Making It Better When It Hurts

The setting sun filled the windows with deep golden light, and Shadow hurried downstairs, stomach tied in knots. He was both excited and scared to met George again. Halfway down, he caught a glimpse of red. His feet slowed as he stepped off the staircase and stared into the sitting room. He could just see a thin young man's back and the tell-tale hair. Taking a deep breath, he moved across the distance separating them.

George turned just as he stepped into the room. Shadow took in the deep smudges under blue eyes, the hallowed out cheeks, the slowly blooming smile. Shadow wasn't good at letting people in. After the many abuses he'd endured at the hands of others, forming relations had become quite difficult. Despite that, the twins had always supported him. They hadn't demanded more than he could give, even though they deserved more. George especially. Shadow felt guilty that even after three years of no contact, after apparent abandonment, this man would still greet him with unconditional friendship.

"George." Shadow beat down the instinctive fear and wrapped the redhead in a tight hug. "Thank you. For everything. For coming…"

He let his words trail off as George hugged him back just as tightly. The feel of the redhead's magic washed over him, and it felt wrong. Instinctively, Shadow made a sweep with his empathy. His two-colored eyes widened.

George stepped back and looked down at him with a wry smile. "I thought you'd realize. Almost didn't come because of it."

Shadow shook his head mutely, too shocked to say anything yet.

George tugged him over to a couch and sat next to him, keeping hold of his hand. "If you really mean it. The thank you. You won't interfere."

Shadow shook himself, mind whirling with calculations. "It's not my decision. Not my life."

"Thanks, mate," he said with relief. "I thought you'd say that."

"That's why you came, even though you knew I'd sense it." Shadow looked down at their still linked fingers. "Does anyone else know?"

"No," George answered just as softly. "I keep to myself most of the time. At first it was necessary, but now I'm just worried what will happen if someone finds out what I did."

"I'm glad you came," Shadow repeated firmly.

"Me, too." George smiled again, and this time the tension that had sat heavy on his shoulders disappeared. "It's nice to get out. Nice to talk to someone else."

"I would have contacted you sooner. I fell into a coma after the battle. Just recently woke up."

George frowned, concerned. "I thought you were getting away, leading the good life. You okay?"

Shadow considered it. His mind was whole, true, but he wasn't mentally healthy. Not yet. He still had issues with himself and the world, phobias, and mental ticks to deal with. "I'm getting along," he finally answered.

George smiled wryly. "Sometimes that's all you can hope for."

"I never did explain, did I?" Shadow hadn't planned on talking about this, but considering what he'd just learned, he felt he had to. Maybe it would help both of them. "When Voldemort tried to kill me when I was a baby, my mother's spell rebounded most of the Killing Curse, but some still got through…"

George listened as Shadow talked about the abuse he now remembered, talked about literally breaking himself in pieces just to survive, talked about his tenuous condition once he reached Hogwarts and how further abuse began to degrade his sanity to a critical point. Halfway through the telling, Neville entered. Shadow nodded at him, but continued to talk to George as if they were still alone. The redhead never spoke, but his face shifted continuously from shock, to fury, to deep sympathy. Shadow, himself, had to fight back the rage, terror, and bottomless grief he still felt as he revisited the things he'd suffered, had barely survived intact.

"Merlin. Shadow. I'm sorry," George said roughly, obviously distressed that words couldn't convey the depth of his regret or how Shadow's story had affected him.

"It's maddening," Neville agreed, his own hands fisted until the knuckles blanched white. "Not being able to do something. I want to go into the past and change all of it."

Shadow blinked tears away and smiled. "I don't know. Not that I'm glad I went through that shit, but… I kind of like where I'm at." His smile grew. "I've got a father who loves me, good friends who would do anything for me, and…" A blush darkened his cheeks as a joyful huff of laughter escaped his chest. "I'm getting married!"

George burst into startled laughter. "What? To who?"

"Nev, will you get my fiancé?" Shadow asked shyly. Part of him wanted to bring and show Draco off, the other part just missed him and jumped at the excuse to have him near. Although he was looking forward to seeing the look on George's face. He also wanted to talk to him alone for a moment.

"George. Fred. Believe me when I say I know what you're going through better than anyone else. I know what it's like to have more than one person with different opinions and wants sharing the same body. How hard the give and take can be. I can see how it's wearing you both down, and also that you are managing it pretty well on your own.

