*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. THey were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
ONE MONTH LATER:
"Ana," I say knocking on the bathroom door on the morning of Ana's big ballet audition. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she moans. "I'll be out in a minute."
"All right," I say. "I don't want you to be late for your big audition. You've worked so hard for this."
"I'll be out," she moans again before I hear her gag.
"What's going on?" asks my mom as she comes out of her bedroom as I am leaning against the bathroom door waiting for Anastasia.
"Ana is sick," I say.
"Again?" she asks. "Is she pregnant?"
"No she's not pregnant," I say. "She had her period last month and we have been extremely careful. She's not pregnant."
"Well, the last three days she's been in that bathroom throwing up and not just in the morning, the middle of the night and later in the evening. If you ask me she's pregnant."
"Mom," I say, "she's not pregnant. She's just really nervous. She has a big ballet audition this morning. I think it's making her sick."
"I don't know," she says as we listen to Ana gag in the bathroom as I scrunch up my nose at the sound and the thought of her throwing up. She has been sick the last few days but I strongly believe it is her nerves. This audition could change her entire life. It is what she's been working towards and working for her entire life. I don't blame her for being so nervous. "I've been pregnant before. I know what morning sickness is like Dean and if she's pregnant you better figure out what you're going to do."
"Mom, she's not pregnant," I say as Ana walks out of the bathroom. She doesn't look very good. Her hair is a mess, her eyes are red and she looks like she hasn't slept for days. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she says, "Let's go. I'll do my hair on the way. I don't want to be late," she says.
"All right," I say. "Are you sure you're okay? I mean you've been sick for a few days now."
"I'm fine, Dean," she says, "if you had a big audition that could change your life you would be so nervous you made yourself sick also. I'm fine."
"All right," I say. "I just care about you that's all."
"I know, Baby," she says with a smile, "but I'm all right. I'll be fine after this audition is over."
"All right," I say as she grabs her dance bag before we put on our jackets. We then head off to the dance studio for her audition. I watch her as I drive my friend's car to the studio as she fixes her hair and puts her make up on. Not too much but just enough to cover up the fact she has been sick the last couple days.
ANA's POINT OF VIEW:
Walking into the dance studio I have never been more nervous in my entire life. My stomach is twisting in knots, I just feel sick. I have the same feeling of nausea that I have had for the last couple days. I just can't shake it. I make one quick trip to the bathroom before I go to sign in for my audition to throw up once again. I thought it was out of my system and I haven't eaten anything so it is no more than just stomach acid. I drink some water and splash a little water on my face hoping to make it through my audition without my nerves getting the best of me. I walk out of the bathroom and see Dean standing there with his hands in his pockets. "I hope after today your nerves calm down a lot."
"Me too," I say. "I hope I make it through this audition without getting sick. I don't want to blow it because of my nerves."
"I think you'll be all right," he says with a reassuring smile. "I know you can do this. I'll be waiting for you. Good luck, Beautiful," he says with a smile.
"Thanks, Baby," I say with a smile. "I love you," I say.
"I love you too. You've got this," he says with a smile before he kisses my lips softly. "Break a leg."
"Definitely," I say with a smile before I walk into the room to sign in for my audition.
I nervously sign in and get my assigned number. I lay my bag down in a corner of one of the studio rooms as I wait for my turn to be called. The room is filled with a few other girls some of them younger than me about middle school, some in high school and some my age. I don't recognize many of them so I assume most of them are from different studios. I watch as some of them practice ballet moves and turns. They seem to be as serious as I am. The competition is fierce. The studio is filled with girls like me with tight buns in their hair wearing a black leotard with pink tights. I sit down and pull my pointe shoes out of my dance bag and put them on. They are nearly worn out from all the practicing I've done lately. I just bought a new pair a few weeks ago but I'm glad they are broken in now. Nothing worse than trying to audition for a ballet school wearing brand new pointe shoes that aren't worn in or stretched, that's what dancers call a disaster. I stand up after I have my ribbons tied and start to do some stretching before I practice my turns. I can feel my stomach start to turn and the wave of nausea overtake me once again. I take a deep breath and dance through it. I get into my element and my zone trying to calm my nerves down. Dance has never done this to me before. I don't know why it's starting right now.
"Numbers 15, 17, 19, 21, and 23, Please," says a woman as she pokes her head in the door. I look down at my number and take a deep breath as I see that I am number 23. I grab my water and make my way to the door with the other girls.
