A/N: Thank you EmySabath, Staryday, and MaireadInish for all the help.
Distress
"Hey, buddy?" The cab driver reached behind him and shook his passenger's shoulder. Sirius jerked away from the touch, yelling and pressing himself in the corner defensively. "Hey!" The driver said surprised. "Calm down, buddy. We're here."
Sirius looked out the window and found they were stopped in front of an unfamiliar inn. He looked beside him and saw Harry curled up on the seat, still sleeping. He relaxed and reached out to smooth the boy's hair. Everything was alright. Harry was alright. They weren't here; there were no dementors here. It wasn't a dream; he was free.
"Buddy. You alright?" The cab driver now looked worried as he watched the man's hand tremble on the boy's hair. There was just something not right about the pair. He began to have misgivings. Would the man hurt the kid? "Is that your son?"
Sirius' head snapped up and he finally focused on the muggle. He swallowed hard and tried to gather his wits. He had to focus. He couldn't drift off. Harry needed him. He forced his hands to still and to sit straighter. He offered a charming smile, not knowing that it looked strange when paired with his haunted eyes. The driver's frown deepened.
"No." Sirius said with only a slight rasp and a few seconds of coughing. "I'm his godfather."
"Where's his parents?" The muggle demanded.
"Dead." Sirius felt his face tighten and looked away.
The muggle relaxed. So that was why the man looked like crap. He figured the boy's parents had died recently. Filled with sympathy he said nothing more as the scrawny man hefted the small teenager and walked slowly to the hotel door. He didn't even complain about not being tipped.
"Poor buggers." He shook his head and drove off.
xXxXxXx
"May I help you?" The smiling receptionist asked him.
Sirius nodded, "I need a room. I don't know for how long."
"How many will be staying?" The girl asked, still smiling brightly despite it being very late (or very early depending on how you look at it).
"Two. Just two." Sirius answered hoarsely and coughed.
"Alright then." She typed at her computer.
Harry began to stir. Sirius' arms tightened as the boy shifted and gave a low moan. The convict's eyes darted around the small lobby. It was empty except for the receptionist and the bell-hop/doorman/maintenance man. Harry began to whimper. Sirius felt himself begin to panic. What was he going to do? Snape had told him his godson might wake up upset like he was in the sickroom. He wasn't supposed to touch him. He might have to order him to eat. He shook his head with wonder. Since when had he looked to Snape for guidance?
"We have smoking and non-smoking rooms. Which do you prefer, sir?"
"Non-smoking." He answered quickly.
"One or two beds?" She continued, oblivious to Sirius' rising distress.
Harry opened terrified eyes and began to scream. He twisted in Sirius' arms in a desperate attempt to get free. Sirius dropped to his knees, afraid that Harry would be hurt if he fell from so far a height. Panicked, he hugged the boy tighter. "Shhh…" He pleaded as he rocked the crying boy. The receptionist looked aghast and the doorman was beginning to look aggressive. "Harry… Please…" He begged, holding the boy's head against his shoulder to muffle his cries.
"What's going on?" The man demanded. "Let the boy go!"
Sirius stared up at the two muggles. His breath was wet and ragged in his throat. His eyes were wide and glassy with fear and sweat beaded on his forehead. "I'm not hurting him." He said quickly, terrified they'd try and take his godson from him. "I'm his godfather."
"I said, let the boy go." The man repeated slowly. "Sheryl. Call for the manager."
"No!" Sirius yelled. "He's fine! Harry's fine. He's just scared. He'll be alright. I'm not going to hurt him. I'm protecting him. I have to protect him. You can't take him! You can't take him from me!"
"Calm down." The man said and took a careful step toward the man and struggling boy. "I'm not going to take him. I just want you to let him go. We don't want trouble here, fella. Just let the boy go."
"Harry, stop. Please, Harry." Sirius begged the child still thrashing in his arms.
Harry's desperate cries and terrified screams got clearer as he began to lose his grip. The manager had arrived and was threatening to call the police. Sirius knew he had failed. Remus had trusted him to take care of Harry. To get him away. He wasn't sure what was going on, but Moony told him he couldn't trust Dumbledore or the Aurors. Now the muggles were going to take his godson away and they were going to get Harry. Think, Sirius! Think! He ordered himself. There had to be a way out of this.
Harry kicked free and crumpled to the floor in a huddled ball. His cries instantly cut off and he began rocking and tearfully apologizing over and over. Sirius crouched shaking at his side. He saw that the muggles had hesitated, shocked by Harry's behavior. Coughing violently, Sirius sat and reached out a pleading hand to stay the manager's call.
"Please." He rasped. "I'm not hurting him. He's not himself right now. He has a… a condition! He'll be better once we get settled in a room."
"What's wrong with him?" The receptionist asked, tears running down her cheeks as she listened to the broken child.
