Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Over 60 reviews already... O-oh, my... Thank you all so much!

A/n2: Yep, that's right: the kids will appear this chapter! Yoohoo! Enjoy Lovino's overjoyed, superhappy reaction when he finds out!~

A/n3: I received some worried reviews and messages of people about the break-up of USUK. Well, I wouldn't worry too much, if I were you.^^ And that's the only spoiler you'll get. For now. Since I ramble and will probably blabber and spill some beans even more some other time. Yay! *grins weirdly*

A/n4: This quote's from Anne Frank – yep, that one. She was born as a German girl, but lived most of her life in the Netherlands – that's why many people assume she's Dutch. She wasn't German or Dutch, though, since she lost her citizenship during WW II. That's why I didn't put a specific nationality, but the religion she followed under this quote of hers.

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 4:

Who would ever think so much would go on in the soul of a young girl?
Anne Frank
(Jewish author)

That night, I slept terribly.

I had thought I would sleep like a motherfucking rock, because Antonio was holding me and I was feeling shamelessly happy and all that, but to my disappointment, I didn't sleep like a rock, but like I was lying on a rock.

Do you know what it feels like to lie on a rock? Like you're lying on a goddamn rock. Fucking awful.

Then I woke up, then I fell asleep again, then I woke up again, then I thought I saw things and people and stuff, and then I dozed off, dreaming yet another weird dream. In the end, I was honestly relieved when I felt the rays of the rising morning sun falling on my face.

Still, I didn't want to leave the bed just yet. Partly because I finally found a more comfortable position to lie in, on my metaphorical rock, but mostly because my dear, perverted brain instantly reminded me of my promise to have another go with Antonio again, before going to that stupid, useless European meeting.

Where we'd see all those other idiots again.

Ugh. No wonder I wanted to have some quick sex first now. I saw it as some sort of mental preparation for all the boringness that was coming. And we were supposed to pay close attention to everything that would be said, too, so it was going to be hell and I suspected I'd fall asleep on the table in less than one fucking hour.

So…

S-so… well…

Better pull Antonio closer to me and… a-and make some more love, before leaving.

Without opening my eyes, I started patting the mattress, searching for that criminally hot Spaniard, only to discover he apparently had let go of me during the night – I couldn't feel arms wrapped around me anymore.

Huh. That sucked. But then again, I had tried falling asleep while embracing Antonio a couple of times as well. It wasn't a big deal, until your arm gets numb. And I'm so paranoid, I always think my whole fucking arm will fall off at one point, dead. So I had let go of him – and this current situation proved Antonio also lets go of me most of the time because of dying arms.

Which is understandable. Not likable, but understandable. I mean, love and affection and falling asleep in each other's arms is all very nice, but a dead arm certainly isn't. Gives you such a zombie-esk feeling.

Anyway, I was patting the mattress like I was patting a goddamn dog, carefully but without holding back, because the sooner I held him into my arms again, the sooner I could tell him once again how much I loved him and his lower vital organs.

The bed seemed to be completely empty, though.

Hmm. He probably went to the toilet. He tends to do that a lot after waking up.

Which is… perfectly normal, actually. I guess everybody goes to the toilet first after waking up. Hell, I do it, too.

…

And now, I was having an internal conversation with myself about visiting toilets. Shit, just how woozy was I?

I groaned, grabbed a pillow and crashed it against me. I didn't know how long Antonio was going to use the toilet, but the longer it took, the more fanatically I'd postpone the sex. For reasons.

…

Fuck, why am I talking to myself about this gross subject! Ewww! Eww eww eww. I gross myself out.

I hugged the pillow more tightly, expressing just how much I hated my – literally – dirty mind… and then I heard a small yelp.

…

What was that?

I opened my eyes and listened carefully.

Nothing. Of course I heard nothing – that's just the story of my life: hearing jack when I'm supposed to hear something.

But I could've sworn I heard somebody yelping! A very light, high-pitched voice.

I frowned and squeezed my pillow again.

'Gyah!'

…

"Gyah"?

Did my pillow just say… "gyah"?

Finally, I made the brilliant decision to look a little bit lower, to the pillow I was holding in my arms, and oh my God and Jesus and Mary and Zeus that was no fucking pillow!

