A/N: Thank you so very much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I'm having a blast writing this story. It's sunk itself so deep in my mind that I'm actually dreaming about it and I'm glad that others are responding to it as well. Another reason I appreciated the response is because it helped me realize the areas where I wasn't clear enough. So here are some answers to the questions that were asked:
Why, if Harry is not the Core personality, does he remember his childhood with the Dursleys? Why wasn't he originally aware of the other alters if he is one? Harry remembers only certain things about growing up with the Dursleys. He had to remember something or he wouldn't be functional or be seen by others as normal. This is also the reason Silas blocked Harry's awareness of the other alters. Harry couldn't betray what he didn't know. Silas is the Core. He was essentially hiding and protecting himself by putting Harry as the Host personality, the public mask as it were. Harry protected them best by being ignorant of their condition, so he was made not to know.
Excerpt from Chapter 2: Sorcerer's Stone:
Harry smirked at his cousin as he stepped out of the car with all his new things. Dudley whimpered. They were going to take him to the hospital to get the tail removed after dropping Harry off. Harry hoped it was really painful. He was rather happy as he pushed his things to the right platform and followed a redheaded family onto the train. ……
… … The stress built to the breaking point as the Sorting Hat said he would do well in Slytherin. In fact, it felt like something inside him broke, like a sharp change in air pressure, and with it the stress was gone after a wave of vertigo. He felt confident and straightened from his slump. The Hat was eerily silent before it shouted "Gryffindor!".
Unknown to Harry, he was now missing parts of his past. All his worry on the train and his more vicious moments when he had used cunning to get revenge on his cousin and the neighborhood bullies were erased and stored in a whole new personality. He didn't even remember that the Hat had originally wanted him in Slytherin. He grinned broadly and ran over to Ron at the lion's table happily.
…
Later in the chapter, I also remark that Harry doesn't notice that he's not learning as fast as he normally did. These are just a few examples, but I'm sure you get the idea of what Harry remembers and doesn't remember about growing up.
If Silas is the Core, why isn't his name Harry? When the alters all reunite into one whole mind, will that mind be called? Harry or Silas? Well, names are given to you and you don't have a choice about it. Most people take nicknames because they don't like the name they were born with. When Silas split from Harry, he decided to take a different name. It wouldn't be logical to keep the name Harry when he had done all this to hide and protect himself. That would have given him away. Plus, Harry Potter is the name of the Boy-Who-Lived. Refusing the name Harry is just another way to refuse the role the Wizarding World had created for him. And he couldn't change the Host's name either. People expected Harry Potter. He gave them Harry while he took on a name that he created; one that allowed him to be who he alone wanted to be. As for what his name will be when he's whole, well… he'll probably answer to either name or maybe I'll give him a whole new name, since in essence he will be both and neither.
Why doesn't Silas look more like Harry? Harry grew up hated with the Dursleys. He grew to dislike his own appearance. He hated how small he was and how fragile he was; hated his glasses and ugly clothes and messy hair and scarred flesh. So his idea image is that of Silas, a teen with straight thin shoulder length black hair. His eyes swirl from blue to grey because that's intimidating and he would like the idea of being able to make his enemies uneasy just by staring at them. When he comes Out, he looks how Harry Potter does. Nothing really changes.
What's the difference between Host and Core? Why split them up? Core personality means all the other alters were born from them. Core signifies he is the originator. Now most Core personalities are the Host one, but not always. Host personalities are the surface one. The state of mind/personality that is aware most often. I like to think of it as the Host being more buoyant than the others. There is always a personality that being Out is natural and for all the others the natural state is to remain deep and they have to rise to come Out. If this is not the case, then the personalities vie for dominance and you get alters that are essentially at war with each other, which invariably leads to the body and the people around that person being hurt.
Who will absorb who? Which personality will be more dominate? Actually, a reviewer answered this rather well. Skahducky said: Shouldn't it not matter?... I mean, Harry can still absorb other personalities… Once it came down to only Harry and Silas, then it wouldn't matter who absorbed who because the end result would be the same whole personality. The key thing to remember is that Harry is real. Had Silas' mind been whole, he would feel the same things Harry does, just not as extreme because he has his more worldly intellect to temper it. He would still have been an Empath and that alone would change how Silas acts and feels. So when Harry does merge back with his Silas, neither character will disappear. In other words, Harry will join Silas and not be overridden or erased. Harry's personality will be muted once made into a whole, but so will Silas' coldness be muted as well.
Hello Padfoot, Goodbye Neville
Harry and Neville both woke abruptly when the bedroom door was flung open. Sirius came striding into the room bearing gifts. The brilliantly wrapped presents were piled in his arms and completely blocked his head from view. Both teenagers stared in awe, their mouths slowly dropping open.
"Happy Birthday, boys!" Sirius shouted gleefully and dumped the gifts onto the bed.