I take a deep breath as I walk into another studio room in the building and lay my water bottle down. There is a woman standing in a black leotard, black skirt and her tied back into a bun. She reminds me of Madame Giselle as she tells us to go to the ballet barre. I notice two women sitting off in the corner watching us as we make our way to the wooden barre. The woman introduces herself as Madame Juliet before she begins working us at the barre doing barre work calling out all sorts of ballet terminology. Some girls can't keep up and it is the most intense barre work that I have ever done in my life but I hang tough. We follow it up by doing some across the floor movements. A couple girls stumble at the terminology and the two women off in the corner frown. When it is my turn to do the series across the floor I do it perfectly and I look over to the two women in the corner and one smiles at me while the other whispers something into her ear and she nods. I make my way to the other corner waiting for my next instructions.
The first part of the audition isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. My stomach still turns in knots and I'm still nauseous as we walk into yet another studio for our second part of the audition. We work as a group as a ballet instructor teaches us a quick ballet dance that we will be presenting in front of three members from the Joffrey in a half hour. I get most of the dance down before I excuse myself to the bathroom where I get sick once again by the time I return back to the room they are ready to present the dance to the members of the Joffrey. I'm not as confident as I once was. We spread apart into our formation and the instructor hits the music and of all times I am in the front row for this part of the audition. I manage to keep my cool and dance to the music. I know the routine I just don't know how well I present it through my nervousness and nausea. I am not my usual self but I'm not giving up. I am going to make it through this audition no matter what. I didn't work this hard or this long to just walk out on an audition no matter how sick I feel.
"Very good," says one of the members before I excuse myself to use the bathroom once again to use the bathroom. He frowns at me and I know my audition is completely blown. I don't want to go back after I'm done throwing up in the bathroom but I do anyway. "Welcome back, Number 23," he says in a snobbish tone. "I'm glad you could join us."
"I apologize," I say with a smile. "I am not feeling well today."
"So why are you here to audition for the Joffrey if you are sick?" he asks.
"Because dance is my entire life, I live for dance. I have been working for this audition my entire life. I got my chance and I didn't want to give it up because of being sick. I apologize. I just love dance and I want go to the Joffrey so bad that a little stomach bug can't keep me home."
"What is your name, 23?" he asks.
"Anastasia," I say with a smile.
"Very well, Anastasia," he says, "Please execute a triple pirouette al second, chasse tor jete," he says. I do as he asks me to do. "Very nice," he says. "Jete, jete, chasse assemble'," he says. I do that combination. "Very nice," he says, "Across the floor I would like to see a chasse, assemble, chasse tor jete, arabesque sote, changement, changement, jete, jete, double pirouette." I nod and make my way to the mirror in the studio, playing his words in my mind. I take a deep breath as I execute the series perfectly across the floor. "Very nice," he says with a smile. I smile back at him as he writes something down as I return back to my spot in line. He moves onto the next girl but she looks petrified as he calls out series of ballet steps for her to do. I almost feel bad for her.
"Anastasia," says a woman in black dress sitting next to the man that was calling out ballet series for us to do. "What makes you want to come to the Joffrey?"
"My passion," I say, "I love dance. I have been doing ballet since I was 2 years old. It has become my life. It is my future. I want to be a ballerina someday. The only way I can reach my goal of being a ballerina is by going to a ballet school like the Joffrey so that I can learn more about ballet." She takes note, nods at my answer and then moves on to the next girl.
When my audition is over I walk out to meet Dean. He jumps up as soon as he sees me. "How did it go?" he asks handing me my jacket.
"It was intense but I loved it," I say. "I was very prepared except I got sick. I don't think it's my nerves."
"What do you think it is then?" he asks as I put my jacket it on.
"I think I have some type of crazy stomach bug," I say.
"Stomach bug? I thought it was just your nerves?" he asks as we make our way out of the studio and to his friend's car.
"That's what I thought too but it is way too much throwing up to be my nerves. I was really nauseous today before my audition. I don't know why but I was just really nauseous. I don't think those were my nerves."
"All right," he says, "so maybe you should go home and go to bed."
"Sounds like a plan to me," I say with a smile as we get into the car before he drives off.
"So when do you find out about the audition?" he asks.
"In a couple weeks," I say. "I don't know how well I did. I did leave to throw up so I may have blown any chances of getting into the Joffrey."
"I am sure they saw that as dedication. I mean you showed up to an audition sick. That has to show how dedicated you are to dance."
"I know but it was rude to run out on my audition. I could have blown it."
"I don't know," he says with encouragement. "I think they saw how much you love dance. I'm proud of you either way. If you don't make it at least you tried and I'm still proud of you that you were asked to audition. I'm proud of you that you even showed up even though you have a stomach bug."
"I guess," I say with a shrug. "Why did this stomach bug have to come this week? But you're right at least I tried and that's all that matters."
"Exactly," he says, "but Ana, even when you're sick I can see how happy dance makes you and how much you love it. You should be proud. I think you're going to make it."
"We'll see in a couple weeks," I say with a smile. "I love you."
"I love you too," he says as he takes my hand as we drive back to his house.
