*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
"There are my girls," says Dean with a smile on his face as he comes into the visitor room a few days later at the juvenile detention center. I smile as I see him. He looks good. He looks really good. He's shredding some weight, looking pretty ripped and he looks clean cut. He finally cut some of his hair off and he looks so cute with his new haircut. I can see his blue eyes better.
"Hey," I say with a smile. "Say hi to daddy, Natalia," I say with a smile as I hold her in my arms.
"Hey, Baby girl," he says, "Hey, Nattie," he says with a smile before he gives her a kiss on her cheek as she gives him a big smile. "She's getting so big. I swear she grows each time I see her. You need to stop growing," he says with a smile before I hand her to him to hold. "Daddy misses you," he says giving her a couple kisses on her cheek. I love watching him with her. He truly loves her it's amazing to see. "Daddy made you something," he says before he pulls out a folded piece of paper as we take a seat at the table. I smile as he unfolds it and shows her a picture of Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse together. It is fantastic. "This is for you, Nattie," he says with a smile.
"That's awesome, Dean," I say with a smile. "Did you draw that?"
"Yes," he says, "I got bored so I decided to draw her a picture and color it. I am going to do a ballerina one for her too. I just need to get some more drawing utensils. It's how I pass my time."
"You are really good," I say looking at the picture as Natalia starts to get fussy. "You are really good."
"Thank-you," he says as he tries to comfort her. "What's wrong, Nattie?" he asks. "What's the matter? What's all this fussing about?"
"She might be hungry. She only had half of her bottle before we came here so she's probably hungry. Let me get her bottle out."
"Okay," he says keeping her calm as I get out her bottle before I hand it to him. He places it into her mouth and she starts to suck. "There you go," he says with a smile as he looks down at her as he feeds her. "Her eyes are turning blue."
"I know," I say with a smile, "so any word on when you're getting out of here?"
"December 2nd," he says, "I will be home for Christmas."
"Great," I say with a smile.
"And I can't wait, Ana. I really can't wait."
"We can't wait to have you home," I say with a smile.
"So how is it going? Is everything going all right with you two?"
"It is a lot harder than I ever expected," I say, "I never knew it could be this hard. I love her but she is a hard baby to take care of. She keeps me up all night. I am so behind on my school work and I'm not doing well at all. I am really behind because every time I sit down to study and do school work she starts crying and screaming for no reason. She stays up all night. It's hard, Dean. I can't really do it on my own anymore."
"I'm sorry," he says. "I wish I could be there to help you. I really wish I could be there."
"Me too," I say, "but it's okay. I think I might drop out of school."
"No, Ana, you're not dropping out of school," he says. "I won't let you do that. We'll figure this out. You don't have anyone that can watch her so you can get some work done?"
"It's hard to get someone to watch her with her heart condition. They are afraid to so I am pretty much on my own. I think it would just be easier to drop out."
"Ana, you are not dropping out of school. I will not let you do that. You are too smart to do that. You're in your senior year. You already gave up one dream to be a mother don't give up another."
"Being a parent is about making sacrifice."
"But going to school is important for you, Ana. I know how much you want to be a writer or a journalist. I know how important school is to you. I am not going to let you give up. Not now. You can do this. I am sure it's hard but in a few weeks I'll be home to help you out and you won't be alone."
"Dean," I say, "you have no idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and try to get school work done. It's so distracting."
"I am sure it is hard but do you really want to give up on everything you worked for and give up on getting an education. If you drop out how is that going to look to Natalia? One of us needs to go to school. You need to finish school, Ana," he says as he burps Natalia. "You are too smart to not go to school."
"Fine," I say, "I won't drop out but if things don't change I am going to need to drop out. As much as I would hate to do that it's something I would have to do and she goes to the doctor tomorrow to get her heart checked out. If she needs surgery that's going to push me further behind. I'm going to keep trying but eventually I might have to drop out."