"Is he autistic?" The doorman asked sympathetically. "I have a niece who has that."
"Yes." Sirius agreed not knowing what in the world the muggle was talking about, but smart enough to recognize an out when it was offered to him. "I would have said sooner…" He had to stop to cough. "I would have told you, but thought you wouldn't let us stay. I'm sick and can't finish traveling home until I feel better. I promise he won't cause any trouble. I'll look after him, I swear."
The manager hung up the phone and looked to his two employees. When he saw that they had sided with the sobbing teen, he caved with a heavy sigh. "Alright. You can stay, but keep him calm."
"Yes. Of course." Sirius almost burst into tears of relief and had to duck his head to hide them. Get it together, Sirius! He yelled. But he didn't know what to do next. How was he going to pick up Harry? The boy would go nuts again! Oh, Harry. Tears fell from his eyes. Why are you like this? What happened? It's my fault. I should have been there for you. I let you down, James. Look at your son!
"Sir?"
Sirius' head snapped up and he wiped at his tears frantically, "Yes? Sorry, just had a..."
"I understand." She offered when Sirius fell helplessly silent. She still had tears in her eyes as well. "I put you in room 206. It's a corner room and will block most of the sound he could make. If you need anything, ask for me. My name's Sheryl. The Inn doesn't provide room service, but I'd be happy to bring you anything."
"Thank you, Sheryl." Sirius smiled with all his heart and the girl blushed.
Guess he still had it in him, he mused happily. He turned his eyes on his now silently rocking godson. The boy's green eyes were wide and staring around him in paralyzed terror. Snape had said he might not eat, to order him to. Did that mean the boy would obey orders? It was worth a try. These people would grow suspicious soon if he didn't get out of their sight.
"Harry." The teen focused on him and began mumbling pleas not to be hurt. "Follow me." Sirius said firmly. "Now."
Sirius stood and let out a deep breath when Harry got to his feet as well. His shoulders were hunched and his chin rested very close to his chest in a protective gesture. His eyes flicked rapidly at all the people in the room. His thin body shook, but he took the steps needed to get onto the elevator next to Sirius. He chose the farthest corner and huddled there. He screamed when the elevator dinged and the doors shut.
"Shhh... Harry, it's alright. I've got you. You're alright. Please don't be afraid, Harry." Sirius was hugging himself. Tears dripped down his cheeks and from his chin. He felt like he was going to fall apart. Not yet. No, not yet. He had to get them to their room. He had to make sure Harry was safe.
"Get inside." Sirius ordered as he unlocked their room. Harry scrambled to obey, crying loudly. Sirius followed him in and shut and locked the door behind him. He turned around to find Harry hiding under the desk across the room. He was so frightened. So small. Sirius slid down the door, crying into his hands. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. Moony shouldn't have trusted him with Harry.
The world shifted, the colors bled away and he was panting with thick warm fur all around him. The despair, panic, and fear all melted away into simple anxiety. He could hear Harry's cries clearer, smell the sweat of fear. Both lessened as the minutes passed. Whimpering, Sirius lifted his head to see the boy curled up, still under the desk. His vivid green eyes were dulling and were half-closed. A deep shuttering breath was released and the teen's muscles relaxed a bit.
With a whine he crawled toward his godson, sudden happiness filling him at being near the child he had dreamed of for twelve long years. Harry had been his light. If it wasn't for Harry, he'd be dead. He looked just like Prongs. He smelled like them both. He licked the boy's hand.
Green eyes stared at him and didn't respond. He wasn't afraid, wasn't happy. He was just tired and tense. Sirius licked the boy's tears from his face, his tail thumping behind him. Harry stirred, turned his face away. Sirius settled at his side, sharing his warmth. Soon they were both asleep.
xXxXxXx
Boy's eyes flashed open and he scrambled to put a wall at his back, his heart beating painfully fast against his chest. Gasping, eyes blurred with tears, he stared in horror at the sleeping man within reach. A choked sob slipped past his lips, and Boy stuffed both fists against his mouth, desperate to keep silent. He couldn't wake the man.
Shaking, he crawled out the side of the desk. He moved excruciatingly slowly, freezing in place whenever the man coughed in his sleep. It took almost ten minutes to escape the desk and man. He huddled on his knees, gathering his strength as he hid his face in his shaking hands. No more. Please. He didn't want to be hurt no more.
He began crawling again, crying as he looked back. He was going so slow. The man was still so close. Hurry, he begged himself. Find a safe place. Shhh, don't wake him; he'll be so mad, so mad and it will hurt and hurt and hurt. He had to stop to muffle his sobs. Eventually, he made it to the door.
"Please…" He whispered very softly to the door. His voice trembled and fat tears filled his desperate green eyes. "Please be open. Please be quiet."
