*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
A couple weeks have passed since Dean walked out on me. It's been a long couple of weeks but I'm getting through them. I haven't talked to him or seen him since the day he walked out. He didn't make it to school for finals and he didn't make it to school for the last day. He did come to the apartment and get some of his clothes but he also left me $2,000 and sends me money at least once a week so far. I just want him to come back and I want to talk to him. I want to talk this out not only for me but for our little girl. She needs her daddy in her life and I refuse to let him be absent from her life. He doesn't need to be with me but he can at least be there for our little girl when she comes into the world.
"Your apartment is nice," says my friend Aurora as we walk into the apartment after spending the early part of the afternoon out by the pool in my complex.
"Thanks," I say with a smile as I shut the door. "Did you want anything to drink or eat?"
"Sure," she says. It's been a while since Aurora and I have hung out with each other. Aurora has been my best friend since middle school.
"What would you like?" I ask walking to the kitchen as she follows me. "I have chips, fruit, Ramen noodles whatever you want."
"Let's just have some chips," she says with a smile.
"They're in that cupboard right there and if you want cheese salsa it is in the fridge. Chips may work for you but I'm making a sandwich do you want one?"
"No thank-you," she says as she gets the chips out. "So your dad leased you this apartment?"
"Yes and he pays half the rent," I say as I get out the bread. "Dean and I are responsible for $400 of it and he pays the other $400 but we have to pay for the utilities and stuff like that."
"Wow," she says. "It's a really nice place."
"I love it," I say with a smile as I get out some lunch meat to put on the bread.
"So what happened with Dean? He just left?"
"He left," I say, "I'm not mad at him, Aurora. I love him. I feel bad for him. He's got some issues going on and I know he needs some help but he's not going to let anyone help him."
"What did you two fight about?" she asks leaning against the counter.
"He just lied to me about something he promised me he wouldn't do. He then told me I deserve better and our daughter deserves better. I haven't told my dad yet that he left."
"How are you paying your half of the rent?"
"I have paid for the next 6 months," I say, "My dad asked where I got $2400 and I told him Dean had been saving. I don't want him to know Dean left. I don't want him to think he was right."
"Well wasn't he right?" she asks.
"No," I say, "Dean isn't a bad guy. He's just misunderstood and he means well. I may not have talked to him for the last couple weeks but he has been sending me money for myself and the baby to take care of us. I just hope that when the baby is born that he does take an interest in her and is a part of her life. I don't want him to miss out you know?" I ask putting mustard on my turkey and cheese sandwich.
"Yeah," she says, "What's it like to be pregnant?"
"It's different," I say. "I mean feeling the baby move is the greatest feeling in the world and seeing my little beauty on the screen is a beautiful sight. I can't wait till she comes. I'm ready to hold her and kiss her. I can't wait to see who she looks like and to find out whose personality she has but I really hope she's healthy."
"What did you do when you found out you were pregnant?"
"I was scared. My first thought was to get an abortion but then Dean told me he would be here for us and well here we are. It's funny," I say getting out a couple pickles. "My biggest fear was getting pregnant and giving up on my dreams and then it happened. Then came the fear of being alone and here I am alone pregnant not sure if Dean is going to be around or not."
"What if he's not?" she asks.
"Then I guess I have to be a mommy and a daddy. Either way I am going to make sure this little girl has the best life possible. She is number one in my eyes."
"Do you think you're ready for a baby?"
"As ready as I am ever going to be," I say with a smile as I grab my plate and we head to the living room to talk. "I don't think no matter how old you are you're ever really truly prepared for a baby."
"I guess not. So are you going to keep going to school or what?"
"I am going to finish school. I'm not sure if I'll do cyber school or continue to go to school physically. I would like to go physically to see all my friends but daycare is expensive. I'm only supposed to be going half a day though because the other half I am going to college to work on my basic courses to get them out of the way so that in the end I have less time in college after I graduate. I'm not giving up on college or being successful. I want to give my daughter everything she deserves."
"You're going to be an amazing mom," she says with a smile.
"Thanks," I say, "I just hope Natalia thinks so."
"Natalia?" she asks.
"Yes. We're naming her Natalia," I say with a smile.
"That name is so beautiful! I love it."
