Coming Clean

~ Friday, March 16th ~

"Are you ready?" Severus held out a handful of floo powder.

Shadow stared at the fireplace, sharp emotions crackling under his skin. Am I?

Draco met Severus' eyes before looking back down on his lover. "Shadow?"

"Will you go first?" he whispered, hating how he sounded like a scared child. "Make sure it's safe?"

"Of course." Draco bent and gently kissed lips drawn tight with anxiety. "I'll be waiting."

Severus watched the blond disappear in a flash of green. He turned to Shadow expectantly, but he still would not move any closer. It was as if he'd been struck with a paralysis hex. "We do not have to do this tonight."

"We do," Shadow argued, hands fisting. "Miles is hurting. I can't just put it off because I'm afraid."

"There is no reason this has to be hard for you." Severus reached forward and curled his arm around the slender shoulder of his nearly adult son. "We shall floo together."

A hot blush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks, but he didn't pull away. "I'm being ridiculous."

"This is between you and me. No one else is here. No one else matters." He smiled when he felt Shadow begin to relax, long fingers grasping at him firmly. "Ready?"

Shadow nodded. He hated hiding in his father's robes like this, but at the same time he felt safe and reassured. He closed his eyes tight, holding fast to Severus, as the man threw down the powder calling out their destination. Then he was whirling.

An overwhelming feeling of helplessness wrapped around him as he was flung out of control through the magical transport. A scream ripped from his throat and he practically clawed at Severus, he grasped him so tight. Then it was over. They stumbled and would have fallen if it weren't for Draco catching their shoulders and bracing them. Eyes wide and wild, Shadow gasped, heart rocketing in his chest. He didn't like flooing at all!

"I got you, baby," Draco murmured, pulling his love into his arms and rubbing his back.

Shadow looked frantically around the office, but it was empty.

"She's waiting by the gargoyle," Draco answered the unspoken question.

"Thank you." Shadow squeezed his hand tight. What would I do without you?

"Are you ready?" Severus asked calmly for the second time that night.

Nodding, Shadow stepped away from his fiancé, but he kept a firm grip on his hand.

The gargoyle slid aside, and Minerva smiled as they stepped out of the office. "Shadow, Severus, Draco. It is a pleasure to see you all again."

"Thank you. It has been too long." Severus half-bowed.

Minerva laughed. "I am beginning to be suspicious of your true identities. Who are you really? Certainly not the old, snarky Potions Professor."

"He has mellowed with age," Draco teased with a smirk.

Shadow smiled, tension finally leaving him. He was safe with Severus and Draco. He didn't have to be afraid. "He's like wine, apparently, and just as bitter."

Severus snorted and crossed his arms. "If you are done laughing at my expense, can we continue on?"

They moved down the corridor toward the infirmary, but Minerva couldn't stop looking at Shadow. The boy had grown so much. They all had really. "You look well. I am glad."

"Thanks." Shadow shyly ducked his head.

"What you are attempting is incredible. I want you to know that, no matter what happens tonight, I am proud of you."

Shadow shook his head but said nothing. He didn't really feel the gratitude was deserved. They didn't even know if he could heal Miles yet. As for her pride, he didn't really care. He was doing this for his friend, not for her or even for himself.

They stepped into the infirmary a few minutes later. The first thing Shadow saw was Rogan. He almost didn't recognize him. Gone was the hyper child and in his place stood a confident eighteen-year-old. Rogan didn't smile when he caught Shadow's eyes. He was standing beside Miles' hospital bed. The kindhearted boy was as small as Shadow remembered him being at fourteen. His pain-lined face was the only thing giving away his age.

Lillian had changed most of all. Her hair was no longer short. The black tresses were braided down her back. She stood tall, big-breasted, and slightly heavy. Strength radiated off her as she watched over the two she loved more than anything else in the world. Shadow saw in her expression that she was afraid she would lose both of them if Miles didn't survive. That fear, of being completely alone in the world, weighed heavily on her.

"Can you really help him?" she demanded.

"At least say hello first, Lils," Miles scolded her. He turned a bright smile on Shadow. "Hey. It's been a while. How are you?"