His prayer was answered and the door opened easily and soundlessly. Boy sagged with relief and escaped the room with the man and the promise of more pain.
xXxXxXx
Sirius woke five hours later in a human body and hacking uncontrollably. Light came in through the window and Sirius groaned. It was only an hour or so since dawn. But he was too sick to sleep. He knew he had a fever. His lips were so dry, he was dieing of thirst. He stumbled and staggered to the bathroom and drank thirstily from the faucet there. Half the time he was sputtering and choking, but he got enough in him to ease his torment.
Still coughing softly, he made his way back to the room. His blue eyes widened. The space under the desk was empty. Where was Harry? Sirius threw himself across the room and he looked under both beds. Nothing. He ran to the front door, but the locks were still in place. He ran back to the bathroom, doubled over with a coughing fit. The shower was empty. He spun around and ran to the room's window. There was about a fifteen foot drop to cobble stones. No way could Harry have made that jump. Unless he used magic…
"Harry!" He yelled desperately, looking both ways down the street. A sound from behind him had him tumbling back into the room and looking around frantically. "Harry?"
A soft whimpering could be heard and Sirius found a second door. He yanked it open. It was an empty closet and Harry was curled, shaking in the dark. He started screaming pleas as soon as the door was open and his arms covered his head as he cowered at his godfather's feet.
Sirius morphed and the dog licked and whined until the boy relaxed. Sniffling, Harry reached a shaking hand for the door. He wanted to shut it, but the dog was in the way. Crying gently, Harry shoved carefully at the animal. Sirius didn't want to leave Harry, but neither did he want to be shut up in a dark, small closet. He began to shake as he saw the cell begin to rise up around him. The sound of the dementor's rattle was growing closer.
He scrambled back out of the closet and Harry shut the door. Sirius morphed back into human form and leaned his head against the door. He felt weak and pathetic. He was letting his godson down. Oh, Prongs. Lils. Why did you leave? He shook his head. No. Not now. He had things to do… For a horrible moment, he couldn't think of one thing he needed to do and his mind began to crumble. Then he remembered Snape's instructions. He grabbed hold of them desperately. Feed Harry. Order him to eat and drink. Keep him safe and alive.
"Harry, it'll be alright, pup. I'm going to be right back. I'm going to get us food, okay? Don't go anywhere. Stay right there, okay? I'll be back, Harry. Don't be afraid." Sirius backed away. He made sure he had the room key and slipped from the room. What was that girl's name? She would help him. She'd know what he should bring up to his godson to eat. Sherry? Yes. He'll go ask Sherry.
Unfortunately, the shifts must have changed. There was a young man at the receptionist desk now. Sirius approached carefully, covering his mouth as he began to cough. The young man looked at him with disdain and Sirius began to feel nervous. He put his hands in his pocket and felt for the wad of muggle money. He had it still. Reassured, he approached.
"Can I help you?" The man asked reluctantly.
"Yes…" Sirius coughed once more. "I need food for a… thirteen year old… yes, that's how old he'd be now..." Sirius flushed, realizing he was messing things up, but he felt so sick. "Anyway, I need food. Where should I go?"
"I recommend some cough syrup."
"No, thanks. I already have a cough." Sirius shook his head.
The man looked at him strangely, "Do you have a fever?"
"Yeah, so where should I get food?" Sirius asked again. He began to feel nervous. He shouldn't leave Harry alone. What if something happened? Harry could get stuck or hurt. What if he was captured? He moaned in fear.
"Look, sir." The man now looked worried. "What room are you in?"
"2…" Sirius forgot the number and had to look down at his key. "206."
"Why don't you go back to your room and I'll see what I can get for you?" He offered.
"Thank you!" Sirius cried. He almost reached over to hug the man, but stopped himself at the last minute. He settled for another heartfelt thank you.
The man flushed, "No problem, sir."
Sirius turned and ran back to the elevator. He almost pried the doors open with his bare hands when he got to the second floor. He bolted down the hallway and fumbled with the locks. He ran into the room and threw open the closet. Harry was still there and screamed as Sirius grabbed him in a hug. The scream shocked Sirius back to reality and he flung himself away.
"Shhh. It's okay. I'm sorry. I just thought… I'm so glad you're alright. Don't worry, Harry. They'll bring you food soon."
The boy shook and cried. Sirius couldn't stand it and transformed. He lay just outside the closet. Harry calmed and again reached for the door, wanting it shut. Sirius licked the boy's hand, but couldn't bring himself to go in there and lay with his godson. It was just too small and dark.
"I'm sorry, Harry." Sirius whispered hoarsely at the closed closet door. "But I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll protect you, Harry. Don't worry. I'm here."
