A/N: Hiiii. How's it goin? I know. I have some serious 'splainin to do… just not right now… I splain at the end.

April 23, 2014

My head hurts more than yesterday. I thought it was bad when I hit it, but now it's like every little noise is like a million jackhammers drilling through my head.

...

Why is it that when I'm in a lot of pain, I tend to act like there's nothing wrong with me? I should ask my doctor.

...

Fuck! Maybe I should go back home and- The jingle of bells interrupt my train of thought, due to the pulsing of my brain. Ugh... My brain cells! They're being murder! You cold, heartless beasts! Stop torturing my poor, defenseless brain!

I turn to see Ari enter the Starbucks (Shit... umm... those last two sentences I was screaming internally were for Chris because he's using the blender). She's shocked at first that I'm here, but now beaming when she sees that I'm at our usual table (the one that's all the way in the corner).

She scolds me "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at home, resting." She pouts, "I was going to buy your drink and bring it to you."

I blush "You were really going to do that for me? That's sweet..." I shake the bangs over my eyes as I look down at my drink. Why must she have this affect on me?

She sits across from me and giggles "You're adorable."

I tease "Says the girl that plays a seventeen year old who sleeps with a purple giraffe named 'Mr. Purple'. I'd say you broke the adorable-o-meter... even without you being Cat."

She grins "Like you said I play a seventeen year old who sleeps with a stuffed animal, but you on the other hand... I saw the small stuffed polar bear on your bed. Let me guess... its name is 'Mr. Snow'?"

I blush as I confess "No... her name's Alexa Frost." (A/N if you're wondering... yes, I do have a stuffed polar bear that I named Alexa Courtney Frost. She light's up! It's not weird...)

She giggles "See... I told you. You're adorable. By the way, is your favorite color purple?"

I chuckle "Yeah... you noticed, huh?" She nods "What gave it away?"

She sighs and answers "Oh... I don't know. I think it could have been the purple car... the purple bikini you had on yesterday... the purple phone case and ear buds... no, wait... it was your room that just screams purple."

I was about to say something when Fifafur cuts in "Did I hear right? Did you just say that Jessie was in a bikini?"

She sees me give him a 'Why do you want to know this?' look as she answers hesitantly "Yea... why?"

He looks away and responds "Nothing, just curious."

I tease "Oh. My. God. You are such a perv. You were horndogging on me, weren't you?"

He glares at me, red faced, as he denies, "No, I wasn't. I was just asking because she's never actually seen you in a bikini..." he looks between us then finally settles on me "has she?"

I retort "Uh... we were in my pool yesterday, if that's what you're asking."

His jaw drops as he stares pointedly at her "You got to see her in a bikini?" She nods uncertainly. He then looks down and grumble something inaudible, but I'm pretty sure it was somethin g along the lines of 'I wish I had been there'.

Finally after a few minutes of awkward silence, he leaves and I shake my head, thinking out loud "What was that all about?"

She answers me "Maybe he likes you... I mean, you are hot. If I were him I would be jealous of me too."

I feel my jaw go slack as I stutter "Wha-what? Are you serious?"

She shrugs "I'm just trying to think like him... or at least like a guy. Honestly, you do have a nice body... probably better than mine. I'm-"

I interrupt her "No, I don't. You're body is way nicer than mine... n-not that I ogle your body or anything. I'm just stating facts. I'm kinda jealous of you, actually." I'm pretty sure that I'm as red as a tomato now. I am an idiot. I hope she couldn't see through my lie. That would be disastrous.

She chuckles "That's what I was going to say. It's funny that I can always make you blush. Still adorable."

I giggle, "What can I say... I learned it from the best." Now it's her turn to blush, I tease, "Is that... is that a blush I see, little miss Ari?"

She pouts, blushing a shade darker, "Shut up..."

I curtsy in my chair as I say, "As you wish, my queen." She glares at me "Okay. Okay. I get it. I'll stop."

I slide her soy latte across the table toward her and she takes it with a 'thanks'. I sip my drink and play with the bluish-grey pearl ring on my left pinky finger absentmindedly.

You know what sounds really good right about now? A double chocolate rum muffin. Mmm... I could really go for one of those right about now.

...

Shit. I'm drooling.

I wipe away the drool that's dotting the corners of my mouth. I look at Ari to see if she noticed. She's not looking... good 'cause that would have been embarrassing. Why is she so quiet?

I lightly hold on to her hand as I ask, "What's up, Buttercup? You're being really quiet... are you okay?"