"You are NOT dropping out, Ana, I mean it. I will NEVER let you do that. You have worked too hard and come too far to just walk away. I know having a baby can't be easy but for Natalia don't drop out of school."
"I'll try," I say, "so I talked to your mom."
"And how did that go? Is she coming to see me?"
"Well," I say, "she was going to come see you but now she's not."
"What happened?"
"Well, she was going to come see you and I had her coming to visit but then we got into a little disagreement."
"About what?" he asks.
"You she insists that you will never be more than the streets. She said that your life is the streets and you will never change. She has no faith in you whatsoever. She has your life planned out for you. I don't agree with her. Just because she chose to live her life on the streets and dedicate her life to the streets doesn't mean you're going to do it too. I know you are bigger than the streets. I don't' want her feeding those negative ideas into your head. I don't want her to make you feel like you're obligated to the streets because that's where you grew up. You are so much more than that, Dean."
"So you two got into a fight over me?"
"Pretty much, I wouldn't call it a fight more like a disagreement. I told her she was wrong and she wasn't happy with me so then she decided she wasn't going to come see you or talk to you. She doesn't want to see either of us."
"Ana," he says. "I know your heart was in the right place and you care so much about me. I know you believe in me more than anyone else has and you're always by my side pushing me to do the right thing but you shouldn't have gotten into it with my mom. You should have let me handle it."
"But you're doing so well. I didn't want her to make you doubt yourself and you forget about all the progress you've made in here then go back to the streets when you get out. Natalia needs her dad and I need you."
"Ana, you should have let me handle it. She's my mom. I wasn't going to let her get into my head. The only one in my head is you. You and Natalia are the reason I am going to do better and become someone bigger than the streets. I was going to just tell my mom that I forgive her for feeding these ideas into my head about where I belong and what my life will be then I was going to cut ties with her because honestly I don't want that type of negative influence in my life. I need all the positivity that I can get. I don't want someone telling me that I can't do something and that I'll never be someone. What I need is someone telling me that I can and that I am going to be someone. I am going to give you and Natalia the world. It is all about you. I want to make sure you are both taken care of. You should have let me handle my mom. I know you were trying to do the right thing but there is so much I want to say to her and need to say to her to fully move on past her."
"I'm sorry, Baby," I say, "I should have let you handle it. I'm sorry. I just love you so much that I couldn't sit back and let the ONE person who should always believe in you tear you down. I couldn't let her come in here and tear you down. You're doing so well. You're doing great. I know you're going to succeed once you get out of here but the negativity is something you don't need. I'm sorry that I ruined your mom coming to visit you. Please don't be upset with me."
"Upset with you?" he asks with a smile. "I'm not upset with you in fact I may love you even more than before. You did what you felt you needed to do. You care about me so much that you won't let anyone hurt me and I love that. I love that you care that much about me. I love you, Ana. I will always love you but what you did makes me love you even more just because you don't care who it is you let them know. I want someone like that by my side."
"I'm always going to be by your side," I say with a smile. "Always, I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."
"I don't want you to. I need you in my life, Ana. I need you to keep my head straight and keep me on the right path. I want you beside me. I want you to support me. I need your encouragement. I need you. You have no idea how much I love you."
"Dean," I say, "I love you too."
"Being in here has made me think, Ana, I have done so much thinking. I did you wrong. You were beside me the whole time carrying my child, believing in me when no one else was. You were by my side and the one that ended up getting hurt was you and it's not fair to you. I am sorry for that. I promise that I am going to be a good guy when I get out of here. I'm going to get my GED, work and do whatever I need to do to provide for you and Natalia. I am not going anywhere. I want to be with you, Ana. I want to be a family, you me and Natalia. I don't want anyone else to be in her life as a father figure and I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I want to give us another shot."
"Dean," I say, "I want that too but how do I know you're not going to do the same thing again?"