His reassurances were cut off with another coughing fit. Eventually he ended up on the bed, gasping for breath and trying hard not to jar his chest and start another fit. His throat hurt bad and if he had anything in his stomach he was sure he'd have vomited. He turned his head and had a perfect view of the closet. Reassured, he relaxed and focused on breathing.
xXxXxXx
Sirius was jerked from a fevered sleep by knocking. He weaved as he made his way to the door. The woman from the night before stood there with four bags of food. He welcomed her in and she scolded him about not taking care of himself. Sirius barely understood her and went back to the bed, coughing again.
Sheryl put a cold compress on his head and gave him Tylenol and cough syrup. When she was sure he was resting easy, she searched for the autistic boy. She found him sleeping in the closet. Sheryl smiled. She remembered doing the same thing as a child. It always seemed like a safe place. She got the blankets and pillows from the second bed and made the boy a nest. She woke him and his green eyes were so frightened of her. She talked lovingly and was careful to move really slow and not touch him.
When she finished, she got up and grabbed a bag of food. Sheryl put it in the closet with the boy, pointing out all there was in it. There was a jug of milk, chips, bread and cheese if he wanted to make a sandwich, and chocolate bars. The boy rocked and whimpered, but seemed to be listening to everything she was saying. She also gave him her little mag-light from her belt. She turned it on and slowly shut the door.
"Thank you." Sirius whispered and fumbled for his pants. He pulled out a thick wad of money and she gasped.
"Be careful with that." She scolded. She carefully counted out how much she had spent on food and medicine and handed him the rest. "I'll be back later tonight. Rest."
"Thank you." Sirius murmured again and fell asleep.
xXxXxXx
Four days passed. Sheryl came twice a day to tend Sirius and Harry. Sirius was feeling a bit better, though he still had a horrible cough. Harry was still hiding in the closet. Sirius had to order him to use the bathroom and shower, but the boy had no problems eating whatever was given to him as long as he was left alone with the food in the closet. They had no word from either Snivels or Moony, and Sirius was beginning to worry.
xXxXxXx
Harry opened his eyes and saw nothing. He groaned and straightened his stiff limbs. His legs were only half-uncurled when he hit a wall. His arms sprang above him and collided with another. Blankets were wound around him and bags crinkled as he moved. Harry yelled and kicked out in panic. What was going on? Where was he? Why couldn't he see anything?
Calm down. Silas said tiredly. Feel around for a door before you panic.
"Sy?" Harry stilled with surprise. "How…?"
Our barriers have thinned since the last dementor attack. Silas answered. I'm sure this will not be possible once we fully recover.
Now hurry up on looking for that door. Gabriel grumbled.
"What do you care? I'm the one stuck in here." Harry grumbled and groped in the dark.
Obviously, we're stuck if you are. Silas sneered, humor in his voice.
"Yeah, yeah." Harry found the door knob and turned. The door swung open and he tumbled into the light of day. Rubbing at his sore eyes, he looked around. He was in a hotel room of some sort. It was fairly small and not the best quality. He recognized Black sleeping on the bed.
"What's going on?" He asked in a whisper.
About that… Gabriel said sheepishly and began to explain everything that happened on June 6th. Silas spoke up frequently to add detail. Harry sat dumbly as he listened to his alters' story.
"Wow," was all he could bring himself to say when they finished. He stood and stretched before making his way to the bathroom. When he was finished, he washed his hands and filled the glass that was sitting there. He drank thirstily, all the while still considering all that he had been told.
"I feel bad for him." He finally decided. "To be falsely accused and punished. I can't imagine being locked up with dementors for so long."
His alters were silent.
"What? You don't like him?"
He's a stranger. Just because he is our godfather doesn't mean he's instantly trustworthy. Silas answered.
I don't care either way. Gabriel said indifferently.
"Well, we need to know what's going on." Harry shook his head. "We're going to have to trust him some. I can't just run away without knowing what we're doing here."
He didn't wait for an answer and made his way back to his godfather's bedside. The man looked sick and too thin. He hated to disturb his sleep since it was obvious he didn't get enough of it, but he really did need to know what was happening. Where were Severus and Remus? He carefully reached out and touched Sirius' shoulder.
Sirius sat bolt upright and immediately began to cough. Harry patted his back and apologized for waking him. Sirius shook his head and told him it was alright. The man froze and looked at the boy with wide blue eyes. "Harry? Are you alright?"
"Yeah." Harry said with a confused face. "Are you?"
"Oh, Harry!" Sirius leapt and tackled the boy while hugging him tight.
Harry squawked and his face turned bright red with embarrassment. Was the man crying?
"Sorry about that." Sirius pulled away smiling sheepishly and wiping at his eyes. "I was just so happy to see you doing better!"
"W-what do you mean?" Harry asked, still flustered.
