*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. THey were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
"Ambrose," says one of the guards as I am sitting in my room studying for school.
"Yes, Sir!" I say as I jump up from my bed.
"I have a message for you," he says and my stomach gets filled with butterflies as I wait for the message. I know it's close to the time that Ana would be having the baby or could be having the baby so I am hoping that's what he is about to tell me. "Your girlfriend called, you are a father," he says. "Congratulations," he says with a smile.
"I'm a dad?" I ask. "I have a daughter?"
"You're a dad," he says with a smile.
"I'M A DAD!" I yell with excitement as I immediately start to picture what my little girl looks like in my head. It is all bittersweet but a part of me is hurt that I wasn't there for Ana as she gave birth to Natalia. I wish I could have been there, I should have been there but I screwed up and missed the birth of my first born child. "Did she give any more information or no?" I ask.
"She just left a message for me to tell you that your daughter is here. She didn't give any more information than that."
"Am I allowed to call her? I know it's not Wednesday or the right time but am I allowed to call her to see how she's doing and to get some information on our baby girl?"
"Ambrose, you know the rules the only phone calls are allowed to be made Wednesday nights between 5pm and 8pm. It's only Monday afternoon."
"But this is a special occasion. I am a dad. I need to make sure my daughter is okay and that her mother is okay too. I should have been there. I wish I could have been there. This is my baby, my first born little girl," I say hoping that he will take mercy on me and let me talk to Ana. I really need to know if the baby is okay and if Ana is okay. I just want to hear my baby's little cries and hear that she's okay. "It is really important," I say trying to get his sympathy.
He lets out a deep breath and says, "I was a young father too. I know what you're feeling. I was anxious about my first born too. She is 18 now but I know how important that is. If I couldn't have seen her born I would have lost my mind. I will make this ONE exception for you to talk to her and get the information you need but you only have 15 minutes, Ambrose."
"Thank-you, thank-you so much," I say with a smile.
He leads me from my room to the phone in the main office so that others can't see that I am on the phone. He picks up the phone and asks me for the number. I give him the number before he enters it in. He stands for a few minutes as if he is waiting for someone to answer. "Hello," he says. "I am a guard at Cincinnati Juvenile Detention Center, I have a Dean Ambrose that would like to talk to an Anastasia Bennett." He stands silent for a minute before a smile comes across his face. "Okay, I'll give him the phone. Congratulations," he says with a smile. "You're welcome," he says before he hands me the phone. I have an array of emotions running through me as I take the phone from him. I'm happy, I'm sad, I excited and disappointed. I just need to get some information from Ana. "You have 15 minutes, Ambrose," he says reminding me before I speak into the phone.
I nod at him as he takes a seat as I gather my voice to speak. "Ana," I say.
"Dean," she says. "How are you?"
"Good, how are you?"
"Tired but good," she says.
"She's here?" I ask.
"Natalia is here," she says and tears fill my eyes at the news. I have a baby girl. I have created something so special that I have yet to see but I love her so much already.
"Is she okay?"
"She seems to be healthy but they want to run some tests on her heart. Everything happened so fast. They had to do a C-section because her heart rate was lower than they would like it to be so they did that pretty fast and she was here."
"So when are they running tests?" I ask as fear consumes me and nervousness sets in.
"They said he should be down with in the next hour."
"Okay," I say, "How much did she weigh and how long was she and what is her full name?"
"She weighs 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 19 inches long. She's a tiny little Angel, Dean, you're going to love her," she says as my eyes fill with tears. "She's perfect. She looks so much like you. She has your strawberry blonde hair and right now her eyes are grey but she has your mouth and those perfect little dimples and your nose. She is you 100% you would think I didn't have any part in this little princess." I smile at her words as I picture our baby girl as I choke on cry. "Dean, are you crying?"
"I just wish I could have been there, Ana. You shouldn't have been alone. I should have been there. I'm sorry."
"I wasn't alone my dad was with me and he's staying with me tonight. He loves her. I'm surprised with how much he was trying to talk us out of having her he really loves her. He's been holding her for the last half hour. She's going to be spoiled by her Pop Pop," she says. "Don't cry, Dean. I know you would have been here by my side if you could have been. I understand that you can't be. Maybe one day there will be more babies but you'll get your chance to be there. It's okay."
"It's just I pictured cutting her cord and holding her in my arms and introducing myself to her at the hospital not like this."
"I know, Dean but she's waiting to meet you. You're going to love her. I'm going to bring her to see you in a couple weeks but don't worry my dad and I have been taking a lot of pictures of her that we will get into the mail as soon as possible. I promise. You are going to love her. Use her as your motivation to be a better person and to be a better you to get what you need to do done and get out of there when you're supposed to. We can't change what happened but what we can change is who you are going to be when you get out. I want you to be her father, Dean, I want you to be in her life and I want you two to have a good relationship. You're going to be in love with her. I already am. I love Natalia Alyse Ambrose with all my heart and I know you will too."
