Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Well, I didn't pass my driving test. Yes, that was a bummer, indeed. Luckily enough, I didn't fail because of some stupid small mistake – noooo, I failed because I made a big mistake. XDDDDDDD
You see, I was supposed to make a U-turn, so I attempted to do one. But the next thing I know, the examinator grabs my wheel and tells me to watch the hell out for that car behind me.
And I go like 'Oh, I didn't see him!~'
…ahahahaha. Yeah. Wasn't very smart of me.
Anyway, I now have to wait for at least two weeks before I can do another driving test. Let's hope I'll make it the next time. That would be nice.

A/n2: My mother wants me to go do something fun already. Because I've been pretty much working my entire Summer break, she feels like I'm kind of throwing my youth away.
'You should go out and meet people,' she told me.
'You mean you want me to go out and meet guys,' I corrected her.
'Well,' mom defensively said, 'I'd like you to become happy with a boy, yes. So you should go out with some other single friends and chase them!'
So, by saying 'you should go out and have fun now you're still young', she's actually saying 'GO GET A DAMN BOYFRIEND ALREADY, I WANT GRANDCHILDREN FROM YOU AND I WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE PERFECTLY IN ORDER.'
Why is it that people/parents always expect so many things from you when you're a twenty-something? Why? Is it a rule or something? Ugh!

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 14:

We owe our children – the most vulnerable citizens in any society – a life free from violence and fear.
Nelson Mandela
(South African revolutionary and politician)

Well.

…

So I went down the stairs (with the boys, carefully, one step at a time, because no way I was going to let them stand in front of the dangerous stairs like that, I didn't want more severely damaged people lying around the House and complaining about broken toenails) and picked up Moody Kid halfway.

Unsurprisingly, she first didn't want to come with me at all and threatened me with trembling lips and warning, watery eyes.

I frowned and wanted to nag at her to stop acting like a little bitch, dammit, because her Papa Toni was lying down the stairs, completely broken and shit, but then I remembered the boys attempt at saying "shit" earlier – and I decided I should probably watch my words a bit.

Besides, I also happened to notice Moody Girl's knees were both bleeding, and there was a big bump on her forehead.

The poor girl shook like a leaf.

…

Oh.

'W-wait a minute, okay?' I told the girl, and continued descending the stairs, until the boys and I were standing on solid ground again.

I looked at Antonio, still unconscious, his face crashed against the vase – which was perfectly fine by the way, must be a vase made of fucking steel or something – and then I looked back up, to Moody Girl, who now was looking down the stairs with fear and tears in her eyes, quivering madly.

…

Wait, what…

Who did I help first? Shit, did I really have to choose between Antonio and Moody Kid now?

…

…

Ugh.

Well, sorry, Antonio, but a frail, little girl is a tad more important than a tattered lover. I suppose.

'Okay.' I turned to Creepy Kid and Dumb Kid, who were both watching the crumpled-up Antonio like he was a one-man show (which he probably really was right now), and snapped my fingers to get their attention. It worked, and two pairs of hazel eyes eyed me curiously seconds later.

'Hey, can the two of you watch Antonio for a little while?' I asked.

Dumb Kid blinked with his eyes, having no idea what the hell I was talking about, and pointed to the floral design on the vase, grinning.

Creepy Kid went back to watching Antonio's twitching limbs and seemed to be intrigued.

I twisted my lips in frustration. Great, looks like I had to resort to desperate measures…

KIDDY-TALK.

'H-hey, wh-where's P-P-Papa Toni?' I managed to spit out, clenching my fists – and oh, what do you know, the both of them instantly looked at me again.

'Papa Toni!' Creepy Kid said, pointing to Antonio's groggy body.

'Yaaa! Papa Toni!' Dumb Kid also shrieked, nodding.

'Yes yes, there he is, that… that's Papa Toni, alright.' I looked at Antonio worriedly, but let out a relieved sigh when I saw Antonio was already opening his eyes, muttering soft, Spanish… profanities.

…

Yeah well let's just ignore that for now. More importantly, Antonio had regained his consciousness again, so I could leave him be for a while.

And with 'leave him be', I meant 'leave him at the mercy of the kids'.

'Watch Papa Toni for me,' I therefore told Creepy and Dumb Kid. 'Try to take care of him while I… I-I mean, Papa Lovi… goes to fetch and patch up your sister. O-okay?'

