Chapter 84
I had known that there would be a chance that the one man who I most fervently wished had perished in the battle would live and I had tried to prepare myself for that possibility. However it was a hard thing indeed to bear when I faced it, and I was filled with anguish knowing that the future I had begun to imagine for Idhrethil and I now lay in ruins once again. I somehow managed to maintain an outward appearance of calm and told the captains to gather their men and organise teams to push the carts and carry any wounded who were unable to keep pace on foot. However Belegon, foremost among them interrupted me angrily. "You, Northford turncoat, by what authority do you assume command here? Many here outrank you, and yet you presume to give us orders?" My reply was curt and filled with menace, and my hand went to my sword hilt, for I was armed and he was not. With the other I reached into my saddlebag and pulled out the scroll with the King's seal on it. "By this token. I am the envoy of the King, empowered to speak in his name, and thus any who gainsay me are guilty of treason and hazard their necks. Here and now I outrank you all, and you will do my bidding and follow my horse all the way back to Lastbridge. Any that do wish to do so can either remain here or take their chances alone in the wild as deserters. Do any wish to say anything further?" Belegon looked surprised and dismayed at my outburst but now he made no reply and I returned his look of hatred twice over as he reluctantly turned away to do my bidding.
So the march east began, and what should have been a moment of victory and a source of great satisfaction for me now felt sour and empty. I silently cursed the cruel tides of fate again and again that constantly tore my love away from me every time she finally seemed to be within my grasp. Once again I had good cause to bitterly rue my indecision that fateful night when she could have been mine forever so many years before. My companions on the other hand were in good spirits, but they soon learned to let me alone. At least the weather was clement, the march home took place in unseasonably warm early spring sunshine and the woods and forests we travelled through were alive with birdsong and signs of new life. The carts Arthedain had supplied us with provided us with ample supplies for the journey, and the mood among the majority of the men became almost jovial despite the circumstances of our journey, the camps each night filled with the sound of singing and high spirits among the camp fires as if it were some kind of holiday rather than a return from defeat and captivity.
When we came at last within sight of the West Gate at Lastbridge horns sounded and the gates were closed on us before the guards there realised that we were friend rather than foe. As a result the whole city was alerted to our arrival, and by the time we crossed the river the streets were already filling with cheering crowds. It should have been my proudest moment, riding my horse at the head the column flanked by my men with the banner of Rhudaur streaming in the breeze overhead, but instead all I could think of was poor Idhrethil and the terrible and unlooked for tidings I would be bringing her. We continued triumphantly through the throng in the main square and out along the east road, thence up the narrow way to the Fortress. Here too we were welcomed joyfully by the soldiers within and the folk who were streaming out of the citadel and gathering to greet us in the great courtyard.
Despite all the celebration around me I came there with a grim expression on my face and a heart full of pain knowing what lay ahead, and when all had cleared the gates and were within the walls I signalled a halt and the column began to dissolve into the gathering crowd with many joyful cries and happy reunions. I dismounted and passed the reins of my horse to one of my companions, for I could see Lord Berthedir, with Princess Elien at his side approaching with other folk from the court. And there beside her was the Lady Idhrethil, a look of delight on her face and happy tears streaming down her cheeks. It was like a dagger to my heart to see her thus, and when our eyes eventually met I frowned momentarily and shook my head, and her tearful expression turned immediately from one of joy to confusion and concern. I met Berthedir and the Princess and saluted the former and bowed to the latter, and was greeted with a mixture of enthusiasm and surprise. "Well done Captain, well done indeed, for we dared not hope for such an outcome as this. You have done a great service, and the King and his councillors will be pleased to hear your tale. If you will accompany us back to the Citadel?" The Princess was smiling radiantly and was adding her own warm congratulations when she was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Belegon and fell silent. He and Berthedir greeted each other joyfully and embraced, delighted to see each other again. "Come brother" said Berthedir "this calls for a celebration, let us go back and see what can be arranged!" Then Belegon set eyes on Idhrethil and called out gleefully "Ah, wife, you are indeed a sight for sore eyes! Pray, let us return at once to our apartments without delay, for I have unfinished business with you". With that he seized her roughly by the arm and led her away back through the crowd to much ribald laughter from those within earshot. But I remained impassive, disgusted by his coarse manners and she betrayed no emotion either as she departed though I knew in truth that both our hearts must be breaking.
The Princess too remained in a shocked silence for a moment before remembering herself and asking me if I was very hungry and weary after my journey, and whether I should like to come back with her now for some food and rest. Berthedir had seen some other familiar faces and his attention was elsewhere, so I acceded to her wishes and made ready to depart, telling my companions that I was wanted in the citadel and that I would see them again later. We embraced, and I thanked each of them sincerely but before we could part we were interrupted by the ostler who had returned to collect the old mare. He was clearly delighted to see her again, and was keen to know whether she had given good service, I spoke of her in glowing terms and his grin grew wider still. I removed my gauntlet and stroked her silky neck for a moment and silently thanked her. I doubted I would ever see her or ride her again, but after a shaky start she had proven to the most gentle and loyal servant any could have wished for, for all her advancing years, often anticipating my wishes even before I had made them known. Then she was gone, led away into the crowd and I left my friends and returned to the Princess, who took my arm in a disconcertingly familiar gesture and led me away back towards the inner gate, the crowd parting to let us through and applauding us as we passed.
Once inside the citadel we went up through the maze of passages and galleries to the royal apartments and servants were instructed to bring hot water. I was left to bathe in unaccustomed luxury and wash off the dirt of the journey. Clean garments were brought and I was relieved that I would not have to face the King and court in dirty gear for a second time. When all was done I was reunited with the Princess and thanked her profusely for her kindness, and I followed her to another room hung with elaborate tapestries where a simple but welcome meal had been prepared for me. She sat down at the table opposite me, dismissed the servants and then waited quietly while I satisfied my initial hunger.
"We did not think to see you again" she said softly "but our joy at your return has been marred by he who returned with you. It must have been a cruel thing to bear, knowing your duty meant an end to your own chance of happiness. I am so sorry for what has happened to the two of you, I will still do what I can but you must know what grave danger you would find yourselves in if your true feeling for each other were discovered now, especially you Esteldir". She took my hand across the table and we exchanged a sorrowful glance and I thanked her once again from the bottom of my heart for the service she had already done us. "You cannot place yourself at risk on our behalf any longer, I will not allow it and I am certain Idhrethil would not either. What is done cannot be undone, and we must all ride the river where the current takes us now". Then there were footsteps and voices outside the door, and we quickly withdrew our hands. "The tower is incredibly ancient and the view it commands of the plain…" I began as the door was opened and Berthedir entered, looking nonplussed. The Princess explained that she had personally taken charge of my rest and refreshments and that I was now ready to see the King. I rose, bowed low to her, thanked her once again for her kindness and generosity and went with him.