A/N: Enjoy this wackadoodledoo of a chapter. Eh, I had fun.
The Realm of the Gods
"Go outside," the Wolf urged John.
"But what's out there?" John asked, wary.
The Wolf rolled her eyes. "John, just go outside. You'll love it, I promise!"
"If it's the singing sheep of Lemmonpoole I swear to God I will not leave my room for a week," he threatened. "Then see who'll cook around here. The last time, the TARDIS closed the kitchen for a week and we had to eat at restaurants for every meal."
I'll do it again, the TARDIS added.
She grinned teasingly. "I take that warning to heart and I swear it's not any kind of musical mammal. Come on, just go look!"
John sighed and cracked open the door. He gasped at the sight. "No way."
"Right?!" the Wolf said excitedly. "Oh, I haven't been here in ages."
John stared at the architecture around him. Pillars seemed to grow out of the ground, which looked like it was made of white clouds. It looked faintly – "Ancient Greek?" he asked.
"Not quite," she corrected.
A shorter than average, dark haired man suddenly appeared out of nowhere, flying blindingly fast on sandals that had almost angel looking wings attached to the sides. "Oh man, oh man, oh man," he exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us you were coming, Wolf girl? Oh man, I gotta go tell Z and Posse! And Festus! Oh man, Festus is gonna be ecstatic – his big, red face is gonna crinkle so hard when he sees you. He's been wanting to show you his latest stuff for ages. Oh man, I gotta go tell 'em!" The strange little man zoomed off without letting either of them get word in edgewise, disappearing in a flash.
John stared after him, flummoxed. "Uh, who was that?" he asked.
The Wolf grinned. "Old friend. He's had a lot of different names, but he's gone by Hermes as long as I've known him. He – talks a lot."
"Hermes?" John repeated. "Hermes?" The Wolf began walking down the brick path that Hermes had streaked across, John trailing behind and still flustered. "The Hermes from the myth. You know, the ancient Greek gods and Mount Olympus and all that? You know them?! And you didn't tell me that?"
"Well, I didn't want you geeking out around them," the Wolf defended herself, still smiling proudly. "I've known them for centuries. I didn't want you embarrassing me."
"Oh my God. I can't believe you. You kept the fact that you know the Greek gods personally from me when I told you I spent half my childhood reading about them?!" John ranted.
"Because I knew this is how you would react. And besides, I brought you now, didn't I?" the Wolf teased. "Anyways, they're not gods. They're from the planet Olympios, in the Andromeda Galaxy. Practically next door neighbors. Don't call them gods. Makes them all uppity and unbearable," she muttered.
"Are they the same ones from thousands of years of legend? Or is it just passed down through the generations?" he asked excitedly.
She waved her hand. "Oh, they're the same. They live for millenia. The Olymipions are one of the few species in the universe with a lifespan to rival a Time Lord's. They would argue that they actually live longer, but that's the Olympions for you. They live to bicker and they always have to be right." The Wolf rolled her eyes. "They're all older than me, though. Except for the youngest ones – the minor gods of legend."
"That must be kind of relaxing, huh? Not having to the one with the most experience and wisdom? Must be a nice break," John remarked.
The Wolf nodded. "Yeah. Okay, word of warning. Zeus and Poseidon, they're always fighting. Just let them go at it, they'll make up eventually. Hera, she'll ask you a whole bunch of personal questions. Just ignore her if you don't want to answer." She ticked off a fourth finger. "Hermes, he'll be listening in so if you don't want the whole place knowing your entire life history, keep your mouth shut because he never closes his. As for the rest, just play it by ear. They can be a little overwhelming, but they're fairly harmless. All those stories about the olden days when they pitted humans against each other is crap. That was all you guys looking for any excuse to kill one another. Barbaric, really."
"Yeah, yeah, I figured that out by now. So, where are they?"
"Oh." The Wolf closed her eyes, and a large, open aired building appeared out of nowhere.
John startled violently. "What the hell?!"
"Sorry," the Wolf apologized sheepishly, steadying him. "Forgot to warn you about that. Things don't quite obey the laws of physics here. Just think about something, and it should appear. This is where they all live. Come on!" She tugged him through the doors and inside to a room that had no roof and let in amazing amounts of sunlight.
Crowds of people were standing around in small groups, all loudly talking over one another. They all turned and cheered though when they saw the pair, a few of them rushing over to greet them.
"Wolf!" a tall, black haired, and dark skinned gentleman in a well-tailored suit shook her hand. "Lovely to see you as always. Come say hi sometimes. You know where I live."
