Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Yay, early update is early!~ I hope you'll enjoy this chapter - and sorry for its relative shortness.
In case you're so friendly and wonderful to leave me a review, I'll try to answer them as soon as I can: I'm staying over at my friend's house, so it'll probably take a little while before I'm able to. Monday, I guess. But still!~
Also, next week, I'm updating on Saturday-morning again.^^

A/n2: The past few weeks, I've decided to finally read all the Harry Potter-books. When I was young(er), I've always had books 1 to 4, but then I grew older and decided I didn't want to read fantasy stories anymore. And I pretty much succeeded into not-reading anything Harry Potter-related for more than 10 years.
But then I suddenly thought 'I should read all the books and learn from the writer!' and so, I went and read all of the books anyway. In less than a week, I read everythingggggg, and now, I'm watching all of the movies. I'm currently watching the fourth movie. Yay! I have no life! 8DDDDDDD

A/n3: Also, I want to read a new book, but I'm kind of scared to do so: it's Lolita, by mister Nabokov. But seriously, even the title and the picture on the book freak me out, so I wonder if I ever gather the courage to just start reading and let the disgusting narrator of the book tell me his awful tale…

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 9:

The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown.
Angela Carter
(English novelist and journalist)

I don't know what time it was, but at a certain point, Antonio announced he was going to get the kids. Because one: the dinner was ready, and two: we could actually hear them, making uncanny noises upstairs.

Like fucking poltergeists.

'Okay!' Antonio said, losing the apron. 'I'll go get the kids, so why don't you put some pillows on those books, hmm?'

Because of the fact that our chairs' seats were kind of... well, low, I had placed piles of books on three of them – that way, the demon children were able to sit with us without feeling neglected or overruled or unseen or whatever.

Antonio had loved the idea, chirping how thoughtful I was and all, but I didn't agree. I just didn't really feel like having to hear the kids' mind-shattering whining after they were seated and discovered the only thing we would see of them was their evil forehead.

…

That's right, I still didn't really like the kids. No, let me put it like this: I didn't like the ideaof having kids.

And I didn't even have to wonder why that was – I knew why that was. The kids had brutally invaded our lives, just like that. No warning, no signs before it happened – it just happened. The only thing Antonio and I could do was accept it and try to make the best out of it.

You see, when you look at it like that, human couples have it pretty easy. Before they get their kids, the female one of them gets pregnant. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, because it means the kid growing inside of the woman like some sort of parasite can still be removed in the first few weeks. The first few weeks are therefore for the couple to decide whether they like or don't like this… major change. Is it unwanted? Out with it! Is it wanted? Let's keep the little pest!

Then, after that decision is made, the couple still has, like, eight, nine months left to fully prepare themselves for the new kid. They can read books about nature and nurture and shit, make their house kid-proof, put away their breakable shit, have panic-attacks (like 'SHIT CHANGED MY MIND IS IT TOO LATE TO GET RID OF IT AT THIS STADIUM') and go to scary yoga-like things with the woman, so that they both get the feeling they're doing something good and useful, even though pregnancy makes the woman look like a fat toad and the man like a goddamn train wreck.

After that, the woman gives birth, which apparently is awfully horribly disgusting and gory, and after that, if the woman doesn't rip apart or bleeds to death or turns insane after the birth (I'm not shitting you, it apparently happens quite often), she and her lovely lover have a baby, hooray, no more decent sleeping for us, but whatever, we are parents, oh my god, when was the last time we had sex without I felt like kicking you off me, you ugly hippo.

…

Still, humans are more lucky that us humble nations are right now, because we couldn't prepare ourselves. I mean, obviously, humans need to prepare themselves for a kid for at least nine months – so why didn't we at least get those nine months? So unfair, dammit!

I placed the pillows on top of the three book-piled chairs, then grumpily sat down on my own pillow-updated chair – now separated from Antonio's by three shitty chairs in between us.

I really wondered if this was going to work out.

I really, really wondered about that…

\0o0/

'And here we are!~'

Out of seemingly nowhere, Antonio popped up, the demon children dangling on him like weird little monkeys. Moody Kid was sitting on his shoulders and pulled on his hair, Dumb Kid hang on one of his arms and Creepy Kid had clung himself to the back of Antonio's shirt.

He gave me a happy, yet urgent look. 'Lovi, will you help me put them on their chairs?'

'Sure,' I said, feeling sorry for the poor bastard, and plucked the boys of his body, kind of roughly planting them on the chairs I had prepared for this faithful event.

Antonio smiled brightly at me. 'Thank you, sweetie!' He swooped the girl off his shoulders and placed her on the chair next to him, right around the corner.

We sat like this: me, corner of the table, Dumb Kid, Creepy Kid, Moody Kid, corner of the table, Antonio. Not sure if it was a good arrangement of chairs, but it would have to do right now.

As the kids looked at the neat table in front of them and started waving around with the spoons, Antonio poured soup into the bowls. That apparently was a very special thing that needed to be carefully observed, because all kids immediately lost their attention for their spoons and gaped at Antonio's soup-delivering skills like they hadn't ever seen anything like it before.