Pillows don't have hair! Or eyes! Or arms and legs! Or are shaped like a small human! Or stare at you like they're trying to kill you with their stare of hate and death!

I was holding a little girl against me, goddammit!

\0o0/

'RAAAAAH!' I violently yelled, practically tossing the fake pillow away from me.

Said fake pillow bounced up and down the mattress a couple of times, almost smacking against the wall, flailing her arms and legs around helplessly until she managed to grab the head of the bed and stop the hopping.

'WHAT!' I shrieked, just a little bit hysterical. 'WHAT IS THAT!'

The little kid let go of the head of the bed and tumbled over, rolling towards the dip of the bed, where, oh, I don't know, I was sitting, in my naked glory.

She bumped against my just as horribly naked leg and looked up to me with angry, huffy, teary eyes.

'You!' I said, my voice high and awkward as I needlessly pointed to the kid, 'are a child!'

It wasn't like I told the kid anything new – I just told myself that very fact, so I would actually try and believe what was in front of me.

The girl didn't say anything, she just stared at me with those big, green, angry eyes, tears silently streaming down her cheeks, her lips quivering and pouting.

I would probably have reacted the same way if an unknown adult man sat next to me, completely naked, I suddenly realized – so I didn't know how fast to leave the bed and grab some clothes, never letting the little girl out of my sight.

As I quickly dressed myself, the girl managed to sit up – but that's it. She didn't do anything new after that, she just kept… crying. And glaring. At me. Like I did something to her.

I couldn't help but glare back at her. Man, did she look like a pain in the ass. Whoever her parents were, they sure were "blessed" with a whiny little crapbag. Sheesh.

When I got myself dressed, I felt myself calming down a very little bit and – after taking a deep breath – turned back to the girl on the bed, looking down on her.

'Who the fuck are you?' I asked her, my hands on my hips. 'Also, where did you come from?'

The girl's lips started to tremble even more now, dammit, and before I knew it, she opened her yap and bawled like there was a fucking air-raid going on!

Fuck!

The sound of crying children!

I HATE the sound of crying children!

I panicked, walking around like a headless chicken, not knowing what to do to stop the "bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ", and then heroically fled out of the bedroom, only to bump into somebody that was covered in white foam.

Luckily, that person was Antonio, who had apparently been shaving himself, and then had stopped shaving himself, upon hearing my manly roars.

'Lowi!' he blubbered, his mouth filled with foam. 'Whabts brong!'

'There's a girl in the bedroom!' I shouted, grapping his shoulders. 'A girl! A little girl! Sitting on our bed, judging me!'

Maybe it was my imagination, but although Antonio's eyes did grow a bit in surprise, he didn't seem quite as shocked as I was.

'Oh?' he said, wiping his face with a towel. 'So there's a little girl here, too, huh?'

'Yes, a girl! And she's… wait…'

I paused spazzing for a moment, thought about what he had remarked for just a few seconds longer, and gripped his shoulders even tighter.

'Ouch, Lovi, watch my tender muscles!' Antonio stammered, but fuck that.

'What do you mean, 'a little girl here, too'? Are you saying there are…' I gulped, '…more kids running around here?'

'Umm,' he said, but he didn't need to say anything more, because all of a sudden, two little boys appeared next to him, or next to his legs, should I say, since they looked just as young and tiny as the fire-alarm in the bedroom.

Both of them were covered in shaving foam. One of them had it on his face, the other one was wearing it – only his eyes were visible. They both were laughing and seemed to enjoy themselves a lot.

Well I didn't.

THE FUCKING HALLWAY. COVERED IN WHITE FOOTSTEPS. RUINED.

'WHAT THE FUCK!' I therefore yelled once again.

Antonio clacked his tongue. 'Language, Lovi! There are children here!'

'Like I give a tiny rat's ass there are stupid children here!' I ranted. 'Where do all those kids come from!'

'Good question,' Antonio said, scratching the back of his head. 'I don't know, either. I just went to the bathroom to shave myself, and all of a sudden, there were these boys, climbing out of the tub and falling on their faces. Then one of them started to cry, and I thought to myself, well, maybe he'll cheer up if I give him something to play with.'

'What, so you didn't panic? And you gave him fucking shaving foam to play with?!'