"Thanks," I say with a smile.
"Do you miss Dean?"
"Every day," I say, "I really do miss him. He's not the guy everyone at school thinks he is. He's been through a lot in his life and he hasn't exactly had the best life but that doesn't make him a bad person. He only lets you see what he wants you to see. He doesn't openly share his emotions with people or let people in often. He shuts off a lot of people because it's hard for him to trust people. He's a good guy," I say with tears in my eyes. "He's a really good guy he just needs to get help for his problems. I just want to talk things out with him and make everything okay again but until he changes his ways with some things I can't really let things be okay."
"He seems like an asshole," she says, "I mean I only know what I see in class. I guess you see him outside of school."
"Dean is a tortured soul," I say. "He's a softie when you get to know him. He was so excited about being a dad. It was cute. He loves his little girl. I will give him that."
"That's good because I thought that he would be the type to run and stay away. Think even if you two don't work things out that he'll be around?"
"I think so. He's been through what I've gone through. I'm sure he will be there for our little girl regardless of what happens between us."
"That's good," she says.
"I will tell you though pregnancy tears up your body but it is worth it in the end. I was so sick at first. Morning sickness was awful but it finally cleared up. I was happy the day I didn't' get nauseous. Then the stretch marks," I say, "Cocoa butter has become my best friend but I can't complain because at least I have boobs now. You know being a dancer you lack them sometimes."
"You look good though," she says.
"Thanks. I'm worried about her though. I have to go for an echocardiogram tomorrow morning. I tried to call Dean to come with me but he's not answering his phone. I need him there what if they find something wrong with her heart you know what I mean?"
"I'm sure everything is going to be fine. Don't stress yourself out over it. I know you're worried but I'm sure everything is going to be okay with the baby's heart."
"I hope so," I say nervously. My biggest fear is the cardiologist is going to find something that is life threatening and I'll lose my baby girl like I've lost my mom and her daddy. I can't think like that but I can't help it. I just have this fear that something could be wrong with our little girl.
"I'm sure everything is fine," says Aurora. "What did Madame Giselle say when you told her you were pregnant?"
"She was devastated for me," I say, "she took it hard. I think it shocked her a little bit because she's known me since I was 2 and she knows how much I love dance and how much it means to me. She was sad that I had to give up my place at the Joffrey and give up a lot of dance time. I think she was disappointed much like everyone else in my life. The worst part of it, Aurora Dean and I were being careful. We were using a condom but it broke and that's what happened. It's not like we were being unsafe we were trying to be safe but the condom broke."
"Damn," she says, "that sucks. You weren't on birth control?"
"I didn't have a need to be. Shawn and I weren't doing anything. I was a virgin until Dean took it away. Crazy thing though that is the night the condom broke so I got pregnant on my first time having sex."
"Wow," she says. "Are you going to go on birth control after you have her?"
"Um yeah," I say, "I don't want any more babies till I am almost 30 but maybe Natalia will be it for me. I am not sure yet but I already told my doctor I want the pill as soon as she's born. I have to wait but I am going on the pill."
"Smart choice," she says with a smile. "I don't know what I would do if I got pregnant. I don't know what my parents would do. Did your dad kick you out?"
"Not in so many words but yes pretty much. He doesn't like Dean too much which is why I haven't told him about him leaving. That won't help Dean's case."
"Your dad is a tough guy to impress. I'm not surprised that he doesn't like Dean. He was always trying to force you to marry Shawn."
"I know like it was the 1800's and arranged marriages still existed. I liked Shawn but I didn't' love him. He was a jerk. He's still a jerk. I'm glad he is out of my life."
"You are happier without him," she says.
"I am," I say with a smile.
Aurora and I spend the rest of the day hanging out watching movies and then going to play mini-golf later that night after going out for dinner. It feels so good to be able to hang out with my best friend. I have missed her and like old times we had a sleep over in my apartment staying up all night just talking about anything and everything that came up. And since I was unable to get in touch with Dean Aurora offered to go to the echocardiogram with me since I am so nervous about it.