…

Which… probably was just the case, but still. It was fucking soup. Get over it already.

'There!' After pouring soup in his own, remaining bowl, Antonio sat down again and folded his hands. 'Let's pray.'

…

What, surprised? You shouldn't be. Antonio and I were Catholic, so of course we prayed before eating. If we didn't forget, that is.

We weren't really good Catholics, though, so our prayers weren't that complex.

'Thanks for the food – I really felt like eating tomato soup, so yay!~'

I told you so.

Anyway, I raised an eyebrow at Antonio. 'I don't think you should thank God for making you eat tomato soup, Antonio – you decided that by yourself.'

Antonio looked at me confusedly. 'But you came with the idea.'

'Um… yes.'

'So…' he frowned, intrigued, '…should I thank and pray to you, then?'

'That is one spooky proposal.' I shuddered. 'No thank you.'

'Okay!' Antonio shrugged and smiled, and nodded at the kids. 'In any case, enjoy your meal, kiddos!'

Then he started eating.

Naturally, the kids and I gave him this "what the hell, are you just ignoring the fact we're/they're too young to handle fucking spoons and knives" -look, but Antonio didn't seem to notice and happily ate away – but I could understand, sort of, because we also hadn't eaten anything yet.

Then again, what did he do when I was young and didn't know how to eat?

Hesitantly, Dumb Kid was the first one that decided to take the risk – and he…

…raised his hands up in the air, ready to make them splatter down into the boiling hot soup oh my GOD!

'No!' I said, grabbing the kid's hands before he could execute his stupid plan. 'You moron, you're not supposed to smash your hands into the soup – you eat it! With a spoon! Like this!'

I showed him my fantastic soup-eating ability, and yes, the boy was impressed, slowly lowering his hands and grabbed the spoon, before dipping it into the soup. Creepy Kid and Moody Kid knew enough and mimicked him – but they did a much better job at it, since Dumb Kid held it backwards and therefore couldn't even have a sip.

'You have to blow first,' I heard Antonio – well, look who finally realized his rookie parent mistake – say, and he blew over the small amount of soup his spoon held into the air. Moody Kid stared at the example like Antonio was doing a fucking opera, before carefully attempting to cool the soup as well, blowing red shit all over the table.

'Oh,' she said, looking sad.

Creepy Kid thought it was wonderful, though, and also sprayed tomato soup into the air, cheering and laughing like he was in a goddamn circus.

'Hey! You stop that!' Antonio then all of a sudden snarled at him – just at him. It startled me and all three of the kids, especially Creepy Kid, who froze in all of his movements.

'Don't waste good food!' Antonio gave him a stern look. 'Just eat it. Don't make me repeat myself.'

After that, he continued helping Moody Kid to cool off her soup, now all smiles again. Dumb Kid kept trying to even gather some soup in the first place, and Creepy Kid now looked more like Miserable Kid.

I looked from the kid to Antonio, blinking.

Wow.

Woow.

Now that was scary. And mean, too!

I cost me a lot of energy to prevent myself from snapping at Antonio for snapping at Creepy Kid – I mean, sure, he was a creep, but he was a goddamn child, he didn't have to shout at him like that – but I pulled it off, and decided to help both Dumb and Creepy Kid, deliberately ignoring Antonio.

'Come here,' I sighed, moving my chair closer to Dumb Kid's, and grabbed his already-with-tomato-soup-covered hand that still held the spoon, slowly lowering it into the soup. Dumb Kid watched it in amazement.

'Just like that,' I said. 'And now, you blow over it – not too hard, just a bit, make sure it stays on the spoon. And after that, you guide it into your mouth and eat it. See?'

I watched Dumb Kid slowly putting the spoon into his mouth, his eyes wide open in bewilderment, oh my god, I'm really eating, and gave him a small smile.

'Yes, just like that. Well done.'

'Ehehe,' Dumb Kid beamed a goofy smile at me in return, and tried to eat more of the soup all by himself now.

'Oh, oh!' Creepy Kid stammered. I looked at him for a sec, and as soon as he saw I was looking at him, he quickly did everything I had showed before, grinning hopefully and tomato-souply at me afterwards.

I can do that, too! He's not better than me, I… I can be good, too!

…

O-oh.

'Y-yes, good job!' I hastily told the boy, just when his eyes were beginning to lose that hopeful sparkle, and I swallowed the lump that I suddenly felt being stuck inside my throat. 'Now… now eat more of it, okay? Try to finish it.'

Creepy Kid's smile instantly increased and he nodded wildly, turning to face his soup again.

'Aww, Lovi, you're such a good father figure!~'

I looked up. Antonio smiled all friendly and endeared at me, and normally, I'd just blush and mutter to stop complimenting me, dammit, but right now, I glared at him.

Antonio was a bit surprised to see me look at him like that and wanted to ask what was wrong, but then Dumb Kid asked for his attention, because he also wanted show him just how good he had become in eating soup, even though he was pretty much looking like a freshly-slaughtered corpse now.

'Awww, how cute you are, all covered in soup!~' Antonio cooed, even though he had nagged at Creepy Kid earlier for spoiling soup.