ONE WEEK LATER:
Over the last week I have been trying to kick this stomach bug that I have been having but I can't get it to go away. It is keeping me down but I have been going to school despite being sick. "Are you okay?" asks Dean as I keep my head down on the lunch table.
"I'm fine," I say as I look up at him.
"I brought you some food if you're hungry," he says as he takes a seat next to me.
"I'm really not hungry," I say. "What is it that you have?"
"Just a piece of pizza," he says, "do you want it?"
I turn up my nose and say, "no thank-you. I don't want to eat pizza right now."
"Anything to drink?"
"I have my water," I say pointing to my water bottle.
"Maybe you should go to the free clinic after school today, Ana," he says. "I know you keep saying that you have a bug but it's been over a week. I think you should get checked out. Just in case you know what I mean?"
"I guess it wouldn't hurt. Maybe the doctor can give me something to help make me feel better," I say. "I feel like crap."
"I know," he says as he rubs my back. "I'm worried about you, Baby. I want you to be back to your normal self."
"Me too," I say as Shawn walks over to us.
"Well, look at this," he says as I roll my eyes. "The two school trashbags," he says, "so Anastasia is the poor life the life you always wanted?" he asks as he laughs.
"Shawn," I say, "today is not the day."
"Aw what's the matter, Ana? Are you tired of being poor?"
"No I'm tired of you being a douchebag every day," I say.
"Shawn, leave her alone," says Dean as he rubs my back. "She's not feeling well."
"Did you give her some disease?" he asks.
"Fuck off," says Dean. "Leave her alone."
"I guess I would be sick too if I lived the dirty life too."
"Seriously," says Dean as he stands up. "Fuck off, Shawn."
"Or what?" asks Shawn as he gets in Dean's face.
"I'm going to kick your ass," he says.
"Yeah okay," says Shawn with a laugh.
"Try me," says Dean.
I stand up and stand between them. "It's not worth it, Dean. Let him go. He's pathetic."
"I'm pathetic?" asks Shawn. "Look at you, Ana, you have become trash. You lay with trash you become trash."
"At least he's getting laid," I say as I grab my books. "Let's go, Dean."
"Very clever, Ana," says Shawn but Dean and I just walk away. I'm not going to let Dean throw away all his hard work at being a better student away because Shawn wants to run his mouth. It's not worth it at all.
"I'm sorry," I say as we reach my locker.
"For what?"
"Shawn being an ass," I say, "I'm sorry."
"I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about you and you need to go to the free clinic after school to get checked out. All this is not good," he says.
"All right," I say. "I'm going to go to the free clinic. Are you going to come with me?"
"I would love to," he says, "but I have something to take care of after school but you can tell me all about it afterward."
"All right," I say. "I just don't want to be sick anymore."
"And you won't be," he says as he wraps his arms around me and I wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm sure they will have you better in a couple days."
"I hope so," I say with a smile. "I love you."
"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "I guess we should head to class."
"Yeah," I say before we share another soft kiss before he helps me get my books out of my locker and then walks me to my class before he goes to his own. I have to give credit to him. He's been making an effort to do better in school. I'm proud of him for all his hard work and effort he's putting toward going to school. I'm proud of him. His grades have gotten better and his attendance has gotten a lot better.
After school I walk to the free clinic down the street from Dean's house while he is out taking care of something. I'm still not sure what it is he's taking care of because he wouldn't tell me but he's taking care of something. I walk into the free clinic and fill out my information as well as my symptoms. I take a seat in the waiting area and look around me. The waiting room is filled with women and babies. There are babies crying, coughing, their noses running, men and women coughing. I almost want to bathe in hand sanitizer. It's nothing like my old doctor's office. "Anastasia," says a nurse as she appears from the back. I stand up and make my way over to her. "How are you today?"
"Okay," I say as we walk through the doors to the back.
"I just want to weigh you," she says.
"Okay," I say before she has me step onto the scale.
"110 pounds," she says, "you need to eat, Girl," she says.
"I try," I say as we make our way to an examination room. She gives me a gown to put on and then asks me about my symptoms. She lets me know the doctor will be in to see me shortly.
I nervously sit on the table waiting for the doctor to come in. After about 10 minutes there is a knock on the door. I give permission and a woman with tan skin walks in holding a clipboard in her hand wearing a white jacket. "Hello, Anastasia, I am Dr. Thomas. I understand you have a stomach bug?"
"I think so. I've been sick for over a week so I'm not sure."
"What are you symptoms?"
"Just a bunch of nausea and throwing up," I say.
"Okay," she says making note, "and have you been running a fever?"
"No fever," I say, "just those symptoms."
"I see," she says, "and when was your last period?"
"Um," I say realizing I haven't had a period yet this month. "Um, I think about a month ago. It's been a while."