She blinks couple of times to focus her eyes "Um... yeah. Just thinking. Everyone was upset that I wasn't at practice yesterday."

I gasp, "I am so sorry. I didn't think you would get in trouble. I didn't think one day of fun would get you in trouble. I'm sorry." I end with a whimper. How was I so stupid? I could ruin her career in one day. I am a terrible person.

She squeezes my hand to get my attention (when did she move her hand?) "Hey... It's okay. You did nothing wrong. I am glad that I hung out with you yesterday. You don't have to worry about them. I told them that I took a 'much needed break' because I was under a lot of stress. They seemed okay with that answer, but now I have to work on overdrive to make sure everything is perfect."

I sigh, "You're probably under even more stress than you were before... this is all my fault."

She coos soothingly "Stop blaming yourself. I'm actually a lot less stressed… you helped me relax a bit."

I tilt my head slightly and furrow my eyebrows in confusion "Really? You're not under stress?"

She chuckles "I never said that, but I don't have as much stress weighing my down thanks to you and you're almost perfectly relaxing day."

I shrug "I'm just glad I didn't die yesterday... then your day wouldn't have been so relaxing." My head begins to throb again... Why must they use those evil shredders of coffee to convert my brain to mush? "My head still hurts, though."

She gives me a concerned look as she says, "Well... maybe you should go home. Did you drive you're car here?"

I answer simply with a 'yea... why?' and she huffs "You could have gotten into a car accident on your way here."

I cross my arms across my chest, as I scoff "That's not true. Why would I get into a car accident?"

She looks at me like I said something stupid before answering "Okay... one, you drive like a maniac."

I quickly cut in before she continues "I do not... I just like driving fast."

She rolls her eyes "That's exactly my point... You're always gone before I even get into my car."

I brush my bangs out of my face while scoffing "It's not my fault you're slow."

She rolls her eyes, huffing "Hey, I'd like to live to see twenty-one, thank you very much." She becomes silent as she chews on her bottom lip with a torn expression forming on her face, as if contemplating something.

I tilt my head and furrow my eyebrows in confusion. What could she be thinking about that's causing her such conflict?

After a while, my confusion morphs into unease. She's never been this quiet before…

"Ari… you okay?"

She looks up and meets my worried eyes, sighing, "I was thinking about what would happen if something happened to you… Jes, you really shouldn't be driving so fast. I don't want you to get hurt…"

Well that was unexpected...

I slump back into my chair, looking down toward my hands and start playing with my rings again... I disgust myself. I've caused Ariana to be upset. I don't deserve her attention.

Soft, delicate hands firmly grasp my fidgeting ones. I look at the hands constricting my own and drag my eyes slowly up the sun-kissed arms, over the flawless shoulders, up the mouth-watering column of a throat, to the perfect kissable lips, and finally into the eyes of an angel. Her eyes contain only warmth and kindness... I don't deserve for her to look at me this way. I look away shamefully.

"What's wrong?" She squeezes my hands gently, but I refuse to acknowledge her. She grasps my chin between her thumb and forefinger, forcing me to face her, but I can't look her in the eyes. Worry edges her voice "Jessica, tell me what's wrong."

I pull my hands out of hers and drag my hands over my face, as I start "What isn't wrong? It's like there's always something that messes things up. When we first met Rachel forgot the key to my house, a couple of weeks ago I spilled my drink all over my dress and I had to leave early just to change, yesterday Diana almost found out about you and then I nearly killed myself, and now you're worrying about me. It's like the universe is trying to say that I'm not-"

What is this feeling, so sudden and new?
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.
My pulse is rushing.
My head is reeling
My face is flushing.
What is this feeling?

Yes! Thank you! Who's calling so that I can thank- Oh god... Why is she calling me? We're not even friends! I mean, honestly, I've only talked to her a coup- wait... Why is her number in my phone? And why in Grande's name did I give her mine?

I'm startled out of my haze when Ari asks, "Are you just going to stare at it or are you going to answer?"

I nodding stupidly, respond with a simple 'yea', and answer my phone "Hello?"

She greets sweetly "Hi Jessica. It's me, Nicole. How are you?" She called me by my full first name... it's so weird hearing someone call me that!

I pretend to act surprised "Oh! Hello Nicole. I've been better. You?" I risk a glance toward Ariana and find that she's watching me rather intensely. She catches me looking and takes a sudden interest in her phone, though she seems a bit... unsettled?