I frowned, but didn't say anything and ate my soup.

With nothing remarkable happing in the following half hour, we eventually finished our dinner.

\0o0/

Because we really didn't know how to amuse the demon children after dinner, Antonio just opened the door to the garden – and his tomato-fields, he'd regret that later – and told the kids to play around outside for a while.

'It's very nice weather,' he told me, 'and it'll make them tired, so we can put them back to bed without too much trouble later.'

'Yes, but what will you do if they run away?' I said, watching in concern as the kids ran into the green area outside all excitedly like the mutated puppies they were.

He handwaved my worries away and walked back to the mess that was the kitchen. 'Ah, don't be silly, they won't run away.'

'Really now? I mean, sure, you acted nice towards the girl and the stupid-looking kid, so I guess they'll stay. But I'm not too sure about the scary kid.'

Da-da-da-dum!

Antonio stopped walking away and came back, giving me a weird look.

'What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean,' I huffed, folding my arms. 'Why the fuck did you act like such a douche towards him?'

'Because he's basically a miniature version of who I once was,' Antonio instantly said.

...

Whoa.

Okay – brutal honesty. I liked that.

I stared at him, impressed. No denying, no crying, no tensing-up – he actually said what I thought he wouldn't never ever dare to say. Out loud, I mean.

'So you've noticed as well,' I finally said, sighing.

'Of course,' Antonio nodded. He was smiling, but there was something like sadness and regret in his smile now. 'I was a sadistic psychopath, back in the old days. I liked to kill to get what I want. I loved to hurt people, if that meant I would reach my goals faster. It took me years to… get more normal. You can only imagine how awful it is for me to all of a sudden be confronted with my past again.'

'He sure likes to torture bugs,' I nodded understandingly, wincing when I saw Creepy Kid stampedeing all over an ant's nest.

'Yes.' Antonio sounded almost depressed. 'He really does seem to like hurting those who are weak and don't stand a chance against him. He really does remind me of… me.'

'So that's why you've been avoiding touching him,' I said. 'Now we're getting somewhere.'

He shrank in dismay. '…a-ah, so you've seen that, too?'

'I see everything. I'm a goddamn eagle.'

'I'm… I'm a bad father, aren't I…'

Okay, I now had to put an end to his moaning, or I'd smack him for being such a self-pitying wuss.

'Look, Antonio,' I started, grabbing his chin and turning it to me with one firm twist of the wrist, 'you are you, and that kid's himself. Sure, he might has something sadistic about him. That's a very reasonable thing to think, since he's killing an army of poor, defenseless ants right now.'

Antonio smiled weakly. 'I sure hope you're planning to go somewhere with this.'

'Shush.'

'Also, I think you hurt my nec—'

'Shush, I said!' I squeezed his chin. 'Whatever that kid's doing, please keep in mind he's still just a kid. We can still teach him hurting others isn't a good thing to do, because he's a kid. He has feelings, too. He wants to be… wants to be loved as well, dammit.'

I felt I was starting to shake.

'Lovi…' Antonio watched me tear up and also started to tear up.

W-what the…

'W-what are you getting all teary-eyed for!' I defensively sniped at him, fighting the desire to rub my sleeve over my face.

'I'm so sorry.' Antonio gently took my hands off his chin and held them in his own. 'You're right, he's just a kid, and he's a totally different person than I am. He just happens to have some of my genes, that's all. I get it now.'

...

Okay, that was easier than I thought.

Maybe too easy?

I looked at him thoroughly. 'Do you really get it, Antonio?'

'Yes, Lovino. I do.' He smiled and nodded.

'Then I hope you'll… be nicer towards him from now on.' I sniveled and quickly wiped away some stupid tears.

'I will.'

'Or else I'll have to kick your ass.'

'Ah.'

'And that would be such a waste. You really do have a perfect ass. So don't make me kick it.'

'Okay.'

'Bastard.'

'That's not very cute.'

'Fuck you then.'

'Let's do that later.' Antonio grinned and gave me a soft little nudge. 'Now, choose what you want to do: keep an eye on the kids, or cleaning up the kitchen.'

I looked outside. I could see Dumb Kid, trying to pick a new flower, that was actually a tomato plant. Moody Kid looked like she had to either pee or poop really badly, and Creepy Kid was now approaching Peeping Rosita's cranky cat (named Don Donaldo, don't ask me why) with a motherfucking rake.

'Why don't you go enjoy the innocent company of the demons children,' I therefore said, smiling and patting Antonio on the back, 'then I'll take care of the kitchen.'

'But you hate cleaning up! You sure?' Antonio asked.

'Oh I'm sure alright.'

I took another look outside. All three terrors were now executing the things they were planning to do and oh, it looked ugly.

'Hey,' Antonio suddenly said, cocking his head, 'why's the girl crouching down like that—oh GOD.'

I nodded. 'Yeah, she's doing just that. Well, good luck!'

I quickly turned around, retreating myself back into the safe haven that was the kitchen, and I never thought I'd ever say this, but thank you, God, Grandpa Rome or whoever was watching me, for allowing me to clean up this evil-infected kitchen.