*THank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
DEAN's POINT OF VIEW:
"Man," says TJ, "you just keep disappearing. What's been going on since the last time I talked to you? Did you talk to your girl about your kid?"
"Yeah," I say as I take a hit on my cigarette. "We're good now. We're living together again."
"That's good," he says. "So what's up with the kid? Are you going with the abortion or what?"
"Well, we both agreed no abortion but she's torn on if she wants to keep the baby or put it up for adoption. She is scared that I am going to leave her and the baby if we keep it plus she wants to go to school and has all these dreams."
"What do you want to do?" he asks as I take another hit of my cigarette.
"I want to keep the baby. I mean it's my responsibility. I knocked her up I need to take care of what is mine."
"Wow," he says, "Do you think you're ready for a kid?" he asks.
"Of course neither of us are ready for a kid but we can make ourselves ready. It's not going to be easy. I am getting a job so that I can buy the baby stuff."
"Yeah babies ain't cheap," he says. "Trust me I have two babies. Diapers and formula are a bitch to buy but I love my children. They are the only two things I have done right in this life. Being a dad is one of the best jobs in this world."
"How old are your kids?"
"I have a 2 year old boy; Junior and a 6 month old baby girl; Meilani," he says. "My kids are the best part of my life. It's hard but it's worth it to get a hug or a kiss from your child. The day my kids were born my entire life changed. Having a kid is going to change your life. It's not just about you anymore. It's about them and what they want. They depend on you for everything. I wouldn't give it up for the world."
"And your baby Mama was okay with keeping the kids?"
"Around here, Dean, you know keeping the kid is no issue. Where your baby mama comes from it's different."
"I know," I say before I put my cigarette out. "I don't' know if I would be able to handle two kids but one I think I can."
"Don't plan on sleeping for 2 years," he says, "and those diapers and formula are expensive. I mean we get WIC for formula but we usually run out so between checks we're trying to find a way to pay for a can. When you become a parent, Dean, everything will be different but I love the fact my son looks up to me. I do everything I can to be a good dad so he has a good role model to look up to. They watch everything you do."
"I know," I say, "but I just want to be a better father than my father ever was to me. I feel like giving up my baby is like giving up my responsibility or running away from it."
"Did you tell your girl that?" he asks.
"Yeah, she has her own dreams of going to college and becoming a writer. I never want her to give that up for me but I don't want to give up my child either. Seeing our baby on the screen was the most beautiful thing in the world and when we heard its heartbeat I cried."
"The day your baby is born you're going to cry. It's beautiful seeing the baby on the screen and hearing its heartbeat but the moment that baby comes into this world, you hear its first cry, watch it take its first breath and hold it in your arms that is beautiful. I'll never forget the day my kids came into this world. It was a beautiful experience and all of this street shit didn't' matter anymore. I'm working my ass off to get us out of here. I just want better for my kids you know?"
"Yeah," I say with a nod. "I hear you," I say as I see a group of guys walking toward us. "Great what does he want?" I ask as I look at my supplier Mike. "I told him I was done."
"Shit," says TJ as Mike and his friends come closer to us.
"Fuck," I say as they reach us.
"Dean," says Mike. "I've got a job for you."
"I told you I wasn't doing this anymore," I say, "My girl doesn't like it and I'm trying to steer away from the street life."
"What rich girl making you a snob too?" he asks.
"Don't talk about her like that," I say.
"I would hate for something to happen to her," he says, "she's such a pretty girl. The streets are a rough place. I would hate for something to happen to her."
"Are you threatening me?" I ask feeling my blood boil. "Leave my girl out of this. She isn't in this. This is between me and you. Ana has nothing to do with it and she's pregnant so just leave her alone."
"Oh then I would really hate to see something happen to her. You know walking down the street and accidently getting hit by a stray bullet or someone attacking her," he says, "that would be terrible."
"Don't bring her in this, Mike."
"Hey," he says, "I'm not bringing her into anything. I'm just saying that it would be terrible if something happened to her because her boyfriend didn't do his job that he promised to do. That would be a shame and that poor baby. It would be a tragedy."
"I told you I am done with that shit, Mike. I don't want part of it anymore."
"Think you're better than us now? Do you think just cause you got a rich girl you're better than the streets? This is your life, Dean. Remember where you came from. Don't be a bitch. You don't tell me when you're done. I'll tell you when you're done. I have a job for you."
"Mike, I can't. I'm not doing a job for you."