"But if you need to talk, or need help, maybe even some tips on how to maintain a balance, I'm here. So is Severus who, to be honest, would probably be able to help you more than I. No one here would take away your choice or tell anyone else about your situation. I give you my word."

George's eyes grew bright with tears and he yanked Shadow to him in a desperate hug. "He was slipping away. I couldn't bear to live without him. We always had a connection, and I just… held on. I didn't know what I was doing until he slipped inside. At first, I was so happy. I thought it was great. I told my parents, but they thought I was crazy with grief. Then… it got harder. As much as we love each other, as similar as we are, we're different. Two people living so close together are bound to drive each other insane."

"Does Fred ever have control of your body?"

George nodded, his cheek rubbing against soft curls. "There's this grey place before waking where we decide who uses it for the day. Can't switch back and forth like you did. The one who has control when waking has it until we sleep and decide again."

"He's aware now, though," Shadow pointed out. He'd felt the duel emotions. That's how he'd known. Fred definitely hadn't wanted to come and reveal themselves. He'd been hammering George pretty hard with his anger. Once Shadow promised not to interfere, Fred's anger had turned to relief. Now he was a mess of frustration, wariness, and excitement.

George shrugged and pulled away. "He's awake when I'm awake."

"Can you hear his thoughts?"

"No. I just get feelings, impressions. It's like a pressure against the inside of my skin pressing slightly out."

"Well, you're here now." Shadow took his hand again. "You're not alone, and maybe a distraction will help you both."

"Distraction?"

Shadow beamed. "I need help planning the wedding."

George almost fell over. "What? You're planning it? If you're getting married to who I think you're getting married to, how come he's not planning it?"

"Because I asked him."

George laughed loudly and pounced on his petite friend. "Way to go, Shadow!"

Draco and Neville chose that moment to walk in. A pale blond eyebrow rose and grey eyes glinted dangerously. "Hands off, Weasley. He's mine."

"Not yet," George countered and leaned even more weight on Shadow.

The brunet topped to his side, George's upper body lying on top of him. Shadow's lips twitched in a wry smile as he felt a spike of amusement from Fred egging George on. However, Draco wasn't humored in the slightest. Shadow quickly wiggled free and moved to his lover's side, wrapping an arm around his waist. Draco sighed, his building fury leaking away as he propped his chin on the top of Shadow's head.

George straightened, still chuckling. "I can't believe I had it wrong this whole time."

"Had what wrong?" Neville asked curiously. He felt more human than he had in a long time. Granted, he also hadn't been with this many people in a long time.

"Who wears the pants in the relationship," George crowed. "I should've seen it sooner. Shadow obviously has him wrapped around his little finger."

"I believe we're both wearing pants," Draco muttered half-heartedly. He didn't feel at all insulted by the truth. He actually felt a strange pride that he was so focused on Shadow's wants and needs.

Shadow blushed as Draco's devotion washed over him like warm summer sunshine. "So how's this wedding thing go anyway?" he asked quickly.

"Traditionally, the one proposed to..."

"The woman," George interrupted with a snicker.

Draco shot him a glare. "Is in charge of the reception or gala after the ceremony. The one who proposes is asking the…"

"Wife," George interrupted again with an unrepentant grin.

Draco chose to ignore him. "To join their family, and so the ceremony would follow those traditions."

"So a Snape wedding," Shadow concluded. "The problem is Snape is a Muggle family. My lineage book explains that they are a predominate noble family descended from royalty, thus the large manor and town that bears the Snape name. However, his mother was a Pureblooded witch, a Prince. Despite that, the Prince line has technically ended. Eileen Prince was disowned when she married Severus' father. So I don't think anything Prince would be appropriate since neither Severus nor I are acknowledged as Princes."

Shadow sighed ruefully. "I thought Draco would be the one to say this, but royalty or not I'm not sure I want a purely Muggle ceremony. So much of our relationship feels like magic. Magic runs so strong in both of us. I'd hate to leave it out. Plus, Draco is a Pureblood, a Black. I want the ceremony to do him honor."

