*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
A WEEK LATER:
"Hello, Anastasia," says Dr. Thomas as she walks into the examination room of the free clinic I will be going to be checked every few weeks during my pregnancy.
"Hi," I say as I am sitting on the table in my gown.
"How are you feeling today?" she asks with a smile. "Have you made a decision on what you would like to do about the baby?"
"I'm okay," I say as Dean sits on the chair by the door. "I'm just still having really bad morning sickness. And yes, I have made my decision as far as I know right now we are going to keep the baby," I say.
"That's wonderful," she says with a smile before she looks at Dean. "And you must be the father."
"I am," he says.
"My name is Dr. Thomas, I'll be the doctor taking care of Anastasia during her pregnancy and keeping an eye on things to make sure everything is going well."
"I'm Dean," he says.
"Nice to meet you, Dean," she says with a smile before they shake hands. "So have you been taking the prenatal vitamins I gave to you last week?"
"Yes, I have," I say. "Every day just like you told me."
"Wonderful, those prenatal vitamins are very crucial especially during this time of your pregnancy. As for your morning sickness it usually clears up around the 12th week but I can give you some type of medicine to help ease the nausea."
"That would be wonderful," I say with a smile.
"I will get that for you before you leave today. Now, Anastasia, I'm looking over your chart. Everything is looking good so far. Your blood pressure is stable and you seemed to have gained two pounds since last week. That's very good," she says as I smile. "We didn't give you a due date last week when you were here did we?"
"No," I say, "because I was in so much shock and disbelief plus I didn't know what I wanted to do just yet so we didn't do the due date."
"Okay, I'm going to do an ultrasound to measure the baby and to see how far along you are. Last week I believe the baby was measuring 9 weeks but I want to check again to make sure everything is looking all right with the baby and we'll find you a due date."
"Okay," I say with a smile.
"I just have a few questions for you," she says.
"Okay," I say.
"Do you smoke?"
"No," I answer.
"What about drink?"
"No, I don't. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs of any kind," I say.
"That's good because those things are not good for the baby. It is important that you not eat raw fish, deli meats, unpasteurized milk, limit your caffeine intake."
"Okay," I say, "so no coffee or soda?"
"Limit it. Too much caffeine is not good for the baby and you want to do everything you can to keep the baby healthy. I will give you some information packets about pregnancy like the do's and don'ts of pregnancy, what you can and cannot eat. It is very important you eat 3 healthy meals a day though. I know right now you're probably feeling pretty yucky with the morning sickness and don't really want to eat but it's important that you eat what you can for the baby. It's also very important that you make healthy choices for the baby. Whatever you eat the baby eats too. It is going to depend on you for food and everything until it is born."
"I know," I say. "Is it still okay for me to dance or is that not allowed?" I ask.
"Dancing is fine. In fact exercise is encouraged during pregnancy. Dancing is just fine just don't overdo it."
"That's a relief," I say with a smile. I was scared I would have to give up dancing at the studio because of my pregnancy but knowing that I can continue to dance through my pregnancy is a big relief for me.
"Yes, Dancing is fine, Anastasia," she says with a smile. "So let's do this ultrasound and see how the baby is doing today and see if we can determine a due date for you. Dad, would you like to come hold Mom's hand?" she asks him.
"Sure," he says with a smile as he gets up and walks over to me. He smiles down at me as I lie back and kisses the top of my head before he takes my hand into his as the doctor prepares me for the ultrasound. I watch Dean's blue eyes grow wide as he sees the wand Dr. Thomas is going to insert into me for the ultrasound like she did last week. "Is that a condom?" he asks as she puts what looks like a condom onto the wand.
"Sort of," she says with a smile. "Now, Anastasia, I need you to relax. We did this before. It's going to be uncomfortable at first but it will be all right. Okay?"
"Okay," I say as I squeeze Dean's hand preparing myself for her to insert the wand inside of me. I wince and squeeze harder as I feel it inside of me.