"It's worth about a grand," he says, "sure you're not interested?" he asks.
"That's a lot," I say, "what is it?"
"Interested?" he asks.
"Maybe what's the job?"
"It's really simple," he says with a smile. "I just have some coke I need you to get rid of. I have a buyer, I just need you to deliver it to him. I have all the information here," he says handing me a piece of paper. "He wants it by tonight you get it to him and I give you the $1,000. Deal?"
"Deal," I say. "I'll do it."
"I knew you would. If you're interested I have some of the good stuff for you to sell if you want to that is."
"How much?" I ask.
"$500," he says. "$500 per pouch and I am giving you $250 for each pouch. There's 10 pouches it's an easy $2500 if you want it."
"$500 for a pouch what the fuck is this shit?" I ask.
"I got it from New York. It's a new type of drug out there. It sells like hotcakes up in New York. I wanted to bring it here. It's a lot of money but the effects are worth it. The high you get you should try it."
"No," I say, "doing drugs isn't my thing anymore. I'll take your word for it. I'll do it. I could use all the money I can get right now. I'm going to have a baby."
"Yeah," he says. "I have the package, get it to that address and come back to me with the money and I'll have a grand for you and the new drug for you to sell. All right?"
"All right," I say. I know Ana isn't going to like this but I need to make money somehow. It's been two weeks of looking for a real job and I haven't found one yet. We're talking $3500 in the next couple weeks that's a lot and it's enough to help get stuff for the baby if we choose to keep it.
Going against my better judgment I drop the package off with Mike's buyer and collect his payment before I meet Mike back at his house to give him the money before he gives me $1,000 in cash and then hands me the new drug he wants me to sell. I put it in my book bag and head back to my house. I don't know how I am going to explain my money to Ana but I'll think of something.
I walk into my house and see my mom on the couch with Mack and roll my eyes. I really don't understand why she doesn't just leave that guy. She deserves so much better and she deserves someone that's going to treat her like a queen. All Mack does is use her for business deals and to punch her around. I hate the guy. "Hey, Mom," I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, Dean," she says with a smile. "Ana's in your room. She cooked us dinner. She's a really good cook. She's not feeling too well so she's relaxing."
"All right," I say. "I'll go take care of her. I love you."
"I love you too," she says with a smile before I make my way to my bedroom to check on Ana.
I open the door and see Ana lying on our bed wearing a grey cami and a pair of my sweatpants rolled up at her waist exposing the small of her back as she's looking at the screen of her laptop. "Honey, I'm home," I say with a smile as she looks at me with a smile.
"Hey, Dean," she says with a smile as she gets up to greet me. I smile as I see her small stomach exposed showing her little baby bump. I think it's beautiful. I wrap my arms around her waist as she snakes her arms around my neck. I greet her with a soft kiss. "Where were you? I've been waiting for you."
"I had some work to do. I'm sorry," I say with a smile. "How is my girl feeling?" I ask.
"I'm okay. Still feeling nauseous I don't think that medicine from the doctor is working very well."
"I'm sorry," I say as we walk over to my bed. I toss my book bag into my closet and remove my hoodie exposing my black beater. "Is there anything you want me to do? You want me to get you crackers and water or something maybe some ginger ale?"
"I'll be all right," she says, "So did you find a job yet?"
"Not yet," I say, "but I'm working on it," I say as I climb into bed next to her as she sits up leaning against her pillow holding her laptop with her legs stretched out. "You made dinner?" I ask taking off my shoes before cuddling next to her.
"I did," she says with a smile. "There's some dinner out there for you unless Mack ate it. I made chicken, mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables."
"Sounds good, Beautiful," I say with a smile. I place my hand on her stomach and say, "You're really starting to show for only being 10 ½ weeks you're really showing."
"I know," she says with a smile as I rub her stomach. "You're going to spoil me by doing that."
"Good I want you to be spoiled," I say with a smile before I kiss her lips. "What are you doing?"
"Research," she says.
"For school?" I ask. "Do you have a project?"
"Not exactly," she says, "I'm doing some research about having a baby and how much it's going to cost to see if we can really do this, Dean. It's going to be expensive."
"Oh," I say.