'Oaaaaay!' Dumb Kid said, fist-punching the air.

'Kayyyyyy!' Creepy Kid agreed as well, and launched himself onto one of Antonio's legs.

'Gyah!' Antonio choked out.

…

…

He'd be fine.

Probably.

I internally apologized to Antonio – sorry darling, just bear with me for now – and then I quickly sprinted up the stairs again.

\0o0/

Moody Kid waited for me to come up again and greeted me with an accusing, upset glare.

'Wh-what's with the scowling!' I immediately defended myself. 'I needed to check on your brothers and f…f-f-father first, dammit!'

'Dammit,' the girl repeated.

I cringed. Fuck, first the boys, now the girl, too! If Antonio heard, he'd be so angry, there would be steam coming out of his (now flattened) nose!

'You know, you really shouldn't say that,' I tried to talk into the girl. 'It's a bad word. I'm just yelling it all the time because I'm a bad-tempered douchebag. Are you a bad-tempered douchebag?'

'Dammit,' the girl responded, and made a sour face. 'Owie.'

'Owie?' I said – and then looked at Moody Kid's knees. They were scratched and bloody.

Oh. Yes, owie indeed.

'Aww.' I sat down next to her and bit my lower lip. 'That must have hurt, huh?'

'Yea.' The girl sniveled, but then demonstratively turned away from me again.

Of course, my instincts told me to nag at the girl once again that it wasn't my fault she had fallen off the stairs and hurt herself – hell, I even wanted to kindly inform her about the fact it was all her own stupid fault, just like it was her fault her Papa Toni had almost got himself killed by the deadly stairs-steel vase combination.

But then a wiser and much calmer voice in the back of my head asked me one simple question:

What would you like to hear from Grandpa Rome, after hurting yourself?

…

Well.

S-some encouraging words would be nice.

'You… you sure are a big girl, aren't you?' I carefully said to her back. 'You fell this far down the stairs, and yet, you only cried for just a few minutes. That's… that's really awesome, you know? I'd have cried my damn eyes out!'

Oh – easy on the questionable words, Lovino.

The girl hesitated, but glanced over her shoulder anyway. Her eyes were glassy, big and sad. Like a goddamn basset hound beast thing.

'You're a strong girl!' I told her, feeling my need to cheer her up burning like a pedagogic fire. 'You're awesome, baby!'

After hearing that last word, the girl's eyes became even bigger, her cheeks flushing a happy, rosy pink. She turned to me right away, her head tilted to the side expectantly.

'I-I mean…' I stammered, wondering why the hellfire did I just call that girl 'baby', '…y-you shouldn't feel sad, because I'm here. Papa… Papa Lovi's here. I'll make the pain go away, okay?'

'Kay,' Moody Kid muttered, still scowling – but also still blushing.

'O-okay. Now. Can you walk?'

I awkwardly picked her up and tried putting her back on her feet, but she shook her head and pouted.

'You can't walk?' I asked.

She shook her head once more.

'Shall I – Papa Lovi carry you?'

Her head froze in its shaking movements.

'Y-yea,' I heard her mumble after a short silence – very softly.

'I'll carry you then.'

I lifted her up in my arms. She gave a startled little yelp and stared at me like 'WTF are you DOING, you BLOCKHEAD', but relaxed when she saw my smile.

Yes, I was smiling, apparently.

'You know,' I said, walking down the stairs again, 'you really don't have to be afraid of… Papa Lovi and Papa Toni. We're a bit weird, yes, but we're nice… papa's.'

'Papa's,' the girl said, like it was a whole new experience.

'And don't worry – I'll make sure you won't fall down the stairs anymore. Okay? Papa Lovi and Papa Toni will take care of that.'

'Hm-hm.' Moody Kid wriggled around in my arms until she found a more comfortable position and sighed. And maybe my eyes were deceiving me, but I think I saw a tiny little smile, tugging on the corners of her mouth.

…

N-now what was this warm and fuzzy feeling, dammit?

\0o0/

When I entered the kitchen – we kept the first-aid kid in the kitchen – Moody Kid and I were greeted by Antonio, who sat on the kitchen counter.

'Hi Lovi! And hi, little cutie!'

'Papa Toni,' the girl swiftly acknowledged him.

