On Her Own
Chapter 12
Richard rubbed her back, trailing his fingers along her soft skin. "Rachel, what's wrong? Tell me what you're thinking."
She sniffed, trying to pull herself together again. "I don't want to be alone. He made me hate myself." He laid on his side, pulling her closer to him.
"You're not alone, you're never alone. I'll always be on your side." He whispered into her ear.
She shook her head, her forehead still against the mattress. "I feel like I'm alone, he broke me so easily."
"Shhhh, Rachel. It's not your fault, he made the choice." He snaked an arm under her and turned her on her side. "He made that choice Rach, it's not your fault." He tucked her against his chest, whispering to her.
"I can't go on like this," She pushed herself away from his chest. "Victor?" She wanted to stop Roy, and to do that she had to tell someone. She could feel Richards eyes on her.
"Rachel." Victor sat up in his bed with the blankets wrapped around him, waiting for her to talk.
She swallowed hard, feeling Richard take her hand in his, and stared at the wall. She couldn't look at either of them as she told Victor about how Roy had first tried to rape her when he was drunk after a halloween party, how he actually did it on the floor in her room and told people that she wanted it and liked it. And how he still didn't seem to be satisfied.
Victor didn't say a word while she explained. He remembered the halloween party, he had been there. He remembered that night more clearly than most who had been there. "You don't know who stopped him that night of the party?"
She shook her head, finally looking down at her boyfriend who was still laying down in front of her. He had a small smile on his lips.
"I'm so proud of you Rachel." He knew she hated opening up to people, this was a start that he could work with.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She still hated herself for being afraid, but she thought she might hate herself a little less now. "You realize, that by not telling anyone you were giving him power over you, right?" She looked over at Victor. She hadn't thought about that but it made sense.
"I know that now. And I'm done letting my fear of him control me." She didn't sound very sure, even to her own ears. But she wanted to be done being afraid of him.
"I know I shouldn't have waited so long to say something, and I'm sorry I got so upset with you over it Richard. I was way out of line with that…" She looked to the foot of the bed, away from the other two.
Richard leaned up on one arm and reached for her shoulder. She looked over at him, and he slid his hand up her neck and into her hair. Pulling her down for a kiss. "You don't have to be sorry," He murmured against her lips. "I love you, you lovely stubborn girl."
She smiled against him, and he ever so slowly deepened the kiss, not wanting to push her into it or frighten her.
Leaning into his lips, she put a hand on his chest, steadying herself. His other hand wrapped around the small of her back and pulled her closer to him. Losing her balance on his chest, she landed on top of him with a small 'oomph', breaking the all too short kiss. She looked up at him with a small smile. The world around her faded away as she let herself get lost in his eyes for the first time weeks.
All of a sudden, a soft hum filled the room. The three of them exchanged looks and grinned.
"They fixed the power." Rachel whispered. She looked away from the guys and took a deep breath. She knew what she should do, what she needed to do.
She just wasn't sure if she was strong enough to do it.
"You know what you need to do Rachel, right?" Richard asked running his hand along her arm.
"Actually…Richard told me how you flipped over the railing last night. Do people around here know that you can do that kind of stuff?" Victor asked moving forward on his bed so his legs were hanging over the side.
Rachel glanced at Richard and shook her head. She still felt kind of guilty that she'd never told him about that side of her.
"Well, maybe if Roy knew what you can do, he'd leave you alone? Maybe he'd be afraid that you could hold your own or put up enough of a fight to hold him off long enough for someone to show up?" Richard gaped at his roommate.
"No, don't go putting ideas in her head. She's put this off long enough, and look where it's gotten her." Richard was trying not to glare at his roommate.
Rachel stared at her boyfriend. She wasn't sure if she was ready to tell the school, but maybe she didn't have to. She wanted to be done being afraid of Roy. And maybe showing him that she wasn't completely defenseless was the first step. "But what if it works Richard?" He could hear the hope in her voice.
"I don't know Rach," She could tell how unsure he was about her not telling anyone.
"…Come on, Richie," She begged, quietly adding, "Please?"
His eyes widened. She hadn't used that name since before this whole fiasco with Roy began. Even though he knew it probably wasn't the best situation, he grinned. That had been the last thing he had been expecting to hear from her.
"Rachel…" He hadn't realized how much he had missed her calling him that. "Fine, but if this doesn't work, I'm dragging you to the dean and telling him myself." He gave in to keeping the secret for now, he was just glad that, maybe she was beginning to move past this and he didn't want to discourage her.
Victor noticed how Richard was looking at his girlfriend, and thought he should leave them alone for a bit. "Well, I think I'm gonna go see a few of my friends and start letting slip that Rachel here isn't all that she seems." He smiled over at her, and he was glad to see that she smiled back.
"Word travels like wildfire here…it won't be long before he knows." Rachel said softly, staring at the window and watching as the snow continued to fall.