"Well, you were so frightened and hid the closet and would scream and stuff if anyone touched you." Sirius explained. "Don't you remember?"
He must be talking about Boy. Silas frowned. Don't let on you don't remember. Shrug sheepishly and say it's just like a bad dream you woke up from.
Harry hesitated, but followed Silas' advice.
Sirius nodded and a haunted expression filled his face, "Yeah. I know what you mean."
"So…ah…" Harry uncomfortably changed the subject. "What's going on? Where are we?"
Sirius shook himself and explained everything he knew, which wasn't much, "I woke up and we were in a sickroom. You were screaming and huddled on a hospital bed next to mine. Dumbledore was trying to calm you, but you wouldn't so Pomfrey spelled you asleep. She did the same to me, but I stayed awake and listened to them talk. Moony was saying how you acted like you had been… well, abused… and Dumbledore said he was going to take you back to the Dursley's and I said no cause you're my godson and you might be hurt there."
I don't think he has all his marbles. Gabriel laughed. That's the longest sentence I've ever heard.
"But they wouldn't let me have you." Sirius continued, unaware of the interruption. "Then I fell asleep. Moony woke me and said I was to take you and go. He said to leave through the Honeydukes passage and then use the Knight Bus. He gave me your wand to use. Here it is…" Sirius gave the wand to the boy who immediately hid it in his pocket. "We got off in London and I took a taxi like Moony said to an old theater. We waited a good thirty minutes and Snape came. He got us another taxi and it drove us out to this muggle town. We are to stay here until Snape can come back and take us to some hideaway."
"How long have we been here?" Harry frowned.
"Four or five days, I guess." Sirius smiled sheepishly. "I got a bad fever so time is a bit blurry."
"What should we do now?" Harry asked his alters.
Wait. Silas said reluctantly. I believe Black is missing a few key pieces. We're not even sure what we're up against and could run right into trouble if we act to soon.
Whatever. Gabriel yawned. I'm bored. Wake me up when things get exciting.
"You don't want to stay?" Sirius asked his godson, not knowing the question wasn't meant for him. "You think something has happened to Snape and he's not coming?"
"No!" Harry waved his hands in denial. "No, I didn't mean that. Sev… err…I mean, Professor Snape will come if he said he would. I'm sure he won't be much longer."
"If you say so." Sirius frowned. "He probably set us up, the coward."
"He wouldn't do that." Harry frowned.
"He's fooled you." Sirius scoffed. "That man is rotten through and through."
"He's helped me out when he didn't have to." Harry argued earnestly. "I owe him a lot. He wouldn't do anything to put me in danger."
"If you say so, kid." Sirius repeated and got to his feet. "How 'bout we get something to eat? I think we both could use it."
Harry didn't say anything as he followed the happy man from the room. The woman at the receptions desk was shocked to see him. Sirius had to stand there and stutter explanations on why Harry was walking around like a normal kid. Feeling bad for the man and not really wanting to get kicked out of the hotel they were suppose to be staying in, Harry stepped up and repeated everything Silas told him too.
"I'm sorry for troubling you, ma'am. I'm not autistic. My godfather just said that to save me embarrassment." Here he looked at the ground with a shameful blush that he was actually lying like this, but that was perfect for the story he was telling and Silas was smirking in his head. "I… umm… I have fits…" Harry cringed and then against Silas' wishes told her some truth to make up for the lies even though the truth hurt. "I saw my parents murdered… But I'm fine now… Sirius takes really good care of me."
"Oh, honey." Sheryl knelt and wrapped the teen into a warm hug. Harry was hot red again and Sirius was looking at him over the girls shoulder with awe and pride. Harry glared at him and the convict turned to hide his grin. Sheryl stood. "Where are you two heading then?"
"Getting something to eat." Sirius answered, still smiling, but not too suspiciously.
"I have a break now. Why don't I take you two out? I know the best restaurant."
"Thanks!" Sirius accepted happily and led the way to the door like an excited puppy.
Harry shook his head and Sheryl laughed. She took them to a pub, and the two boys (the description was perfect for Sirius) were starving and ate two helpings each. They spent almost three hours there and were laughing during almost all of it because of Sirius. Harry couldn't ever remembering feeling so free. There was nothing there to pressure him and he could sit there and pretend, if for just a few hours, that nothing was wrong and he was normal.
After they ate, Sheryl had to go back to work. Sirius and Harry went back to their hotel room. They talked about Quidditch and a bit about James and Lily. Mostly they just sat together and watch television, not wanting to get too personal or ruin the happy buzz both of them had. The TV screen was fuzzy, but Sirius was enthralled. He'd never seen muggle television before and Harry had to answer a hundred questions about it.
The sun had set hours ago and they were considering going to bed when there was a knock on the door. Sirius jumped to his feet and asked who it was. He was already reaching for the locks, thinking it was Sheryl, but stopped when a male voice came through.