'Oh! Oh! She called me Papa Toni!~' Antonio almost swooned. 'Did you hear, Lovi?'

'Yeah, I heard.' I walked over to him and smiled some more, now that I saw he was clearly feeling much better. 'Are you okay? The boys took care of you, didn't they?'

He laughed a rather pained laugh. 'Ahh, well, I don't really know about that, my love…'

'What do you mean, you don't know?' I now frowned, sitting the girl next to Antonio. 'And where are they, anyway?'

His eyebrows twitched.

'The boys? Ah, I told them to go watch some TV. They tried to take care of my bruises and bumps, but they took the job way too seriously, and I think they were planning to saw my leg off.'

I gaped at him. 'They what?'

'I don't know for sure,' Antonio continued, 'but one of them kept staring at a decorative halberd, while the other one started to cry and cling to my leg desperately.'

I whistled. 'Whoa. Heavy.'

'But then I told them that their Papa Lovi was going to safe both Papa Toni and his leg, and they should watch some cartoons until we'd call them for breakfast. After that, I dragged myself to the kitchen, hopped on the counter, and here I am, bleeding and stuff!~'

He beamed another smile at me, this time a lot more happy and honest.

'You're such a moron,' I said, but chuckled anyway.

'I take that as a compliment!~'

'We better prepare ourselves for a hard time, huh? Raising these twerps and all,' I commented, opening a cabinet and taking out the first-aid kit.

Moody Kid shuddered upon seeing the scary red cross on the white box and shuffled closer to Antonio, wrapping her arms around one of his.

'Ah, don't be scared, kiddo!~' Antonio picked her up – hop, just like that – and planted her on his lap. 'Papa Lovi's going to safe both of us! It's going to be a-okay!'

Moody Kid once again had quite a shock, but Antonio's goofy, friendly smile was even more welcoming than that small one of me was, so she felt at ease faster than a slug with rollerblades on.

'She's so cute and brave,' Antonio said, smiling as he watched me taking out diverse medicines and bandages. 'She takes after you even more than I expected.'

'D-don't talk bullshit,' I grumpily said, moistening a little washcloth. 'If she really takes after me that much, the cleaning of her wounds is going to be hell – so could you hold her for me for a second?'

'Yep.' Antonio gripped the arms of Moody Kid a bit firmer, giving her a soothing smile when the girl looked up at him nervously.

'Ah, this is going to sting a bit, cutie. But don't worry, it's all for the best!'

Antonio said more things, but I didn't listen to what he said, because I knew he was jabbering this much to distract the girl from the painful wound-cleaning that was going to follow in about 3… 2… 1…

'Ouch!' Moody Kid shot an incredible hateful glare in my direction, as soon as I touched her reddened knee with the wet cloth. She instantly started to struggle in Antonio's arms, whining and kicking her feet at me.

But she didn't cry!

'What's that?' I grinned, holding still her other leg and softly dapping the scratches on it. 'Antonio… I mean, Papa Toni, do you notice it as well? I think I don't see any tears!'

'You're right!' Antonio gasped and hugged the girl.

'Eh?' Moody Kid stammered, a little bit confused.

'But this is so very painful!' I continued – dampening her knees with friggin' lighting speed. 'And yet, she doesn't shed a tear! Whoa!'

'That's because Papa Toni and Papa Lovi's little girl is so tough!'

I couldn't help but feel another pang of fuzziness shoot through me when Antonio called Moody Kid our little girl (was this that feeling Antonio described as being overwhelmed with cuteness?) and I looked at the girl's face, wondering how she'd respond on that.

Moody Kid blushed again, although still not very happy with this situation. Then she brusquely leaned forward, sinking her little teeth into Antonio's wrists when I applied some iodine onto her knees – and yes, yes, that sure hurt her, since I now could see she was trying very hard to keep her saved-up tears from rolling down her cheeks.

The girl didn't have that vicious teeth yet, thankfully enough, and Antonio just smiled and gently moistened her forehead.

'Ah, you can cry if you want to, cutie. That's alright, you're still the toughest little girl I know! Honestly!'

But Moody Kid didn't want our stupid, smelly pity, and kept sitting and holding on to Antonio like that, until I showed her some colorful bandages.

I was rather surprised to see those, though. Since when did we have those kiddie bandages, did Antonio bought them a few weeks ago or something?

