"It's your fault." A familiar voice whispered in his head. "You're worthless."
B gasped and woke up instantly. Or was he awake? It was dark. Was he dead? B couldn't remember what had last happened. He adjusted his eyes and realized he was in his room. He was laying in his bed. The lamp beside him was on, but it was still dark. He stared at the light and laughed quietly. He never thought he'd see that again.
'Couldn't even kill myself.' He thought, a weak smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.
As he stared at the lamp harder, he noticed a head resting beside it. It was K. She had fallen asleep at his bedside, face down on the nightstand. She looked really uncomfortable. He got up, wanting to lift her onto the bed, but soon realized that would be impossible. His arms were in so much pain and his stomach felt like a hole had been burned through it. So he just lay there, watching her sleep. Until he fell asleep himself.
He woke up later, it was now light outside, with an intense pressure in his lower abdomen. He had to pee, badly. He weakly stood up and made his way over to the bathroom. Empty medicine bottles were lined on the counter top and pills filled the trashcan. The damp floor was clean and as were the walls, it was as if the blood stains had disappeared. K must have cleaned. After relieving himself, B stood in front of the bathroom mirror staring into the red eyes of his reflection. Numbers flooded through his head as he stared at himself. So he couldn't kill himself, it wasn't time. When was his time? He splashed his hot face with water.
"What am I...?"
Before he knew it, his fist was thrown into the glass in front of him, cracking the mirror. He punched it again angrily, his fist becoming bloody. K was at his side moments later saying something to him, but he couldn't hear her. He felt her gentle hand on his arm and almost lashed out, but K backed away as soon as he looked at her.
"B." He heard her say. "Calm down, please."
He was shaking and stared down at her. She looked paler than usual, her tired face painted with worry.
"Come on," She whispered, walking out of the bathroom.
She sat him down on the bed and cleaned his hand off, then began to take the bandages off his arms and redress them. He hadn't seen his arms since the night before and pain shot up his limbs as he looked at himself. Brown and red blood stained his skin, they looked completely mutilated.
"Breakfast is soon." She said quietly, putting medicine on his cuts. B flinched as she touched his skin. "You have to be calm. People were knocking on the door last night, they're going to want to know what happened."
He felt his stomach turn and looked at her, but she avoided eye contact with him. She looked so tired.
"It's none of their business." She said. "No one has to know."
…
Breakfast was quieter than usual, everyone except L was present. They sat at the table eating in silence, B and K staring at their food, playing with it.
"What's wrong K? Not hungry?" Vienna asked from across the table.
K blinked a few times then shook her head. "Yeah, not really."
Vienna nodded, staring at the girl suspiciously. "You look a bit tired, long night?" When K didn't answer she turned her attention to B. "What about you, B? Is everything alright?"
Everyone noticed. The both of them were so pale, their eyes lacked light, it was just pure sadness. B didn't answer, he didn't even look at her, because he knew she didn't care. She just wanted to make an example of him, as usual.
"B was having another one of his episodes..." X said under his breath, cackling.
B tensed up and clenched his jaw. K noticed and held his hand under the table before he could say anything; he was so cold.
"B was upset about something." K said, trying to give out as little detail as possible. "I was keeping him company."
"Why do you look so tired?"
"We were having a really deep conversation for hours... it was quite depressing actually." She said. "It's good to get things off your chest every once in a while, you know?"
That shut Vienna up. B smiled inwardly. K was always making up intricate lies to cover for B.
…
After breakfast A followed them back to the room. He watched as B went into his bed, and K walked over to the window. She stared outside silently, watching as the clouds blew by.
"So what really happened last night?" A asked from the doorway. "You seemed like you were lying."
B curled up in his blankets and burrowed under his pillows, trying to avoid any involvement in the conversation.
"I already told you, B was upset... I was just in here trying to comfort him."
A walked into the room, making his way over to K. He put his hand on her shoulder and she nudged him away.
"Really K, what happened?" He pressed. "You look worn out."
She bit the inside of her mouth so hard she thought it would bleed. She could feel herself about to cry as the events of the previous night started to replay in her head. She clapped her hand to her mouth to muffle the first sob, but A already heard her.
"K what the hell happened?" He asked as tears made their way down her face. "Did he hit you or something?"
B sat up in his bed, like he was rising from the dead, and he spoke.
"A." B said suddenly. K looked at him, a look in her eye begging him not to speak.
"I-I...I tried to kill myself." Were the words she imagined he was going to say and her stomach started to hurt. It was so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop. K rushed over to the door and shut it, pressing her back to the wood. A eyed her suspiciously. She didn't want anyone to overhear this conversation. B got out of bed and leaned on the windowsill.
