Journal 18
Disclaimer: don't own
Talk-normal
Talk-thinking
"Talk"-3 talking
A/N: Just to make things clear from last chapter, 3 CAN'T warp reality or plunge the world into darkness. The black hole scene change was just the video game world responding to 3's fractured sanity and anger to create an epic back drop as she reduced Rumble to 1's and 0's like in regular final boss battles. As for the nova…well I'll leave that up to you.
Boyz Crazy
It was a slow Saturday evening at the Mystery Shack as 3, Dipper, and Wendy were sitting in front of a TV playing security tapes and adding their own voice to it.
"Do you have this T-shirt in my size?" Dipper said in a false deep voice of a random tourist.
"I have something even better! Behold: My butt!" Wendy said, intimating Stan as he turned around to reach into the box. Dipper, 3, and Wendy laugh, the latter is holding a packet of chips.
"I could play this game forever." 3 heard Dipper whisper and she frowned as she stole some of Wendy's chips.
"What'd you say?" She asked, playfully slapping 3's hand.
"Coughing! I was coughing! Those weren't words!" He said quickly with a fake cough as Mabel appeared next to them, laughing at her brother's expense.
"This is fun, what you two have."
"Mabel? How long have you been standing there?" He asked, surprised.
"Don't worry about that. Let's talk about why I'm doing this dance! Do-do-do-do-do..." Mabel said, dancing from behind the counter.
"Oh, no! She got into the Smile Dip again!"
"I'll get the plunger and funnel!"
"Wrong one-thousand! It's because today is the greatest day of my life!"
"You've finally found a sparkly vampire who likes to watch you sleep?" 3 asked, snatching some more chips.
Mabel throws a calendar at 3's face and it bounces off to slap Dipper's.
"Oi!"
"Ow!"
"Sev'ral Timez is playing at the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet!" Mabel shouted excitedly.
"Never heard of them." 3 said in disinterest.
"Ugh. Lucky. Sev'ral Timez is a boy band that came a decade too late that Mabel and a lot of other girl's love." Dipper explained to 3, he turned to his sister who has started dancing and said, "Mabel, you know all those boy bands are fake, right?"
"Dipper's right. They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry." Wendy agreed.
"They probably lip sing to the music and the main event are stunt dancers."
"You're making my dance sad..." Mabel said as she stops dancing.
Dipper snorted, not impressed, "There's probably a machine that mass-produces them."
"Oh ho or maybe the boys are grown from pods."
"Yeah, and it never the same boy's for every show, they replace them with clones after each show." 3 mocked as she, Dipper, and Wendy burst into laughter.
"Yeah, pods and clones, totally!" Dipper agreed with his friends
"You guys can't ruin this for me. Mabel's got back up!" She declared as Candy and Grenda entered the shop.
"Hey guys!" Grenda called as they walked in.
"Woot-woot!" Candy cheered.
"Who's ready for the greatest night of our lives? How many times am I gonna love ya?" Mabel shouted as they all yelled together.
"Several times!" They laughed and ran off to the attic.
"Ugh. Girls." Dipper groaned.
"I know, right?" Wendy agreed as 3 nodded as Mabel and Grenda run through the "Employees Only" door. Candy runs right into the vending machine and smashes her glasses.
"I'm ok!" She called as she ran through the door.
"I worry about them."
The 3 turned back to the security feed to see Robbie walk into the shop and Dipper began mocking him.
"Hey is this the fingerless glove store? I like things that are dumb. I'm Robbie."
"Oh dear, this isn't the store I get my mom's and my favorite make-up."
This caused them to laugh as Wendy, said, still giggling, "C'mon man..."
Robbie then walked up to the counter and glared the 12-year olds. "Ha ha ha ha ha. Laugh it up, chief." He growled then turned to Wendy and said in a slick voice, "So Wendy, Nate and his girlfriend are going to Lookout Point this weekend. Maybe we should go too?"
Wendy glared at him and shouted, "Are you kidding me? First you stand me up last night! And instead of apologizing, you want me to go to Lookout Point?!" She said angrily and getting in his face.