"It's Remus!" Harry cried and ran to the door.
"Moony!" Sirius threw the locks and flung the door open, falling into his friend's arms in the process and starting another coughing fit.
Harry saw Severus was standing next to the werewolf and smiled a huge smile; "Sir! Come in!"
"Harry." Severus inclined his head and his eyes lit up with relieved warmth. "How are you feeling?"
Don't. Silas cut in, knowing Harry was about to say he could hear them. But Harry frowned, so he added quickly, Tell him later when you're alone.
"Fine, sir." Harry submitted and Silas sighed in relief. "What's going on?"
"We'll discuss that when we get to my home." He answered and gestured him out into the hall.
Harry obeyed. Sirius was done coughing and fell into step with Remus a few feet behind Harry and Severus. Harry could hear them talking in whispers, but had no idea what they were saying. He suspected it was about him and looked up curiously at his professor's face. Severus looked drawn and thin. His face was paler than normal and his hair was tangled as well as greasy. He began to fidget and fret, but Severus placed his long-fingered hand on his shoulder to sooth him. Harry smiled gratefully.
They walked out of town and Severus grabbed all three of them before apparating away. He arrived in front of a crumbling town house and walked up to the front door. After using a muggle key, speaking a password, and smearing the door with blood from a pricked finger, the door swung open into the house Harry knew so well from the summer.
"Was that a portal?" Remus asked.
"Yes." Severus nodded. "We are now somewhere in north Italy. Leaving by any window or the front door will transport you back to the decrepit house outside of the muggle town. It is to prevent any magical signatures that can be traced to this location as there has been no magic worked outside these walls, which are warded, I assure you. We will not be found here. By anyone."
"That must have taken you years to build." Remus was impressed.
"It did." Severus led the way to the dinning room where Omi stood waiting to greet them. "If anyone is hungry…"
"It isn't poisoned, is it?" Sirius glared. Severus ignored him completely.
"Sir, I'm not hungry, but I have a few questions." Harry spoke up.
Severus nodded and turned to the other men, "Omi will get you what you need and show you to your rooms."
"Where are you going?" Sirius yelled and stormed over to them. "You're not going anywhere alone with Harry!"
"Sirius," Harry frowned, but was interrupted by Remus.
"We have a lot to discuss. Come on, Padfoot." Remus took the convict's arm carefully. "I swear Harry is safe."
Sirius reluctantly backed down. Severus sniffed his disdain and strode gracefully from the room. Harry followed him from into the parlor. He sat in his place on the couch and Severus took his accustomed chair across from him. Severus closed his eyes for a minute and leaned his head back. Harry frowned. His teacher looked really worn out. He began to fidget again.
"There is much to be said." Severus finally spoke up. "But before we get started, I want to know how you are."
"Fine." Harry assured. "I think Boy was Out with Sirius for a while. I only woke up this morning. What's the day?"
"It is June 12th." Severus said solemnly. "You were surrounded by dementors and that created damage in your mind enough to draw Out Demon. He killed the dementors and caused severe damage to the area by creating a magic storm. The castle would have sustained damage had not the Headmaster been feeding the wards."
Harry swallowed with a pale face.
"No one was gravely hurt. Mr. Longbottom, Miss Granger, and Mr. Weasley are fine and have gone home for the summer…" Severus paused before studying Harry. The teen was smiling in relief and sitting relaxed. "I will have to leave again tomorrow morning with Lupin. I don't know when I will be able to come back again, so I'd like to discuss Rose with you tonight and explain our current situation tomorrow before breakfast, if you are willing?"
"Okay." Harry nodded.
Silas wasn't happy about the deal. He wanted to know what was going now. Rose could wait in his opinion, but this time Harry ignored him completely. He still felt guilty about lying to his teacher by keeping the new information about hearing two of his alters in his head secret. Though now that he thought about it, he was reluctant to tell Severus. What if he thought he was getting worse and gave up on him? Harry bit his lip and decided not to mention the voices in his head.
"What do you think about her?"
"Well, she comes Out when I feel really strongly." He hedged.
"Yes, but not just any emotion." Severus said evenly, though the tension in his hands and jaw told him that his teacher was uncomfortable. That made Harry blush and feel mildly hurt, though he had no idea why. "When you feel strong affection, Rose comes Out."
Harry nodded and looked away, "So that means I feel affection for Neville, you, and Remus since she comes Out around them."
"This is understandable and nothing you should be ashamed or uncomfortable about." Severus took a deep breath. "Harry, after all we've been through, it is no surprise that we've come to care about each other's welfare."
Harry's head snapped around and he stared in shock, "You… you care about me?"
"Of course I do." Severus sneered with a biting glare that Harry ignored. "Merlin knows I wouldn't be going through so much trouble otherwise."