The next morning I am hooked up to machines as the cardiologist does the tests that he needs to do to determine if my baby has a heart problem or if it was just shadowing like my doctor thought when she did the anatomy scan. I keep watch of the doctor's face and it is set in concentration. I watch him as he jots down notes. His face worries me as I feel like there's something wrong with Natalia. He looks at her heart closely before he calls in another cardiologist to discuss what he sees with him. It doesn't make me feel any better if anything it makes me even more nervous about the results. "Okay," he says finally after he is done studying my daughter's heart.
"Is there something wrong?" I ask.
"Well," he says, "the good news is it is fixable."
"So there is something wrong?" I ask.
"There is a hole in her heart. It's a sizeable hole but more often than not the holes can close on their own before birth, sometimes after birth but most of the time they close on their own."
"So you are saying my little girl has a hole in her heart?"
"Yes, it looks like it could be a ventricular septal defect which causes too much blood flow to the lungs. There is a wall to prevent so much blood from getting into the lungs but with that hole there won't be anything to stop that blood to flow into her lungs. It can be repaired or like I said the hole could close before she's born or shortly after she's born usually by the time they are three years old."
"And if it doesn't close on its own and it's too big? What happens then?"
"First after she is born we will do some tests on her heart. We'll check out her heart to see how big the hole is and the chances of it closing up on its own."
"And if it' is too big or it won't close up on its own?" I ask as I have fear flow through my body. I want Dean with me now more than ever to hear these words and I want to protect my little gummy bear from all of this.
"Then we will discuss open heart surgery," he says.
"Open heart surgery?" I ask in a panic. "My baby would need surgery."
"Only in severe cases," he says, "I know it's a lot to take in and this isn't what you wanted to hear but getting stressed out is not going to help the situation. I know it's scary but right now just think positive. There is a good chance it could close up on its own before she's born. We'll look at it that way. Then after she's born we will check it out."
"Okay," I say. "Okay."
"It's going to be okay, Ms. Bennett. Your baby has a good chance of coming out without a hole in her heart. It's going to be okay."
"Thank-you," I say and the rest of the appointment is a blur. The only thing on my mind is knowing that my daughter has a hole in her heart. That's a serious situation. I don't know how the cardiologist expects me to be positive about something so serious. I am scared to death.
As soon as Aurora and I are in the car I pull out my cell phone to call Dean. The phone rings and rings before his voicemail picks up. "Hey, Dean," I say, "it's me. I just had my echocardiogram. We need to talk about Natalia. Um I guess whenever you get this message call me back. I think we need to talk period. I miss you, Dean. I love you," I say before I hang up the phone before I put my head down on the steering wheel as tears fill my eyes.
"Are you okay?" asks Aurora as she rubs my back.
"I don't know," I say, "what if this hole doesn't close? What if Dean doesn't call me back? How did everything get so crazy?"
"I don't know," she says, "but the last thing you need to worry about is Dean calling you back. The only thing you need to worry about is that little girl. Obviously Dean doesn't want to be there. He should have been here today and he chose not to be. You said it yesterday Natalia is number 1. Maybe Dean will grow up and get over his shit then try to be a dad but right now you don't need that bullshit. You need to worry about your little girl."
"But I love him and this is our daughter. He should be included in all of this."
"And he had his chance but he chose not to be. Where is he today, Ana? He's not here. I'm sorry but the truth is if he cared about you or the baby he would have been here or he would have answered the phone when you called him but he didn't. He doesn't care."
"I guess you're right," I say before I start the car. Aurora makes a lot of sense. If Dean truly cared about Natalia or me he would have been there today. He would be making an effort to be more involved not just sending me drug money to get by on. He needs to grow up and realize it is time to be a dad.
DEAN's POINT OF VIEW:
"Hey, Dean it's me. I just had my echocardiogram. We need to talk about Natalia. Um I guess whenever you get this message call me back. I think we need to talk period. I miss you, Dean. I love you," says Ana as I listen to her voice mail. It tears me apart hearing the pain in her voice, the pain she has in every message she leaves me. I want to go home to her, I want to make things right but right now the best thing for Ana and Natalia is if I stay away. I have to get myself together before I even think about being a boyfriend or being a dad. They deserve better than me.
