*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
I walk into the Juvenile Detention Center to have my first visit with Dean in a month. He was on restriction for 4 weeks from having any visitors and getting phone calls. They wanted him to get settled in. It's been tough without him but I hope that while he's here he is getting all the help that he needs. "Can I help you, Ma'am?" asks the guy sitting at the desk.
"I'm here to visit Dean Ambrose," I say.
"Okay," he says as he types something into the computer before handing me a visitor's pass. "You have an hour with him. If you just walk through that door there you'll meet with a guard, he'll check you for weapons and take your purse from you."
"Okay," I say as he buzzes me into the next room where I am greeted by a guard. They take a metal detector over me and pat me down to make sure I have no weapons. They make me remove my jewelry and take my purse to lock it away before they allow me to go any further.
As we walk down the hallways I am excited and nervous at the same time. It's been a long time since I've seen Dean and I am anxious to see him. I have missed hearing his voice and seeing his beautiful face. I just miss him. I have felt so alone the last four weeks without him. He's missed a couple appointments and another ultrasound. I wish he could have been there to see our baby girl. "Right in here," says the guard as he opens the door for me and allows me to go into a room where there are about 8 tables some with families meeting with their loved ones that are in the same position as Dean.
"Thank-you," I say as I find an empty table in the room. I take a seat while I wait for Dean. The wait feels like a lifetime has passed as I sit at the table watching others interact with their families before the door opens. I smile as I see Dean come into the room wearing dark grey sweatpants and a light grey t-shirt with the Juvenile Detention Center's name on it in black. He smiles at me as he sees me as I stand up exposing my very pregnant belly.
"Ana," he says before he wraps me up in an embrace as I do the same to him. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," I say as we break our embrace. "You're looking pretty good," I say with a smile as we take a seat at the table.
"I missed you," he says, "how is everything going with the baby?"
"Very good, the doctor said that I am in safe zone so Natalia could come any time now. I still have 4 weeks to go but she said it's possible I won't make it to the due date."
"That's good," he says, "Am I allowed to be there when she's born?"
"I'm sorry, I did what I could. I talked to everyone that I could and they told me that you are not allowed to be there when she's born but I can make a special phone call to have someone tell you that she's here."
"This sucks," he says, "I'm not even going to get to see my baby girl come into this world. It sucks."
"I know it sucks but you're doing what you need to do."
"I know," he says, "but I am missing my first child's birth. I want to be there."
"I want you to be there too," I say, "but they are saying no."
"And it sucks," he says, "so how is school going? Did you start back up yet?"
"I did," I say with a smile. "I am doing my cyber school classes for school and I am also going to do my basic college courses like my math, English, psychology courses."
"Are you doing all right?"
"Yes," I say. "I'm doing well. I like it a lot and my professors are going to work with me when I have Natalia. They are going to let me do work online and send them assignments through e-mail."
"That's good," he says with a smile. "I'm glad school is going well for you. Did you get Natalia into daycare?"
"I have to wait till she's born for the child care network to kick in and they said there is a waiting list which is probably about a month long before we get accepted for child care network but I have found a daycare for her while I am doing school work and for when I am at school. It's an in-home daycare they have their clearances and there are probably only 8 kids there. It is probably about $150 a week for her so until the child care network kicks in I am going to use some of the money you left from you know."
"Good," he says, "that's really good. Are you sure we can trust these people with our baby girl?"
"I'm positive," I say. "They are very nice women and there are great reviews for them. They aren't going to sit watching TV all day but doing activities. They have one other baby and the rest are between 2 years old and 6 years old. It's clean and well kept. I think Natalia will be okay."
"That's good," he says with a nod. "I just want someone we can trust with our baby girl."
"I know me too," I say with a smile.
"And how is your dad doing? Does he know about me?"
"Yes," I say. "I told him that you're in jail and he asked me why. I told him honestly and he was pretty upset but he's glad you're getting the help that you need while you're in here. He said that the job will be waiting for you when you get out. So you have a job already."
"That's good," he says with a smile. "I thought your dad would hate me."
"He doesn't hate you. He just wants you to get your act together. He's giving you another chance to prove to him that he can trust you. You're not getting any other chances after this, Dean."
"I didn't think I would. I'm sorry, Ana."
"You don't have to keep apologizing to me. Just do better," I say. "Did you want me to tell your mom that you're in here?"
"No," he says, "I don't want her to know that I screwed up."
"Are you sure because sometime I can bring her with me to visit you?"
"I'm sure, Ana," he says.
"Okay," I say, "so how is it in here? Is it okay?"
"It sucks," he says, "I hate being in here but I am doing what I need to do to make myself a better person. I have to go to school every day while I'm in here. We just started a couple weeks ago. It's going okay. I like my teachers," he says with a shrug. "I started my drug and alcohol group."
"Really? How is that going?"
"It's okay," he says. "We're working on our stories now. I have pretty much learned that my circumstances don't define me and it can't be blamed on my upbringing. It is my choices not my circumstance."
"And I agree with that," I say, "you can't let your circumstances run your life and can't blame your circumstances for your behavior. It is your choice."