Dipper grabbed 3 and started to drag her to the door saying, "I'll just be... over here..." He and 3 hid behind the door to eavesdrop on the fighting couple.
"Look, Robbie..." Wendy finally sighs and turned away, "I'm not sure this relationship's working. Maybe I should see other people."
Dipper grins and grabs 3 and Waddles, who was sitting behind him, and hugs the two tightly as 3 flushed.
"W-Woah h-hey! Before you do anything crazy, I- I uh... I want you to hear this." Robbie said quickly and turned away to grab a CD from an ominous looking case.
"I hope this works..." 3 heard Robbie mutter to himself. He pulls the CD close to his face, and it glistens. He smirks while his eyes shoot to Wendy behind him. Dipper raises an eyebrow and glanced at 3 who was narrowing her eyes at Robbie as he puts the CD in a nearby player.
"I wrote this song just for you..." He presses play and begins singing a song. "When I think about you/I feel feelings so deep/I'm tossing and turning/And you know I'm losing sleep…"
"Yeesh." Dipper groaned and 3 cringed as he sang a cheesy love song.
"And I know I'm going crazy/When I look into your eyes/Just listen to this song/And you'll be hypnotai-ai-ai-zed."
Wendy turned around with a glazed look in her eyes then she rubbed them and said, "You know, maybe I was being a little hasty. I'll give you another chance." She said with a soft smile and kisses Robbie's cheek. Dipper and 3 shared looks of disbelief.
"What…just happened?" He asked 3 who shrugged as Wendy passed them for her coat.
"I don't know, I don't like it, and we're going to find out." 3 said darkly as they marched up to Robbie.
"Alright, Robbie we saw that weird CD. What the heck are you up to?" Dipper demanded as soon as they were in ear shot.
"It's called romance, kids. Something you'd guys will never understand." Robbie said smugly as they growled and Wendy came back out.
"You ready? I can't believe you wrote that for me." She gushed as he walked over.
"I know I'm just so insanely talented." Robbie said 'modestly' as they walked away and Robbie taunts them with a jaunty wave. 3 narrowed her eyes and grinned as she tased him on his behind, lowest setting of course.
"Yeow!" Robbie shrieked like girl.
"Sorry! My finger slipped!" 3 said innocently as Dipper smirked.
"Why does the old man let you kids have freaken weapons!?" Robbie shouted, enraged.
"Relax, Robbie. It was an accident. Besides, Stan lets us girls have weapons to defend ourselves from anyone who threatens us if the guys aren't around. Aris has a taser, Mabel has a grappling hook, and I myself have an axe under the counter." Wendy told the now nervous Robbie.
"R-really?" He said sweating.
"Of course! Now let's get going!" They left and Dipper turns to the CD player and pulls out the CD Robbie left behind.
"Hm..." Dipper inspects the CD, sniffs it, and licks it to 3's confusion and Mabel and her friend's bafflement.
"What are you doing?"
"Guys, the weirdest thing just happened. I think Robbie might be hypnotizing Wendy with his music." Dipper told the girls, holding up the disc.
"Oh, Dipper. Girls just like musicians. You'll understand when you're older." Mabel said dismissively.
"We're the same age!" He shouted.
"Girls mature faster than guys. Right, Grenda?" Mabel said, turning to Grenda who was making out with a photo of a blonde boy curly hair and dark mustache.
"This is Grenda time!" She yelled and went back to kissing.
Dipper and 3 stares blankly at her as the girls leave, while 3 and Dipper looking suspiciously at the disc.
"Maybe we should talk to Stan." Dipper announced, pocketing the disc.
"Yeah, he must've had some experience with hypnotism in his age." 3 agreed and found him in the kitchen with a lot of canned meat singing to himself.
"Stocking' meat for the apocalypse, Doodly-doo. We're all gonna die."
"That's cheery." 3 deadpanned as she and Dipper walked in with the disc.
"What's with the matter, kid? You look even more freaked out than usual."
"Um, Grunkle Stan, can we ask you something about…this town." Dipper began hesitantly.