"I already love her," I say with a smile. "Natalia Alyse Ambrose?" I ask. "I thought you were hyphenating her last name?"
"I changed my mind," she says, "you're her daddy she deserves to have your last name. It's okay."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive," she says as the guard lets me know my 15 minutes are up. "You're going to love her, Dean."
"I'm sure I will. I can't wait to meet her. Keep me updated on her heart condition and I look forward to the mail I'm going to get. I have to go."
"All right, Dean, I'll get the pictures out as soon as I can and as soon as I know about her heart I will let you know."
"Thanks, Ana, I love you, Ana. Thank-you so much for our baby girl."
"No, Dean, thank-you for our little beauty," she says making me smile, "I love you. Take care of yourself, Dean, we're waiting for you."
"Okay," I say with a smile. "Bye, Ana."
"Bye, Baby," she says before we both hang up the phones. I can't believe I am a father. I have a little girl that is going to be looking up to me and watching everything I do. From this point on nothing matters more to me than that little girl and giving her the best life possible.
Ana's POINT OF VIEW:
"Hi, Natalia," I say as I work to change her diaper. It's only my second time changing a diaper so I'm not really a pro at it just yet and the first time was a bit of a disaster. I went through 3 diapers before I finally got one on her before she peed again then it was another 3 till I got another diaper on her. I smile down at her as her grey eyes are open for the first time this afternoon. I can't get over how much she looks like Dean she could be his twin. "You're so pretty," I say as I take off her old diaper and put on the next one this time with no issues. "Well, that was easy," I say with a smile before I snap the bottom of her onesie as my dad takes her dirty diaper to throw away before I wrap her up into the pink blanket the way the nurse told me to before I go to wash my hands while my dad holds her. I come back into the room and he hands her to me as I settle into my hospital bed after getting a little bottle of formula for her to drink. "It gets harder than this doesn't it, Daddy?" I ask as I feed her.
"Oh yeah, this is a piece of cake. You're in the honeymoon stage with her right now but there are going to be nights she is going to keep you awake and keep you up all night long. I hope she's good enough to know the difference between night and day but if not you're in for a lot of sleepless nights."
"I don't know what I am actually supposed to do. What if I don't know why she's crying?"
"Sometimes babies cry because they have gas and sometimes babies have colic."
"What is colic?" I ask as I look down at my baby girl and smile at her perfection as she eats.
"It can make babies really fussy. They can just cry for no reason."
"That doesn't sound like much fun," I say.
"It isn't, Chastity had colic your mother and I endured many sleepless nights. It was frustrating because nothing we did could make her stop crying. I don't want that for you."
"But Natalia seems so good and so sweet," I say with a smile as I look down at her. "I think she's going to be a good baby."
"I hope so," he says with a smile as he stands over me. "I can't get over how much she looks like Dean and that little strawberry blonde hair is adorable," he says with a smile. "I am one proud grandpa right now."
"I can tell," I say with a smile. "Thank-you, Daddy for being here for me today. I felt bad for Dean when I was talking to him. He was really upset that he missed her birth."
"I know," he says, "It is probably tough for him but I hope being where he is teaches him a lesson. I'm just glad nothing happened to you or Natalia because of his non-sense. The drug business is so tricky and you could end up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Those people don't care."
"I know, Dad and I told him. He has to prove himself to me when he gets out that he's truly done with that lifestyle. He can't be around Natalia unless he is completely away from the streets. I think he is going to change though but I thought that before."
"Well, I hope that he does. I know I haven't been around much for you and your brother and sister but being a father is one of the greatest jobs in the world. It is rewarding and I don't want him to miss out on that and a little girl needs her father. Well, she needs her mother too but she needs her father just as much."
"Dad, I want to see my mom."
"Ana, why would you want to see her? She left us."
"I know she left us but I still love her. I want to know what she's up to and I want to know why she left."
"She left because she's selfish she didn't care one bit about you or your brother and sister. If she cared about you she wouldn't have left the way she did. She didn't want you. Don't worry about her."
"Dad," I say, "For the last few years that's all you've been telling me. She is my mom regardless and I want to see her. I know she's in Phoenix."
"And how do you know that?"
"So you knew that all these years that she was in Phoenix?" I ask.
He looks down at the floor and then looks up at me. "Yes," he says, "I knew that for a few years now."
"And why didn't you tell me?"
"Because Ana, it was better that you didn't know."
"Scared that I would want to find her and live with her?" I ask as I take the nipple from Natalia's mouth to burp her. "Why would you keep that from me?"
"Ana, it's hard to explain."
"Did you tell her to stay away?"
"No, Ana, I would never tell her that. Look this is not the time nor the place to talk about this. Just enjoy your baby girl don't worry about your mom right now. That is a discussion we'll have another time."
"Just answer one thing for me, Daddy, and I want the truth. Did you tell her to leave and never come back?"
"Ana," he says. He shakes his head, "I don't want to talk about it."