"I was in a coma," Shadow admitted to the room. He didn't feel anything except the absolute truth belonged here. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you guys sooner."

"Coma?" Rogan frowned and ran his eyes over Shadow's body. "I don't recall you fighting in the final battle. Why were you in a coma?"

"That's none of your concern," Draco snapped. "You should be grateful we're here now."

Shadow squeezed his hand. "It's okay. They were my friends and think I abandoned them. They deserve an answer."

"If they were your friends, they wouldn't demand one. They'd trust you," Draco countered darkly. How dare they imply Shadow hadn't done enough during the war! Shadow had suffered more than they could ever comprehend.

"They are trusting me. They're letting me try and heal Miles when we have no idea if it will work."

Shadow looked over at the adults, surprised they were staying out of the conversation. Minerva and Severus stood to the side, watching. Poppy was obviously unhappy. Her arms crossed as she frowned at them all. He realized everyone but the Slytherins knew his other identity. Draco must have caught something in his expression hinting at where his thoughts were headed. His hand tightened once and then let him go. He wasn't happy, but he acknowledged the fact that it was Shadow's decision to make.

"I was at the final battle. I was once Harry Potter." He lifted his shirt up, exposing his too skinny frame and the lightning bolt scar on his chest above his heart, along with the other scars he'd received years ago in the graveyard. Lillian gasped, Rogan's mouth fell open, but Miles merely smiled as if he'd guessed.

"So you think you can heal me?" he asked, changing the subject.

Shadow let his shirt fall. "I have access to magic that may be able to, yes. I haven't done anything like this before, but I have healed many wounds that would have otherwise been deadly."

"Then let's give this a go." Miles released Rogan's hand and lay back, unafraid.

"You two might want to stand with them," Draco suggested. He nodded his head at Minerva and Severus.

Shadow didn't argue. Draco knew the instincts of his Animagus form better than Shadow did himself. If the blond thought they should move to the side, then they probably should. Lillian opened her mouth to argue, but Miles shushed her. Sharp spikes of anxiety wafted off the two Slytherins as they slowly moved away from Miles.

Poppy stood across from them, closer to the hospital bed in case she had to intervene. Draco stood behind Shadow, his presence comforting, telling him he was guarded from behind. He was safe. Taking a deep breath, Shadow closed his eyes and reached for Seraphim.

Rogan held Lillian to his chest as magic filled the room with an almost audible roar, like the ocean's. His blue eyes were wide as he watched the boy he'd known only briefly begin to transform into something else. Something not human.

Shadow grew taller, his shirt tearing and falling away. The pants remained, Draco having shot a sizing charm at them to make the waist larger, but they revealed pale ankles and fair a bit of calf as Shadow grew several inches. Long hair spilled down the creature's back, but it wasn't really hair. It was too fluid. Wings, gorgeous white wings, rose from the altered shoulder blades and spread wide, flapping once and filling the room with a musky bird smell. Sharp claws on hands and feet, which were more like paws. The skin turned golden. Dark tattoos appeared over torso and face.

"Merlin," Lillian whispered, terrified. "What is he?"

"If you can't handle it, get out," Draco snapped, his eyes gone silver as his protective instincts rose. "Your fear will only upset him." He crowded close to his crouching lover hoping it would sooth him.

Seraphim looked around the room, which was strangely flat and clear at the same time. Two youths - a male and a female - stood to the side, protected by two adults. They were afraid, but the adults were calm. The Dark One was Seraphim's pack. The scent of his mate was at his back.

Seraphim turned, trusting the Dark One to watch the others, and took the blond male in his arms. His wings came up and around, curtaining them from view as he nuzzled at his mate's ear, licking it. Utter contentment sang through him. His mate was here, healthy, safe. Then he noticed the smell of sickness.

Crinkling his nose, he released his mate and took a few steps forward. Yes. A sick fledgling lay in the bed, dull pain saturating the young body. As he approached, he sensed the fear rise in the other two youths. They were mates to the sick one. Seraphim cooed, trying to sooth them, but he would be just as upset to lose his own mate. His chest ached at the thought of losing the strong blond.