Stan sobered and pulled up chairs for them, "Try me."
"Ok. This is gonna sound weird, but think Robbie might be brainwashing Wendy with music."
Stan nodded, eating from the can of meat and said, "I've seen this before."
"Really?"
"What happened?"
"Her name was Carla McCorkle. Carla 'Hotpants' McCorkle. Me and Carla baby would cut a rug together at The Juke Joint, our favorite 50's themed, 1970's diner. Then one day, this new age tree hugger starts playing this transcendental hippie music. Carla's Hotpants turned into bellbottoms before I even knew what happened. My memories get a little hallucination-y at the end, but you get the gist."
"So, wait... you actually believe my theory?" Dipper said hopefully
"Do you think that hippie hypnotize her?"
"You're darn right I do, though I could never prove it; but we're gonna get to the bottom of it." Stan declared as Dipper smiled at him.
"Right after I get to the bottom of this brown meat." He said upturning the can and swallowing it.
"Om, nom, its apocolicious!"
Stan lead the kids to the poker table and opened a can of soda to explain, "You see, Dipper, Polaris, music has subliminal mind control hidden in it all the time. If you listen closely, even the music I play in the Gift Shop has subtle hidden messages.
3 and Dipper gave him a blank stare and 3 facepalmed, "Stan, yelling into the intercom isn't subliminal, it's terrorizing."
"Hey! You asked me missy!" He then pulled a record player onto the table and took the CD from Dipper, "If you wanna hear the mind controlling messages, you gotta slow down the record. Gimme that LP." He places the CD in the record player and starts discharges little sparks of electricity.
"Oh, right." Dipper muttered as 3 and Stan looked confused.
"We're doing' something wrong here, but I can't put my finger on it..."
"Maybe if we flip it over and it will play?" 3 asked, reaching for the disc when Dipper snatched it away. It was that moment that Dipper realized that 3 was about as Tech Savvy as Grunkle Stan. They were interrupted when Mabel, Grenda, and Candy came back, lugging an oversized duffle bag into the shack.
Dipper and 3 went over to greet them, "Hey, guys. How was the concert, and what's in the bag?"
"What did you do? Kidnap the boy band?" 3 asked jokingly as the girls choked and started to sweat.
"NO!" Mabel screamed into 3's face. "It's... money! Money we stole! Definitely not a Boy Band!"
"We are criminals! We will cut you!" Candy agreed as they grabbed as they grabbed the bag.
"Let's go away from here now!" The girls pull and shove the bag up the stairs and with the bag yelping at every other step. Dipper, 3, and Stan watch them and look at each other questioningly.
"That…was weird." 3 finally said as the males nodded. A car is suddenly heard screeching outside. 3 went outside to see Soos talking to a rather large man.
"Hey Soos, what's up?" 3 asked as she went over to them.
Soos was cut off when the man got into her face and yelled, spittle getting in her face, "You! Where are they you harpy! Where are you and your fellow parasites hiding them?"
3 narrowed her eyes and yelled, "STRANGER DANGER! OLD, FAT MAN IS IN MY PERSONAL SPACE!" 3 then tased him and hid behind the now protective Soos who was glaring at him. Gompers then bleats as he chews off man's license plate.
"Shoo! Shoo! Ehh..." The man yelled, shooing the goat away and enters his limousine and leaves, glaring at Soos suspiciously as he does so with the man child glaring back.
Gompers, with the license plate in his mouth, came over and sniffed Soos, "Good boy." He said petting him
3 reluctantly nodded, "For once, your evil goati-ness helped." It started at her and she backed up a little. "I'm not petting you."
For the rest of the night, 3 and the males had strange experiences. Stan swore he saw Mabel's boy band in the living room, but when he looked back, no one was there. Dipper mentioned seeing a bunch of blond guys having a water fight in the kitchen. 3 had the strangest one; she was walking into the living room when Mabel, Candy, and Grenda rushed past her, riding on a boy band. They decided that the record play indeed had a subliminal message that cause weird hallucinations and they dumped the Pitt Cola to try to crack the CD's code.