I get ready to call Ana back just to find out what is going on with Natalia because I am worried about her heart and want to know how the appointment went but as I get ready to hit send a black SUV pulls up in front of me. I put my phone back into my pocket and walk over to the car. "What can I do for you?" I ask as the driver rolls the window down.
"Yeah," says the man in the car as he leans over. "I need some Dynamite. Do you got any?"
"Dynamite how much do you want?"
"Two bags," he says, "I'm having a party tonight. I need a little Dynamite you know what I mean?"
"Yeah I know what you mean," I say with a smile as I get into my bag to pull out two bags of Dynamite; Cocaine and heroin. "600," I say as I look up at him and he shows me a badge. I take off running when I see the badge as he gets out of the car and starts to chase after me. I run down the streets of Cincinnati hopping fences, hiding behind dumpsters and running through alleys to get away from this cop.
"STOP," he yells as he keeps chasing me. I hear other sirens approaching and soon I am trapped in the middle of an alley way with nowhere to go.
"Damn it," I say as the cop finally catches up to me.
"Hands in the air!" he yells as he has his gun drawn as do the other officers getting out of their cars. I drop my bag to the ground and put my hands in the air.
"All right," I say. "All right."
"Face the wall," He says as I turn to face the wall. He pushes me against the wall and pats me down. He pulls a bag of weed out of my pocket and says, "what's this?"
"What do you think it is?" I ask.
"Looks like a lot of trouble," he says before another officer opens my bag and I hold my breath.
"Look at this," he says pulling out all sorts of drugs from my bag. I have everything from heroin to pain pills in my bag. I'm in trouble; a lot of trouble. I'm looking at some jail time not sure how much time in jail but I'm looking at some jail time.
The officer at my back grabs my hands and forces them behind my back as he cuffs me. "You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you," he says as I remain silent as he takes me to one of the cars. He pushes me into the back seat and closes the door behind him as I lay my head back on the seat as I watch them go through my bag. I groan to myself with each thing they pull out.
When we get to the police station they take all my personal belongs and put them in a bag before they take my handcuffs off, fingerprint me and take my picture for my mugshot. "Do I get a phone call?" I ask as they give me a jumpsuit to put on.
"You want a phone call?" asks the cop.
"Yeah," I say "I get a phone call it's my right."
"In a minute," he says. "You need to be strip searched first."
"Fuck you," I say before he hits me in the mouth before I am forced to be strip searched before I put on a navy blue jumpsuit. "Now do I get my call?"
"Follow me," he says as he takes me to a phone. "You have two minutes," he says before he walks away.
I dial Ana's phone number and wait for her to answer the phone. I wait for the operator to finish talking and asking if she accepts the charges. She says yes and we are connected. "Hello?" she asks.
"Ana," I say. "It's Dean."
"Dean where the hell have you been? I've been looking for you. I tried calling you. Where were you today? I needed you."
"Ana, look we'll talk about that but I need your help. I am in jail."
"You're where?" she asks.
"I'm in jail. I'll explain it to you later but I need to get out of here. Can you help me out?"
"You want me to help you out?" she asks. "After you stood me up at an important ultrasound and now today? Are your drugs that important to you that you don't' give a shit about the important stuff?"
"Ana, I get it you're pissed but I need you right now. Can you help me out? I don't' know how much money it will be but can you please come get me out of here."
"And I needed you, Dean but you weren't there. Maybe jail might help you straighten your shit out. You're going to be a father, Dean, stop the selfish bullshit."
"Ana," I say with a plea. "Please. We'll talk."
"Goodbye, Dean," she says before she hangs up the phone. I really screwed up with her. I walk with the cop to a jail cell. He locks me inside with a couple other guys before walking away. I sit down on one of the beds and place my head in my hands. Ana is really upset with me. I screwed up.
*A/N: What did you think of Aurora? Is she a good friend to Ana? What do you think about Ana's thoughts on her and Dean? Do you think they will ever get back together? What do you think about the baby having a hole in its heart? What did you think about Dean missing the appointment? Was Aurora right when she said if Dean cared he would have been there? Do you think he cares? What did you think about him getting arrested? Do you think Ana will help him or let him deal with it? Please review and thank-you for reading.
*A/N2: if you haven't already I started another Dean story called Pick Up The Pieces. You should check it out! :)