Draco gently caressed Shadow's cheek. "All I need is you. But you're forgetting who else you belong to, Shadow Harold Lilium Snape. Your adoption didn't cancel out your other bloodlines or inheritances."

Shadow blinked, startled. "Potter." He'd linked the name Potter to Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, and all the political baggage that he hated. For the first time, he actually considered the Potter family, the tapestry of history and tradition that it carried. "But I don't want to leave Severus out completely. He's my father."

"It's not a problem," George piped up. The giddy wave had ebbed and he now felt energized with new purpose. "Many Purebloods face the issue of duel family lines, or even more than two. They are so found of intermarrying."

Neville nodded. "My father was a Longbottom, but his mother was a Morningstar. When he marred my mum, he wanted to acknowledge both his parents and did a joint ceremony."

"There's a technique to it, but it can be done." George rubbed his hands together gleefully. "So we have to prepare a Potter-Snape wedding big enough to recognize the power and nobility of the long and noble house of Black. This should be fun."

"And my darling fiancé wants this done by dawn of the 23rd," Draco added with an evil smile. Revenge was his. "Yes, of this month."

George's mouth fell open. "Why?" he demanded.

Shadow ducked his head. "It felt right at the time. I don't want to wait forever either."

Draco smiled, feeling tingly as he heard that. His arm tightened around his love.

"It's a good day. The Spring Equinox. It is when one welcomes the Spring, the month of regrowth and vibrancy, while letting go of Winter, the time of endurance and dormancy. And dawn represents new beginnings and renewal. The embrace of day, turning one's back to night."

Now George gapped at Neville. The words should have sounded cheesy and cliché, but his deep voice had resounded with Truth and the understanding of life's deeper Mysteries.

"Symbols are important," Neville defended himself. "They have power over us and surpass the limitations of words to communicate meaning. Weddings are a way to articulate the deep commitment between two people to combine all that they are. It is also a promise to those who came before that while they are forging a new branch, they will remember and honor their history, carrying it forward into their new lives, thus ensuring their Family's immortality."

Draco's eyes were bright as he observed Neville. He realized that the brunet was just as much a Pureblood as the Malfoys or the Blacks. "Traditions aren't just about power and control. Each tradition was begun for a reason and they tell a story. It is the traditions of each family that contains the wisdoms and strengths obtained by the many generations of our ancestors."

"Wow," Shadow and George said together.

"I'm a Pureblood technically," the redhead continued. "But we didn't really learn this stuff. Sure we have tons of traditions, and we were told the stories of our ancestors, but we were never told why it was important to remember. We never took it too seriously."

"It's because there's so many of you," Neville explained. "Your family's history will be passed on through many branches. I am the single Longbottom heir. Draco was raised as the single heir to the Malfoy inheritance. We had to understand the importance so that we would pass it on."

Shadow felt a pang of sadness. "The Malfoy line is dead. Their accumulated knowledge and traditions will disappear."

Draco looked only mildly regretful. "Many Pureblood lines have vanished. So much has been lost to time, but new lines are rising and with them new traditions."

"The Morningstars, Princes, Prewetts, Potters, Lestranges, Malfoys… And they were just from the last two generations," George said sadly. "The war took a lot from us."

"I learned Black as well as Malfoy tradition," Draco told his love. "My mother's inheritance will be carried forward."

Shadow bit his lip. He hadn't really thought about the consequences when he proposed to Draco. "But… Since I asked you… You won't be a Black anymore."

Draco shook his head. "I'll always be a Black, just as Mother was always a Black even after she married Lucius. I'll just also be a Potter-Snape."

"But I don't know Potter tradition," Shadow murmured. "I can't pass it on. Not to mention we don't have anyone to pass it on to."

"You still have the Potter vaults. There will be ceremonial books and histories within them." Draco suddenly grinned and kissed him. "And we have no one to pass our traditions to yet."

Shadow just stared as George snickered and Neville blushed. "What are you talking about? You want to adopt?"

"All in due time," Draco replied airily. "We're still young yet." He kissed his stunned lover once more before turning his attention to the others. "I'll leave you guys to it. Lots to do if you're going to look up Potter wedding ceremonies and try to combine them with the Snape's. And all before the 23rd," he added again just to see George pale. With that he turned and walked away feeling oddly triumphant.

"He is still a bloodthirsty prat." George shook his head, bemused.