Richard watched Victor get off his bed and held back a laugh as he ruffled Rachels hair. She glared at him, but wound up laughing as he walked out the door.
"I don't even think I can remember the last time you called me that." Richard said, moving his hands behind his head as he laid back down.
Rachel looked over at him, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. "I know…"
"You use to call me 'Richie' whenever you wanted something." She laid down slowly and rested her head on his chest.
"That wasn't always the case…" She whispered wrapping an arm around his stomach.
"Baby, let me tell you. You aren't like the other girls here, never have been." She rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I love you so much Rachel."
"Richie," She laid her hand over his heart. "I love you."
He rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his arm, looking down at her.
She blushed and buried her face in his chest. She loved how the muscles rippled under her.
"Hey," He whispered, lifting her chin slightly. He leaned down touching their foreheads before lightly kissing her.
She sighed happily, leaning into his hand that moved to cup her cheek.
"Rachel, I want you to know that I'll support you in whatever you decide to do about Roy." He whispered in her ear. She looked up at him with dark eyes. He snuck an arm under her head and held her closer. "Whether you tell the school or not, it won't change how I feel about you. I'll still love you."
She nodded slightly. "Thank you." She whispered. She closed her eyes and relaxed in his arms.
Richard placed another soft kiss on her forehead before pulling the blankets up to cover them again. The heat was coming up but it was still too cold in his room.
She snuggled as close as she could get to him, and tucked her head under his chin. It wasn't long before she was struggling to keep her eyes open, then without even realizing it she gave in and let them stay shut.
Richard had drifted off not long after Rachel but was pulled from sleep when she started tossing in his arms. She cried out, almost like she was in pain before biting her lip. She was pushing him, pushing him away in her sleep.
"Rach, wake up." He shook her lightly.
He saw tears slip out as she tried to push him away again, whimpering. He made another attempt to wake her.
"Rachel? Wake up, it's just a dream." He shook her again, trying to wake her before she hurt herself.
"Wake up Rachel." She finally opened her eyes, instinctively pushing away from the body hovering over hers.
Her eyes were wild and she was gasping for breath. She laid there against the mattress, terrified from her nightmare. He could see beads of sweat along her forehead.
Richard sat up, and looked at her. "Breathe. Can you take a deep breath Rach?"
She didn't answer. Her eyes were dark and clouded. He could see that she was trembling.
"Rachel? Can you take a deep breath for me Rach?" Her clouded gaze met his clear one.
He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Leaning forward slightly, he laid a hand in front of hers so their fingers were just barely brushing. She hesitated before pulling her hand back.
"I'm not going to hurt you Rachel, baby I'm worried about you." He paused and flipped his hand over so his palm was facing up. "I want to help you."
She looked down at his hand, staring at it.
She could still feel Roys hands. Rough, as they moved along her body, despite her attempt to get away. She bit her lip, trying to pull herself out of the memory.
"Rachel," She blinked, and Roy was sitting in front of her. But it was Richards hand resting on hers, his thumb slowly rubbing the inside of her wrist.
She took a deep, shaky breath.
"That's my girl." His voice was soft as he continued. "You're mine baby, and I'm selfish."
She watched him take a deep slow breath, then she did too.
"Richie?" She was hesitant, and that only made him more aware of her.
He closed the space between them, and brushed her hair out of her face. "It was only a dream Rach, it can't hurt you now."
She nodded.
"Okay, get up. You need to get cheered up. Get dressed," Richard said getting out of bed and pulling her along with him.
He went through his closet and tossed her some clothes, moments after he had turned his back the clothes were thrown back at him. Glancing at her over his shoulder curiously, she gestured to her body and the clothes she had on.
"No, that won't do." Richard said with a shake of his head as he walked over to her. Grabbing the bottom of his shirt that she was wearing, he pulled it up and over her head. "Why can't I wear your shirt?"
He chuckled softly as she pulled on the fitted t-shirt he gave her. "I told you, I'm selfish. I don't want anyone else seeing that cute little belly of yours."
She blushed lightly and placed a hand over one of her own cheeks.
Handing her a pair of black leggings, he smirked. "Do I need to help you with your pants too?"
Her breath caught in the throat, before she took the pants and turned her back to him with a shake of her head.
Richard brought her up to the lounge, which was huge and could easily fit everyone in the building and still have it not be overly crowded. "Now will you tell me why we're up here?" The lounge was full of people at the moment.
"I want you to show off." While they had been laying in bed Richard had realized that if Rachel really didn't want to tell anyone that she had been raped, then Roy would need to have a reason to stay away from her, and most likely wasn't going to believe it until he had proof. And Richard was going to do whatever it took for Roy to realize that Rachel could handle herself, and had people ready to defend her when she got in over her head, like she did every so often.
"Richie, I haven't performed for people in over four years…" She trailed off, looking around the room full of people.
"Start easy. You can do this." When he saw her glance nervously around the room again, he continued. "Show me Rach. Just show me, like in the gym the other night. Just you and me baby."