Chapter 86

I spent the next few days frequenting the alehouses of Lastbridge with my companions in a drunken stupor, trying to numb the overwhelming feeling of loss and despair that had overwhelmed me. For a little while I succeeded but the respite a man finds in ale and good companionship is only ever fleeting, and after waking up yet again feeling tired and ill I decided I had had enough ale for any man and that I would instead test the king's promise to allow me entry to the Library and spend the day there instead. It had been an impulse to ask for that as my reward, but one I was pleased with in hindsight for I genuinely desired to look again upon what lay within. I also knew there was slight a chance I might see Idhrethil in the citadel or that she might even pass that way herself. My heart ached at the thought, but I tried to quell any hope or expectation, for I knew that while ever her beastly husband lived she was lost to me.

To my surprise and satisfaction I found that my visit had indeed been anticipated at the gatehouse and I was admitted, declining the offer of a servant to show me the way which I now knew well enough. I made my way to the library unhindered and unchallenged and found myself before the ancient door, which I found was not locked or barred. Within all was as I had remembered it, the large chamber remained silent, dusty and neglected and I went in, closing the door behind me. I remembered the first time I had entered there, and had set eyes on the grave and handsome woman who had been studying some ancient volume alongside Lord Angon. I sighed, and let the quiet of the place settle on me, for here at least I knew I might find some peace and solace.

So it proved, and for the next few days I spent my time reading and trying to decipher some of the scripts I had been unable to read previously. It was a difficult task and I became greatly absorbed in it, but the text, which did indeed appear to be a first hand account of the wars of the Last Alliance made for a truly absorbing read. I also found some scrolls and parchments on one of the tables which were of much more recent origin, and when I studied them my heart leapt with joy, for I recognised Angon's hand and realised I had discovered what he had been working on before his last illness. There, carefully laid out and annotated was his own update to the venerable History of Rhudaur that I had studied so intently whilst I was imprisoned in the dungeons of Northford. He had been bringing the tale of our realm right up to the period of the assault on High Burgh, and through his careful work I learned what had passed in detail in the years before my birth including the previous attempt to take Amon Sul and the early years of our long fight with Angmar. I realised with a pang as I reached the period after Angon's exile south that I had provided him with much of the material that he had used or was preparing to use, and I recalled him once again with tender feelings of love and loss.

My rest period was almost at an end and I was spending the last day of it in patient study in the library knowing I would soon have to return to my duties, when to my great surprise I heard footsteps approach and pause outside the door. Then it opened slowly and someone came in, but I could not see who they were from my seat. I rose, curious as to who the unlooked for visitor might be, for I had had none in all the time I had been there. I saw that it was Idhrethil, and my heart leapt in my chest. Without hesitation we flew into each other's arms, held each other tight for a long wordless moment, and then drew apart to look upon each other again in the dusty twilight. She was as beautiful as ever, but pale and careworn, and there was a sadness in her beautiful dark eyes. "Oh my love" she sighed "I have longed to see again, and it gladdens my heart. The Princess told me that I might find you here, but this is the first opportunity that I have had to escape and I fear I cannot tarry long. How fare you?" I told her that I was well, but that my heart was broken and that I feared for what the future now held for us. She nodded and tears started to her eyes "While ever we both live we must never give up hope" she said softly "even if the days grow so dark that it our love becomes all that remains to us". We held each other close once again, and our tears mingled in the quiet. I had so much that I had wanted to say to her in those short precious minutes but the words would not come, and then she pulled away from me with a renewed look of anxiety in her eyes. "I must go before I am missed, but I will call here again when I can, and perhaps I may find you again here one day. Be strong my love." We came together once again, shared a last passionate and desperate kiss and then she was gone, with one last backward glance full of love and longing.

There had been much coming and going of soldiery from the citadel in the weeks we had been rested, and it was no surprise when a messenger came to find us on the morning we were preparing to return to duty. He told me to report to Captain Belegon in the citadel immediately, and my heart sank, for this did not bode at all well and I suspected that any hope I might have harboured of a posting in Lastbridge was likely to have been in vain. I made my way there under the warm sun of a fine spring morning, but it gave me no pleasure, and when I finally reached Belegon his demeanour gave me even less. I saluted and stood before him, impassive, and he grinned and came up close, as if daring me to react. "Ah, High Lord Esteldir, I am pleased to see that you have remembered that you are just a common half hill-pig soldier after all. You are to take what remains of your rag tag company and a few other strays we've managed to sweep up for you and report to that whining old fool Turchon at Bearcliffe. He complains constantly to us that he does not have enough men to keep order in that dunghill of a town of his and your ability to speak hill-pig will be a great asset to him. Any questions? No? Then get out of my sight". I bore this all impassively, saluted and left, silently cursing him in the bitterest terms, my hand clenching and unclenching on my sword hilt as I went along the passageways and stairs that led back to the gatehouse. It knew it should have come as no surprise that I should be sent back northward, but it was still a bitter thing to swallow having to leave Lastbridge and abandon any immediate hope of seeing the Idhrethil. However I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

As I had done before in difficult times I threw myself instead into the execution of my duties and called the men who had gathered in the courtyard to attention as I approached them. Aside of those who had travelled with me to Amon Sul and the other veterans from Northford there were also soldiers of various ranks from other companies that had suffered such heavy losses that they were no longer viable. They numbered around forty, bringing the overall number under my command close to the one hundred mark, and I spoke briefly to them, introducing myself and telling them that I would get to know them better all better on the march north. Many of them already knew who I was and were somewhat surprised to see my transformation from mounted commander to regular captain, but at least I had been allowed to keep my new gear and plate. I told them where we were bound, which was good news for those of the men that hailed from Bearcliffe and the surrounding area but the rest seemed to share my reluctance to leave Lastbridge.

The two day march passed uneventfully and the fine weather continued, but as had happened more than once before I went north in a black mood and I was filled with foreboding at what lay ahead. Lord Turchon might be many things but he was no fool and I could well believe that we would find that things went ill at Bearcliffe. I was also dismayed that the warning I had brought back from Argeleb regarding the treachery of the Hillmen appeared to have been ignored, and I knew that if and when they made their move then it was highly likely that Bearcliffe would be the first thing in their path. It did not seem possible that we would not see Northford again this time either and as we marched I remembered the many good men, now gone, in whose company I had made the same journey before. I wondered too what had become of Daeron, almost the last friend that remained to me from the old days. It would have been good to be able to see him again and speak to him of my time at Amon Sul, for I knew it would have interested him greatly and I was certain he would have been an ally and taken my part. For he of all men respected the old Dunedain traditions and could clearly see the peril we found ourselves in. I dearly wished that I might see him again but knew it might be a long time before our paths crossed again as thing stood. The general feeling of loss and loneliness further added to my despondency and it was not relieved when the familiar and singular towering crag and Keep began to loom into view ahead of us in the valley. For better or worse I knew that it would be my home now for the foreseeable future, and I strongly suspected that things would turn out to be worse rather than better.