…

Eh... It's probably nothing.

"I'm good. So... how come you're not okay? What's up?" You called me… that's what's up.

"Um... I kinda slipped on nothing yesterday and hit the back of my head with the edge of my kitchen counter, so now my head hurts."

"Ouch. Are you okay? Did you get your head checked out?"

I answer, "I'm fine. It's not that bad, so I didn't." I pause before asking "Hey… I know you just called, but… could we talk later? I'm kinda in the middle of something right now… like… 'ya know… getting dressed." Okay… total lie, but I have to get out of this conversation somehow.

She falters "I… um…okay… But… uh… could I ask you a quick question? This will only take a second."

I answer, "Sure, go ahead."

She instantly rushes "Wilewgonadaewifme?"

"Huh?" English please.

She mumbles slowly "Will you… go on… on a date… with… with me?" I think I liked the question better when it was in gibberish.

I squeak "I… um… could I get back to you on that? I'm… not really sure I can answer you at this very moment."

"Oh… okay… I guess." She sound's kinda hurt. I feel bad.

"I mean I'm flattered that you're asking me this. It's just… I never really expected something like this from you so I'm not sure how to go about this. Could you just give me some time to think?"

She answers in surprise "I… sure… Take all the time you need."

"I'll try to have an answer for you by English 101."

"Okay… well, see you then."

I sigh "Bye" them end the call.

I slide my phone onto the table and slouch (When did I go all stiff and proper?) back into my chair.

What should I do? Should I say yes to Nicole? Focus on forming a relationship with her and try to forget about my feelings for Ariana that way? Wouldn't I be leading Nicole on, though? I couldn't possibly do that to her. I could never break someone's heart like that; it hurts me just by thinking about it.

On the other hand… What if I learn to love her? Will my heart listen if I focused all my affection onto her? Would that work or would it back fire on me?

I wince as my head begins to throb. I hiss "Shit… Okay, over thinking isn't helping my head."

"What are you over thinking?"

I look up and find Ariana sipping her drink, gazing at me through her eyelashes.

I gulp. Should I tell her? Why wouldn't I want to tell her? Would it- Stop thinking, god damn it!

I lie "There's this girl in my English 101 class who asked me if I could tutor her in Calculus. I'm not sure if I should, though."

She asks "Why not? There aren't any issues between the both of you, are there?"

I answer "What? No, it's not that. It's just… I don't know her all that well. I've never really talked to her that often."

She drawls "Well… maybe this is your chance to get to know her better." Does she know that I'm lying or something?

I sigh heavily "I'll think about it… I still have a few hours to give her an answer anyways. I just want to get a second opinion before I do, though." I pause "And I know just who to ask…"

I quickly grab my phone and text Diana.

I need help on something! Please!

A few minutes pass by before I get a response.

Why are you texting me so god damn early? And why should I help you?

I glare at my phone, wishing… no, hoping that she could feel my glare piercing into her very soul as I type angrily:

This involves my love life.

I swear… she has never texted me back this fast… ever.

Okay, what's going on?

And stop glaring at me!

Holy shit! I have mind powers! I wonder if it will work on Ari… I love you Ariana Grande_Butera! Annnnd… no it's not working.

I was not!

Guess who asked me out on a date.

I sip my drink, patiently waiting for her to respond.

"Who are you texting?"

I put my phone down and sigh "Just Diana… she usually helps me with this kind of stuff. She's always kinda known if I can trust certain people... I mean, you saw last month how I get. I don't usually let people in."

"Oh." She frowns.

God, I hate it when she frowns. She's beautiful even when if she does, but I just… it feels like… a knife is being twisted into my gut. I know. I know. Gross, but… I feel the need to just… oh, I don't know… kiss the frown away. I'm just too chicken shit (yes, I said it) to go for what I want.

Fingers snap in front of my face. "Hello? Is anyone home? Jeeesss… Oh my god! Will you just snap out of it already?"

I blink "Hmm?"

She huffs "Finally… I thought I lost you for a second there."

I frown "What do you mean?"

Why? Why does she always have to call while I'm in the middle of something?

I ignore Diana's call and put my phone away.

Hi… angry mob?

I'm so sorry for not updating in over a year. I've just been really busy with school, relationships… and I've been training to be a US marine, which is really cool. Um… this is only the beginning of chapter 3. I've been rewriting the rest over and over and over and- well you get the idea. So… I hope you enjoy the little bit that I'm posting.

Yours Truly,

Bryzenia97