No. He wouldn't let them lose their mate. It was too horrible. He focused on the ill one, getting a feel for the degrading body. His left wing came up and gently caressed the male. The gasp his touch invoked had the other two moving forward only to be restrained by the adults.

Seraphim growled. This illness went deep. He wouldn't let it win. Climbing on the bed, straddling the young male, he pulled him gently to his chest, his wings coming up to cocoon them both. Seraphim tipped his head back and howled, opening himself to the White, allowing it to pour through him.

With the magic came feelings he did not like. The feeling of utter desperation, the sheer need to repair his body, to set things right and stop the destruction. To return things to the way they were meant to be. It was worse than fear; it was to be so broken that death slides within every atom of a body that cries out so loudly to be mended, to be saved. He had to go there, to that desolate place, in order to reach the White. The memory of being so utterly broken and sliding into death never leaves him completely, but now he had to lose himself to that awful feeling in order to draw as much White as the ill one needed.

Great howling sobs rose from his throat, a desperate cry as his mind slipped into the past. The body that was dying wasn't a strange fledgling's, it was his own. He was dying! He was broken! Hurtshurtshurts! Do anything, just make it STOP. He grabbed at the White desperately, pulling more and more into his body. Cleaving to the magic, begging it to force the darkness to leave him. Anything to get it to surrender. To stop the pain.

Seraphim fell backward into the arms of his mate. Horrible high-pitched whines escaped him, his whole body shuddering. But he was healed. There was no more icy-cold death creeping along his bones, into his marrow, trying to rip his soul from him. He was exhausted but alive. Alive in his mate's warm arms as the beta-male rocked him, rubbed his back between his limp wings, holding him as the horrible, terrified shudders wracked his body. He curled up, allowing his mate to be above him, to protect him, and fell into a deep and exhausted sleep.

xXxXxXx

Draco crouched, using his body to shield the unconscious form of his lover. Seraphim melted away leaving Shadow curled up on the infirmary floor. Poppy was huddled over Miles, casting rapid-fire diagnostic spells. Rogan and Lillian broke free of the hands holding them and ran to their lover's bedside, while Severus quickly moved toward Draco.

"Is he dead?" Lillian demanded breathlessly.

Rogan held her tightly to keep his own hands from reaching for Miles and interfering with the Mediwitch's spells.

"Is he well?" Severus asked lowly, dark eyes on his son.

"He's just tired," Draco assured. "After healing me, he slept for almost fourteen hours remember."

"But he was able to make it back to the house first," Severus countered.

"He used more magic here. I think he really healed Miles completely; he couldn't do that with me. Besides, he used both Black and White, not just White."

"I don't believe it," Poppy breathed, astonished. "He's cured."

Rogan bit his lip and looked over at Draco who stood with Shadow in his arms. "Thank you."

Lillian burst into tears and flung herself on Miles' sleeping form, oblivious to everyone else.

Draco inclined his head in acknowledgement. "I'll tell him you said so."

"Are you leaving? I'd like to tell him myself."

"I'm sure you'll see us again." With that, Draco turned and left the room, intent on getting Shadow home and in bed.

Severus followed, Minerva falling into step with him. "That boy is a living miracle," she said softly.

"Not everyone would think so," Severus countered. He did not like the look in her eyes.

"He could do so much for…"

"Stop." Severus pulled her around to face him, eyes dark and dangerous. "You have not known Shadow has awakened for more than an hour before already deciding what he should or should not do with himself. This is his life. He will decide where he goes, what he does. He owes no one his allegiance or his freedom."

She had the grace to look ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"If that is true, then you will keep Shadow's reemergence a secret. When we are ready to tell the world he is alive and well, we will do so on our own."

"I wouldn't have breathed a word, Severus," she snapped, insulted.

"No, but you may have thought it necessary to tell us of problems or ask him to step in and heal others. That would have the same results," he answered icily.

Minerva looked away, saying nothing. She was thinking of others Shadow could help. And why not? The boy had a gift. He should feel honored to use it. Her heart gave a pang, wondering if Dumbledore had thought those very same thoughts. Was this the beginning of the road that ended in seeing people as mere pawns? She didn't know.