"But… but it's not until tomorrow…" Neville said uncertainly, his eyes faceted on the boxes. Some were as big as a foot in every direction; others were as small as jewelry boxes. The closest to him was inbetween those sizes and wrapped with bright pink shiny paper and pale gold ribbon.
"You won't be here tomorrow." Sirius pointed out with a grin. "And we want to celebrate with you and we know Harry wants to spend his birthday with you, so… Happy Birthday!"
"Thank you, Sirius!" Harry laughed, eyes bright with happiness. It was hard not to smile when his godfather was filling the room with his enthusiasm and joy. "Are all these for us?"
"Yep!" Sirius hugged Harry tight and then toppled over onto the bed with him, causing the teen to laugh harder.
Neville couldn't help but chuckle at their antics. Laughter came from the doorway and he looked to see Remus. His smile got bigger and he moved to get up and greet the man who had come to mean so much to him. Remus prevented him, however, by running over and tackling him back onto the bed. The two men shared a look and simultaneously began tickling the boys mercilessly. Eventually, they let up and it took several minutes before the boys were breathing normally again.
"So… Which ones… are Nev's and… which are mine?"
"Greedy bugger." Sirius mock glared.
Harry blushed, but he knew his godfather was only joking so the threatening hurt easily passed. Remus punched his friend and ruffled Harry's messy hair reassuringly. The boy pouted at that and tried to smooth it over again. Ever since he had merged with Rose, he preferred his hair and clothes to be neat and tidy, as well as his room and notes.
"The gold bows are Harry's and the red are Neville's." Sirius explained and pushed gifts in both of the teens' direction. "Open them!"
"Now?" Harry took the gift carefully, but didn't move to open it. "I want Severus to watch."
"This isn't Christmas, Padfoot." Remus laughed. "They don't have to open their presents immediately upon awakening."
Sirius whined dramatically, "But that's no fun! Who cares about Snape? Open them now!"
"Sirius…" Harry scolded, though his mouth was still curled up in a smile.
"Alright. I'll behave." Sirius pouted and bounced off the bed. "Hurry up and get down stairs then. We'll open them at the breakfast table."
Sirius dashed from the room singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of his lungs. Remus shook his head with a bemused smile and gestured for the boys to hurry before following his friend. Harry and Neville shared a delighted glance and flew from bed and into clothes. Each grabbed up half of the boxes, ignoring what color the ribbons were for the moment, and rushed downstairs.
They got to the dinning room and found Sirius standing on the table flinging streamers and balloons around the room from his wand like a crazy man. Remus was trying to convince him they had enough decorations, but Sirius was arguing back that they didn't have near enough. "How many times do you turn fourteen? Huh, Moony? Of course we don't have enough! I haven't even started on the confetti yet."
"Get off my table this instant, Black." Severus ordered icily. The boys spun around and several boxes toppled to the floor. The Potions Master sneered at them, but quickly returned his attention to the man standing on his dinning room table.
Sirius looked about to protest, but Remus gave a sharp tug and the man fell to the floor. Harry and Neville winced, but Remus only laughed. Sirius lifted his head, his blue eyes still sparkling with mirth, "Don't think I won't get you back for that, Moony."
"Place those… boxes in the corner." Severus indicated where he meant with a sharp flick of his fingers.
The boys hurried to obey and the dark-eyed man took his accustomed seat at the head of the table. The boys took theirs and Remus sat next to Neville while Sirius sat on the other side of Harry, the side furthest from Severus. Omi appeared and looked around the room tentatively. He was horrified at the mess, but was pleased they were celebrating the boys' birthdays. When Severus didn't immediately reprimand him for allowing Sirius to vandalize the room, he relaxed and served breakfast.
"Are the plates humming the 'Happy Birthday' tune?" Severus glowered darkly at his elf.
"Yes Master. Sir Sirius wished me to use them. Should I exchange them for your usual china?" Omi twisted his hands with wide, anxious eyes.
"Where's your birthday spirit, Snape?" Sirius demanded. "They aren't even that loud. Leave them be! Have you even wished them a Happy Birthday?"
"I will do so when it is appropriate." Severus sneered. "I don't care about the others, but I would like silent dinnerware."
"Yes, Master." Omi bowed and snapped his fingers, replacing the plate and the food on it.
Severus nodded and began eating, ignoring everyone else completely. Sirius made faces at him and Remus kicked him under the table. Neville ducked his head to hide his smile, but Harry pleaded with his eyes and shook his head. Sirius sighed and gave in, eating his breakfast without another word or further mocking of Snape.
"So what would you two like to do today?" Remus asked with a loving smile.
"We can't have a real party or go anywhere fun, but that doesn't mean was can't have a good time." Sirius grinned mischievously at them.
"How?" Harry asked curiously.
"You and Neville could challenge Sirius up in the game room; see if you can't whip this old man into shape." Remus suggested slyly.