"Because I love you so much, I love Natalia. I don't want to miss anything in her life. I don't want to be back in jail. Drugs are stupid and they are the dumbest things I could have ever done. I want more than that. I want a life where I can be with you and Natalia. A life that I can provide for you and make you happy and proud, I need to be with you. Please give me another chance," he says as he holds a sleeping Natalia in his arms. "Nothing else in this world means more to me than you and Natalia do."
"Okay," I say, "I'll give you another chance, Dean. I love you too much to let you go and tell you no. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I want us to be a family too. Promise me no drugs and no alcohol."
"I promise no drugs and no alcohol," he says. "So does this mean we are back together?"
"Yes," I say with a smile. "We're back together. I love you so much and I just want to be with you. I need you in my life, Dean."
"I love you too and I need you," he says with a smile. "I thought I lost you. I was so scared."
"You're never going to lose me," I say with a smile. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good, I don't want you too," he says with a smile before he kisses the top of Natalia's head. "It's just the three of us and we're going to get through anything together."
THE NEXT DAY:
Natalia and I are sitting in the room of her cardiologist waiting for the results of her echocardiogram. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. The cardiologist has taken a lot into consideration when it comes to his decision about the surgery. I'm hoping that we don't have to take that road but it is all up to the doctor and what he decides. He comes into the room as Natalia is playing with her rattle. "Hello, Ana," he says with a smile.
"Hello," I say. "So what's going on?"
"Well," he says as he opens her file. "I do not like what I see when it comes to Natalia's heart. The hole isn't shrinking and there is still too much blood flowing into her lungs. The medicine is helping with that but still it is not good. There are no signs that this hole is going to close on its own."
"So she is going to need surgery then?"
"It's not just the heart. You talk about her irritability and her fussiness. That is part of this heart defect. It could be causing her discomfort and the fact she is eating a lot but not gaining weight is not a good sign. She has gained 5 oz. in the last month which is not good. She should have gained more than that so I am going to say that it would be best to do the open heart surgery sooner rather than later."
"There isn't another way to fix this?"
"I wish there was but we're going to need to get in there and surgically close up the hole in her heart. I know it's hard and it's a tough decision to make but this is the best thing for Natalia."
"If you feel that it's the best thing for her and that it will help then I am all for it. It's just hard thinking that my baby is going to need open heart surgery at such a young age. Will it affect her the rest of her life?"
"After her surgery she will be a healthy and happy child. She will probably always need her heart medication and she may not be able to play hard sports but she will live a normal life despite it."
"Okay," I say but I am still scared. The thought of my innocent little baby lying on an operating table getting open heart surgery is hard for me. It scares me to death. "When do we need to do the surgery?"
"I was thinking the beginning of December so that you have time to get everything together. How does December 4th sound to you?"
"It works for me," I say. It makes me happy to know that Dean will be home for her surgery so I won't be doing it all alone but it's still a scary situation. She will only be 2 months old when she gets her heart surgery.
"Okay," he says, "her heart surgery is scheduled for the 4th of December. It will bright and early in the morning. We will have her in at 8 am and out by noon."
"It takes 4 hours?"
"Usually 3 hours," he says before he starts to give me details on the surgery and how everything is going to work before, during and after her surgery as well as recovery time. "I know it's hard to think about but just relax, she is in good hands."
"That's easier said than done," I say as I look down at Natalia and smile. I just want to do whatever is best for my daughter no matter how hard it is going to be. The doctor said that once it is all said and done she will be okay so hopefully she will be fine it's just letting my baby go into someone else's hands to surgically repair her heart how can I not be scared?
*A/N: What do you think of Ana wanting to drop out of school? Do you think she will follow through with school or just give up? Were you surprised that Dean wasn't upset with Ana for ruining the visit with his mom? How do you feel about Ana and Dean being back together? Do you think he will stay clean and stick by his promises when he gets out? What do you think of Natalia having to get open heart surgery? Do you think this will help sway Ana's decision to wanting to drop out of school? Please review and thank-you for reading.
*Happy Easter to those that celebrate it. :)