'Yes,' Antonio responded when I asked him, 'because, Lovi, do you know that bandages with cute colors and animals on them work a lot faster on the healing process than regular, boring bandages?'

'You are so full of crap, someone should flush you,' I said.

Antonio snorted haughtily. 'Or am I? Ever heard of the miraculous placebo-effect, Lovino?'

'The what?'

'The placebo-effect. It's like giving people that have a major headache a special kind of pill and telling them it will cure them of all their horrible pains within an hour, for example. Convinced of its effectiveness, the people who swallowed the pill will start feeling better pretty soon. All thanks to the pill? No, because the pill is just a placebo – a useless, harmless pill. But because the people who took it were assured they'd feel better after the pill, they actually did start feeling better. And that, my dear Lovi, is called the placebo-effect!'

I just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

'Or something like that!~' Antonio concluded his explanation, and then got rid of the white coat and old-man-glasses to happily continue humming and sitting.

…

Whoaaaaaa.

I was baffled. I had no idea where he had got all that information from. That man's weird brain never ceased to amaze me but don't tell him I said that. Seriously. He'll grow a head as big as the sun and that's just not handy.

Anyway, Moody Kid, whose attention was effectively stimulated by the happy bandages I offered her, carefully studied every single bandage, before finally picking out three different ones: a yellow one with a smiling flower (fucking creepy) on it, a blue one with a grinning cloud (oh my god) on it, and a pink one with a laughing book on it (and holy shitsticks, I wish I was lying, but that was the most haunting image I had ever seen).

'N-now,' I muttered, while placing the traumatizing bandages on their rightful places – knees and forehead (sure, she didn't really need a bandage for her forehead, but what the hell, it was her little bandage party), 'you can just sit with your brothers until Papa Toni and I will call you for breakfast. I think they're watching TV. Okay?'

'Kay,' Moody Kid nodded, but never taking her eyes of her super awesome just kidding they would keep me from dreaming peacefully tonight bandages.

I put her down on the floor. The girl kept staring at her bandages, even when she slowly walked out of the kitchen – almost bumping into a wall.

'Hey, watch it!' I said. 'I don't want to stick another fucking scary bandage on your face, you ditzy twerp!'

'Eheee,' the girl said, looking over her shoulder at me and Antonio, and giggled playfully.

After that, she ran to the living room, calling out to her brothers, no doubt to show them her terror-legs.

…

So she liked it if I called her weird names.

What a relief.

\0o0/

Antonio had a lot more wounds that I had to take care of, I noticed soon after I started tending his cuts, scratches and bumps.

His legs were all bloody and bruised, his arms had endured some nasty slashes and the skin of his face was reddish and swollen. Also, he had several bulges on the back of his head.

…

R-really, only when I was doing my best to ease his pain, I finally began to realize Antonio had make a downright awful trip downstairs. It was a goddamn miracle he hadn't broken anything, or didn't got an concussion out of the merciless smack to the ground.

'S-so…' I muttered, dabbing one of his damaged legs with iodine as carefully as I could, '…how comes you're not mad at me or anything?'

'Hmmm?' Antonio eyed me strangely. 'Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you, sweetie?'

I swallowed a lump and frowned hard. 'I-I let you be. I mean… I didn't notice you had this much wounds, and I just left you.'

'No you didn't. You told the boys to take care of me and went to save the girl from the stairs, before she'd fall off the stairs just as alarmingly as I did.'

Antonio smiled and ruffled my hair.

'You were just being a good dad, Lovi.'

'Would you have done the same?' I paused tending his wounds to stare at him.

Antonio blinked and thought about it for a little while, before nodding.

'Yes, I would also save the kids, first.'

'You would?'

'I would.'

'Yeah, I figured out that much. And that's good – I'd probably kick your ass if you had the guts to save me before her.' I finally managed to smile a bit at him, but give him a puzzled look right after. 'But why?'

'Why what?'

'Why… why do we both feel like it's more important to save a stupid little, whiny girl than… u-um… t-the man we love?'

Antonio watched my totally confused expression in silent amusement, his eyes softening. Then, he leaned forwards, his face just a few inches away from mine.

'Because she's our daughter, Lovino. Our flesh and blood.'

'Works it like that?' I mumbled, shyly trying to push his face away.