"Hey! I'm not old!" Sirius protested, throwing a breakfast biscuit at his laughing friend.
"That sounds like fun." Harry smiled. He wanted to ask if Severus would join, but he knew that would only make his teacher feel uncomfortable. As it was, he could sense Severus' emotions were tense and sharp even through the Occluding shields Harry could feel were up. "Think we can beat him, Nev?"
"I don't know." Neville smiled playfully. "But probably."
"You'll be eating those words!" Sirius declared competitively. "There hasn't been a game invented that I couldn't master!"
"Except one that requires you to use your brain. Like, for example, chess." Severus drawled. Before Sirius could snap a retort, he stood and stalked from the room.
"Grumpy, cold-hearted bastard." Sirius glared.
"Don't." Harry slapped him lightly on the arm. "Come on. Let's go play!"
They ended up spending three hours in the game room. No one could beat Harry at Snitch Hording, but Remus came close. Sirius beat Remus at the Blaster game, but Remus was champion of the dodging game. When they all sat down to try the four man chess, Neville came out the winner. Harry couldn't remember ever laughing so much or being so carefree. Neville was equally buzzing from the fun. He'd never felt so welcomed or included into a family before. When Remus wrapped him in a hug after he won the chess game, it had been the best feeling in the world.
"We forgot your presents!" Sirius gasped in horror and raced from the room.
The others followed laughing and tripping over each other. Sirius came barreling out of the dinning room with a horrified look on his face. Everyone came to a halt and asked what was wrong.
"They're gone!" He bellowed and pointed into the room. "The presents aren't there anymore!"
"What?" Neville and Remus gasped.
"Omi!" Harry called, shaking his head at his three friends. The little elf arrived obediently at his side. "Do you know where the gifts are? The ones for Neville and me?"
"They are stacked on the table in the sitting room by the parlor, sir." Omi smiled. "Are you opening your gifts now, sirs?"
"We are." Harry smiled. "Can you have Severus come down to the sitting room, please?"
"Of course, sir." Omi nodded vigorously and disappeared with a pop.
"Awww, Harry…" Sirius whined.
"Severus is my mentor, Siri. And I love him." Harry said gently. "I want him to be a part of this."
Sirius' face took a serious cast and Harry felt the man's worry and unhappiness. He didn't like Harry depending on Severus. The two men couldn't stand each other and both wanted Harry for themselves. The teen sighed and bit his lip, hands clasped in front of him. Remus knew that to mean Harry was upset and shoved Sirius with a glare. He couldn't understand how two grown men could be so stupid. Harry lifted his head hopefully when he felt Remus' exasperation and Sirius' dark emotions collapse with resignation.
"I'll beat you there." He called cheerfully and ran passed them to the sitting room.
A few minutes later, Harry and Neville were sitting on the couch with the presents at their feet. Omi, Remus, and Sirius were standing before them and encouraging the boys to begin. Severus stood off to the side by the fireplace. He was watching silently. Harry offered him a sweet smile before lifting his first gift. Neville followed his lead.
"You shouldn't have gotten me anything." He said with a pensive frown.
Harry slapped his arm. "Stop it. You're our friend. We're a family now."
"Harry's right." Remus said and gestured for them to unwrap their gifts. "Besides, it's our choice and if you refuse to accept, then that would only hurt our feelings."
"You wouldn't want to do that, now do you?" Sirius grinned.
"Of course not." Neville flushed. "Harry, you go first."
The raven-haired teen stuck his tongue out and gently unwrapped the pink present. Inside was a cherry wood box. He lifted the lid and piano music filled the air. He looked up happily. "Thank you!"
"We know you play by ear, so we thought this would be a great way for you to learn the classics." Remus smiled. "Look on the bottom."
Harry did so and found a list of seventeen song titles.
"Just say the title you wish to hear and it will play." Sirius explained.
"This is wonderful! Thank you, Sirius, Remus!" He jumped up to hug them. They laughed and shoved him back into his seat.
"Your turn, Nev!" Harry grinned.
Neville got art supplies, new shoes, and a very expensive violet rose. Harry got the music box and two new shirts. They both got kites and muggle bicycles for when they wanted to go to town. Harry was excited about learning to ride, but Neville was a bit apprehensive. Severus was silent throughout the process until Harry's last present was opened: three tickets to see the Quidditch World Cup.
"No." All eyes turned to the dark-eyed professor. "He can't go. It's too dangerous."
"There will be thousands of witches and wizards there!" Sirius argued angrily. "We can easily go without being noticed. We could always wear a glamour or take Polyjuice. There's no reason not to go!"
"There are hundreds of reasons why he can't go!" Severus snarled back. "But the three most important ones are the Order, Death Eaters, and Aurors."
"Sirius." Remus frowned. "I thought we discussed this."
