Journal 8

Disclaimer: I do not own

Talk-normal

Talk-3

"Talk"-3 talking to Dipper

Irrational Treasure

Stan was driving to town with Dipper, Mabel, and 3 in the back to get some supplies. While in the back seat Mabel was hanging nachos in her ears and laughed, "Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!"

Stan muttered, "That's debatable. Aw come on, what's with all this traffic? And why is all...covered wagons? Oh no! No! No!" He said wildly and pushed his foot on the gas pedal as 3, Dipper and Mabel were thrown around.

"Not today! Not today!" He nearly runs over a few woman and backs up suddenly, Dipper called out, "Grunkle Stan, what's going on?"

"We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late!" He yelled, heading for the exit but was forced when wagons started to circle them, "They've circled the wagons! We're trapped! Nooooooooo!"

"How did they get around us so quickly?" 3 asked Dipper, quietly so not to alert the family, he just shrugged and made an 'I don't know' sound.

Mabel looks outside her window and sees a cow and said, "I've gotta good feeling about today."

The twins, 3, and Stan get out of the car and walk around the town.

"Man. Look at the town." Dipper said looking at a postcard as 2 guys holding dirty glass pass by. Stan grouchy tells the kids about what's happening, "Ah, boy. It's Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded."

"How quaint."

Toby Determined passed by, greeting the Pines, "Welcome to 1863!"

"I will break you, little man!" Stan growled, flexing his fist at the little man and caused him to run away and crashed into a barrel.

"Wow! Look! Candle dipping!" Mabel called pointing.

"Woah, gold panning!" Dipper said.

"Is that priest marrying a guy to a woodpecker?" 3 asked bemused as Mabel and Stan looked around.

"What you talking about?" Mabel asked, forgetting about the disembodied voice, checking it up to a random passerby.

"Oh yeah. I remember this." He took out 3 and flipped to a page that 3 picked out, "In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."

The recently married man was passing them by and said strongly, "Oh, it's still legal. Very legal." He then walked away, that was weird.

An announcer's voice rang out, "Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!"

"Grunkle Stan, you coming?" Mabel asked excitedly.

"No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me."

Dipper smiled impishly at Mabel and said in an old timely accent, "There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!"

"Well hornswabber my haversack!" The twins spit and ran off, laughing and Stan called angrily.

"Dead to me!"

A crowd assembles around a large stage, with a couple and a platinum blonde girl sitting behind the two idiot cops.

"Here-ye, here-ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence." Blubs announced into the microphone.

"Woo! I got a bell!" The deputy cried ringing said bell. Just then a robber stole an old lady's purse and ran off with it. The cops firmed 3's opinion of them as they ignored the lady.

"Ring ring! Ring ring! Woo!"

"Hehe. He sure loves his bell."

The blonde walks up to the stage and tapped the microphone obnoxiously and announced in a clear, higher society voice, "Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich."

"You forgot modest and shy, blondie." 3 mocked towards Dipper as the crowd applauds.

"Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you come on up and introduce yourself." Pacifica announced.

Mabel gasped and said, "Audience participation!"

"I don't know, Mabel. Isn't that girl kind of like your arch-enemy?"

"That's water under the bridge." Mabel said with a wave of her hand and ran up stage.

"I don't know, you should never mess with society blondes, they can be nasty to those who they deem beneath them." 3 told Dipper who nodded.

"Our first newcomer is..." Pacifica looks over and glares angrily when she saw who it was. "Mabel..."

"Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!"

"USA! USA!" The crowd chanted back, one even burst into tears 3 noted.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous." Pacifica scoffed looking at Mabel's sweater and nacho earrings, "I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?"

"Hey, I can be serious!" Mabel said defensively.

"You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hun." Pacifica said with a raised eyebrow. Mabel touches her earrings and blushes. "Ha-ha, wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!" She said sarcastically as the crowd laughed and Dipper winced in sympathy.

"That…that was brutal." 3 said sadly.

Mabel sadly walks off the stage as Pacifica raked in more attention and Dipper rushed over to console Mabel.

"Hey, you okay?" He gently asked his twin while 3 look on.

"I need some old timey butterscotch." Mabel said as she walked away to a vendor.

"Wow, I haven't seen Mabel so depressed since Gideon, I wish there was something we could do to help her, 3."

"Yeah…" 3 said as it trailed off. If only there was something to cheer her up. Northwest does sound familiar. It remembers Father doing some research on them if only…wait a moment!

"Dipper! I remember that Father was digging something up on the Northwest family before he vanished. Something about a conspiracy!" 3 sudden told Dipper, he quickly found the page and smiled, "This is just the thing, 3." He ran off to find Mabel.