Antonio made a face. 'You loved playing with shaving foam when you were a kid!'

I snorted. 'Oh yeah? Did I cover myself and the entire hallway in foam as well?'

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

'You also destroyed fifteen vases and some perfectly good curtains.'

'Th-that's not important now, sheesh!' I nagged. 'Focus your eyes and thoughts on those fucking twerps! Where do they come from? I mean, I haven't ever seen them before! Are they the neighbor's?'

'Peeping Rosita is an elderly woman that lives alone. And the couple that lives left of us only have a girl, remember?' Antonio said.

'And that girl,' I hopefully said, 'does she happen to be a four-year old with thick, long, brown hair?'

'No, she probably goes to elementary school already. And she's blonde – you should know this, you always yell at her about the newspaper, Lovi!~'

'Oh.' I said. 'Well, in that case, we're suddenly stuck with three strange kids. Better call the police.'

Antonio, now cleaning the face of one of the boys, furrowed his brows and looked like he wanted to say something, but then his entire being lit up.

'Awww! Is that the girl you talked about? Awwwwww, what a cutie!~'

'Huh?' I looked over my shoulder and indeed, there she was, the little crybaby from earlier – now standing just outside our bedroom, her hands squeezing her white, nightgown-like dress.

'She's adorable!' Antonio gushed, accidentally pulling on the boy's face in his enthusiasm. 'She looks just like you, Lovino!'

'No, she doesn't! Don't compare her to me, dammit!'

'But she does! She – oh, sorry, kiddo, sorry, did I do that to your face? – she's just like you! Only younger! And female!'

I grumbled as Antonio patted the boy's head and grabbed the other boy, that was, or so it seemed, trying to shave himself with one of the decorating swords, hanging on the wall.

'That's it,' I slowly said, shivering upon seeing those sharp things, 'I'm calling the police. Right now, before people will notice there are kids missing and start suspecting us like a couple of creepy gay pedo-people who kidnap stupid-looking kids.'

'Don't you think they look familiar, though?' Antonio stared at the kid dangling in his arms, his gaze somewhat frightened. 'I mean, these little guys here… they look like me.'

'What, because we're in Spain, and the boys happen to look like a pair of small Spanish kids, a Spanish kid you were, a very long time ago?' I huffed. 'Ohhhh, what a coincidence. It's overwhelming, really.'

'He has your eyes,' Antonio pointed out. 'So does that other boy, now that I think about it.'

I blinked my eyes. 'So what? I have a very common eye color. Nothing special about it.'

Antonio didn't respond right away – he just swiftly walked over to the girl and crouched.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. 'Antonio, what are you doing?'

'L-Lovino!'

He suddenly stood upright again, now with the girl in his arms – that immediately started kicking and screaming – and held her close to my face. Of course, it caused the horrible girl to sock me right in the face, dammit!

'Ouch, son of a—!'

'Lovino, her eyes…' Antonio looked at me like had finally found out the meaning of life. 'They are green! Like mine! That kind of green! See?'

'No – get that little witch away from me, dammit!' I pushed her away, my nose bleeding a little bit now. 'And what are you trying to say? Who cares those damn kids have eye colors that match with ours!'

'Maybe…' His voice grew softer and more mysterious – but he could be doing that last thing on purpose, '…maybe these kids are… partly mine…'

'Well, that depends. Did you actively cheat on me with a woman for the past few months, no, years?'

'No, no, of course not! Also, it wouldn't explain why they look like us – not only like me, but like you as well!'

'Big fucking deal.'

'Lovino, don't be so mean.'

'Antonio.' I gave him a look so dead serious, it even scared myself. 'Cut it out. These are not our kids. We can't have kids. We're men. End of story.'

'Maybe something happened, though…' Antonio muttered.

'Like what!'

'Maybe a stork felt sorry for us…'

'Oh god.'

'Yes, God could have felt sorry for us, too!'

'You're unbelievable.' I ran a hand through my hair and groaned loudly. 'Look, Antonio, just call the motherfucking police. Regardless of whose kids these are, we should warn the authorities. Maybe there are people out there missing their beloved bundles of terror. Would you want them to be separated from them?'

Ha – deliberately messing around with Antonio's parental feelings to unleash guilt. Go me!