"Just relax," she says as she moves it around slowly and looks on the screen. Dean takes strokes his thumb over my knuckles. "There it is," she says with a smile. "Do you see your baby?" she asks as she points to our little guppy on the screen. It already looks different than last week.
"It has little hands," says Dean with tears in his eyes. "It's so tiny. Does it look okay?"
"Everything looks good," she says with a smile. "Anastasia, it looks like the baby is measuring about 10 weeks and a day. For a due date we are looking at October 14. Of course that's just an estimation your baby is going to come whenever it wants to but as long as it comes after 37 weeks it's okay."
"October 14 is my birthday," I say with a smile.
"Well, looks like you'll have a great birthday present this year," she says with a smile. "And do you see that little flicker right there?" she asks.
"Yes," I say with tears in my eyes.
"That's your baby's heartbeat," she says with a smile, "and this," she says as the room fills with the sound of galloping horses, "this is what it sounds like, a nice strong and healthy heartbeat," she says with a smile as my eyes fill with tears. It's all very real to me right now. I'm pregnant, there's a baby inside of me and I'm going to be a mom. It's all overwhelming for me. I don't know if I am crying because I'm happy or because I'm sad. I'm still confused and I know I am not ready for this at all.
"Beautiful," says Dean as his voice cracks and tears fall from his eyes. I have never seen him so sensitive in my life but it makes me smile to see how much this baby is affecting him. "I love you, Ana," he says in a whisper before he kisses my lips softly.
"I love you too," I say with a smile.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.
"I don't know," I say with a smile as he wipes the tears from my eyes.
"Don't do that. It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out. I promise. I'm going to be right here. I'm always going to be right here. You're not going to be alone in this. I know it's a lot but we are going to be okay and if we can't do this I'm sure we can put the baby up for adoption to some family that will love it and care for it but I want to try first."
"Okay," I say with a soft smile as his blue eyes stare intently but lovingly into my dark brown eyes.
When our appointment is over she gives us a couple pictures of our little guppy as well as an information packet about pregnancy and parenthood. She did suggest we do some research at the library on parenthood and pregnancy to get more information. She said there's never too much information. She scheduled our next appointment for 12 weeks to have an ultrasound done to make sure everything is okay with the baby and there are no chromosomal defects as well as scheduling me for another prenatal. We walk out of the free clinic hand in hand and make our way to the library to get some books on pregnancy and parenthood. "I think the most beautiful in the world," says Dean as we walk down the street on this beautiful spring afternoon. "Was hearing our baby's heartbeat and seeing it on the screen. I mean it is real. There is a baby in there and it's alive," he says.
"I know the moment I saw and heard its heartbeat everything became real. I'm still confused about it, Dean."
"What do you mean you're confused?" he asks as we continue to walk down the street.
"I just don't know if I was crying because I was happy or because I was sad. Once we have this baby, Dean, everything is going to change. Our lives are going to be different. We're going to be parents. We're still kids you know. You and I both have dreams are we really going to be able to reach our dreams with a kid?" I ask. "I mean babies can't be easy."
"I'm sure they aren't easy," he says, "but I want to try this. I want to try to be a father."
"Don't you think it's better to give our baby to a family that can provide for it and give it the life it deserves? I'm not trying to kick you down but I have really been thinking about this, Dean. What kind of life can we really give our baby? Neither of us are working and what about the streets? Do you want our child to grow up in our neighborhood?"
"Ana," he says wrapping an arm around me. "I get it you're scared. I'm scared too. I know it's going to be a lot of work but I'm looking for a job so that I can provide for the baby. And there are programs we can go on to get help for the baby to get it formula, baby cereal and baby food when the time comes. I don't know how you feel about that but that can help us out a little bit. I promise I am going to get a job and take care of my responsibility."
