, into his arms. I missed his strong arms so much. I take in a deep breath of his smell. Soon I realize what I am doing and my heart begins to ache. I can't do this. Not again. I push him away and look into his eyes. He looks hurt for pushing him away.

'What are you doing here?' I ask and he looks strange at me.

'I came here to teach Rose. I will be your partner. I thought you knew.' He says and my whole world falls apart. No, no. This can't be true. I can't be teaching with Dimitri. I can't be with him every day without dying. How am I supposed to be with him without thinking about what could have been? I walk away from him and sit down on one of the benches. After a couple of minutes Dimitri joins me.

'I didn't know. They said they needed me here at the academy so I went. But Hans wouldn't tell me who my partner was and I forgot to ask Alberta.' I say. What would I have done if I knew? Would I have stayed away? Knowing that I couldn't handle it. Or should I have been more eager to come, knowing that I would see him again. And even sitting with him is difficult. I want to reach out to him, hold him and kiss him. It feels so natural. But I don't want to have my heart broken again. Stop it, Rose. He has probably another girlfriend by now. Look at him, so beautiful. There is no way that someone like him stays single for such a long time. I, myself, have dated a couple of times. Not that it was satisfying. Because every guy I met let me know what I missed. Dimitri. I look up at him, seeing that he is miles away in his thought.

'What are you thinking about?' I ask. He looks down at me and smiles a sad smile.

'I just wished you knew. That you knew about us being partners and still wanted to come.' He says. I study him for a minute and nods. Knowing what he tries to say.

'Well, I will leave you. I was on my way to Alberta actually. I will see you around.' He says and gets up. I say a goodbye to him. Secretly wishing that he wouldn't leave this soon. When he is out of sight I lie down on the bench. How did I end up in this mess so soon?

I went to bed early that day. All that traveling is catching up with me and my body isn't happy with me in the moment. And after meeting Dimitri again my mind wouldn't stop spinning. He knew that I would be his partner and still chose to come here. Can it be…? No Rose. There must be another reason for him to come here. My mind can't stop about fantasizing about him. In my mind he would kiss me again and drag me back to his dorm like a caveman. I can feel the arousal between my legs and I know that I am in so much trouble. I only met him once again and I can't stop thinking about him. He is the only one I ever had sex with and that was only once.

I often have the feeling that I missed a huge part. But I know that I can't just sleep with someone. If I imagine having sex with someone there pops an image of a certain Russian in my head. I have to stop dreaming of him or I won't be able to teach with in the same room.

I am lying awake in my bed for half an hour. And I know that I wouldn't fall asleep anytime soon. I get up and put on my yoga pants and a tank top. Maybe running will help me to get my head clear. I have to do something before I will do something stupid. Like beg him to kiss me. Or more. Stop it Rose, you're twenty-three now. Not some teenager. You can control this. You are stronger than this. I put on some music and jog my way to the tracks. The sun is still shining. It feels so nice to my skin. Those stupid moroi days.

After my run I have finally the time to unpack my suit case. It makes me smile. It feels so good to unpack that damn thing. I packed the thing when I left the academy and I unpack it back at the academy. Ironic, really. When I left I wished that I never had to get back. And now, back at the academy, a part of me feels relieved. I guess that it is still home for me. And well, I grow a lot the past five years. I had to.

My whole life I pictured myself as Lissa's guardian. I never taught that she could be dead before we finished at the academy. I always thought that I would die for her. Saving her. But I couldn't save her that night. I still wish I could. And after her death I had to deal with the pain of losing her. And not only missing a friend. But I also lost the bond. From that moment on I had to fight the shadows that haunted me. I am still not sure what happened that night, but after that night the shadows were worse.

Adrian thinks it is because Lissa used so much spirit to try to save herself. He thinks that she killed herself in that moment instead of the strigoi. They found her in the cave with bite marks on her neck. But she had still blood in her. He thinks that I pulled all those shadows to myself in an attempt to save Lissa from them. I passed out in that moment and I woke up a couple of days later. Everyone looked at me like I could break at any moment. They didn't want to tell me that she died. But I already knew.

I never cried in front of anyone. Trying to be strong. I talked a lot with Adrian in that period. And it was the beginning from a very difficult time with Dimitri. We were still a relationship. And we still trained twice a day. But I locked him out. I didn't want him close. Didn't want to look weak in his eyes. I know now that I never looked weak in his eyes. He was very angry and irritated that I didn't let him in. We went on like that for a couple of months. I was trying to keep myself sane and not lose myself in the shadows. Adrian was trying to keep me positive and was even trying to heel me. And Dimitri was trying to push my walls down again.

I know it wasn't fair to build them up again after everything we went through. But I just tried to save myself. And after a huge fight we made it up to each other. I let him in again. I told him everything what was going on those months and we ended up crying. We made promises to each other what we would different and it made me happier than I had been in months. After that I spent more and more time with Dimitri again and the shadows seemed to fade. I graduated from the academy and we made plans for our future. Only a couple days after that Dimitri told me that he couldn't love me anymore and he broke up with me. He left before I could even say something. And after that it just all went wrong.

So, this was chapter 4! I hope you enjoy it and will let me know what you thought about it!

I was so busy last week that I didn't have any time to write on this story. I am glad that I still have some chapters ready for updating with the little time I have these days.

Normally I go to school and I have all the time I can imagine. But since three weeks I have this intership for 40 hours a week and it's killing me. It is a great intership and I love everything about it. But I just don't have the time for myself anymore. Sadly :(.

So review and make me smile tomorrow morning when I get ready for another day.