"You have no idea," Neville muttered.

"Not so much anymore," Shadow defended, feeling protective. "Vindictive, yes. Bloodthirsty, no."

Neville smiled, very happy with the news. Shadow smiled back and then sighed. They had a lot of work to do. George laughed and slung an arm around each of their shoulders.

"Why the long faces? We've got a wedding to crash!"

"Don't you mean plan?" Shadow eyed him warily.

George grinned. "Or course. My mistake."

Neville shot his brother a worried look, wondering what they'd gotten themselves into.

xXxXxXx

This was a bad idea.

George and Neville had insisted they needed the Potter ceremonial books that very night. Of course, once Draco and Severus were told, they said they'd join them. Shadow had, at that point, naively said he'd rather at least one of them stayed with him. The others had stared with either confusion, sympathy, or shock. Severus then explained only Shadow could get into the vault. He'd have to go, so here he was, at Gringotts, practically plastered to Draco's back.

A very bad idea.

Despite the bank being only half an hour from closing for the day and practically standing empty, Shadow felt cold sweat trickle down his spine and coat his face. The wide open atrium felt terribly exposed, and memories of the last time he was here weighed heavily on him. Death Eaters fighting, killing, dying… The press of earth all around him, desperately thirsty and in pain… Shadow twitched and flinched at every unexpected noise the goblins made, the way their steps echoed off all the stone.

A whimper built in his throat. The only thing keeping him from bolting back to the house and absolute safety was Draco. His love's tall, strong body stood in front of him, a living shield. George and Neville also walked close at his sides, both shooting him worried glances. Severus paced at his back, practically on his heels. He was grateful for all of them. It was enough, barely, for him to concentrate on breathing deep and slow, and to try and convince himself he wasn't going to be hurt.

Draco felt Shadow tremble in fear and it made every nerve in his body stand at attention. His eyes swept the bank, taking in every detail in a hyper-aware flash. Every sound was tracked and analyzed as threatening or not. Everything seemed to be moving slowly, languidly, but he knew that he was instead taking in things faster. He was in hunting mode, every sense at a supernatural pitch. The only thing missing was the bloodlust.

A sharp smile slid across his face. He'd hated the creature he'd been, hated being made less human, but this… This he could get used to. He hadn't tested all the boundaries yet, but so far it looked like Shadow had miraculously removed all the vulnerabilities and crippling effects of his condition – or at least lessened them an outstanding amount – while leaving him all the strengths. Less than human, not okay. More than human, perfect. He would embrace and rejoice in any added ability to protect his beloved.

Severus knew his son needed to gently reintroduce himself to the world. He was afraid Shadow would become reclusive to the point where he'd become phobic of leaving the house at all, and he'd handled Hogwarts remarkably well considering everything. However, now that he'd had time to consider, Hogwarts hadn't ended well. Forcing Shadow out too soon would be just as detrimental as allowing him to hide inside for too long. Plus, Gringotts was bound to evoke traumatic experiences.

Severus sneered bitterly. What place wouldn't evoke bad memories for his son? Sometimes Shadow's healing seemed an impossible task. It was made more difficult by the obvious distress the process caused the young man. It made one want to allow him to hide, anything to bring him peace in the moment. Even sacrificing his future.

"What can I do for you?"

Shadow couldn't see the goblin who'd spoken, still standing with his face pressed between Draco's shoulders, right below his neck. He knew he'd have to step around and face the situation, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to actually do it. Panic tightened around his chest, making his head spin. He wanted to go home.

"We've come to enter the Potter vault," Draco informed the creature coolly.

The goblin sneered with obvious impatience. The bank was almost closed, and he didn't want to deal with this nonsense. "Are you a Potter? Do you possess the vault key?"

"I represent Potter. As for the key, it's been lost," Draco answered. His silver eyes seemed to pierce the goblin, for suddenly it straightened and lost its bored look.

"Very well, sir, I will need to verify the claim. Is Potter here?" Bringrod knew a predator when he was faced with one. He was still impatient, but tact may be in order.

Shadow bit his lip. Draco didn't move an inch. Through the fear, he felt a rush of gratitude. Draco wouldn't force him or even ask him to continue. He trusted Shadow to know his limits and was ready to support him fully. Tilting his head up, Shadow lay a kiss on his lover's neck with trembling lips. He really did love the blond so. Then he took a deep breath, holding onto his trust of his family and friends to protect him, and stepped up beside his lover.

