Chapter Title: Everything Has Changed

All I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed

She had hoped everyone would be out by the time she got home, to give her the space to clear her mind, to think over what she had done. But Peggy Carter rarely got what she wanted and so she shouldn't have been surprised when she walked into the kitchen and found Howard sitting at the table, looking up from the camera he was tinkering with, and staring at her- hard.

She stared right back willing him to speak and with a slight tilt of the head he did, cautious. "You seem…lighter."

"I don't believe I've lost any weight since I saw you this morning Howard." The rebuttal was accompanied by a shake of the head before she poured a cup of coffee to calm her unprecedented anxiety.

"You know I don't mean it like that." He dropped his thin screwdriver, opting for crossed arms over his chest instead.

"I don't believe I do." Howard's probing gaze was not unlike that of a father investigating his daughter's activities, an older brother checking up on his younger sister.

"Oh don't play dumb with us sweetheart." It came from the front hall and Dottie followed dressed entirely in black, looking exhausted. She must have been on an assignment in the field because bruises and scratches peppered her face but she still looked like she was coming down from a high.

"Tough day at the office Dottie?" Peggy didn't mean for it to come out as pleased as it had, but she couldn't help herself.

Dottie shot her a glare before offering a curious smile from the opposite side of the room. "Yeah and funny enough I didn't see you there when I left."

"Yes I had had quite enough, I had to take a bit of a break." Leave it to Dottie to be on her case, constantly, tracking her every movement. If Peggy didn't know better she would think Dottie was infatuated with her, not Angie at all.

"I heard." It came out tauntingly; Dottie knew just how much Peggy hated others knowing her whereabouts, her motives, and her life in general.

"From?"

"Sousa, who else?"

Peggy shook her head in frustration, the man was simply too kind, and since when did he offer that kindness to Dottie Underwood, Russian Spy? "I'll have to have a talk with him."

The Russian spy in question only shrugged before viciously grabbing an apple, as if she still had to fight for every meal. "Too honest for his own good, hasn't he ever heard nice guys finish last?" As the question hung in the room she sat on the sofa, pushing off her shoes, watching Peggy practically flit around the kitchen area. It was nothing like the downtrodden dragging feet she had seen the past few weeks.

"So what is with the pep in your step Peggy, did you happen to catch up with any old friends today?" If the implication wasn't obvious the daring glint in her eye made it painfully so.

"Not quite." Dottie had expected downright denial, Howard was barely following along and so they both stared back at her, eyebrows raised, waiting. "I went to church today."

The glint was gone and Dottie's groan of disgust echoed around the large room, accompanied by an eye roll for good measure. "It's God that's got you on your way to cloud nine? There is just no good entertainment here anymore. I'm going to sleep."

Peggy prided herself on being able to fool the Russian, the only one that had been able to see through her, besides Angie of course. Then again she hadn't quite lied, she had indeed gone to church. Dottie gathered herself up as Howard offered a soft goodnight. Howard Jr. followed her to bed; a strange fascination had developed between the two creatures, one Peggy couldn't quite understand, because Howard Jr. was usally a great judge in character.

Before hauling herself up the stairs she called over her shoulder mirth rampant as ever. "Next time you leave work early let me know if you're gonna come home a nun or something." And just like that she blended into the dark, gone for the night.

"So church huh?" Howard's bold personality could only be quieted by Dottie and so once she left he perked up again, letting go of a breath he was subconsciously holding.

She shrugged off his questioning looks, he knew her better than anyone and must have sensed the change, must have felt it was big. "A suggestion of Mrs. Fry."

"Never pegged you as the religious type."

"Perhaps I just never found the right thing to worship." He was confused then because worship was left for God and Peggy Carter didn't seem to look to God for much of anything, never mind worship him.

"And you've found it now?"

She watched him watch her and he seemed genuinely bewildered, genuinely invested in her well being and there was something about the way he cared that pushed her to let him in on what she had done, in some way or another. "I believe I found it quite a while ago actually."

"You don't mean?" His brows furrowed in a typical look of Stark confusion, awe, and determination as he mulled the words over in his head, hoping it meant that Peggy had finally taken that leap.

The sly grin that made its way onto her face was one he hadn't seen in what seemed like forever and that was all he needed to be sure. Maybe she had jumped, maybe they had pushed her, but either way she was on a mission for Angie Martinelli's heart, and Peggy Carter would complete a mission or die trying.

It had been a week of waiting, excruciating waiting and dodging Dottie's curious glances and Howard's incredibly, but not wholly unbelievable, crude comments. The Lord's day had finally come and Peggy decided she would rest as ordered in the holy book, she would take off work and begin a different mission entirely.