Shadow was a smart young man. He was aware of his abilities and was equally aware that world possessed an abundance of those in need. If he wanted to heal, he would do so. He didn't need her to try and maneuver him into it. Not to mention she had seen with her own eyes that it had cost him something to do this healing. She could not presume to tell him if it was worth it or not.

"I understand. I am sorry," she finally murmured, honestly this time.

"Good." Severus let his eyes burn her a moment longer before turning and gracefully striding away.

xXxXxXx

~ Saturday, March 17th ~

Shadow opened his eyes slowly. His head pounded painfully and at first he couldn't remember why. He turned, facing Draco who slept with a frown marring his handsome features. Shadow soothed those lines before slipping from the warm embrace. He needed to think. Once again, he pulled on his robe over his pajamas. He didn't go to Draco's old room, however. This time he moved to the music room.

His piano sat there, the wood glowing a warm color as late afternoon light filled the rom. Shadow hesitated. It had been a long time. Did he even remember how to play? With a shrug he moved forward. The bench was warm and smooth, and he winced as his bottom gave a dull pang from his encounter with Draco two nights before. Healing salves could only do so much.

As his fingers wandered aimlessly over the keys, getting a feel for the notes and the instrument again, he slowly remembered the healing. It was strange, remembering things from his Animagus' point of view. More animal instinct, less human reason. Many people believe that humans are practically animals themselves. So emotional and often barbaric, but it's not true.

Even when emotional or cruel, there is usually some level of thinking involved. Be it irrationally or cruelly, humans are always thinking away. Not so with animals. Still, he was certain that Seraphim reasoned more than other animals, caught between the two. Even then Seraphim did not think or reason. He moved on instinct with a limited understanding of cause and effect. So it was a strange feeling, looking back and applying reason where there'd been none.

One thing was certain, without his hang-ups and mental scars from his abuse, he felt much easier about loving Draco. He was able to be more affectionate. In human form, they had to play a delicate game of slowly seducing Shadow and pressing the issue just carefully enough not to spark bad memories or make him pull away. Sex would always bring up mixed feelings for him even though he wished it wouldn't. He didn't think he'd ever be the one to instigate intimacy between them. Shadow pushed past his regret concerning Draco and their relationship. He had other things to consider.

"Are you well?"

Shadow turned to see his father standing in the doorway. He smiled in welcome and gestured to the space beside him on the bench. "Just thinking. Maybe you can help me work through it."

"Of course." Severus moved into the room and sat facing outward and away from the piano. He waited patiently, enjoying the gentle melody his son tapped out.

"Seraphim's not any one animal, but he still thinks like one. Or rather, doesn't think. He intuits, moves on instinct, reads body language. He understands cause and effect, but only in twos. He can't comprehend a longer chain where a cause can lead to many effects. Just the immediate one. One action equals one reaction. He's very practical. Things are or things aren't."

"I am an Animagus myself. I understand," Severus assured him, trying to make whatever he was trying to say easier.

Shadow nodded. He had forgotten. "Well, even though I changed with the intension of healing Miles, as Seraphim I no longer felt concern for anyone who wasn't my pack."

"But you did heal him."

"Only because Rogan and Lillian were there." Shadow sat silently for a minute, his attention on the music. "I guess Seraphim has more human traces than an animal really does, even though he is still mostly animalistic. He felt compassion for them because their mate was dying. He empathized because he knew how painful it would be if he – I – lost Draco. I mean, he's me. I was just speaking in third person to differentiate between my two mindsets. I know he's not a different being than me."

"That is good," Severus said wryly. He crossed his ankles and laid his hands on his stomach, obviously at ease. "As for your concerns, animals can feel very attached to their mate, but you are right. They would not be able to apply that sense to another mated pair. Their only concern is the protection of their pack or mate or young. Everyone else must fend for themselves. That is the way of nature."

His father's calm was contagious. His shoulders relaxed. "I'm glad it worked out. I really needed to be able to do this for Miles."

"Why?" Severus asked gently. "Do you feel guilty?"