"The Underground really isn't my scene, Hades," the Wolf smiled. "You know that."
Hades shrugged. "Ah, well. I'll keep trying. Someday I'll get you down into my club."
"What club?" John asked the Wolf.
"The Underground," she replied. "Hades has run it for – two hundred years now isn't it, Hade?"
Hades nodded. "Best club in the world," he boasted.
"Uh-huh," John said. "And where is it?" he asked the Wolf again.
"Obviously under the laziest, most corrupt, pox filled place in the world," Hades answered for her.
"Hollywood?" John guessed.
"DC. All the greatest musicians have stopped by, you know Wolf. Joan Jett, Metallica, Nightwish, Godsmack, Ratt, Manson."
"Not anytime soon, bud. How's Seph?"
Hades immediately dropped the subject got a dreamy look in his eyes. "Radiant as ever. She'll be sorry she missed you. She's on vacation with her mother right now in Brazil. Unfortunately." He made a face.
"Demeter still not a big fan of yours, huh?" the Wolf asked sympathetically.
"As ever," Hades sighed. "And Seph is such a tease! You, what's your name?" he asked John.
"Uh – John," he stuttered.
"John, such a common name," Hades tsked. "Achilles or Hercules sounds so much stronger, no? Anyways, come here and look at this newfangled cellular telephonic device Seph insisted I buy for us to use and see what she sends me!" The alien held up an iPhone and showed a series of text messages between the two, with Persephone including an excessive amount of winking emojis and leading comments about bikinis and suntanning. And pictures to match.
John coughed, embarrassed. "Well, she certainly has a vibrant imagination," he managed.
"Yes," Hades sighed longingly. "I wish she'd just come home. Why she insists on abandoning me to my relatives once a year and traveling the world with her mother for a month confounds me. She's done it a thousand times already. Can't she just stay with me?" If Hades hadn't been millenia old, John would have sworn he was whining.
"Umm – well the world is always changing, you see, and –"
"Oh, let the girl have fun, Hade," the Wolf interrupted, to John's relief. "A girl's got to give her guy something to miss, huh?" she teased. "Makes the reunion so much more interesting."
Hades brightened at the suggestion. "You might be right there, Wolf," he agreed, looking considerably happier. "Yes, I shall just have to think of a way to make our reunion more – interesting." He walked off, pondering silently.
John sagged a bit, relieved. He didn't know how to give relationship advice to a Greek god. Or alien. Whatever. He couldn't even get a handle on the one relationship he was in.
A tall, willowy woman approached them next. "Hello, Wolf," she said gently, but there was iron in her tone. "It has been too long."
"You too, Hera," the Wolf agreed, giving the much taller woman a hug.
"You've changed again, I see, and have yet another companion," she sighed. "You're going through your regenerations too quickly." Hera looked John up and down, making him fidget. Hera had never been his favorite of the gods. "What is this young one's name?"
"This is John Smythe. He's a doctor of medicine in England," the Wolf introduced.
John held out his hand, which Hera took. "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," he said politely.
Hera gave a small smile. "Well, at least this one has some manners. That Ace that you brought a few centuries ago was far too violent for my tastes, though Festus enjoyed her company, of course. A little too much, perhaps. Tell me, John Smythe, what do you think of our family?"
"Well, ma'am, I haven't met many of them yet," John answered truthfully. "But I doubt they're much like what I studied in the past."
"Yes, that is unlikely. Well, Zeus and Poseidon will want to see you both. They're off on yet another contest." If Hera had been less well bred, John was sure she would have been rolling her eyes. "I thought that after five thousand years they would have grown up some, yet the immaturity remains." She walked off, shaking her head slightly.
John wilted a bit when she left. "She's...something else," he muttered.
The Wolf laughed. "Yes, she tends to have that effect on people," she agreed.
"Wolf! Kuryak!" A rotund man with red cheeks and bulging arms pushed his way through the crowd to grab the Wolf into a crushing hug, lifting her into the air and swinging her around.
The Wolf laughed gleefully. "Festus! Put me down this instant!" she yelled. "Put me down now, or I'll take apart that robotic dragon you're so proud of and use it for parts in my TARDIS."
Festus swung her in one more circle before setting her back on her feet. John steadied her when she swayed, dizzy. "Thanks," she told him with a smile.
"Who is this strapping young man, Kuryak?" Festus asked. "He's a mite skinny, don't you think?"
"Hephaestus, this is John. He's a doctor, Fes. A surgeon. Don't start ratting on him. He could dissect you," she warned.
John slapped her arm. "That is not what I do, Wolf," he protested.