She arrived early for the same afternoon mass, sitting in the same exact pew that had allowed her chance meeting with the thrilling young woman she had grown to love. As she waited she hoped that God or fate, whatever powers there were would pull through yet again.

And they must have been listening because in a matter of moments, with one quick sweep, quiet as a cat Angie was at her side, calm cool and collected. "Here again English, the spirit must've moved ya last time huh?"

The smile was automatic, a side effect of being in such close proximity to such a charged spirit. "Something like that."

Angie grinned back, a small and hesitant one that melted away slowly like sugar does in scolding hot tea. Stormy eyes darted around the chapel, landing on the few scattered people that filled the pews.

"Is something the matter Angie?"

Those electric eyes came to land on her and the currents pulled in and out as Angie debated whether or not to speak, before finally allowing the floodgates to open. "I don't know English. I just feel like there's something that I'm-"

"-Missing." The word slipped through shut lips without a second thought because Peggy understood, she felt it too, she had felt it ever since that dreadful day.

Angie stared at her for a moment, curious, perhaps a bit taken back but she continued, all the more earnest. "Yeah, and whatever it is I don't think I'm finding it here."

It was strange to remember all the things Angie never could, to know that she was what Angie was missing. It was strange that somewhere deep in her mind Angie must have felt something had been taken from her. "I think you might be surprised."

But Angie didn't seem convinced and Peggy realized together they could answer that age old question of "Is it better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all?" And it seemed neither was, neither was better. "Huh, I don't know I just feel-"

"-Out of place, out of time?"

Her eyes lit up like the fourth of July maybe at Peggy's understanding, maybe at how bold she was, it didn't matter either way. "Ya gonna finish all my sentences there English?"

Peggy was being the opposite of careful, but she couldn't help it. Something about Angie made her fearless, brave, reckless even. Angie had always had that effect on her and it seemed she always would. "No, no of course not. I'm sorry go on."

The hesitant young woman pushed closer to her, accelerating Peggy's heartbeat to a near unsafe rhythm before whispering slowly, low so only they could hear. "It's just, you ever feel like there's a whole side of you that you're just hidin' from people. And you know they can't know, but you want them to see and you want them to understand that it's not all that bad, that you're not all that bad."

Angie seemed more delicate in that moment than she ever had before, even more delicate than when she had been tied to that god-forsaken chair. Peggy knew what Angie meant of course, she knew about Angie's past scarred with not being enough for her mother, hiding who she was, missing out on love. "Angie."

"Sometimes I just feel like I'm not-"

"-Enough"

"Well there ya go again English, you're reading my mind and I don't even know your real name yet." Angie looked shy and taken aback at herself for having opened up so much to a stranger. It was as if she was scolding herself for being so free.

Peggy hated that caution because the Angie Martinelli she knew was daring and clever, and absolutely unrestrained. She extended a hand for a proper introduction. "Carter, Peggy Carter."

"Angie Martinelli." She took the hand in her own holding it for a moment, as she mulled over the name, turning it over in her mind before shaking her head as if to try and make it all clear.

"Heard it before?"

"No it's just, I don't know, feels like I must have known you in another life or something." She finished it with a toothy grin, like she was laughing at herself because she couldn't even realize how right she truly was.

"Why would you say that?" The way Angie stuck to the name, well it worried Peggy because what would happen if Angie suddenly remembered it all, if she realized how Peggy had left her, if Angie realized how weak she had been.

"I don't know talking to you, something about you just seems so easy."

As she heard herself say it the young waitress' hand flew up to cover her mouth and Peggy barked out laughter causing the wary churchgoers to glance back at the troublemakers in the last pew.

Angie's eyes had their familiar glow of lighthearted mirth as she gathered herself up enough to speak again. "Geez Peg I didn't mean it like that. You definitely don't seem easy if anything you seem hard."

The response only served to make Peggy laugh harder, easy or hard at least the hopeful star had been thinking of her. "And what in the world does that mean?"

Angie only sunk down lower in the pew, covering flaming cheeks with shaky hands. "Honest to God I wish I knew."

Once the laughter faded and the tint of embarrassment had died down from Angie's cheeks allowing her to show her face once more, Peggy turned to her, suddenly grave. "It's not true you know."

"What do ya mean Peg?"

"You are enough and you don't have to hide who you are." It was a bold thing to say, but Peggy Carter had always been a bold woman. Angie had taken the lead the first time around; she had shown Peggy how to live, now perhaps Peggy owed her that and so much more.