It worked, because his face began to drop. He let go of the girl – that immediately went to stand with her brothers. If they even were her brothers.

'You're right,' Antonio eventually sighed.

I nodded. 'Of course I'm right. I'm always right. I'm the king of things that are right, dammit.'

'Would you keep an eye on the kids for now, then?' Antonio suddenly pushed the kids into my direction. 'I'll go make a call.'

And off he went, all sexy and manly in his slowly lowering towel—

Wait, now's not the time to fantasize about his glorious ass, not when the owner of that same glorious ass just left me with three demon children.

ALL ALONE.

\0o0/

That bastard. Didn't he know I could die? I could actually die here!

And no, I'm not overreacting, I really, really wasn't good with kids, so yes, I could seriously die.

Awkwardly, I moved away from the three kids, all three staring at me with their annoying, huge eyes and slightly opened mouths. The boy that looked like the dumbest of the three even drooled a little. The other boy, that seemed to be developing a fetish for sharp things, grinned at me in such a maniacal way I considered turning that creep around, away from me. And the girl still looked at me like I had murdered her entire family, making me feel like I should prepare to wake up in my own blood tomorrow.

Jesus, just what kind of parents had produced these un-cute minions of Satan?

'So… do you things have names or anything?' I forced myself to ask.

Nothing happened, just that Dumb Kid noticed his drool dripping from his chin and now started to rub it into the carpet, because that's what you do when you see your own drool on the carpet, you fucking rub it in. Creepy Kid and Moody Kid simply observed him doing just that.

Just when I was seriously beginning to wonder what on earth I was going to do until Antonio returned from his call, my cell started ringing – effectively grabbing the attention of the demon children.

And my attention, too, because I was more than happy to get my phone out of my pocket and answer it, because anything was better than trying to figure out what to do with these stupid kids.

'W-who is it?' I stammered, signaling to the kids to keep their fucking distance, this was my cell phone, back off, dammit.

'Veee… is that you, big brother?'

'Feliciano!' I said, glad to hear his voice. Still, I wasn't sure if I should tell him about the kids, so I decided to greet him as nonchalantly as I could.

'How… how are you? Are you and the wurst-munching bastard doing okay?'

'Eh,' he hesitated, 'yes, we're doing okay, I guess?'

'What do you mean?' I asked, mouthing "NO" to Creepy Kid, who was attempting to stomp on a helpless little bug he had found.

'Lovi, do you know anything about… kids?' Feliciano then suddenly asked.

'Kids?' I stopped paying attention to the demon children and felt my eyes grow. 'Don't… don't tell me there have appeared some kids at your place, too.'

'Just one, a cute little girl!~' Feliciano said. 'Veee… she's soooo adorable! She looks just like Luddy! Blonde and blue eyes… but! But she behaves a little bit like me, big brother! She's so sassy!~ She just declared war to all our potatoes! Luddy's devastated, haha! Oh, wait, I shouldn't laugh about that.'

As Feliciano rambled on and on about the cuteness of the strange girl, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Feliciano and Germany had a weird kid that popped up out of nowhere as well? What the fuck?

'Lovi, do you and Big Brother-In-Law Toni have more than one kid, then?' Feliciano suddenly asked.

'Three,' I croaked out, 'we have three of them. A girl and two boys.'

'Veee… that's strange, all the other countries I've spoken with got just one.'

'Wait a minute – what? What do you mean, all the other countries?' I gripped my cell firmer. 'Are you saying that all countries suddenly have kids running around their places?'

'Kind of?' Feliciano laughed weakly. 'I don't really know what's happening either, Lovi… But according to Big Brother France – who by the way has a girl as well! – it's something England has done.'

'England?'

'Yep. He'll tell us the details during the meeting today.'

I felt sick. 'I don't know if I want to hear the details.'

'Veee... well, I think you should come, big brother. And take your kids with you, 'kay?'

'They're not my kids, dammit!' I hissed through gritted teeth.

'Oh, right – your and Big Brother-In-Law Toni's kids, I mean. Well, since don't seem to know much about kids either, I guess I'll take a book or something… See you at the meeting, Lovi! Bye bye!~'

Don't you fucking "bye-bye" me, I wanted to say, but Feliciano had hung up already.