The twins sit near a large statue of Nathaniel Northwest. Mabel was depressingly chewing on some butterscotch and sighed, she asked Dipper, "Dipper, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?"

"Uh, noooo?"

Mabel groaned, "I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke." She takes off her nacho earrings and her sweater, tying the sweater around her waist. Oh, dear…

"C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!"

"I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!"

"Dipper, the plan." 3 whispered.

"Pacifica! Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage? Someone needs to take her down a peg. Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before." He opens Journal 3 and flips to a certain page. "Of course! Oh, this is perfect." He started in a deep voice, "In my investigations... Should- should I do the voice?"

She shakes her head no.

"I'll just read...normal. In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is embodied somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code." He opens the document, revealing a complex series of letters, symbols and words. "Oh, man! If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!" Dipper announced to Mabel who perked up.

"Really?"

"I got to investigate this!" He said to no one particular, knowing that Mabel would want to help.

"Wait! I'm coming with you. Conspiracies are serious, right?"

"Oh yeah, definitely."

"Well, if I help you crack this code, and then nobody could call me silly again!"

"Yeah! Mystery Twins?" Mystery twins?

"I thought you hated that."

"I'm starting to accept it." Knowing it will cheer Mabel up; the two bump fists and ran off. However, 3 noticed two shadows from behind the statue, but thought it was a trick of the light.

The twins and 3 entered the Gravity Falls Library, they pasted by Old Man McGucket who was telling stories to the children, "Back in the olden days, pioneers drew subsistence from telling stories around the fire. So let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books!" He starts chewing on one. Dipper was passing by and 3 shivered in fear.

"Keep me away from the crazy old man."

"Alright, Mabel, if we can prove Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it will finally put Pacifica in her place." He said as he set the books on the table.

"And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious. Serious..."

"We just need to crack this code. Let me see...it's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not, wait-of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!"

"I don't think so."

"It's so obvious!

"Alright, let's just light this sucker up and, Mabel!" He cut himself off, when she snatched it when he wasn't looking and had folded it into a paper hat.

"I just made a hat. Ugh, I just did something silly again."

"Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! And I was gonna burn it..."

"Not one of your smartest moments."

They suddenly heard Blubs and Durland speaking to the librarian, "We're on the lookout for two kids who might be reading."

"We're hunting them down for secret reasons. WOO!" Durland said, ringing his bell obnoxiously.

Dipper, 3, and Mabel hide under the table as they passed by.

"Maybe we should take this elsewhere..." Dipper said.

"This map should lead us to...The Gravity Falls Museum of History." They walked to the museum and stood outside. Dipper turned to Mabel and said.

"You realize what this means, Mabel. We're gonna have to break. In."

"This will be difficult."

"...and here are your free Pioneer Day passes, and your balloons, blue and pink."

"Or maybe not."

"We're in."

"What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?" Mabel asked looking around. First off that's disgusting. Second, he's not even buried here.

"Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right...here!"

They looked over at a triangular exhibition piece is mounted on the wall.

"We've gotta figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books..." I agree.

"I don't think the one with the bell can read..."

"So what is it anyway?"

The twins and 3 looked at the exhibit and Mabel sat down on the bench in frustration and sat upside down. "Hey painting, be less stupid. It worked!" She cried.

"Huh? Wait! It's not abstract, it's upside-down!" Who would've known?

"I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery."

"Let's go! Quick!" They stand up, getting dizzy as the blood rushes out of their head. Glad I don't have blood.

The twins quickly leave and pushed past the cops and ran to the cemetery and quickly found the pointing angel statue.

"Ah... The statue must be pointing to the next clue." He stood on another grave to look into the distance.

"Where it could be?"

Mabel suddenly yelled over, "Oh, gross! She's picking my nose! Ha ha! Ach."

"Mabel, look!" He said pointing at the secret passage that opened.

"Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam! Ahh! Ow. Ow. Ow. Okay."

"Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel serious. Mmm." She said walking down and eating some butterscotch.

"Okay, look out for Booby traps."

"Ha! Booby traps." Try to be serious for once.

She suddenly stepped on a pressure switch and darts suddenly started shooting at them, Dipper yelled, "Tranquilizer darts!"

"Aah!" They quickly ducked and started running and dodging darts until Dipper tripped and fell, pulling Mabel down with him. They tumbled down and crashed into a room filled with papers and artifacts.

"It's a treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things." Mabel said looking around. "Oh, man! Ben Franklin secretly was a woman." Mabel said looking at some random pictures. They then saw a convenient file stating it was the Northwest Cover-up.