"No, Remus!" Sirius pulled away. "I won't back down this time! Harry is only fourteen! He deserves to go and do the things kids want to do! He's missing out on everything and I won't let him miss out on this! He loves Quidditch! He's a natural Seeker! You see how his face lights up when he plays that game upstairs!"
"Still… There will be other years." Remus shook his head. "We can't risk it."
"Please don't fight." Harry pleaded tearfully. "I love the gift, Siri. Really I do. Quidditch is really fun, but I still haven't perfected shielding and I don't know how I'll be able to handle such a large crowd."
"No, Harry." Sirius knelt in front of him, causing the discarded wrapping paper to crinkle noisily. "You've never been to a game. Trust me. You don't want to miss this. It only happens every few years and who knows when it will be held in England again. I got three tickets. You can have two adults with you. I promise you'll be safe and by then you'll have your shields down pat. Snape won't let you go to school without them perfect."
Harry looked over at Severus questioningly. Annoyance and anger still simmered, but there was also a type of longing. He wanted Harry to be able to go as well.
"I doubt this excursion will be possible." He finally spoke. "But if Black can convince me that you will be safe, then I will allow it. Keep in mind that will be very difficult to do."
Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but Remus silenced him with a hand on his shoulder. "Later, Siri. Today is for celebrating."
"Alright." Sirius agreed reluctantly.
"Why don't you open your present from me?" Neville offered, wanting to break the tension in the air.
"Okay." Harry smiled eagerly.
"Omi!" Neville called and blushed a bit. "It's from both of us."
"Happy Birthdays, both of you young sirs!" Omi cried and handed Harry heavy box. He was quivering with excitement.
"Thank you, Omi." Harry smiled at the elf and tore away the paper gently. It was a leather bound photo album. He opened it and gasped in delight. It was full of pictures from last summer and this summer. There was him and Severus. Neville and Remus. Sirius. He set it aside and grabbed the elf in a tearful hug. "The pictures are beautiful. You did an excellent job, Omi!" He stood and embraced Neville next. "Thank you, Nev! It is wonderful. I really, really love it!"
"I'm glad." Neville smiled as he held Harry. "Happy birthday."
"Happy birthday, brother." Harry answered with a grin and Neville blushed again, but did nod with agreement. "Omi, can you please get Neville's present? This is also from the both of us."
Omi nodded, still crying with joy, and disappeared with a pop. He came back seconds later with a thick envelop. Neville looked at Harry curiously before carefully opening it and pulling out the letter inside. The note must have been short because he only looked at it for a second before pulling out two passes. They were for the Herbologist Center. It was where the world's biggest vegetative research facility was located. It had extensive gardens and botany experiment/research labs. Neville had always wanted to go on the extensive tour the institute provided, but it was far away and the waiting list was forever long.
"How?" He asked dumbly, staring at the paper in his hands.
"Let's just say Omi and I know some people." Harry grinned.
"Harry… I…"
"Gabe and Sy helped too. I asked them what I should get you and Gabriel said 'He likes plants, so get him one.' And then Silas said 'There's a facility that specializes in Herbology.' Then I asked Omi about it and he got in contact with the right people. I just completed the deal."
"It's wonderful. Thank you, Silas, Gabriel. Thanks, Omi, Harry!" He grabbed the smaller teen and then grabbed the elf. All three were laughing.
"The passes are for next week. The tour lasts three days and I already talked to your Grandmother, Neville. She will be happy to take you."
"Thank you, Remus!" Neville ran to the man to give him an ecstatic hug.
When everyone calmed, Sirius clapped his hands with a wide grin. "Who wants to try out those bikes?"
"I do!" Harry cheered and pulled Neville to his feet. "Come on, Nev! It can't be that hard if Dudley can do it!"
Learning how to ride a bike was more difficult than Harry had foreseen, but he was right to think it would be fun. It took a good two hours before Neville and he could ride without falling over. Remus was patient and helped them as much as he could, but Sirius was too busy laughing at them to be much help. Eventually they got it right and both boys were glad to have learned. The bruises and scrapes were definitely worth it!
By that time, everyone was hungry so they asked Omi to bring some food so they could have a picnic. Harry knew better than to ask for Severus to join them. He wasn't worried about it, though. He knew Severus cared about him and didn't need the man to prove it. After they ate, the boys surprisingly found themselves in a position to get Sirius back for laughing at them earlier.
The ex-convict was hopeless with kites and kept getting tangled up in the string. Harry and Neville easily got theirs into the air and they swooped and dived obediently. Remus fell to the ground laughing when Sirius got so frustrated he turned into a dog and started snapping and biting at the string wrapped around him.