"Look 35 diapers is $10 a pack," she says, "and if you want 100 diapers they are $25. To get 35 diapers we would have to buy two packs to get us through the week which would be $20. 100 diapers is good for two weeks so that's $25 every other week. I don't know, Dean. That's a lot. That would be $80 a month for 8 packs of 35 diapers but if we do the 100 diapers it would be $50 a month. That adds up. So the best would be the 100 diapers which would be $50 a month and there are 12 months in a year which means in a year we will spend $600 on diapers. And formula I don't even want to get into formula. That stuff is expensive. $19 - $26 a can, that's crazy. Dean that adds up and without jobs or a minimum wage job how do you expect to raise a baby?"
"Look, Ana," I say rubbing her stomach. "I told you we can get WIC for the baby. They will give us formula each month for free. We'll get baby food and baby juice when the baby is old enough. While you're pregnant you'll get foods like eggs, bread, cereal, vegetables and fruit. You'll get milk and juice as well. WIC can help us out."
"And what about daycare, Dean? I want to go to school. I want you to go to school. Daycare is expensive. For 5 days a week it could cost us near $200 maybe more. And you keep saying you're going to get a job you're 17 years old, Dean you're a minor you can only work so many hours a week and so many days. That's not enough for us to take care of a baby. I'm sorry but I feel like we shouldn't do this," she says. "I think the best thing for us to do is put this baby up for adoption."
"Ana, I know what you're saying but if I have to drop out of school to be a father I will. Once I drop out of school minor work laws don't apply to me. I can work as many hours as I want and work as many days as I need to. I told you I will keep the baby during the day and work at night that way you can go to school and we won't have to worry about daycare. I've been thinking about all of this. Even if we don't do that we can get help with daycare costs too. We can do this, Ana. I want to do this. Please."
"Dean," she says as she closes her lap top. "I know you want to do this. I know it means a lot to you but this is OUR baby, we're its parents. We should be making all the right decisions for it. Do you want our child to grow up here on these streets? Look I'm not trying to be rude about this but this is the best thing for our baby. We can do open adoption if you want but my decision is adoption. I want our child to have opportunities and I want them to grow up somewhere outside of here. Let them have the life it deserves but having two teenage parents that can't provide for it is not the best thing for it. I know you want this so badly but Dean we're not going to be able to do this."
"Ana," I say, "listen to me. I know you're scared and you're worried we can't give our baby everything it needs but as long as it is fed, clothed and taken care of then it has everything it needs. The main thing it needs is our love. It doesn't need all this over the top life stuff. As long as it has all the love that it needs it is getting the best thing from us. There are organizations that can help us so we won't be alone."
"I know but what if we can't buy it food then what? Our child goes hungry or we don't have money for diapers then what are we going to do. You're looking at it the wrong way. You have to look at the bigger picture. WIC is available till our baby is 5 what happens then? Look at me. I know you want to do this and I would love to do it too but I love our baby enough that I want to give it up so that it can have the life we can't give to it. You and I are not ready for this. You know that and I know that. Look at this environment. This is no place to bring a baby home to. We're 17, Dean, we have our entire lives ahead of us. We can put the baby up for adoption and I can go to college to be a writer and you can go do your wrestling thing or maybe you'll go to college but keeping the baby is not a good idea."
"And you really think you can carry our child inside you for months, growing a bond with it, feeling it kick and move around and still give it up to a stranger," I ask. "Can you do that?"
"I will do whatever I need to do because I love our child," she says. "Don't make this hard for me. I know we're not going to be able to do it. Look we can put the baby up for adoption and do what we have to do. Then you and me can get married someday and have more children. This isn't the last baby we'll ever have."
"Ana," I say. "I know you want to do this so badly but I just can't give our baby up like that. I always thought I would be older when I became a father. I didn't expect this at 17 and I'm sure you didn't but it's happening. I probably have no idea what a father is or what a father does but I'm going to do my best. You talk about giving our baby the best life we can do and I believe we can do that. You're going to go to college and do your thing. I'm going to get into wrestling to make money. Our baby will have everything it needs. I know you don't understand my feelings on this but I'm trying to explain it to you. After my dad walked out on me I was devastated. I always wanted a dad to play ball with me, take me fishing and all the stuff that dad's do. I wish there are times he could see me grow up. I want to raise our child this may not be the best environment but we won't be here forever. I want to take care of this baby. I want to be a father. We'll figure this parenting thing out and we'll figure out how to raise a child. We can do this. I want to do this. It's not going to be easy but I want to do this, Ana."