"Hey, jackpot! Now we'll find out who the real town founder was. "Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, "fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud..., as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot." Oh, bad news for Pacifica. Wait till the papers hear about this!" Dipper laughed.

"Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they could never call me silly!"

""The true founder of Gravity Falls was sir lord, Quentin Trembley, III, Esquire.""

"Who's Quentin Trembley?"

Blub's voice rang out from behind and said, "That's none of your business!"

"Whoo! We gotcha! Whoo! Whoo hmm whoo-hoo" Durland suddenly pasted out to show his back was covered in darts.

"He got hit with quite a few of those darts."

"Never mind that! Get him to a hospital you useless cop!" 3 yelled, forgetting to stay quiet.

Mabel and Blubs jumped and looked around. "Hehehe, it was the wind." Dipper said nervously.

When Durland was awake again, Blubs continued, "But Quentin Trembley's a matter of national security."

"Yeah! Ye-ah, Whoo. I think I might be colorblind now."

"What do you mean, 'national security'?" Dipper asked.

"And who is Quentin Trembley, anyway?"

"See for yourself." Blubs started a reel and the screen flickered to life.

"Aww, black and white?!" Mabel complained.

"Shh! Mabel."

A government official appeared on the screen and said, "If you're watching this, then you are one of eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete. -What? No? Ho! Well, that's a relief! Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley: The eighth-and-a-half president of the United States."

"President?"

"Eighth-and-a-half?" Mabel asked confused. How is that possible, 3 thought embarrassed from its out burst earlier.

The government official continued, "After winning the 1837 election in a landslide," It showed an actual landslide killing his competition and most of the crowd, "Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the Supreme Court, and issued the de-pants-Imation proclamation. His state of the union speech was even worse." Err…okay…

It showed a line of text stating, 'reenactment recording'

"The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!" That is true. If highly unlikely.

Government official returned, "He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed. Trembley's shameful term was erased from history and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as president and local nobody as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of president Trembley's body are unknown." Huh, so that's where the town got its name!

"Until now." Blubs said, pointing at the body of Trembley encased in a yellow substance that they didn't notice. Sigh…

"Whoa! Is that, like, amber or something?" Dipper asked, touching the block.

"The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle. Smooth move, Mr. President! Finding Trembley's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete." How did they catch up to us so fast anyway?

"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers?" Durland said, holding up one of Mabel's discarded butterscotch wrappers.

This is why you shouldn't litter.

"Ugh, silly!"

"Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talking about it." Blubs said ominously.

He doesn't mean!?

"Does that mean—?" Dipper asked terrified, hiding Mabel behind him.

"Are you going to kill us?!" Mabel finished.

"Oh, no!" Durland said horrified.

"No, no. Calm down now, buddy, calm down. We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You aren't coming' back, by the way." Blubs quickly grabbed the struggling twins as Durland picked up Trembley. They carried the kids up stairs and locked them up in a crate with Trembley. The next thing they know they're on a train heading towards Washington D.C.

The twins were banging on the crate shouting, "Anyone there?! Help help help!"

"Hey! Let us out!"

Mabel sighed and slid down next to the 8 and ½ president, "Ohh. I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure, like that embarrassing president what's-his-name." She moodily broke off a piece of peanut brittle and ate it. Don't eat that, you don't know where it's been, 3 scolded silently.

Suddenly, the block started to shake and break apart as the twins held each other.

Trembley took a breathe and said in a voice that sounded like the reenactment, "It is I, Quentin Trembley." He then ripped of his pants.

"You're alive! But how?" Dipper asked amazed.

"Peanut brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! You're not silly, you're brilliant!"

I thought it was honey.

"And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!"

"He's right! Making maps into hats, hanging upside-down; your silliness solved the code that serious cops couldn't crack in a hundred years!" And my Father! 3 added.

"Oh, stop it." Mabel blushed.

"By Jefferson! We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate-shaped box." Trembley said looking around.

"It's a crate, Mr. President."

"Good thing I have the president's key, which can open any lock in America." He said, pulling out a fancy key from his jacket. He then started to jab the walls with the key growing frustrated.

"I... don't think that's gonna work." While 3 'nodded.'

"Wood! My age-old enemy. In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived."

"I think I know who can help you." Dipper said looking at Mabel.

"Hmm. How about... that hole?" She said pointing at a finger sized hole near the bottom.

"We will leap through it!" I don't think so, Mr. President.

"Almost. Almost there Good! Keep pushing." They started pushing their fingers through the hole.

"I'm not sure this is working." Dipper said, skeptically.

"Trust... the... silliness!"