Dinner was served in the sitting room and everyone had taken showers and dressed in nice clothes. Severus wore his usual white-button down shirt and black slacks, but his hair was damp from his own shower. Harry smiled at him and Severus gave a slight nod in return. Conversation was mostly geared around teasing each other playfully. When desert came, Omi brought out a huge cake with fourteen candles on it. Harry and Neville stood together and blew them all out while the Sirius and Remus cheered and the elf took photos.
"What did you wish for?" Sirius demanded as Omi served them pieces.
"Can't tell! That would keep it from coming true." Neville laughed.
"Awww, come on!" Sirius begged.
Amongst loud conversation and laughter, an hour passed. When they finally finished their cake, Severus left the room. Harry and Neville were both sleepy from all the activity that day, so the adults decided to put them to bed. Remus went with Neville to tuck him in and Sirius went up with Harry.
"I had a great day, Siri." Harry said as his godfather pulled the blankets up around him.
"I'm glad, pup." Sirius smiled and kissed his head. "Happy birthday, Harry."
"Thank you." Harry smiled and lifted his head to kiss the man's cheek. "I love you."
"Love you too. Now get some sleep."
xXxXxXx
Harry woke at midnight to a buzzing alarm he had cast when Sirius had left the room. He smiled and climbed out of bed, pulling his clothes on quickly. He walked as silently as he could and peaked into the dark hall. It was empty and he couldn't hear anyone else up. Smiling, he tip-toed downstairs and toward the parlor.
The door was open and the faint light of a few candles and the fireplace could be seen. He went in and shut the door softly behind him. Severus stood by the fireplace and turned when he heard the door shut. He offered a brief smile and gestured to the couch. Harry hugged him before he sat and the man pat him on the back uncomfortably.
"You had a good day?" Severus asked once Harry was settled.
"Yes." The teen smiled, his eyes bright behind his glasses. "I'm glad you were here. I was worried you might forget."
"Of course not." Severus scolded and gestured to the table to the right. There were a few packages there. "Happy birthday, Harry."
Harry approached the table and found they were from Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, and Omi. Ron and Hagrid both sent him cakes, but Hermione sent him a card and a long letter. In it, she apologized for not respecting his wishes and acknowledged that it was his life and it was his decision and she had no right to interfere in that. She concluded by hoping he would forgive her and still be her friend. He smiled fondly at the letter and set it aside.
Omi's present contained a scarf that matched the winter cloak and gloves Severus got him last year. Omi came when he called and tearfully accepted Harry's hug. "You didn't have to get me anything else. The photo album was great."
"This is very little, sirs. I wanted to do more!" Omi exclaimed and wiped at his tears. "I'm sad sir Neville is going. I am very happy, sir, when you and your friend is here. So is Master."
"Well, I plan to come back often." Harry promised. He looked beyond the elf to Severus.
Omi grinned at the two before disappearing to give them privacy. Severus shook his head at that, but cleared his throat and removed a small silver-wrapped box from his pocket.
"Thank you." Harry took the box, but didn't move to open it. He just sat there and enjoyed the silence and warmth of the room. Severus didn't rush him. "Do you think Nev will be okay to go home? He was just starting to feel better about himself."
"It is hard to lose sight of one's self once you truly take a good look." Severs reassured him. His voice was low and smooth and Harry felt peaceful and content as he listened to it. "He will be fine and, should he fall into old habits, I'm sure you and the Wolf will take pains to remind him of what he learned this summer."
"I don't want it to end." Harry admitted. "I wish I could stay here with you and Nev and not have to go back to Hogwarts."
"This house will always be here and open to you, Harry." Severus met the teen's eyes and held them. "Things will be difficult later, but you aren't losing anything. You can always come back."
"Thank you." Harry bowed his head and looked at the present.
Slowly and carefully, he unwrapped it. It was a small, dark wood box. Harry lifted the lid and saw a silver bracelet. It looked just like the one Severus had made for him last summer and a matching thin silver band. He lifted the ring and looked at it. It was simple and beautiful. He tried it on his ring finger, but it was too big. He moved it to his middle finger of his right hand and it fit perfectly.
"It's beautiful, Severus." He said softly and looked up into his teacher's face.
The man didn't say anything at first. Instead, he reached into the box and took out the bracelet. He took Harry's left hand and gently clasped it around that wrist. As soon as it was on, the clasp disappeared and the bracelet became seamless. "The bracelet will summon me should you break it." He stepped back and gestured at the ring on Harry's other hand. "That is a specialized portkey. Putting a drop of blood on it will activate it. Say 'take me home' and it will bring you to its mate."
Severus reached into his pocket and handed him a small picture frame. An identical silver ring to the one he now wore was mounted in the middle of a cream background. Glass and a dark wood frame encased it. Harry knew just where to hang it; on his bedroom wall. He stood and tearfully wrapped his arms around his teacher's waist.
"Thank you so much, Severus. This… this means so much to me."
Severus cleared his throat awkwardly. "Would you like me to spell it so that it can't come off?"