"I know, Ana. I realize I made the wrong choice and I am doing what I need to do so that I can get out of here and be the best father that I can be."
"I know you can do it, Dean. I believe in you."
"Thanks," he says with a smile.
"And you're okay with the school thing?"
"I don't really have a choice," he says, "but I am okay with it. It keeps me busy during the day so I'm not just sitting in my room. They are tough on us here. They check our rooms every day. They wake us up every day at about 5 in the morning. We have to wear this uniform every day and our beds have to be made a certain way. We have chores to do. This week I am on kitchen duty so I have to serve food at breakfast, lunch and dinner."
"That sucks," I say.
"Yeah but it's better than scrubbing the toilets. Bathroom duty is the worst."
"I bet," I say, "so are there girls here or no?"
"There are girls but they aren't allowed with the guys and the guys aren't allowed with the girls. It's to prevent problems."
"I understand that," I say.
"What about you? Did any college boys hit on you yet?"
I smile at him and say, "no, not yet and even if they did it wouldn't matter. I am waiting for a special boy to show me I can trust him."
"Waiting for me, Ana?"
"Yes, Dean. I will wait for you to prove to me that you have your act together and that I can trust you. I love you, Dean and I care so much about you. I hate knowing that you're in here but I hate knowing that you thought the best way we could survive was out on the streets. You are so much better than that. You may not believe it but I do. I believe you are a lot better than the streets. You're smart, Dean. You limit yourself because you're afraid. I would love to see you go beyond those limits and do what you need to do to be that guy I know you can be. If you choose to go back to school that's fine if not then I'll support you in whatever you do but I just need you to stay away from the streets."
"I'm going to stay away from the streets. There's nothing they have to offer me except a court date or a casket. Once I get out of here I don't want to come back and I don't want my child to grow up without her father because I lost my life to the streets. I just need you to support me and be by my side through all of this."
"Dean, I am here. I'm not going anywhere. I told you. I am by your side through all of this. I am going to write to you, talk to you on the phone and visit you every chance that I can. You are not alone, Dean, you have me."
"Thanks, Ana," he says with a smile. "That means a lot to me."
"You mean a lot to me," I say with a smile.
"Same goes for you," he says with a smile. "You're everything to me. No one has ever believed in me the way you do. Anyway are you all set for Natalia's arrival?"
"I am all ready," I say. "The bottles are washed, her clothes and blankets are washed. I set up the bassinet in our bedroom. I am ready but I'm scared to do this by myself."
"You're going to be okay, Ana. I know that you can do it. I know that you are going to be a great mom and you're only going to be alone for 3 months and then I'll be home. I'm sure your dad is there to help you if you need help. I wish I could be there from the beginning but I'm stuck here but I know you're going to be okay."
"I hope so," I say with a small smile. I wish Dean could be there with me from the beginning but I understand why he's can't be. "I'm going to send you lots of pictures of her. I'm going to send you as many as I can while you're in here."
"I will love that," he says with a smile. "I'm sure she's going to be as beautiful as her mommy."
"I think she looks like you," I say with a smile. "She has your nose and your mouth. I think she looks like you."
"How do you know?" he asks.
"Because I went for a 3D ultrasound this week and they did a close up of her face and from what I see she's all daddy as far as facial features go. Right now they are saying she is about 5lbs and 3 oz. which is really good but if I gain a pound a week from here on out she will be 9 lbs. when she's born. I don't think I can have a 9 lb. baby."
"No way is she going to be that big," he says, "7 lbs. yes but I don't think she'll be any bigger than that."
"We'll see," I say with a smile as we continue on with our visit as he tells me what he's learning in school and I tell him about my classes before our hour runs up. We share a quick hug goodbye and then he's gone while I make my way back down the hallway to leave. It's so hard to separate myself from Dean and knowing he is stuck where he is for the next few months but I know he's going to better himself and this is what he needs to be a good father and hopefully a good boyfriend as long as he can prove to me he is not the same guy he was before.
TWO WEEKS LATER:
"Ana," says my doctor as I am lying in the hospital bed hooked up to a monitor. I wasn't having contractions and my water didn't break but something didn't feel right with the baby so with her possibly having a heart condition she wanted to check me out to make sure everything was fine. "We're going to need to send you in for an emergency c-section," she says.
"Why?" I ask nervously. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"
"Her heart rate is a little lower than we want it to be and we want to get her delivered as soon as possible."
"But I'm not due for another 2 weeks," I say.
"I know but it's crucial that we get her out now. I know it's early but we need to do this. She seems to be in distress so we need to get her out as soon as possible. Okay?"
"Okay," I say, "I just want her to be healthy," I say as I worry about my baby girl. I'm concerned with her coming two weeks early but the doctor knows what she's doing. She knows that it's time to get her delivered.
"We are going to do our best," she says, "what we're going to do is we're going to have the anesthesiologist come in here and numb you from the waist down so that we can get her out of there as soon as possible. As you see her heart rate is lower than we would like it to be and it is dropping. It hasn't dropped too low but the fact it is dropping we want to get her delivered. Is that okay with you? I will need you to sign some papers and your dad is going to need to sign some papers."