"So you didn't' have a period this month?"
"No," I say.
"And how long did your last period last?"
"It was just a couple days. It was really light. It was a brown discharge type of blood and then it stopped."
"Uh huh," she says, "and is there any chance that you could be pregnant?"
"Pregnant? No, I took the Plan B or the morning after pill. I can't be pregnant. I mean I shouldn't' be pregnant and my boyfriend and I have been extremely careful. I'm not pregnant."
"Well, I think I want to give you a test just in case."
"I don't need a pregnancy test," I say. "I'm not pregnant. I took the Plan B."
"Well, how about I just give you a test to rule out a pregnancy and then we figure out what's going on."
"Fine," I say. "Give me the test."
"All right," she says, "I will be right back."
"Okay," I say as she leaves the room. There is no way I am pregnant. I can't be pregnant. I took the Plan B. This is just a fluke. I'm not pregnant.
When the doctor comes back into the room she gives me a cup and asks me to go the bathroom. I do as she says and then I hand her the cup. She takes a little strip and dips it into my pee. I sit on the table nervously waiting for the results. "Well," she says as she looks at the strip and there's something about the way she says well that I don't like. "Anastasia, it's blue."
"And what does blue mean?" I ask.
"Well, Anastasia, blue means you're pregnant." Just like that my world crashes down around me. The Joffrey audition out the window, dance gone from my life forever and then my dreams of college are out the window.
"I can't be pregnant," I say. "There's no way I am pregnant."
"The test does not lie. I can give you an ultrasound today to see how far you are and to see if there is a baby in there."
"There isn't a baby in there," I say, "because I am not pregnant."
"Let's just do the ultrasound."
"Okay," I say. I don't know if I am in denial or if I really believe I'm not pregnant. I don't see how a pregnancy is even possible. I took the Plan B. I shouldn't be pregnant but she is insisting on this ultrasound so I oblige.
She wheels the machine in and sets it up. She makes me lay back on the bed and in that moment I wish Dean could be here for this. I wish he was here so he could tell this woman that I'm not pregnant. She says something to me but I'm not really paying attention as she preps me for my ultrasound. My life is hanging in the balance as she inserts something into my vagina making me wince. I was not expecting that. I assume that's what she was saying to me. "All right, Anastasia," she says, "just relax," she says as I look at the screen. "Let me just see here," she says moving the wand around. "Ah, there we go," she says and I see it on the screen. The tears filling my dark eyes as my world falls apart. "There it is," she says, "there is your baby."
"My what?" I ask as the tears flow from my eyes.
"Your baby," she says. "You are indeed pregnant. I would say you are about 9 weeks along."
"What?" I ask. "I have ballet, I have school. I'm only 17 I can't be pregnant. I have my whole life."
"I'm sorry," she says with sympathy in her voice. "I understand how a pregnancy at this time could be unwanted or unexpected."
"Really?" I ask, "my life is over."
"You have options," she says, "if you choose to abort this child you only have a couple weeks to make the decision. If not then you need to start taking care of yourself."
"Whoa," I say, "I don't know what I want to do," I say. "I'm still digesting this," I say pointing to the screen and pointing to my tiny baby. I don't know how I am feeling as I look at this little creature inside of me. This little parasite depending on me for food and depending on me for everything making me sick, the fear tearing through my body, the hopelessness maybe a little excitement and anxiousness. I don't' know there's so many emotions but I think I'm more scared than anything what is Dean going to say. What are we going to do? What's going to happen to our lives now? Am I going to be a mom this young, am I going to put the baby up for adoption or will I choose to end this pregnancy now? I have no idea what I want to do. I'm still digesting the fact Dean and I created this little thing I'm looking at on the screen. I almost want to faint.
The rest of my appointment is a blur. Dr. Thomas prints off pictures for me before giving me prenatal vitamins as well as pamphlets on my options on my choices as far as adoption goes. Being pregnant at 17 is not something I wanted. Being pregnant before I was ready was definitely not something that I wanted. I don't know where I'm going to go from here but I hope Dean and I can handle this and make the right choice. I am more scared of how Dean is going to feel about this. I can't believe that even after the Plan B this still happens. I walk back to Dean's house in shock and when I get home he's still not home and his mom is out. I take the time to go into the bedroom and lay down on his bed to think about everything that just transpired. I grab his pillow and break down crying.
*A/N: How do you think Ana's ballet audition went? Do you think she made it into the Joffrey? What do you think about Shawn giving her and Dean a hard time? Do you think it will escalate and get physical with Dean and Shawn? What did you think of Ana going to the free clinic and finding out she was pregnant? What do you think Dean is going to say? How do you think they will handle this? What's going to happen to their life plans now if they choose to keep the baby? Please review and thank-you for reading.