Dipper, realizing that with two fossil's not as Tech Savvy as him, converted the CD into a record to use.
"Alright, it took all day but I converted it to a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown."
"Spit-take here I come." Stan said, drinking from a new package of Pitt Cola. The record plays and Dipper slows it down, a tape man at the ready to record any hidden messages but nothing happened. Though in 3's opinion, it sounded better slowed down.
"Hm... that's not spit worthy. What gives?" Stan asked.
"What? Is that it?" He said, trying hard to hear a secret message but hearing nothing.
"Ugh! This was so stupid! Course there's no hidden mind control messages! Mabel was right. Wendy just likes the song. She just likes Robbie."
"She has such poor taste." 3 said as Wendy and Robbie enter the Shack and walked past them.
"Hey, Dip, Aris. Forgot my keys."
Robbie smirked at them, looking at the record player and tape recorder and figured out what they're trying to do.
"What's up, junior? What are you doing? Trying to come up with an equation to make girls who have no interest in you, like you?" He asked, laughing nastily.
Wendy then came back, "Ready to go to look out point?"
"Am I! Later, dorks. Catch ya on the rewind. I made that up." He said smugly over his shoulder as he and Wendy exited, not before 3 tased him again.
"OW!"
"I was handling butter!"
"I'll rewind your face!" Stan yelled, shaking his fist.
Dipper's eyes lit up and turned to Stan, "Wait a minute. Stan, 3, rewind!" Dipper manual turns the record backwards and this time another message can be heard.
'You are under my control. Your mind is mine.'
3's eyes widened as Stan spit take all over Dipper.
"Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit-take!"
"That jerk has reached a new low!" 3 yelled angrily.
Dipper was excited now, "Ha ha! I knew it! It's mind control after all!" Then Dipper realized and turned to his companions and yelled, "Oh no, we've got to save Wendy!"
"Who knows what he will be tempted to do with her under his power!" 3 added as Stan's expression darkened then had a sadistic smile appear on his face.
"Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face. Let's roll!" He yelled and they ran to the car and gunned it.
"Okay, squirts where this look-out point place is?" Stan asked after 5 minutes of driving in a random direction.
"Wait you don't know?" Dipper asked.
"Beats me." 3 shrugged.
They stopped over at a teenager hideout and 3 and Dipper approached some of teens in front of hole in the wall.
"HEY!" Dipper yelled when we came near them.
"We need directions to look-out point!" 3 continued as the teens laugh at them.
"Why? You kids are way too young for that why don't you two go to Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree and wait to you two are older." They cackled at them.
"You don't understand! Some jerk hypnotized our friend and might do something horrible!"
"Hahahaha! Yeah right kid, beat it and come back when you're older." The teens turned away until one of them cried out in pain. They whirled around to see 3 tasing one of their friends.
"I don't think you heard us. We were politely asking you to give us directions. Now tell us where to go before I aim a little lower!" 3 said darkly.
The teens fell over themselves telling them and they were on the road again.
"We gotta warn Wendy about the song before she gets hurt!" Dipper yelled at Stan as they broke a couple dozen traffic laws.
"Road safety laws, prepare to get ignored!" He yelled turning into a blocked road that said no vehicles, rear-ended a tree, blocking the path again to the cliff face. They passed by numerous other cars, but didn't find the teens.
"What car did this punk drive again?" Stan yelled as he gunned it and the kids searched for the car.
"Look for a beat up, gaudy purple van!" Dipper yelled over his shoulder as they went deeper into the mountain. They finally found the car and yelled.
"Over there! They're over there!" They yelled pointing up on the cliff edge. Stan, Dipper, and 3 drives straight up the cliff edge to Lookout Point. Dipper and 3 ran out of the car while Stan falls out.
"Wha-o! Oof."
"Wendy!? Stop! Robbie's been lying to you!" Dipper yelled, running towards them.
"He's nothing but a fraudulent pervert!"
"What she said!" Stan called, getting up.
"Dipper? Aris?" She asked surprised and wide eyed.
Robbie was just as surprised, "Kids? Mr. Pines?"