"To me that means you did. So how much money were you paying her to stay away?"
"Anastasia Eve, that is enough. Don't turn me into a bad guy. You have NO idea what was going on between your mother and I. I'm going to leave it at that. You were young and you don't need to know."
"Dad," I say, "I'm going to be 18 in 2 weeks and when I can I am going to Phoenix to see my mom and for her to meet her granddaughter. You can't stop me."
"Ana," he says.
"No, Dad, I just want the truth but you're not giving it to me."
"Because we're in the hospital. This is a good day, a day worth celebrating. You're a mom and you have a beautiful little girl. Don't make it a bad day by throwing accusations and hate my way for a situation you have no idea about."
"Then tell me, Dad, because as far as I am concerned all I know is my mom left me when I was 11 years old and never came back. How do you think that made me feel? How much do you think that destroyed me and now I find out you knew where she was the last 7 years? Dad really and you don't want me to question you? What happened, Dad?"
"Ana, not today."
"Fine not today but I'm not letting this go," I say, "I want to know what happened with you and my mom and why she left."
"We'll discuss it another day," he says.
"Okay," I say as I go back to feeding Natalia.
After she eats a little she falls into a milk coma in my arms. She even sleeps like her dad. I smile down at the perfection Dean and I created together. I could never picture leaving her. I would never be able to just walk away from her. She is the best thing in my life and one of the greatest things I have done. She is everything to me. "Hey, Natalia," I say in a whisper as my dad is out getting us something to eat. "I promise I am never going to leave you. I'm always going to be here. Mommy is never going anywhere. I love you so much," I say as I promise her I will always be there for her. I kiss her forehead before I put her into the incubator just as the doctor and cardiologist come in to take her to have some tests done on her heart. I am nervous beyond belief as they wheel my precious baby out of the room. I don't have all my strength back to go with them but I know she's in good hands.
The thirty minutes that they have Natalia feels like two lifetimes have passed. They wheel her back into the room and she is still sound asleep with her little hand covering her face and she is in a deep sleep. "Hello, Ana," says the cardiologist. "I am Dr. Simmons," he says.
"Hello," I say. "So is everything okay with her heart or what?"
"Well, we did a few tests and from what I saw the hole is still in her heart. It's a little larger than we would like to see. It is a ventricular septal defect," he says.
"And that is what?"
"It's a congenital heart defect where there is a whole in the ventricular wall. The ventricular wall's main job is to slow down and limit blood flow into the lungs with that hole there too much blood is getting into her lungs which will cause problems down the road. It is on the right side of her heart and it can be a very serious situation. It can cause breathing problems. Her breathing seems to be a bit labored which is understandable because of the hole in her heart. Her lungs are filling up with blood too quickly and it is making it harder for her to breathe."
"So what do we do now?" I ask as I want to cry but hold back my tears.
"Well, my suggestion is this I want to wait a month or two before we do anything with the heart. I want to see if the hole starts to decrease in size over the next month and if not then we will talk about surgery."
"So you're saying my baby will probably need open heart surgery?"
"It is a possibility," he says, "I know that's not something you want to hear but it is a true possibility."
"Okay," I say, "so why wait if it's affecting her breathing?"
"Because we want to give it time to see if it starts to close up on its own. For the mean time I am going to put her on heart medication that will help slow down the blood flow into the lungs. She will need to take it every day. If I see significant problems like malnourishment then I will operate sooner. I am going to need you to chart her feedings, how much she's eating and track her weight over the next month. If she's eating a lot and doesn't seem to gain weight then we have an even bigger problem and we'll need to operate as soon as possible but I want to try out the medication, monitor weight gain, feedings as well as the hole."
"Okay," I say, "and how soon will I know about her heart surgery and if she'll need it?"
"I am going to schedule an appointment for her when she's 8 weeks old so that we can take a look at everything and then at that appointment we will make the decision whether to operate then or later down the road or if we will have to operate at all."
"Okay," I say. I have never been this scared in my life. I'm not sure how I feel. Heart surgery is a serious thing and I'm scared to have my little girl get open heart surgery but I'm scared of what could happen if I don't. I just hope that her hole closes up on its own and that we don't need the surgery. The cardiologist talks to me a little while longer about Natalia's medicine and gives me instructions before he leaves the room. Instead of breaking down into tears like I want to I get a piece of paper out and start to write a letter to Dean to let him know what all is going on with Natalia and hope that he will give me the hope and strength I need to handle this and hope that I am not alone in this whole thing.
*A/N: WHat did you think of Dean's reaction to Natalia being born? Do you think Natalia will motivate him to do better and to better himself away from the streets? What do you think about Ana's dad knowing where her mom was all these years and not telling her? Do you believe he made her leave and what do you think could have happened between them that caused her to walk away? What did you think of her dad telling her that her mom doesn't care about her do you think that's true? What do you think of Natalia's diagnosis? Does Ana have her hands full and how do you think Dean is going to handle it? Please review and thank-you for reading.