He chuckled, suddenly gripped my wrists and pulled me against him – for as far as he could, while sitting on the counter.

'Lovi, did you know that most females, regardless of the species, are in the possession of something like… the mother-instinct?'

I nodded and decided to just… continue to take care of and bandage his body like this, no matter how clumsy it must have looked.

'A mother's instinct,' Antonio carried on, 'or a mother's love, is probably one of the strongest powers on earth. Mothers have proven to be perfectly able to risk their lives without second thought, if it could save their kid. It's amazing how strong and dangerous females can become, when they notice their kid in peril.'

'B-but we're not female, let alone mothers. We're male. We're… fathers,' I said – once again wondering where on earth he got that knowledge from.

He laughed a bit. 'What, so you're saying men are worthless, egocentric creatures? Of course fathers can have that instinct, too! Certainly!'

'Yeah?'

'Absolutely!'

'Well, if you say so.' I paused and frowned, then looked up at Antonio again. 'By the way, how comes you know all of that shit? You almost sound like a fucking psychologist!'

'I read some books,' Antonio confessed with a proud smile.

'You read books?' I stared at him, not-believing what I was hearing. 'You… read stuff, out of free will? Just like that?'

Antonio snorted. 'You don't have to act all surprised about it! I had to do something, when we were separated for so long. I was bored. And we still had all those books we got for our wedding, so I was like, well, since I'm suffering already anyway, why not sit down and read some of those?'

'Ahh, that explains a lot.' I nodded understandingly. 'The placebo-effect, the mother's instinct… what's next?' I laughed a bit.

'A lecture about the bone-chilling wonders of cognitive dissonance,' Antonio sternly said.

I stopped laughing. Once again, I looked at him, bewildered.

He just sheepishly grinned back at me. 'Or something like that!~'

…

I couldn't read him. I just couldn't.

So instead of pretending I knew exactly what he was talking about – although I doubted he'd believe me, since he'd seen my dumb, confused look already – I made an annoyed "tsk!" –sound and dabbed a nasty wound on his arm, extra hard!

Antonio gasped. 'Ouch! Loviiii, you're hurting me!'

'Aww, you poor sucker.' I smirked at him, but instantly tended the cuts on his arm more careful. 'Does it hurt that much? Do you want me to kiss it better or something?'

That last bit was meant as a sarcastic sort of joke, even though you could probably hear my worried tone right through it, and so I hadn't expect Antonio to seriously, think about it.

But he did.

'I-I'd like you to kiss me better, yes.'

Whoop, up snapped my head.

'W-what?' I stammered.

He flushed and didn't directly look at me, but he still repeated what he just had said.

'I said I'd like you to kiss me better, Lovi.'

'Oh,' I said. Then I had to squeeze my lips together and bow my head a little bit because oh my fucking god that man was so darn adorable, I thought I'd fucking explode from the cuteness of it all!

'Lovi?' Antonio asked, worried.

'A-alright,' I said, quickly recovering from the moment I lost my aloof, tough composure, 'I-I'll kiss you.'

I grabbed his wrist and wanted to guide my lips to one of the wounds on his arm, but Antonio gently twisted his wrist free and took my chin, tilting my face upwards.

'Not there, Lovi.'

He smiled and ran his thumb over my lips, a silent, but very clear question.

'T-that's not kissing it better,' I mumbled stubbornly, feeling my face heat up immediately, 'that's… that's just kissing.'

'It'll make me feel better, though.'

'Well.' I huffed, but hesitantly allowed his big, green eyes to make contact with my own. 'It'll… it'll probably make me feel better, as well. Since you're sweet. And I-I like kissing you. And… and stuff. Because you're nice and all.'

Antonio chuckled. 'What are you trying to say, Lovino?'

'I have no fucking clue.' I blushed even harder. 'All I can say is strange shit, dammit, and it's all your fault, and I love you, d-d-d-dar… ling.'

Antonio groaned and shivered, pulling me against him with his free hand. 'God you're cute, Lovi.'

'N-n-no, you are, dammit!' I grumbled, as he slowly started pulling my face closer to his. 'W-with your… your stupid, childish behavior, d-dammit…'

He smiled and shook his head. 'You are way cuter, my love.'

'Am not.'

'Are too…'

'A-am not…'

'Are too, Lovi…'

'Am n—nmmhg.'

And I was wonderfully cut off.