"That's Mr. Pines to you!" He yelled and the kid stared at him blankly.
"What? That's what I just said..." He pointed out, a little annoyed.
Dipper and 3 ignored them and turned to Wendy, "Look, Wendy, you've got to hear this."
He pulls out the tape recorder and first played the regular recording of Robbie's song.
"Uh... There's a message in there. I swear!" Dipper said, laughing nervously as Robbie narrowed his eyes and reached for the window depressor.
"Let me just... close the window."
"Wait, wait! Here." He cried, raising the volume of the tape and it played.
'You are under my control. Your mind is mine.'
Wendy looked shocked as Robbie recoiled in fear. She turned to him and asked, "Woah. Robbie, what's that doing in our song?"
"Baby, I promise. I don't know anything about those messages. In fact, I didn't even write that song. I ripped it off some other band! So, we're all good, right?" He said, hopefully, not even the least repentant.
Wendy shook her head and looked hurt, "No, we're not all good! I don't care about the messages. You said you wrote that song for me, and I actually thought it was sweet, you big liar!" She screamed.
"I know, I know. I lie about a lot of stuff. Like using your makeup and fighting a bear, although…"
"No! You know what? It's over, Robbie. We're through!" She declared and the Pines shared a grin.
"What?! Wendy!" He protested.
"Goodbye!" Wendy gets out and slams the van door.
"Ha-ha! We won! Kid, this is a victory for every guy whose hands are too weak or fat to play a musical instrument."
"Serves him right!"
"I couldn't have done it without you, Grunkle Stan. You to Polaris." Dipper said high-fiving them.
Wendy looked a little down and the kids walked over to her. "Hey Wendy are you alright? Do you want your axe or Polaris's taser?" Dipper asked as he held up her axe they grabbed from the shop.
"Or pig out on ice-cream?"
Wendy whirled on them with tears in her eyes and screamed at them. "Are you serious?! Right now? Ugh! What is wrong with guys? You only think about yourselves! All of you should just leave me alone! You cut in on my date, you shattered my illusion that a guy cared enough about me to write a song and you three ruin it! Isn't bad enough that all the guys I ever go out with just think with their hormones!" She stamped away from the reproached kids.
"Oh, man." Robbie mutters as he buries his face into steering wheel.
"Look, if it makes you feel any better, the apocalypse is coming soon. Bury your gold! ...You've been buying gold, right?" Stan comforted Robbie…I think.
Dipper and 3 looks at his tape forlornly and gazed at each other ashamed.
Stan drove the kids back to the shack and sat down in the living room, drinking away their guilt with soda.
"Women. They're the real mystery, Dip. You ruin their date, drive their hippie boyfriend's van into a ravine... and somehow you're the 'bad guy.'"
"You're not helping Stan." 3 sighed, still feeling guilty
"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have meddled in Wendy's personal life. She probably hates us now." Dipper said sadly and 3 placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Ah, chin up, kid. You were trying' to do the right thing. Even though you destroyed a relationship and part of my car."
"Still not helping."
"You think she'll ever forgive us?"
"I think she was a little emotional, we should give her about of week of space. And we should probably avoid Manly Dan for a while."
"Ah, I bet she was and well, we should take your advice. And until then, you can two always go bowling and pig out on ice cream with me." Stan said reassuring the two kids.
"Thanks, Grunkle Stan."
"Thank you Stan."
"Don't mention it, kids."
They were then interrupted by a crash outside and they followed Stan asked, "Wait a second... Is something rooting through our trash?"
They followed Stan outside to see a pretty blonde boy shifting through the trash.
"Hey, hey! Get outta of here!" Stan yelled, using his broom as a weapon.
"Is that one of the singers from Mabel's band?" 3 asked as the boy looked at them and fled on all fours back into the forest.
"Darn, beautiful man, always eating out of my trash...Wait, what?" Stan asked himself as the kids looked at him strangely.
3 looked at the Pitt Cola in their hands and dumped it. "Maybe we should stop drinking this stuff; I wonder if Mabel spiked it with Smile Dip again?"
They looked at each other and shrugged, "Nahh."