"An excellent trade, young man. You make the people better, I'll make the machines better," the man said brightly, jerking his thumb to his chest. "The young Wolf here is my favorite pupil, though far from the best. I have offered to help in the maintenance of her disappearing ship, but she insists that she can do it on her own." Festus made a face.
"I resent that, Festus," the Wolf complained. "You know I'm handier than all those lugs you call students."
"Quite right, quite right," Hephaestus agreed easily. "But come. It has been too long since you last visited. Almost nine decades. There is much to show you." He began dragging the Wolf off, but she lingered for a moment.
"Will you be alright by yourself for a bit?" she asked John. "I know it's a bit overwhelming, but you wouldn't be very interested in what Festus has to show me."
"Go ahead," John allowed, hiding his nervousness at being left alone with all of these ancient beings. "Have fun."
The Wolf grinned. "You too." She jogged after Hephaestus, calling over her shoulder, "Don't get into any trouble before I get back!"
"What kind of trouble could I get into?" John yelled, but she was already out of earshot. He sighed and began wandering. A few people nodded greetings, and a small group of young ones followed him around for a bit. They were a mischievous lot, constantly pranking and tricking one another. They mostly left John alone to laugh at their fun, though they did manage to spill some wine that he was sure they had obtained on the sly onto his feet, which was when they ran off in a hurry, giggling and watching him over their shoulders.
"Trouble, boy?" a harsh sounding voice asked as John tried to shake the excess liquid from his shoe.
John jerked his head up, spotting a thick man wearing a traditional white toga. With an impatient wave of the stranger's hand, the wine on his foot disappeared. "If you don't know how this place works, boy, you should not be wandering alone," he said, still sounding disgruntled.
"Dionysus?" John guessed, judging from the personality.
Dionysus gagged. "Do not use that horrid name my mother gave me when I am around. Name's D. And you must be one of the puppy's newest strays. Damn girl's always bringing unwanted guests around," D muttered.
"Um," John didn't know how to finish. "Yeah. John," he said uncertainly.
"Don't care," D dismissed. "Now run along. Don't make any more messes if you can help it. I am not your housekeeper."
"I can see why no one got curious," John said quietly to himself.
"What's that, boy?" D demanded loudly.
John jerked his head up, surprised he'd been heard. "I – I was just wondering earlier why this place was never discovered by humans down on Earth," he tried to tell the truth without angering the frightening man in front of him. "I mean – if you think about it – Olympus is a very climbable hill. Didn't anyone ever think to check if their gods were real?"
"What makes you think any curious people survived the trip?" D said with an evil smile.
"D, are you terrifying the house guests again?" a smooth, silky voice asked. John whirled around to see a stunningly gorgeous woman approaching them. He immediately felt as though he'd swallowed his tongue.
D harrumphed. "Just letting him know what's good for him Aph," he grumbled. "But you're here, you look after him." With that, he stalked away without another word.
"He means no harm," the woman John could only assume was Aphrodite reassured him. "He's just a creature of habit. Doesn't like anything messing with his schedule. Now, let's get a good look at you, young man," she murmured, walking around John and examining his physique.
John fidgeted in place, uncomfortable with her perusal. "Uh, what are you doing?"
"The Wolf certainly does know how to pick a fine looking human being," Aphrodite said in approval. "I wonder if that's one of the criteria."
"I doubt she was worried about my looks while she was saving my life," John managed.
"Ah yes, she does have that hero's complex, doesn't she?" Aphrodite agreed. "Always saving some world or another. If you ask me, she should spend more quality time with the people, and less around the explosions."
"There wouldn't be very many people to admire if she didn't stop the explosions," he pointed out, trying to work his way through the odd conversation.
Aprhodite nodded thoughtfully. "Very true. Now, handsome man, tell me your name. And we shall see if you are – up for some fun."
John choked. "Aren't – Aren't you married?" he stuttered. Okay, keep it together Johnny. You read about these people in your spare time for fun and of course they're aliens – but they were gods. They've been worshiped for centuries. But they're not gods. They're aliens, John, aliens. Like any aliens you've ever met. She's like any alien you've ever dealt with. But she's a goddess. Get it together, John, he berated himself, trying not to stare at Aphrodite.
She smiled enigmatically. As if she knew what he was thinking. "My marriage is an open relationship," she informed him. "Looking and touching. Same rules apply to my husband."
John was trying to formulate some kind of articulate response when he was finally rescued.
"Aph, are you torturing my companions again?" the Wolf's mock reproach filled John with relief. He turned to see her coming up behind them, Festus in tow.