"Yes, please." Harry offered his hand. Severus took it and lifted his wand. A short incantation later, Harry had his hand back. He didn't bother checking to see if he could take the ring off. He knew Severus had done the spell right. "Thank you."
"Stop saying that." Severus said irritably and made a waving away gesture with his hand. "It is nothing."
Harry grinned and returned to the couch, curling up there. "Did you have a good summer? I bet you don't feel like you've had a vacation at all. You spent all your time teaching us and now you're going right back to teach some more."
"Trust me. Teaching you and Longbottom is not like teaching a classful of your imbecilic peers. This was much easier."
Harry chuckled sleepily. "Do you like teaching or do you wish you could spend all your time working on potions?"
"It depends, really." Severus answered, settling into his own chair and looking into the fireplace. "When I have a promising student, teaching is a pleasure. I also enjoyed teaching you and Neville dueling and self-defense immensely. Potions is such a difficult and precise art that it is rare to find a student willing to truly invest something of themselves into the study. That is why I have been requesting a transfer to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Of course, should I actually receive that position, it will make my job as a spy that much more difficult, so Albus has not allowed me to switch."
He glanced over and noticed Harry was fast asleep, his mouth curled up in a small smile of contentment. Severus' eyes softened and he went over to the teen. He gently brushed the boy's bangs from his face and rested his hand in his hair. He had come to respect this child and care for him. That was a double-edged sword, of course. He was opening himself to being vulnerable, but he really couldn't bring himself to worry too much about that.
He smoothly bent and lifted the teen into his arms. Harry had put on some weight, but not much so it wasn't difficult to carry him up to his room. Harry never woke, but he did burrow against Severus' warm chest and sigh happily. The day had been one of perfect happiness and his dreams were calm and healing.
xXxXxXx
Seven o'clock the next morning, everyone stood at the front door. Remus would apperate with Neville to a place in London and floo from there to the Longbottom residence. Harry embraced his friend after Sirius hugged him and Severus shook his hand once. Neville hugged Harry back fiercely.
"Did you get all your gifts and new clothes?" Harry asked as they stepped apart.
"I think so." Neville bit his lip.
"I'll bring anything you may have forgotten with me to Hogwarts." He promised. "Happy birthday and I love you. Don't forget how strong you are."
"I won't." Neville promised and had to wipe away a few tears. "I'll miss you, Har."
"Miss you too, but I'll see you again soon, big brother." Harry grinned and hugged him again.
"Do remember to practice." Severus drawled.
"I will, sir. And thank you for letting me stay and for teaching me so much."
Severus waved that away and both boys chuckled at that. The dark-eyed man sneered back at them.
"We need to go." Remus said gently and Neville nodded.
"I'll write you." Harry waved goodbye.
"Me too." Neville waved back and stepped outside with Remus.
Sirius sighed sadly. "He's a good kid. I'm gonna miss him."
"We'll see him soon." Harry laughed, but he was wiping away tears as well.
"This doesn't mean you get to slack off in your studies." Severus told the teen sternly. "We will stick to the same schedule."
"Lighten up, Snape." Sirius glared.
"No. It's alright." Harry intervened. "I don't want a break anyway. I like having things to do and I have lots to learn still before school starts. Nev and I want to be able to start brewing the Animagus Potion once we get back to Hogwarts. But we can play during my free hours. Those are…" Harry tapped his lower lip with his finger as he thought about it. "Twelve to one in the afternoon and then after dinner, which usually ends around five forty-five or so, till nine o'clock where I have more therapy. After that, I usually go to bed."
Sirius frowned doubtfully, "What am I going to do in the mean time?"
"You could use some studying yourself." Severus drawled. "There is a dueling room and a library at your disposal. I recommend you making use of them. If you destroy any of my books, Black, you will be sorry. Come, Harry."
Sirius glowered at them as they left, but that fell away quickly. As much as he hated to admit it, Snape was right. He spent twelve years in Azkaban and had a lot to catch up on. He groaned. He hated studying. With a tremendous sigh, he made his way to the library. He figured he'd get a few hours of reading in before Remus got back. His friend said they needed to talk and Sirius could tell it was about something important. He hoped it was about Harry because he knew they were keeping something from him.
xXxXxXx
Remus wasn't excited about what was coming. Now that Sirius was stable he had every right as Harry's godfather to be told of the teen's mental condition. He hadn't asked Severus for permission, but that morning he had pulled Harry aside and asked him if it would be okay to explain things to Sirius. Harry had hesitated a moment, but had agreed. Now the hard part was thinking of what to say and to make sure Severus didn't kill him later for being presumptuous.
"Omi?" He called as he stepped into the house. The little elf appeared immediately. He smiled. "Do you know where Sirius is?"
"In the library, sir." Omi bowed and disappeared.