"L told me yesterday I have no chance of becoming his successor." He said somberly.
K was relieved. A's mouth dropped open slightly, and you could see a smile in his eyes. He brought his fist to his mouth to try and hide the oncoming grin. B sighed and tried very hard not to roll his eyes.
"So I barricaded myself in the room."
"I noticed, since I couldn't get in here and had to sleep in K's bed last night..." A chuckled, crossing his arms.
"I got really angry, so angry I got a migraine and vomited..." B continued, "Then I took a bunch of your painkillers to try and ease the pain, but that just made me throw up again."
A looked at him, kind of disgusted. "Did you clean it up?" He asked.
"I did." K said quietly.
"What? Why?!" The blonde questioned. "Was he not capable?! Oh yeah that's right, he's incapable of doing anything. I can see why L doesn't want you, B."
A then started to laugh and K glared at him with a clenched jaw. She was now just realizing how rude A was turning out to be.
"A, stop alright?" She said.
"K he's pathetic." A spat.
"I'm pathetic?" B scoffed. "Have you looked in the mirror? We're all pathetic."
"Don't put me in the same category as you." A said.
"A, do you even hear yourself?" B asked him. "Haven't you noticed? L doesn't want any of us, he doesn't need us." That made B's heart ache, simply saying it. But sometimes, the truth hurt.
A shot a disgusted glare at him. "How could you even say that?"
"Because it's true." B stared him dead in the eyes. "I can't wait until he tells you you're as worthless as I am."
A stormed over to B, yanking him up by the collar of his shirt.
"A let go of him-"
"Say it again, B." A warned in an angry whisper.
"A, you're worthless."
A punched him straight in the face. K shrieked loudly as B stumbled backwards, his nose starting to bleed. The three of them stood there for a moment, in shock at what had just happened. B then began to laugh as blood trickled down his face.
"... How could you even say that?" A repeated in disbelief.
"I thought you would've figured it out, A." B wiped his nose with the back of his hand, blood smearing across his cheek. "You're supposed to be the smart one."
A clenched his fists. "Just shut up." He growled through his teeth.
"Oh wait you thought you were special, like you were L's little pet or something, hm?" He licked his blood stained lips and smiled.
"B shut up!" A came at him again, pushing him to the ground and pinning him down with his knees.
"You need to realize... L doesn't care about us." B said in between laughs. "We're like little pawns, you and I, he can replace us at any given time... we are worthless."
"SHUT UP!" A punched him in the face again, B choking on his laugh. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
A continued punching B into the floor, his blood covering his hands. K stood over by the bed in shock, her hands covering her mouth. She didn't know what to do. Once he stopped he was breathing heavily, his head hanging inches above B's.
"..Are you finished? Feels good, doesn't it?" B asked weakly. "Hit me again, I know you want to. Why don't you just kill me while you're at it."
A huffed angrily. "Why aren't you fighting back?"
K wondered the same thing. B was just taking all the hits from A, making no effort to defend himself.
"I wont give you the satisfaction."
"Don't you care if you get hurt? Don't you care about anything?"
"No, not really."
"And that's why you'll always remain Backup! As long as you don't strive to be-"
That name made B's whole body convulse. He suddenly flipped A onto his back and was on top of him, holding a razor blade to his neck.
"Don't you ever call me that." B stared down at him with intense red eyes. "You shouldn't act that way Alternate," He growled. "You are just as disposable as I am; haven't you been listening to what I've been saying?"
Drops of B's blood dripped onto A's pale skin as he stared up into the boy's red eyes and bloody face, fear taking over his body. B pressed the blade harder against his neck.
"You're always saying something idiotic so maybe if I cut your throat open and pull out your tongue you'd have nothing more to say, right?"
A's eyes went wide and K's stomach sank. She was scared if she continued to stand aside, something very bad would happen. K suddenly jumped on top of the two boys, pulling B off of A. The razor slipped from B's grasp, grazing A's neck before landing on the floor.
"A, leave!" K yelled at him as she struggled with B on the floor, trying to force him onto his stomach. "Now!"
A looked at her in a daze then stumbled to his feet and ran out the room, slamming the door behind him.
"K get off!" B hissed, reaching for his razor.
She kicked the small blade and it slid across the room. "No!" K grabbed his arms and pulled them behind his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and laying on top of him. "Will you calm down?" She said, still struggling to keep him still.
"I'm going to slit his throat and pull his insides out." B growled into the floor. "He punched me in the face you could at least let me-"
"B do you really think I was going to sit back and let you do that to him...?"
"K he deserves-"
"No, B, not this time."
...
hey! Happy Holidays and hope you enjoyed this chapter