"Okay," I say. "Do what you need to do," I say bravely but secretly I am scared to death. I wish Dean was here with me for this.
"I will be right back with those forms," she says before she walks out of the room to get the forms.
"Are you okay, Ana?" asks my dad as he walks over to me and kisses my forehead.
"I'm scared, Daddy," I say, "I'm really scared. What if something happens to her?"
"I think them doing the c-section is going to prevent something from happening to her. I promise I am going to be right here by your side. You're not going to be alone."
"I wish Dean was here too," I say.
"I know you do," he says, "but he's not. You have to do this without him but I'll be right here. Okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," I say with tears in my eyes.
"I love you, Ana, you can do this. I'm not going anywhere."
"Thanks, Daddy. I love you too," I say as I try to calm myself down from the fear flowing through my body. I don't know if I am scared that in a couple hours I'll be a mommy permanently or more scared that something could be wrong with my baby girl. I think it's both.
The doctor brings in the forms she was talking about. She has me sign them first and then she has my dad sign them. They are pretty much liability forms how if something goes wrong with the anesthesia they are not responsible. I am also signing permission for them to do the C-section. Once the papers are signed she takes them out and shortly after the anesthesiologist is in the room ready to give me the shot to numb me from the waist down. They don't want to put me to sleep so that I can be awake while the baby is fine. The doctor continues to check on me after the shot asking if I can feel anything or if I am okay. The moment I tell her I can't feel what she's doing she has my dad scrub up and she takes me to the operating room.
In the operating room the lights are bright and they put a sheet up blocking my view from seeing what they are doing from the waist down. I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a little out of it because I feel loopy and numb. It all happens so fast. It's like a blink of an eye for me as my dad holds onto my hand as the doctors cut me open to get to the baby. In a matter of minutes more like an hour that feels like seconds the baby is out. "HERE SHE IS!" says the doctor as the room stays silent.
"Why isn't she crying?" I ask as I start to panic every labor story I have watched while preparing for the birth of our little girl the baby came out crying but I don't hear a peep from her. "Is she okay?" I ask as the panic gets stronger. "Why isn't she crying?" I ask with tears in my eyes. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as the shrieking cries of my baby girl fill the room a minute or so after my panic. "Thank God," I say with relief.
"We just had to suction out her nose and mouth," says the doctor. "Who wants to cut her cord?"
My heart breaks as my dad volunteers to cut the cord. That was supposed to be Dean's job. That's all he wanted to do was cut the cord of the baby but my dad ends up doing it before they hand her to me by placing her onto my chest. Tears fill my eyes as I look into the grey eyes of my baby girl. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. She is everything to me. In the first moment I see her I fall in love with her. She becomes my entire world. Her small mouth reminds me of Dean's instantly and her little nose is identical to her father's. "Hey, Natalia," I say with tears in my eyes. "Welcome to the world," I say with a smile as my dad looks at her before he takes a picture of us so it can go into her baby book and so that I can send one to Dean.
After I get my few minutes with my little girl the nurse takes her away to clean her up, to weigh her and to do the APGAR testing on her. She hands her back to me and this time she is beautiful pink chubby little baby that looks even more like her dad with her strawberry blonde fuzzy hair on the top of her head that the nurse covers with a pink at before she hands her back to me as she is wrapped up in a pink blanket. My eyes fill with tears as I look at the beautiful masterpiece in front of me. I kiss her chubby cheek as she lets out a small grunting noise making me laugh before her grey eyes close and she falls asleep in my arms. "6lbs and 2 oz. And 19 inches long," says the nurse with a smile. "Everything looks good. The cardiologist will be in to get her later to look at her heart."
"Okay," I say with a smile. "Daddy, she's so beautiful. I love her so much."
"Congratulations, Ana," he says as he kisses my forehead. I look up and see the tears forming in his eyes. "She's beautiful just like you."
"Thanks, Daddy. Can you take a picture for Dean?"
"Of course," he says with a smile before he snaps a picture of us. It would be great if Dean, Natalia and I could have a family picture in this special moment but it will come later. "She looks just like her daddy."
"Yes she does," I say with a smile. "She is so pretty. I love her so much. I don't think I have ever loved anything so much in my life; not even dance class."
"You did a good job today, so what's her name?"
"Natalia Alyse Ambrose," I say with a smile before I give her another kiss and in that moment nothing else in this world matters to me. She is the only thing in the world that matters to me. She is perfect, the perfect creation of mine and Dean's love for each other. Everything I went through was worth it for this beautiful masterpiece.
*A/N: What did you think of Dean and Ana talking about how actions can't be blamed on circumstances do you agree? Why do you think Dean doesn't want his mom to know where he is? What do you think of Ana waiting for Dean to get out to prove himself to her? Do you think they will end up back together? What did you think of Ana having the baby? What do you think of her name? How do you think Dean is going to take the news? What about Natalia's heart do you think they will find something wrong with it? Please review and thank-you for reading. :)