"What about school, Dean? What about daycare? Who is going to watch the baby when we are at school? Our school doesn't exactly have a daycare for us to send our baby to and on top of that daycare isn't cheap. I was checking out prices and it is expensive. You're not paying for daycare on minimum wage, Dean."
"We'll figure it out, Ana," he says. "I will drop out of school and keep the baby during the day while you're at school and then I'll work at night."
"Dean, be realistic how are you going to sleep if you work at night. You're still a minor. There are laws."
"So are you saying you want to put the baby up for adoption?"
"I don't know. I'm torn, Dean, a part of me really wants to keep this baby and be a mom but another part of me wants to make sure it has the best life it deserves. I don't think we can do that."
"I think we can. I'm going to get into my wrestling career and make all that money and our child will never want for anything."
"Dean, you have to get there first. Our baby is coming in 30 weeks. There is no way you're getting a wrestling career in 30 weeks," I say, "we need to look at this realistically. I want to be a mom as much as you want to be a dad and hearing its heartbeat and seeing it I fell in love. I love it so much already which is why I just want to do what's best for it."
"We are what is best for it. Please, Ana, I want to do this. I want to be a father. I want to try this."
"You keep saying try," I say. "What's there to try? Parenting isn't a trial experiment it's either you do it or you don't. It's not a trial."
"Ana, I want to have this baby," he says.
"You told me whatever I decided you would support me in that decision. I'm leaning toward adoption just so that we can make sure our baby has the best life possible."
"Ana," he says. "I don't think I can do that. I don't think I can just give our baby to strangers. I mean we created it. I want to be able to watch it grow up."
"And you still can. There is such a thing as open adoption, Dean. I've been doing some research. We can go with open adoption."
"What's open adoption?" He asks.
"It's when a couple adopts our child but we stay in our child's life. We can still watch it grow up and we can still see our child. They would update us on its life and everything going on in its life. We would be able to set up visits and still be there. I know it's a lot but I think we should put the baby up for adoption."
"Ana," he says. "Please let me do this. I will make a deal with you. I will give it two months of us being parents. If we can't handle it then we will put the baby up for adoption but I at least want a chance to be a father."
"Dean, I want to go to college. I want to reach my dream of being a journalist or a writer something like that. I can't go to the schools I want to with a baby. Please, Dean look at it my way," I say as we reach the library. We walk up the stairs to the doors and he holds them open for me allowing me to go in first. "Please, Dean," I say as we walk to find a table.
"I don't know, Ana," he says. "Let's just get some books about pregnancy and parenthood. We'll discuss it."
"All right," I say as I shrug my shoulders. I want to be a mom as much as he wants to be a dad but right now is just not the time for us. We're both not ready. That's not fair to the baby. I want to put it up for adoption not because I am being selfish but because I love it so much already and it deserves to have a good life. I walk down the aisles looking for books about adoption and open adoption so that I can convince Dean to go that way. In the end we have to agree on our decision and make a decision that will make us both happy. While I am looking for books on adoption he's looking for books about pregnancy and parenthood. I feel bad because he is so excited and I am on the fence.
"You're really serious about this adoption thing aren't you?" asks Dean as he looks through the books I pulled off the shelf.
"Dean, yes I am, it's not to hurt you," I say looking at him. "You love our baby right?"
"Yes," he says as he takes my hand.
"I do too and I love it so much I'm willing to do whatever I have to so that it can have a good life. I'm not saying we won't be able to give it a good life and that we won't love it but we are kids, Dean. We have our whole lives ahead of us to have kids. Think about it, I want to go to college. I want to go to some of the top schools in this country and you want to be a wrestler. What chances of achieving all that do we have if we keep this baby? WE will never have good jobs because I'll probably have to drop out of school and so will you. It may sound selfish but keeping the baby is a selfish move if you ask me. We'll never be able to give it the life it deserves."
"Ana," he says. "I know what you're saying and I understand but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be a father. I will never make you drop out of school. You will never have to sacrifice your education if anyone does that it will be me. For you to go to college you can still do that I'll move wherever you go to college and take care of the baby."