"I know, Dean," she says, "and I would love to be a mom too and do motherly things with our baby but we can't give it the best if we don't put it up for adoption," she says as she puts her lap top down and straddles me. She places her arms on my shoulders and says. "I see it in your eyes, Dean that you want this. That you need this but what if wrestling doesn't work out? What if you drop out of school and I drop out too then what? Our child is going to end up living the life you hate so much. Don't you want better for our baby? I know I want our child to have the best even if giving it up is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. I'm not saying I won't grow a bond with it while it's inside of me or that I won't love it because I am sure I will which will make it that much harder but you have to look at reality we're kids. There's no way we're ready for a baby and to try would be selfish and wrong for our child. Don't you want our baby to have the best?"
"I do," I say, "but Ana, I can't do this. Please. I'll prove to you I can be a father. I'll prove to you I can provide for us. Please, Ana, don't take my chance of being a father away. I love you, Baby and I love our baby. I want us to be a family together. We'll get out of here somehow and someway. I'll prove it to you. Please, Ana," I beg. "Don't make me give up our baby. Please, I'll do anything to prove to you I can be a good father and to prove that I can be a good dad. Please give me the chance."
"Dean," she says with tears in her dark brown eyes. "I can't do this. Neither one of us are budging on this. I have so much in life that I want to do. I really do but I can see how much you love me and you love this baby. I don't' know what to do. Please help me because I don't know what to do."
"I think I like our original decision. I think we should try this out. You know see if we can do it and if we can't then consider putting the baby up for adoption. I don't want to give it away without trying first. What do you think?"
"I think we might need to do it that way," she says. "I am not sure that once I have the baby after carrying it all this time, hearing its heartbeat, feeling it kick and I'm not sure I can give it away. I am going to try out this parent thing with you. I want to see if we can be good parents but like I said you have to promise me you're going to forget about the streets out there and focus on getting a job. I'll get one too. We can do this if we try but we are going to need some help from some of those organizations you were talking about. I just want our baby to have everything it needs."
"And love is all it truly needs as long as we feed it, keep it clean and love it, it will have everything it needs. So your decision is?"
"I'm 100% on keeping it. I'm scared but we'll figure it out. If we can't do this and if we can't provide for the baby then we will put it up for adoption deal?"
"Deal," I say with a smile as she leans her head down to mine making our foreheads touch and our noses touch. "You are so beautiful you know that right?"
"Thanks," she says with a smile. "I think you're pretty cute yourself."
"We're going to be all right, Ana, I promise."
"I hope so," she says with a smile. "But I trust you. So what do you hope we have a boy or a girl?"
"I really just want a healthy baby but a healthy baby boy. I'm not sure I could handle a little girl that looks like her mommy and is as beautiful as her. That would be a hard job for me."
"And what if our little boy would be like his daddy? All bad ass and a little Romeo."
"You think I'm a little Romeo?"
"You found your way into my heart didn't you? You're a little Romeo. My little Romeo," she says with a smile. "We should start looking into WIC and stuff like that. And I don't' want Mack anywhere around our baby."
"I don't want Mack anywhere around you so he sure as hell won't be anywhere near our child," I say with a smile. "You know what else we can do?"
"Hmm," she says.
"We can take parenting classes. The free clinic offers them. I read that in one of the pamphlets they gave us. If we're keeping this baby we need to have some idea on what we're doing because I have no idea about babies."
"That's a good idea," she says with a smile. "You are really into this whole daddy thing aren't you?"
"You have no idea, Ana, I'm going to be the best daddy that I can be. I love you, Ana and I just want you to believe in me. I'm not going anywhere. We're going to do this together and we are going to be okay we just need to figure it out."
"I know, Baby," she says with a smile. "We'll figure it out. I love you." She says before her lips are on mine and we share a passionate kiss with each other. I'm not sure about this whole dad thing because being fatherless for the last 14 years I have no idea what a father is supposed to do and how to be a father but I am going to work my ass off to be the best father my child could ever ask for. Being a father is important to me and the fact that Ana agreed to keep the baby makes me happy. I would never be able to give up our child.
*A/N: Do you think TJ talking about how great it is to be a father made Dean more willing to be a dad? What do you think about Dean working for Mike? What about him falling back into his old street life? Why do you think he agreed to work for Mike? Do you believe Mike was threatening Dean with Ana? Why do you think Dean is so willing and open to being a father while Anastasia has many reservations about being a mother? Was Ana making sense with her argument? What do you think made her change her mind? Do you think she will change her mind again? Please review and thank-you for reading. Please review and thank-you for reading.