The goblin raked his bulbous eyes dispassionately up and down Shadow's form. "Mr. Potter, I presume?"

Bringrod felt like hissing in displeasure, but the unblinking, threatening gaze of the other man kept him polite. This would be the seventy-fifth Potter impersonation. With the Great Harry Potter's death, the Ministry had tried to confiscate the Potter vaults, but the goblins knew there was still a child of the last Lord Potter alive and refused to release them. The world had been shocked that it seemed Lord Potter had fathered a bastard and many people had tried to claim that identity.

"Your hand please," he grated. "I must verify your claim." He held his spindly hand out.

Shadow's eyes grew round and he pressed his body flush to Draco's side. He felt ridiculous flinching away from a mere touch but couldn't seem to help it. Nev, George, and Severus were right there. The fear wasn't listening to logic right now, however.

"Are you afraid I will reveal your duplicity?" Bringrod hissed, eyes narrowed.

Draco responded by putting his hands on the counter. Just in case he needed to grab the vile creature. Shadow bit his lip. He didn't want Draco to get in trouble because of him. He wanted this over with, and he did not want to come back. Breathlessly, he thrust his hand forward. He couldn't bring himself to grasp the goblin, so he compromised by putting it within reach. The inhuman fingers flashed forward and grasped his wrist so fast he didn't have time to even gasp. Then the other hand came up and three sharp talons dug furrows into his palm.

And just like that, the fear transformed into mind-numbing fury.

With a shriek, Shadow snapped the injured hand out of the goblin's grasp. A burst of magic sent it flying into the desks of the other workers behind it. Shadow leapt the counter, going after the thing that dared hurt him, dared to draw his blood. He was yelling incoherently now. Wandless magic vibrated around him, tossing goblins and desks out of his way as he sprinted after his target.

Draco snarled, flashing a suddenly fang-filled mouth as he dove after Shadow. His wand flashed as he knocked away goblins who were aiming fingers and palms at his lover. His other hand swiped forward, landing a punishing blow to a goblin's skull as it tried to jump on Shadow's back. It collapsed, either unconscious or dead.

Severus cursed himself soundly. He should have warned Shadow. He should have known he didn't know they would need a drop of blood. That vile goblin had taken more than a drop, however. Anger beat pure and strong in his veins as he shielded his son from magical attacks. Thank Merlin Shadow hadn't transformed into his animagus form. Black magic was the last thing they needed.

Neville and George stood frozen in surprise. The battle had broken out so quickly. George took a step forward, toward the center of the chaos and screams, but Neville grabbed his shoulder to stop him. It came to the brunet that this was futile. In the end, the goblins far outnumbered the wizards. Only surprise had kept them alive so far. Already the goblins were regrouping and about to overwhelm them.

Pain and suffering were a part of the natural life cycle, as was pleasure and joy. Death was a necessary part of life. But his brother had suffered far in excess of the natural order. The imbalance was staggering, and he would not see his brother die before his life fell back into rhythm, until he experienced as many springs as he had winters.

The floor trembled. The stone vibrating with the memory of the mountains and deep caves it'd been born from. The goblins all turned as one, their eyes fastened on the Earth Mage. They worshipped Earth, and they knew him for the avatar he was.

"Drop your weapons. Cease your attack. This one has yet completed his cycle. The Earth does not yet accept his body or soul."

"What are you saying? Is that the goblin tongue?" George demanded.

The goblins backed away from Shadow, their heads bowed. Severus and George stared at Neville, amazed. Draco didn't even pause. He stood close to Shadow's back, poised and deadly as his lover's magic pinned Bringrod to the wall.

Shadow screamed and balled his fists. Maddened, he struck the creature again and again, his bloody hand splattering red delicately across the thing's chest. The color set him off more. No longer seeing a goblin, instead seeing every face that ever tormented him, Shadow punched and yelled hysterically.

Severus paled. He'd been expecting a breakdown. Ever since Shadow had awakened, he hadn't really faced the damage done to him, not emotionally. But Severus had thought they'd have more time to bolster his son before it happened.

