Janet checked the address four times before getting out of the cab. "Are you sure this is the right place?" she asked the cabbie for the second time. "Yeah lady, this is where you told me ta go." She paid him for the ride, and slid out of the back seat. She stood looking at the run down warehouse, deciding if she was actually going to walk in or not. It looked dirty. She was wearing a brand new light pink cashmere sweater and a much darker pink plaid skirt which nicely showcased her ballerina legs. She certainly didn't want to ruin her outfit. With one more skeptical glance at the warehouse, Janet headed towards the large door and pulled it carefully open.
Loud music assaulted her ears, and she wondered how she was supposed to even find her date here. She quickly realized she stuck out like a sore thumb. Maybe he would find her. She thought back to his profile. His likes: working out, fast cars, and hot women. Or maybe that was hot cars and fast women. Janet rolled her eyes, then noticed a man walking towards her. What looked like a homeless man. Eew. What smelled like a homeless man. A 50 year old homeless man.
"Are you Pigtailed Pilferer?" there was a slur to his voice, and little bits of spittle flew out of his mouth as he pronounced the P's. Apparently, he hadn't waited for her to order a drink as his breath alone almost gave her a buzz. Janet's eyes opened wide. She couldn't decide whether to confirm or deny. So she just stared, mouth half open. "Ha ha! You are, aren't you? Well I think you stole my heart!" He looked her up and down, pausing and staring at some choice areas as he did so. "Wow you really got that whole sexy school girl thing down don't you?" She huffed at this and crossed her arms over her chest, weight shifting from one hip to the other. He then reached out and pet her sweater, first on the arm, then right across her chest. She flinched, then audibly gasped, "Oh my god! You just touched my sweater!" On instinct she grabbed his arm, and twisted it behind his back, accidentally dislocating his shoulder. "Don't touch my sweater! It looks like you haven't washed your hands in a week! I think you ruined it!"
His only reaction was to open and close his mouth like a fish, wincing as he did so. Then he wept. Janet was so angry she turned on her heel and stormed out. In the glow of the street lights, she could see black smudge marks on the arm of her sweater. The cab she arrived in was still there, a man was staggering towards the back door, almost ready to climb inside. Exasperated, she ran over to the taxi, and jumped into the back seat just as the man finished opening the door. He was completely surprised and confused at the same time.
"Get me out of here! Um, head to McNulty's." Her night didn't have to be a complete waste. She knew she would be able to get dinner, a drink or two, and some foosball games in before heading home. And a club soda to try and get this smudge out of her new sweater. What a disaster. She was now thinking maybe the profile she had set up wasn't such a good idea. She was going to remove it as soon as she got home.
Scud had settled on definitely setting up an online profile for Lucy. Why not? He wasn't about to go hang out in a lesbian bar. He didn't see that going over too well. Kind of hard to get a conversation going when none of the women there want to talk to you. So he decided to go with his other two ideas, online dating profile, and if that didn't work, speed dating. He knew that one would most likely get him killed. But the look on Lucy's face when he brought her there might be worth it.
In setting up her dating profile, he tried to be as honest as possible. Well as honest as he could be. Not very honest at all. He had to make up a name and profession. "Jewel theft" was not an option under hobbies/interests. So she was Lucy Alice Parks and she worked as a scientist for The Umbrella Corporation. He couldn't help but chuckle as he filled out this profile. Likes: martial arts, weapons training, saving the world, preparing for the Zombie Apocalyspe. Perfect. Dislikes: Australia. He titled her profile "Looking for a Partner for the End of the World." He was a dead man walking.
He decided to celebrate his accomplishment of the (in his opinion) perfect online dating profile. He started to walk the four blocks to McNulty's. He could have a beer or two, play the old Ms. Pac Man arcade game they had there, and kick some ass in foosball. Awesome.
He strolled into the bar, pulling out a $10 and turned towards the change machine. After retrieving his quarters, he ordered himself two beers (as he knew he's be too immersed in the Ms. Pac Man to want to get up for a fresh drink), and walked about ten steps toward the back of the bar to size up his foosball competition. There were no games going on right then, but he spotted a cute girl in a pink sweater and pink plaid skirt with great legs browsing through the jukebox. He noticed a dirty smudge on her sweater kept drawing her attention away from choosing her songs. He half smiled to himself, then turned around and took a seat on the padded stool in front of the video game. "It's on little Ms! You and your little red bow!"