Suddenly, they heard a woodpecker outside. "Fiddlesticks! Keep going! Is that my third wife Sandy?" Trembley asked. So that's why marrying a woodpecker is legal.

The crate suddenly fell apart as the woodpecker flew away. Can't believe that worked.

"Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again."

"We gotta get out of here!" Dipper said, clutching the documents and running with Mabel following after them.

"Also good." They opened the door and came face-to-face with Durland who called for Blubs. They slammed the door and went up the escape route, other than the snag with Trembley jabbing the door with his key with Dipper grabbing it away. They were cornered on top of the train.

"There is no escape!" Blubs panted, and then said, "I gotta take a knee."

"Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" Durland asked.

"Edwin, darling, you are a diamond in the rough."

"I think I threw up a little." 3 said in the high pitched wind whistling by.

"Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?" Dipper desperately asked.

"I've got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!" Blubs called out.

"Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?" Dipper asked the President

"No, sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window." Okay…

"Then... technically you're still legally the president of the United States, right? You've gotta answer this guy now!" Dipper told the police, pointing to Trembley.

"Huh?"

"As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And- and go on a delightful vacation. Ow! Yes." Trembley said after he was hit in the head with an iron thing hanging over the tracks.

"Vacation? What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two" Blubs asked Durland.

"Silly water fun slides in grand lakes, Michigan!" They said together. "Bye-bye! Bye!"

Trembley than turned to Mabel and said, "You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U. S. congressman." He pulled out a congress hat and places it on her head.

"I'm legalizing everything!"

Trembley than turned to Dipper, "And Roderick,"

"-Uh, actually—"

"-you, dear boy, are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land, so I'd like you to have my president's key." He gave him his key.

"And to you book." Wait what!? "I'll give you some advice. The biggest mysteries were near you all along, with one trip, you can change the course of what was, to what could have been." Trembley said with a wink towards 3. Maybe he's not as crazy as he seems.

The twins, Trembley, and an introspective 3 made their way back to town with Trembley telling them about stories about the other presidents.

"And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. George Washington was a jerk."

"Agreed." Mable said with a smile. They found Pacifica standing next to a maypole. Mabel walked up to her and said, "Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States! Who's silly now?"

Pacifica saw Trembley trying to fight with a bald eagle, "What? Who is that idiot?"

"Put up your Dukes, you bald fiend!"

"The eighth-and-a-half president of America. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it—"

Pacifica interrupted it her by laughing, "Ha ha ha! Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way." Nearby her parents were also laughing mockingly.

"You two must feel so proud of yourselves picking on a girl." 3 said scathingly as those nearby looked around.

Pacifica shrugged it off and said, "Ooh! I see your car is stuck in the mud. Enjoy walking home." She whistled for her fancy car and walked off still laughing.

Dipper turned to Mabel, "Aren't you gonna tell her about her ate-gray amp a-gray?"

"You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned to see silly as awesome!" Mabel said maturely. I know I said to be mature, but not like this, 3 said disappointed.

Dipper frowned and ran after the car, "Well, I haven't learned anything! Hey, Pacifica!"

Dipper runs to the Northwest's' car. The car stops and Dipper hands Pacifica the documents through her window. "Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it!" Pacifica is aghast and called for her mother as they drove away.

"Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!"

"I agree!" 3 whispered this time. Trembley walked up to them and said, Children, book, I am needed elsewhere. Just know that I'll always be right here on the negative twelve dollar bill."

Dipper looked at it and said with a smile, "Whoa. This is worthless."

"It's less then worthless, my boy. Trembley away!" Trembley backflips onto a horse backwards and rides away.

"Where do you think he's going?" Mabel asked.

"I'm gonna say... off a cliff."

Later the twins and 3 found Stan locked in the stock who was complaining to them.

"And then Soos came by and talked to me for like an hour." He was saying.

"You've been through so much." Mabel said sympathetically as Dipper used the president's key to open them.

"It works!"

Stan looked at Mabel and asked, "So what's with the top hat?"

"I am a congressman."

"Pardon me?"

"You are officially pardoned." She said as she, Dipper, and 3 dissolved into laughter, much to Stan's befuddlement.

"Oy! You a never gonna make sense, are you, kid?"

"No, I'm not, Grunkle Stan. No, I'm not. Mabel away!" She tried to imitate Trembley but crashes.

"I'm O.K."

3 'smiled' at Mabel. Then 'frowned,' what did Trembley mean? Perhaps he is hiding his secrets under a 'silly' exterior. Seems you can't trust appearances here in Gravity Falls.

A/N: And done! Two chapters in one day. Well, after the next chapter, I'll start veering off canon once Waddles is here. So please bear with me.