"Not for his condition," Shadow reassured. "I know he was born with that, but they were my friends. I wasn't there for them. Not when they were facing Umbridge and not after the battle."

"I see." Severus took a moment to consider a response. "Shadow, you were pushed to the limits of your body and mind. No one blames you for needing time to recover. Three years isn't so long. And I fear I contributed to the length of your coma."

Shadow turned to face him, the last notes fading under his still fingers. "How?"

"You were distressed. You often cried silently or went rigid with pain. I began to feed you calming potions to allow you to rest peacefully."

"I… I dreamed a lot. Or remembered." Shadow wrapped his arms around his chest. "I try not to think about it too much. It was… horrible. Really horrible. I didn't want to remember. I still don't want to remember. What Uncle did to me… I thought I'd go mad with the pain… I did go mad. I just wanted to get away from it… I needed space. So I broke.

"I still can't really grasp it. It's like fog in my head. I do remember, but I can't feel it all the time or I'll go crazy. So I push it away, let the fog cover it. I try not to think about it, try not to remember. I focus on the good things. You, Draco, being alive. I try to focus on other people, but it still there." Tears spilled down his cheeks. "It's never going to go away completely, is it, Severus? Even if I am miraculously healed, the memories will still be there. They'll always be there."

"I'm afraid so." Severus pulled his son against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Shadow. If I could bear this for you, I would."

Shadow took a deep breath, trying to push down the panic and pain. He was safe. It was over, the past. "When I use White magic, I have to go there. To those memories. But usually I only have to skim the surface. I only need a little bit to heal surface wounds, but with Miles… I had to go there again. I needed so much more. I thought it was me dying again. I just want to live, Severus. God. He hurt me so much."

Severus rocked him as Shadow broke down. He closed his eyes and tried not to feel helpless rage or despair. Neither would help his son. He had to remind himself that things were better now. Shadow was no longer being hurt. He whispered these things in the teen's ear. Slowly he calmed again.

"Thanks."

"I will always be here for you," Severus answered. He brushed the curly bangs from wet eyes gently. "The time will come where these moments of remembering will be rare and you will be happy."

"I am happy," Shadow protested.

Severus didn't argue, but he couldn't help but fear that Shadow had no idea what true happiness was. He had snippets and good days, but never a feeling of happiness that lasted for more than mere moments. Severus was determined to give that to him.

"Love, George is here," Draco said as he walked into the room. He yawned, the sun still a few hours from setting.

Shadow smiled over his shoulder at him. "Really?"

Draco frowned as he took in his lover's red eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Shadow looked up at his father. "I think I will be." He hugged Severus briefly before walking over to Draco. "Are you going back to sleep?"

Draco kissed him, pulling the smaller body against his. "Do you need me?"

"I'll be fine." Shadow smiled and pulled away. "Go back to sleep. Really. I'm okay."

Draco watched him go before turning his attention to Severus. "What happened?"

"The healing overwhelmed him. He was forced to re-experience some of the things from his past. He associates pain and the need for healing with White magic so it is to be expected."

The blond scowled, obviously not happy with that answer. Severus was equally displeased, but he understood that Shadow would have to go through these moments in order to truly heal, and so did Draco. They would say nothing one way or another about Shadow using his magic. Not to mention if they tried to tell Shadow what to do, they'd only get pushed away. Shadow wasn't going to let himself be controlled ever again.

"I'm going to take a long bath before dinner," Draco finally filled the silence.

"Very well. I'll go to my office in case Shadow should need one of us."

Draco nodded, pleased. The office was far enough away that Shadow won't feel smothered, might not even suspect he was being watched so closely. Without another word he turned and went to the bathroom, his stomach growling. He hoped Omi had cooked a feast. He was starving and, after that massive use of magic, he was sure Shadow was too.

Chapter end.

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Especially Yiggersentia who made me laugh when I really needed it. Your bribes were effective and I hope you enjoy this chapter. I also want to say I'm surprised I got as few comments as I did on the last chapter's love scene. Thank you to those who did comment. I'm still learning how to write things and it helps to know what does and doesn't work.