"The library, huh?" Remus murmured. He was surprised. Usually he had to force his friend, kicking and screaming, to study. Maybe this was a sign that Sirius was maturing and would handle the news well.
xXxXxXx
"WHAT?" Sirius bellowed. He leapt to his feet, sending his chair flying backward. They were at a table in the library and Remus had basically just told him his godson had been severely abused and, because of that, was insane.
"Sirius, please." Remus half begged and half scolded. "Keep your voice down and let me explain."
"What's left to explain, Remus?" He growled darkly.
"Do you want to understand what your godson is going through or not?" Remus snapped angrily. "This isn't easy on any of us and its worst on Harry."
Sirius deflated and ran his hand through his stringy black hair. His blue eyes dulled with a haunted look. Remus stood and picked up the chair and helped him sit in it. Sirius took several deep breaths and nodded once, sharply, for the werewolf to continue. So Remus did. He told Sirius about Multiple Personality Disorder and about Harry's three alters. He never mentioned Demon because not even he knew about the deepest alter. When he finished, they both sat silently, filled with remorse and guilt as they thought about Harry and how they had let him down by not being there for him when he needed help the most.
xXxXxXx
Harry entered the library nervously. The deep guilt and sadness that radiated from the room was so strong he wouldn't have been able to enter if he hadn't put up his Occlumency shields. He found Sirius and Remus sitting at the table, both staring at nothing and looking like broken dolls.
"Siri? Remy?" He asked weakly, clutching the edge of the bookcase and hiding half of his body.
"Harry…" Remus looked up and tried to smile.
"Are you alright?" He asked, not moving from his fearful position.
"Of course we are, pup." Sirius shook himself and did a much better job at smiling than his friend had. "Is this your free time?"
"No. I do my homework now. I'm studying the Animagus potion." He answered and came closer; his hands were clasped in front of him though and he wouldn't meet his godfather's eyes. "Did… did Remus tell you?"
"Yes." Sirius stood and grabbed Harry into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I hope you can forgive me someday."
"Forgive you?" Harry gasped, shocked. "What for?"
"I wasn't there for you. I should have been. I should have protected you." Sirius said roughly and began to cry.
"No. Sirius, it isn't your fault. You didn't know. Besides, you were in a horrible place yourself. There's nothing to forgive, I swear." Harry assured him as he held the sobbing man. Thankfully, Remus came up and helped him. They got Sirius to his chair and hovered over him.
"Siri, I… I need forgiveness too." Remus knelt and grabbed Sirius' forearm tightly. "I… I didn't believe in you and I didn't… I didn't do anything to help get you out of that… hellhole!"
Sirius shook his head and laughed. "We make a fine team, don't we? Alright. I get it. We can't do anything about the past, but we can swear now. Swear that we will be there to look after each other from now on."
"I swear." Remus nodded.
"I swear too." Harry smiled.
"I swear." Sirius said solemnly and then he grabbed the other two into another hug. "We'll never let anything like that happen ever again."
Remus was first to pull away and he wiped gently at Harry's cheeks. "How 'bout we help you with that potion? Sirius has made it before."
"Alright!" Harry smiled brightly and went to get his notes and books.
xXxXxXx
After lunch, Harry had a free hour away from work and he and Sirius decided to go outside for a walk. Remus said he had something to do and let them go alone. Silas had been annoyed when Harry gave permission for Sirius to be told. The more people who knew, the more likely the information would come into the hands of enemies. The up-side was now he could come Out and question the ex-convict. That, and it was going to be fun watching Severus' reaction to the Wolf telling Sirius.
"Looks like rain." Sirius observed as they walked toward the woods.
"It does. Yes." Silas answered with a cool smile.
Sirius turned, confused. Silas could practically see the thoughts trickling through the man's brain as he realized who he was now with. He chuckled darkly when the man froze with an open mouth.
"I just thought I'd come and introduce myself." He purred. "I'm Silas and a Slytherin…. What? Cat got your tongue?"
"Cat? What?" Sirius blinked stupidly.
"It's a muggle phrase." Silas explained with a graceful shrug. He put his hands in his pockets and stepped past the mutt and continued on toward the forest with a fluid stride. "It means you were struck mute by some strong emotion."
"Oh." Sirius closed his mouth and jogged after his godson. "Yeah… I guess the cat did take my tongue then."
Silas sneered, but was careful not to let the other man see. Really. How idiotic could you be? He cleared his expression and looked over at the older man. "Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
"Sure. Go ahead." Sirius answered quickly. His eyes hadn't once left Harry's form; he was fascinated. The change was so complete. It really was as if this was a whole other person. Like Harry's twin or something. Amazing!
"Back in the Shack you said you heard things in Azkaban… Death Eaters talking in their sleep about Pettigrew." He glanced over to see how his godfather was fairing so far and saw the man still shocked enough over his change that he hadn't become upset. "Did they ever talk about other things?"