"Dean, I don't know. I know you want to be a father but it's really not going to be easy for either of us. Look at this," I say showing him the book. "Open adoption is a good thing. We will still be in our child's life and have contact with our child. It's not like I have the baby and just give it away and never see it again. We would still be a part of its life and it will know us."
"Ana, is this what you really want to do?"
"Dean, just listen. How badly do you want to be a wrestler?"
"Really bad," he says.
"And I have given up on my ballet dreams because I'm pregnant but I still have the chance to go to college and be a writer that's something that I really want. I want to do that with my life. We have our whole lives ahead of us, Dean. We can reach our goals, reach our dreams and then get married and have kids when we are secure right now that wouldn't be fair to this innocent baby. I know it's going to be tough but I'm willing to do what I need to so that our child is given the best life it deserves. Please see this is not a bad thing. We can even pick out the family that will adopt our baby."
"You really have your heart set on this," he says sadly and his voice full of defeat. "If this is what you really want to do, Ana, then we'll look into adoption and putting our baby up for adoption."
"Dean," I say as I move closer to him, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and cupping his cheek with the other hand. "We have our whole lives to be parents. Let's just be kids right now and live to reach our goals then talk about having kids."
"I want to reach my goals," he says rubbing my arm with one of his hands, "but I really want to be a dad too. My dad walked out on me when I was 3 and your mom walked out on you when you were 12. I feel like giving the baby up we are doing the same thing and walking away from our responsibility. I want a chance to prove that I can be a father, a much better one than my own father. I want to be able to have a son or a daughter to spend all the time I can with him or her. I want to be a dad. I don't' know anything about being a dad but I sure as hell want to try it but you really want to give our baby away. It hurts, Ana."
"Dean," I say, "we can think about this. It's never too late to choose adoption. I am so confused, Dean. I really am. I want to put the baby up for adoption and then again I don't. I can't be back and forth on this, Dean. I really can't. You really want to keep the baby? Do you think we can do it?"
"I think we can do it," he says. "Let's just think about it and then make a decision. Like you said it's never too late to choose adoption. Can we just think about this and work on reaching a decision before we actually decide to put our baby up for adoption?"
"We can think about it, Dean but I'm not promising anything," I say.
"That's good enough for me," he says with a smile before he kisses my lips softly. "We'll figure it out."
"I guess we will," I say with a smile. "So what all do you have here?"
"Just books about pregnancy, did you know that the first 12 weeks are the most crucial for our baby's development? It starts out as small as we saw it today and then by the 40th week it's on average a 7lb or 8lb baby," he says.
"Really?" I ask as we look at a book together. "And look, I'll be able to feel the baby move by 20 weeks. I can't wait to feel it move. Hearing its heartbeat today was amazing. I just want the best for it but I am really confused and I'm scared, Dean."
"Scared of what?" he asks.
"That if I keep the baby you'll leave me."
"Ana," he says as he wraps an arm around me pulling me closer to him. "Is that why you want to put the baby up for adoption because you're scared I'm going to leave you if we keep the baby?"
"Partly," I say. "We're 17 years old, Dean, we both have dreams we both have a plan for our lives. I am just scared that you're going to walk away to achieve your dreams and leave us behind."
"Ana, I would never do that to you. I swear to you. That baby is ours and I am going to be there for it no matter what. If we choose to keep this baby I will never leave you two. We're in this together and we'll live this life together. We'll figure it out together but I am not going anywhere. If we keep this baby I will be here always. Even if we don't I will always be here."
"You promise?" I ask.
"I promise," he says with a soft smile before he kisses my forehead.
*A/N: What did you think of Dean's and Ana's doctor's appointment? What did you think of Dean crying when he heard the baby's heartbeat? What do you think about Ana pushing for adoption? Is she right? Do you think they should go with adoption? Why do you think Ana is so confused on what she wants to do? Please review and thank-you for reading.