"Again would not be the proper word, my dear Wolf," Aphrodite teased back. "Your young Ace was less than susceptible to my ministrations all those years ago. It is such a shame when you come across such beautiful specimens that only 'swing one way', as the saying down on Earth goes," she complained lightly. "Your John here, though..." she mused. "He could do with some loosening up."
"I'm – I'm loose," John protested in a mutter. "Wolf, rescue me," he whispered urgently.
The Wolf laughed. "Aph why don't you have a word with your husband while John here and I have a quick chat. Festus, think you can keep your wife off my boy here for a minute?"
Festus chuckled jovially "Go deal with the baby apprentice troublemaker, young Wolf," he agreed.
"Baby?" John whispered indignantly as they walked away from the other couple. "I am no such thing."
"Thirty-four compared to nearly five thousand qualifies as infantile to them, Johnny," she informed him. "Even I am still considered young when I speak with them."
John huffed but didn't complain any further. "You're much more relaxed here," he realized after a few moments of silence between them. "They're all so – old. Even if none of them really act it. They carry the weight of thousands of years between them. It has to lift some off of your shoulders."
The Wolf nodded slightly. "Perceptive as always, John," she admitted.
"But why are they here, anyway?" he asked, moving past the more sensitive topic quickly. "They've been here for thousands of years, but they don't seem to have really come down off of this mountain, except for maybe Hades and Persephone. Why come to Earth if they didn't want to really be a part of Earth?"
"There are many reasons to leave one's planet, John. They've never told me, but sometimes there just aren't any other options."
"Is that why you left Gallifrey?"
The Wolf sighed. "Partly. But that was later. Mostly I just wanted to explore."
John smiled. "Which is what you did."
She grinned up at him. "Which is what I did," she agreed. "Now. Where were we? This was supposed to be a fun trip! Come on!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him further up the path. "Let's go hide Poseidon's barnacle shades and see how long it takes him to start yelling at Zeus!" she said excitedly.
John laughed and followed. "You're going to get us killed," he lamented.
"But it'll be fun," she replied enticingly.
"Hey Wolf, what about other gods?" John asked later that afternoon as their feet dangled over a river some of the children had called into existence to play in. True to the Wolf's word, they had stolen Poseidon's barnacle encrusted sunglasses – well, the Wolf had stolen them. John had kept a very nervous lookout for her. They had hidden them in Hermes' basketball shorts' pocket using some astute sleight of hand on John's part, if he did say so himself. Then, they had waited for the inevitable blowup, which sure enough, occurred less than thirty minutes later.
John's first sight of Zeus and Poseidon had been a frightening one. Their shouting match had been loud and violent, coming to blows when Poseidon threatened to hurl Zeus' cloud generating, night light looking thing to the ground as revenge. That was when Hermes spoke up in a quavering voice, saying that he'd found the shades in his pocket. The two much larger men rounded on him, but were interrupted by the Wolf losing her composure and bursting into laughter. They turned incredulous eyes on the pair of them, making John want to shrink behind her, but the Wolf only laughed louder. Finally, the two huffed and gave up the argument, shaking their heads ruefully at falling for the Wolf's trick.
"Hmm?" the Wolf asked absentmindedly, admiring the sunset.
"Other gods," John prompted. "Are other ones aliens too? Like Viking gods? Or are the Greeks the only ones?"
"Shh," the Wolf said quickly. "Don't ever mention the Norse gods around Zeus. Ever. He still hasn't forgiven Thor for stealing his artificial lightning machine two centuries ago and using it as a wall decoration. We don't talk about it," she said seriously.
John shook his head. "This place is ridiculous."
"You're telling me," she agreed. "But I love it here. It's peaceful. This place always felt safe."
"Then why don't you visit more often?" John asked curiously.
"It's not home," the Wolf said simply. "Home is the TARDIS, and whatever new planet I find myself on that day." She hesitated. "Home is – whoever is traveling with me at the moment. They're the most important part. They're why I don't stay. If I did, how would I ever meet anyone new?"
"It would make it more difficult," John assented. "I'm glad you didn't stay put," he added nudging her shoulder lightly and making her smile.
They let the conversation drift, just watching the sunset together, enjoying the view of the flying manta ray looking creatures that the Olympions kept as pets basking in the last rays of sunlight. "How long are you going to stay with me?" the Wolf asked suddenly, not looking at John.
He turned his gaze to her. "Forever," he replied softly. Genuinely. After a moment, the Wolf's eyes moved to meet his and she smiled, not saying another word.
She almost believed him.