"Like what?" Sirius frowned. "And why do you want to know?"
"Their old Master is after my life. I find myself concerned about the subject." Silas drawled, his eyes half shut to hide the condescension there.
"Well… Dementors… They feed… they feed off your despair so they destroy all… all your good memories so that you have nothing left… but the bad ones they can feed from…" Sirius swallowed and looked away. "You can't stay sane like that for long… Trapped in their worst memories, you can bet the Death Eaters shouted a lot of things about You-Know-Who."
"Like what?" Silas asked casually.
"Things like being tortured." Sirius bit out angrily. "Nothing that would help you."
"Has anyone else ever managed to escape besides you?" He ignored his godfather's ire. The defensive anger passed quickly anyway. Sirius shook his head. "Why did you escape when you did? If it was possible for you, why didn't you do it sooner?"
Sirius sighed and ran shaking hands through his hair. "I can't… Can't explain what happens when you go to that prison. It's hard to think and you can't tell if you're sleeping or awake… Either way you were in hell… I remained as sane as I did because I took refuge in my Animagus form. Dogs can't exactly plot complicated escape plans… I needed something to anchor me… To keep my thoughts going in a straight line long enough to come up with a way to get free… That didn't happen until I saw Peter's picture."
"So revenge was sufficient motivation for you to break free, but thinking about your orphaned godson wasn't?" Silas sneered and let Sirius see all his disgust freely this time.
"Harry…" Sirius went pale and reached out pleadingly.
"Silas." The teen corrected, the green eyes filled with contempt. "It isn't that hard to remember."
Sirius flinched and turned away. He wrapped his arms around himself and hunched there. Silas watched him for a minute and realized he would gain nothing from making their godfather aware of his anger at being left at the Dursleys. He also realized he was going to have to be direct if he was going to find anything out; Sirius didn't do subtle.
"Were you anywhere near Crouch Jr.'s cell?"
"Why?" Sirius asked hoarsely. "What does that matter?"
"It matters to me." Silas explained slowly, as if to a very small child.
"No. But his father had to pass by my cell to get to his." Sirius was shivering now. His blue eyes staring into the past, his mind trapped there once again. "I use… use to be able to keep track of the days by his visits… But then… he stopped coming regularly… and I lost… lost all concept of time…"
"Did his father visit the day he died?"
"The… Aurors don't… don't come in to the prison… They can't stand the dementors either… Only the dementors and visitors walk the prison's halls… The Aurors only… they only guard the outside gate… So… So I don't know how they know… when to call in family when you're going to… to die… from being overexposed to the dementors but they do… They some how know and they call in your last visitors…. Usually… usually no one comes…. If you're in Azkaban… You're forsaken… But… but Crouch… He was a lucky one… I was so envious of him because both… both of his parents came to see him… before he died… His mother… She looked so ill… I think it was more than just the dementors getting to her and still… still she came and faced that horrible place… just to say goodbye."
Silas knew he'd get no more information. He had pushed Sirius as far as the man could stand to go. So he shook his head and offered a slight mercy; his silence. He couldn't have Sirius returning to the house all distraught, could he? No, that would make Severus suspicious and he couldn't have that.
"I shouldn't have asked." He said evenly. "Try not to think about it anymore."
Sirius focused on his godson and slowly his shaking became less. "Do you hate me, Silas? For not coming for you sooner?"
"I don't hate you." Silas answered, his face a calm mask. "Neither do I like you. You are of no matter to me."
Sirius ducked his head to hide his face.
"Why don't we finish this walk in silence? That seems like the best option, all around."
Sirius didn't argue. He knew Silas had a right to feel as he did. It was the truth after all that he hadn't come and saved him when he should have. He had only freed himself for revenge. It was the same as all those years ago. He had Harry, an orphaned and injured baby, to take care of, but instead he had run off after Pettigrew. He did it so that James and Lily would be revenged, but had they been alive they would have hated him for choosing revenge over their son. And Sirius hated himself for that decision. Silas had every right to be bitter and hate him too.
xXxXxXx
Later that night, the deep depression Sirius had fallen into after his conversation with Silas lifted as he listened to his godson play the piano. Harry had asked him if he wanted to sit with him as he played and he had easily agreed. He could hardly believe this sweet, loving boy was hiding an alter so dark and cold. He shook his head and forced his thoughts away from Silas. For right now, he'd just enjoy the music.
Harry knew there was something bothering his godfather and suspected it had something to do with Silas. He was aware he had a black-out just as they were going on their walk and couldn't imagine Gabriel saying or doing anything that would get Sirius so down.
He sighed as his fingers danced on the keys before him. At least Sirius was starting to feel better now. He'd just have to remember to ask his alter before he went to bed what had happened. But first he'd have to get through dinner and Boy's therapy. He knew Sirius and Remus would want to be there for it and he hoped his godfather could handle it.
Chapter end