"Thank you." He said softly, meaning it with all his heart. Severus brushed away the gratitude and Harry's smile widened.
"Don't grin like that." His teacher snapped and quickly pushed the conversation on. "Rose was born long before you came to Hogwarts. She likes to cook, garden, clean, and please the people she cares about. What does that tell you?"
"I guess…" Harry bit his lip and looked down at his lap. "I guess it means I care about the Dursleys?"
"Not exactly." Severus reassured softly, relaxing now that the hardest part (for him anyway) was over. "It means you wanted to love them. You wanted them to love you, but couldn't reconcile that with the way they treated you so you pushed Rose away."
"Oh." Harry said sadly and sat silently for a long minute. When he looked back up at Severus, his eyes were large and wet with tears. "Why didn't they like me?"
Severus sat forward and held that wounded gaze earnestly, "I believe they hate all things that have to do with magic. It frightens them and they get angry when frightened. They would have treated anyone else magical the same way. It wasn't you that they, Harry. Do you understand?"
Harry nodded. That did make him feel a bit better.
"Do you have any questions about Rose?" Severus prompted when the silence stretched too long.
"Why does she like cooking and gardening so much?" He asked curiously.
"I believe your Aunt asked you to cook the meals and tend the garden so she wouldn't have to. Rose is pleased to do things for others, so she would have been quite happy to do what your Aunt asked of her."
"So I wasn't locked in my cupboard for days and days?" Harry was amazed. "How come I remember being in there all that time then?"
"You made up memories." Severus answered easily. "This particular defense mechanism would no longer work so well if you knew about having alters, so your mind came up with excuses and elaborated memories you could access to keep you from noticing anything was wrong."
"Oh… What about being deaf?" Harry said. "Why would Rose be deaf if all she does is cook and garden and stuff? Wouldn't she need to hear to be able to do what my Aunt wanted?"
"That is something you need to work out on your own, though I will say this. You would not have pushed away all that Rose is if it were not painful."
Harry nodded thoughtfully, "You're right. Doing chores, even if no one else did them, isn't so bad. Why would I create Rose to do that stuff? I could do it without her, couldn't I? But I didn't and she's deaf… What made it painful didn't affect her anymore." Harry realized. "But it would still be painful to me. That means that…" He sighed sadly and ran his hands through his hair shakily. "She was saying things. Worse than I remember them saying. Things that really hurt. So Rose is deaf and still able to do what was asked of her ignorant of the hateful words… But she could feel it couldn't she? She's an empath so she could feel their dislike and that's even worse than hearing it."
"I don't know how that worked." Severus admitted. "I have not seen how she acted among your relatives." He refused to say family. "But around me she is quite perceptive. She might have been ignoring it or turning down her power so she only skimmed the surface. You will have to discover the details on your own."
"Okay." Harry smiled. He felt confident he could do this.
"It is getting late and we will be getting up early. Should I have Omi wake you or do you think you can get up on your own? I'd prefer to have our talk before the Mutt and Wolf are awake." He sneered.
"I think Omi should wake me." Harry admitted. They rose and walked tiredly up the stairs. It had been a long day for both of them.
"Goodnight, Harry." Severus said as they reached the top of the stairs.
"Goodnight, sir." The boy answered sleepily before turning in the opposite direction and heading to his room. He never remembered actually getting in bed, already fast asleep.
-Harry's remembering dream that night-
The cupboard was dark. He hated it when it was dark. He stood and paced in the small space just to get the cramps out of his legs. He wondered when he'd get his light bulb back. A burst of laughter from the kitchen reached his ears. He huddled down, tears falling from his eyes. He wanted to be with them. He wanted to laugh. He'd be oh so good, he knew it! This time he wouldn't do one more thing wrong. He'd be perfect!
It was a long time ago, many days, since he had been moved from Dudley's room to the cupboard. He was let out sometimes to use the bathroom. Sometimes he made messes and would cry so hard cause he knew that was bad and he wanted to be good more than anything in the world. Sad and lonely, he huddled in the dark and reluctantly fell asleep.
xXxXxXx
When he woke up, his light bulb was back. He smiled tearfully and hugged himself. He had been good! They might forgive him soon! It took all his strength to squeeze his teeth together and not shout a thank you to anyone that might here. He had to be quiet when he was in the cupboard. Giddy with happiness, he easily ignored his full bladder and pulled out a book he had saved from the trash. Dudley didn't much like books.
He was only on the third page when he heard someone coming down the hall outside his cupboard. He shoved the book back under his cot just as the door was yanked open. "Boy, get out here and help me." The very, very tall woman ordered him.
"Yes, Aunt Petunia." He answered nervously as he scrambled to do as she told him. He repeated over and over again to himself that he wouldn't do bad this time.
