Part II

Author: LexysK23
Chapters: 2/3
Words: 1,192
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this plot.
Author's Note: Here you go. Part 2. The third part will be out in a few days. This story is AU. Only two things are cannon here; the Stone and Erin's conversation with her mother. Everything else is AU. Enjoy.

Uploaded: May 07, 2015

I can't control myself, don't know who I've been
And who is this monster wearing my skin?
A movie in black and white. When will it end?
'Cause every time I scream no one hears me

It feels like I'm paralyzed,
And I can't escape from the prison
I'm living in
I'm naming the voices in my head
They keep on telling me to give in

Paralyzed by Against the Current

Hank was worried. Erin, she was not dealing with it. She was not dealing with Nadia's death.

He stood in front of the District, staring at the stone of Nadia Decotis. He had blackmailed George into letting the District put up the stone. He had done it for Trudy Platt, for his detectives, for the officers, but especially for Erin. He knew Erin needed it. She needed to see that Nadia would always be where she wanted to be.

He just hoped she would realize that sooner. She hoped Nadia wouldn't want her to destroy herself. Nadia would want her to continue making a difference. She would want her to change other people's lives, like Erin did for her.

Chicago PD

Erin took a deep breath, as she stared at the zip-lock bag in her hand. She had the drugs, the pills. She hadn't touched it in so long. She hadn't held it in so long. She could almost feel the euphoric feeling by just looking at it.

She opened the bag and dumped the contents on the table in front of her. She remembered meeting with her mother, the words that came out of her mouth.

"When I met Nadia, when I busted her, I just saw something in her. I wanted to be for her what Hank was for me. So I pushed her, in the direction I've gone. But if I had just left her alone from the start, none of this would have happened. I didn't lose her. I got her killed."

And she did. It was all her fault. Erin grabbed the pills from the table and brought them up to her mouth. When she was about to put them inside, there was a knock on the door.

"Erin?" she heard Jay call. Erin rolled her eyes at her partner. He was always trying to get into her business.

She placed the pills back in the bag and hid them before walking to the door. She opened it and saw Jay standing there, staring at her.

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice laced with annoyance.

Jay raised an eyebrow, his smile intact. "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

Erin frowned at him. "I'm fine. Can you guys just stop asking me that?"

Jay shook his head. "We're worried about you."

"Well don't. I'm fine. I don't need all of you breathing down my neck," she snapped. Jay raised his hands, showing his innocents. "Is that all?"

"I wanted to see if you wanted to get a bite to eat with me," he told her, his smile still on his face, and it angered her.

"I don't have to spend every waking second with you."

Jay's smile slowly fell off his face. "Erin."

"Look, whatever we had in the past, it's gone. Whatever feelings I may have had for you are gone. So can you just leave me alone?"

"Erin, I know you're mad. I know you're angry. And I know you miss Nadia. But I also know that she wouldn't want to see you like this."

"Like what?"

"Being a bitch. Pushing people away."

"Yeah, we'll you didn't know Nadia then." And with that, Erin slammed the door on Jay's face.

"You'll have to deal with it at some point."

The detective glared at the door, as she went back to her couch. She took out the pills and looked at them. She could feel the tears in her eyes as she felt like she was breaking apart.

"Damn it Nadia," Erin shouted, as she tossed the bag across the room. The bag was not closed, so all the pills spilled al over the ground. Erin bit her lip as she tried to stop the sob threatening to come out.

She could feel the pain in her heart. She wanted it to stop. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She stood up and walked to her bedroom, looking for something, anything to stop the pain.

She couldn't find anything, so she headed back to her living room. She sat down on the couch, and stared at the pills that were on the ground. Painkillers. That was what they were. Pills to reduce the pain. It was all she wanted. She just didn't want to feel. She just wanted to forget.

She stood up and walked across the room, picking up the pills. She looked down at them. She stood up and looked at her kitchen, knowing that she would need something to wash down the pills with.

It was just for the pain. That was all she was going to do. She was just going to numb the pain.

Chicago PD

"Can you just check on her? She won't talk to me, but maybe she'll talk to you?" Jay said, in his call with Hank. He had called him an hour after he had checked on Erin. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"I'll check on her. She's just deal with Nadia's death her own way. It hit her in a way we won't understand."

"But I think you'll understand better."

"Maybe. I'm headed that way now," he told his detective before hanging up. He headed up to Erin's apartment and knocked on her door. "Erin? Are you there? We need to talk."

There was no response. He tried a few more times before using his key to get in. He had gotten a key from her, for emergencies, like she had one for his house. He entered and saw no one there.

"Erin? Are you here?" he called out, as he walked inside. He looked around and saw nothing out of the ordinary. He was about to leave when he saw a hand on the ground.

He rushed over and saw Erin, on the ground. He got on his knees and looked for a pulse. He found one, it was weak. He looked around, trying to find something, anything that would tell him what happened.

He saw the bottle of vodka. That was one clue. He saw a bag in her hand. He grabbed it and saw a pill. He suddenly knew what had happened. He got his phone out and made a call.

"I need an ambulance. I have an OD victim, please get an ambulance here fast!" Hank said into the phone, as he held Erin close. He pulled her body close to his, as he looked down at her. "You're going to be fine. You'll be fine. I should have seen this. I should have protected you. You're going to be okay, I promise Erin." Hank blinked the tears away. "I promise you."

Hank stayed with her until the paramedics, Brett and her partner arrived.