Strong arms came around Shadow's middle. He twisted sharply, hitting at the person attacking him. Draco took the weakening hits without flinching. He gently but firmly held Shadow to his chest.

"Shhh, it's over. You're okay. I've got you," he murmured until Shadow slowly stilled, breaking down into sobs.

"I never did anything wrong!"

A storm of rage and grief, fear and despair, tore around him until he couldn't see or think, only feel. He wanted to die! He wanted it to END! No more, no more! He was sick of that prayer. How often had he silently begged for that very thing? For it to STOP. He couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't strong enough to go through this again.

"Let me go! I don't… I can't… Just let me go, Dray, please let me go. I don't want to do this anymore."

"Never," Draco growled roughly, his arms tightening. "I'll never let you go."

They sat there on the marble floor, Shadow wrapped in his arms, his pain an almost physical force in the room. The broken sobs a horrible devastated sound that bowed the heads of the dozens of goblins looking on.

"I will always come for you," Draco continued more gently. "I would wait forever for you. I would die for you. I lived for you, even as I craved an end. It hurts, it's hard, but I'm here. I'm here, Shadow. Don't give up on me. Don't leave me."

Shadow shook his head, shocked that Draco would ask this of him. Didn't Draco love him? Didn't he see how much it hurt? Then soft lips brushed his damp, salty cheek. A hand slid up his neck into his hair, and he became aware that he was pressed to the smooth plains of Draco's chest, cradled in his lap.

The storm shrank back as he was given physical sensations to focus on instead of emotional. Gentle butterfly kisses rained on his face. The sense of security and warmth stole across his raging thoughts. The sheer contrast of the soft comfort to the mental agony shocked him, cleared his head so he could think a bit more rationally. He still wasn't sure he could do this. He couldn't live when there was no end to his life bottoming out, no stopping the agony from reaching out and consuming him.

"I'll take you to the beaches of Greece. Just us and all that sparkling blue. I'll take you to the French mountains. Miles and miles of snow and quiet. I'll take you to the Egyptian desert with all its heat and glorious sand. To the Japanese temples with majestic jade statues and unearthly peace. And I'll love you. I'll keep you safe. I'll make it better when it hurts."

Unwillingly, Shadow pictured the exotic places his love named. It sounded beautiful. It sounded like heaven. And hope bloomed undeniably. He began to cry again, this time because he knew he would not be able to escape into the much craved darkness. He wrapped his arms around Draco's neck and buried his face into the broad shoulder, both hating and loving him for tempting him back from the edge of true peace.

"I'll kiss you until your whole body tingles. I'll feed you chocolate and fruit. I'll make it good again. I'll make you happy, truly happy." Draco kissed Shadow's ear, briefly tracing the delicate shell with his warm tongue. "How about it? Will you stay with me? Will you marry me like you promised?"

Shadow shivered, terrified but unable to deny Draco anything. He pulled away, still crying and looked into gentle, unrelenting grey eyes. There would be no going back. This was it, when he decided to live or die. Draco had suffered, but he had stayed and waited for him. He'd sacrificed so much. He'd made promises and had kept every single one. Could Shadow do less? Did he love Draco as much as the blond loved him? It hurt and he was scared, but he refused to betray Draco so completely. Shadow did love him, and it was time to prove it.

"Yes," he rasped tearfully. "I'll stay with you. I love you."

Draco smiled, joyful and triumphant. He crushed his lover to him. "You won't regret it, my everything. I'll keep my word. You will be happy again."

Severus felt abject relief. They had finally won the war. Rebuilding would possibly take years, but they'd get there. They'd recover. He looked over at the man he had often underestimated. "Thank you, Neville."

Neville inclined his head, his own eyes bright with the victory they had won that day.

George turned to the nearest goblin, an anticipatory grin sharpening his features. "Now, about the Potter vault."

End chapter.

A/N: Sorry for the VERY LONG delay. Between moving to a new country where I don't speak the native language, knee surgery and rehab, illnesses, and a new job… my life has been a bit full lately. This story isn't abandoned. In fact, I think there will only be one more chapter. Then it's sadly the end. On the plus side, I've started a new story and I have many chapters already typed, just needing editing. So if there are things you really want to see before this large epilogue comes to an end, TELL ME NOW! Lol.