"You can't help like that, idiot! Go get cleaned up and quickly!"
He blushed with shame, horrified that he was already messing up, and rushed to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later all the grime and dust was scrubbed from his skin. He returned to the kitchen and basked in the morning sunlight that was filling the homey little room. Bowls and ingredients were set out on the counters and cook books were lying open on the table. Christmas decorations hung on the window and refrigerator.
"Go over there and stir the cake batter." Petunia demanded with a harsh glare.
"Okay." Harry smiled happily and rushed to do as she said.
The chair was placed up against the cabinets and he climbed up it carefully. Once he was steady, he reached for the huge bowl and long wooden spoon. The batter was thick and it took all his strength to stir, but he was determined. He would be good. But his happiness about helping his Aunt and being out of the cupboard was soon killed.
"Is it too hard?" Petunia asked cuttingly. "You're so weak. Just like your parents."
She took the bowl away and gave him carrots to cut. She showed him what size she wanted them and left him to it. Harry was stunned. He hadn't ever known his parents, 'sept sometimes he had a bad dream and thought he could hear a woman in it. His Aunt and Uncle had never talked to him about them before. He had always wanted to ask, but had never had a chance. He cut the carrots carefully, biting his lip hard as he concentrated on wielding the huge knife that his hand hardly fit around. It took all his strength to cut through the carrot and it was a jagged ugly cut.
"You're so stupid!" Petunia screeched. "Can't you do anything right, you miserable little brat! It's no wonder your parents didn't want you. They could hardly take care of themselves, drunk and stupid as they were. It's a blessing they were killed in that car crash."
Harry was trying hard not to cry. He made his eyes as wide as they could go to stop the tears from falling out. It was bad to cry. His Aunt yanked the knife and carrots away. It cut him on the palm, but not deeply. He hid it and stood still, head bowed so she wouldn't see his distress. He didn't want to go back to the cupboard.
Why had his parents been such bad people? He asked sadly to himself. Maybe if they weren't so bad, he wouldn't be either.
"Can you do this, little boy?" Petunia asked with cruel sweetness. "Or is this even too much for you?"
His shaking hands accepted the bag of beans. He watched silently as she showed him how to break off the ends and then break the bean in half. The ends went into the trash while the beans went into a bowl. His Aunt watched him for long minutes and he trembled with fear at doing it wrong. Sweat poured from him and made him sticky. She noticed his bleeding hand and yanked the beans away.
"You idiot! How dare you get our food dirty with your filthy blood! You're a worthless freak!" She ranted hysterically. "You should have died with your worthless parents instead of coming here to burden us! No one wants a good for nothing like you, boy!"
Tears fell helplessly down his anguished face. He was bad, bad, bad. He was bad and his parents were bad and that meant wasn't able to be good, but he must be good because no one wanted bad boys and he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to be in the cupboard no more! A vicious slap flung him from the chair and he landed on the ground painfully.
"Don't you dare cry! It's your own fault, you filthy little brat!" She screamed at him.
Screaming, he ran away even though he lay still on the kitchen floor. Everything drained away. All the pain, all sound, everything confusing. All that was left was the need to be good. Looking up at the woman, her mouth was moving, but no sound escaping. That was alright, there was a new way to hear. Feelings of disgust radiated from the woman. Watching carefully so she knew to take bowl and masher, she watched the woman's movements and began mashing the potatoes. She did the job happily and in amazement she felt the woman's disgust fade to annoyance and sharp dislike.
That was good. Feeling the woman's hurtful feelings was better than being ignored and alone, and feelings could change, she already learned that. Mashing the potatoes had made the woman's feelings a bit better, so if she did more she could make the woman happy and that made her very happy. Satisfied and hopeful, the new Harry continued to work, very careful to keep the blood from her still bleeding hand away from the food. She never heard what else Petunia had to say and the lack of reaction made the hurtful feelings mellow a bit more as boredom set in and they both became focused on her task. Very, very happy, Rose continued to mash.
Chapter end.
A/N: I got a few questions about Remus Lupin. He is trying so hard to stay on Dumbledore's good side because he doesn't want to lose his teaching position for next year. He wants to be there for Harry and Neville, otherwise he would have caused Dumbledore some bodily damage.
The reason he is able to teach next year is because Snape didn't reveal his condition to the School Board. Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Harry haven't told either. These are the only people, besides the teachers and the headmaster, who know. I don't see them telling either, so the Ministry and parents never find out that Remus is a werewolf.
He will not be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. He will instead be the History of Magic Professor. That is why I got rid of Binns (besides the fact I always thought it sucked that he was teaching). Moody (really Crouch Jr.) will teach Defense as he did in The Goblet of Fire.
Well, what did you think of the chapter? Lots of angst; too much?