"English you don't even know me." It was practically self-deprecating; it was the side of Angie that hated herself because others did, because of who she loved and what she was.

"I think I know enough." She said it with absolute certainty, laying a gentle hand on the young woman's calloused fingers. When their skin touched she could practically feel the fire and she stared at Angie's wild eyes wondering if she felt those same flames, the same sparks climbing up her arm and invading her entire body

The way Angie bit her lip, the way she was unsure and so earnest all at the same time made Peggy want to kiss her right then and there but it wasn't the time or the place and so she settled for squeezing her hand gently, reassuring.

"Well thanks Peg."

The music started up and that meant their time to talk had run out so Peggy shot her a smile instead, kind, assuring, and Angie could have sworn it was almost loving.

After the mass had ended Angie stayed to go to confession. She explained that it made her feel lighter somehow, and some way or another she had convinced Peggy to do it too so side by side they waited in line, Peggy practically squirming.

"You nervous English?" There was a hint of laughter in her eyes, the laughter at a novice that could only come from experience. Peggy wondered what she had confessed, what she had been sorry for when she didn't deserve to be sorry at all.

The agent could only stare straight ahead, indignant; after all she hated to be the amateur. "No its just not often I confess my sins to strangers."

"It's not a stranger, it's God." Angie herself had to stifle a laugh after uttering the sentiment, as others in line nodded in agreement.

Peggy looked around at those tuning into their conversation and brought her voice to a hurried whisper. "Well what do you do, what do you even say?"

The question made Angie smile full and bright and sad all at the same time as previous confessions raced through her mind, too many. "Trying to get my secrets out of me?"

Peggy shrugged, nonchalant. She would have even winked but that was too forward and lord knows what her eyes would end up doing. "Perhaps."

Angie simply waved it off with a shake of the head. " Maybe we'll save those for another time, one with more schnapps and less stained glass if you know what I mean."

Peggy laughed at the memories the phrase brought, so many sleepless nights filled with Schnapps and Pie and more laughter and love then she had ever experienced. She laughed until Angie pushed her into the dark, claustrophobic confessional. After sorting out her surroundings she sat on the cold hard wood and tried not to stare through the tiny slit at the man on the other side.

She searched back in her memories, she had been taught what to do practically a lifetime ago and the words came out mechanically. "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been far too long since my last confession."

It sounded foolish really, like one of those lines from the movies, but she said it all the same. She could practically feel him nod in response as his weight shifted just the slightest bit, encouraging her to go on.

"I am in love with a woman." She said it with far more confidence, far more assurance than she had intended. Her voice did not tremble, she did not shake, yes she was still in love with a woman and she didn't care if the whole world knew it.

He shuffled slightly, unaffected, as if he had heard it before, as if it was a sin so many were sorry for. He began to tell give her penance but she stopped him before he could get too far. "That's not quite what I'm sorry for."

And that surprised him because he had probably heard people apologizing for horrible things but how many people had he met that weren't truly sorry at all, that believed deep down in their heart they had absolutely nothing to apologize for?

"You see I've done this wonderful woman wrong. I let her slip away when I should've held on tighter, when I should have been the anchor she needed."

The confession died in that tiny box as silence strangled it in a matter of moments. He thought it over and she held her breath because despite her attempts, at the core of every human being, is an intense desire for approval even from a random holy stranger in a tiny box filled with secrets of past and present.

Then he spoke, low, steady, and incredibly somber. "Let the Lord give you the courage to care for her now."

It was a breath of fresh air, something akin to acceptance and his smile was barely there through the small slit but it made that box seem infinitely larger. He listened as she recited the act of contrition and he replied with the prayer of forgiveness, all incredibly honest for a change.

He looked to her even though he couldn't truly see her through the dark stained wood. "God has forgiven your sins, go in peace."

She looked right back, and even though she couldn't see him she saw inside of him, and the sort of acceptance he had, so far ahead of his time, well it had to be the work of God.

"Thanks be to God."

She stumbled out of the booth and the light was shockingly bright after the darkness. Angie stood waiting outside the booth, radiant as ever. "How'd it go English, confess your deepest darkest sins?

"It went quite well I believe." Strangely enough Angie had been right, more weight had been lifted from her shoulders, from deep in her heart.

"Is your heart all light and airy? Do you feel forgiven?"

Peggy watched Angie in the tinted glow pouring in from the stained glass windows. She looked so pure, so untouched, but nothing could erase what she had been through. Perhaps the truth would have to come out sooner or later, perhaps one day Peggy would need more than just God's forgiveness, but for today there was simply no way to be sure.

"I suppose I'll know soon enough."