Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Yay, over 300 reviews! That's wonderful! I'd never thought a fic about Toni and Lovi's kids would get this many reviews… god, thank you all so much!^^

A/n2: Speaking of kids – just what are the names of the kids? If you paid close attention to the final chapter of Bottoms Up, you might know the answer.
That's right, I've been having this fic in my head ever since writing chapter 80 – isn't that pathetic? Ehehehehe… ^^;;;

A/n3: Have yet another guy I had to learn a lot about: Janusz Korczak (pen name, real name was Henryk Goldszmit). Like Piaget, he did a lot of research about kids and the like. But there's one big difference between Piaget and Korczak: I think Korczak is the most awesome guardian kids have ever had. He was the one that thought that kids should have rights, just like adults have them, and he caused a lot of commotion when he told the world that kids should have the right to die.
Sounds sick, right? Well, is it, really?
Anyway, near the end of his life, he lived in a terrible time – during WW II. He was the director of a (Polish/Jewish) orphanage and when the Nazi's came to bring the kids to an extermination camp, they wanted to spare him (he was a well-known child's author at that time). But Korczak simply said he'd go with the children, no matter what.
Together with the children, he was eventually killed in Treblinka.
I have so much respect for this guy, it's not even funny.

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 17:

I never thought a child is capable of remembering so well and of waiting so patiently.
Janusz Korczak
(Polish pedagogue, pediatric and humanitarian)

Ha! That doctor Tosca. She and her big breasts always knew how to make my brains feel like a bundle of overcooked spaghetti.

What the names of the kids were, she asked. If I would be so kind to share them with her, she asked.

Yeah, how the fuck should I know their names – I never named them, dammit, so how should I know!

'Um,' I therefore started, my mind completely blank, 'well, actually, the kids don't have… a name.'

'No, Lovino just likes to call them the demon children and give them bad examples of how an adult should behave,' Antonio vengefully said – that's right, asshole was still mad at me, and so was I, dammit.

…

Mad at him, I mean. Not at myself. No. I liked myself. I ruled, dammit.

Doctor Tosca looked over her glasses, her eyes staring at us like our heads had swollen up to the size of a huge blimp (my god, that would be a sight).

'So you haven't named your children yet?'

'No,' I bluntly said.

'Don't they already have a name or something?' Antonio asked.

Doctor Tosca now blinked her eyes uncontrollably.

'I don't understand. You are the biologic fathers of the children – so of course you should give them names. They are nameless, until you give them a name. It's that simple. So why didn't you…?'

I didn't like that "oh my god, you guys are so stupid" –look the doctor was giving us, so I instantly reverted into defense-mode and folded my arms in front of me protectively.

'H-hey, don't talk like we're the only ones that didn't know they should name those little twerps! There must be more nations that didn't name their—'

'No. All the other nations instantly named their kids as soon as they realized that the kids were theirs. And now that we're talking about your odd behavior anyway, all the other nations also didn't want to wait for the next morning to go to their doctors – they went right away. You two, however, didn't.'

'Oh,' I lamely said.

'That's why mister England called.'

'I thought he called to apologize to all the nations?' Antonio remembered.

'Yes, that, too, but he also called to tell you two specifically to make an appointment with one of your doctors already – and when mister Romano told him you were going to visit me, he called me to pass on that information.'

Doctor Tosca scowled and stroke her huge tummy again.

'I had waited so long for you to appear with your children yesterday, but you didn't show up. Thankfully, mister England was kind enough to tell me of your plans.'

I felt a bit guilty. I guess I probably should have called her yesterday, yes.

'So,' Antonio said in the meantime, smiling curiously at the young, bosomy doctor, 'the other European countries have named their kids already?'

'Indeed,' doctor Tosca nodded. 'Their personal doctors told the rest of the personal doctors.'

'Could you… tell us?'

'I'm sorry, mister Spain, but I don't have the authority to do that – it's classified information – although I do think the nations will be more than happy to tell you their children's names during the next meeting upcoming Tuesday anyway. Just wait and see. However, I since I am a doctor of Italy, I happen to have the right to tell you how your niece is called, since mister Veneciano is also Italy. So yes, I can tell you the name of mister Veneciano and mister Germany's daughter.' Doctor Tosca smiled faintly.

'Oh! Feli and Germany's daughter!' Antonio excitedly said, grinning broadly. 'Yes, of course I'd like to know her name!~'

'Very well, it's… wait a minute…' Doctor Tosca flipped through the many pages of her clipboard. '…ah, here it is. She's called Mirabelle Ilse Machteld Isabellissima.'

'How… lovely!' Antonio said, with a strange smile on his face.

'What,' I only managed to croak out.

'But the both of them apparently call her by her nickname – Mimi,' doctor Tosca continued. 'Mister Veneciano has a bit of difficulties with pronouncing the girl's German names, and mister Germany can't figure out how to pronounce the Italian names correctly. So you could just call her Mimi.'

'Mimi?' I repeated. 'What is she, a cat?'

'She's a very happy and lively child, mister Romano, and she's having a great time with your brother and brother-in-law. They are both wonderful fathers.'

Doctor Tosca then glanced over her shoulder to watch my and Antonio's demon children, that were still watching the inflatable lab growing bigger.

'And forgive me, but I can't help but wonder if your three children feel as happy as miss Mimi does. I mean, if the two of you have argued in front of your kids before…'

'No, we haven't!' I spat. 'Just this once, dammit. And don't talk like it's a fucking disaster! It could happen to anyone!'

'Then it's okay,' doctor Tosca said, 'but I'll have you meet a specialist on the subject of a child's happiness later anyway, just in case. Also, I need to write down some names, so if you and mister Spain could think about a couple of names while you're busy meeting up with that specialist – well, that would be wonderful. Just keep in mind to inform me about them when you get back.'

Me and Antonio wanted to protest – specialist? We didn't need a damn specialist, dammit! – but the doctor was already grabbing her small cell phone out of the limited space between her giant tits (just why did girls do that, why), dialed a number and walked away from us to have her conversation in peace and quiet privateness.

Whatever. I turned to Antonio, who was looking at doctor Tosca just as bewildered as I was doing, until a second ago. I planted my hands on my hips and sniffed arrogantly – yes, I can sniff arrogantly, do you mind?

'Well, there you have it. She's calling the social workers to steal the kids away from us. I hope you're happy now.'

Antonio snapped his head into my direction and frowned. 'First of all, she's calling a specialist – not a social worker. And second, don't talk like it's all my fault. You're at fault here too, you know!'

'For what! What did I do!'

'Yell at me in front of the kids!'

'But—'

'And it wasn't your usual, cute "I'm not really angry at you it's just my Italian pride playing up again now come over and hug me" –rant, but an unreasonable "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH FOR REAL" –rant, and you know how much I despise those!'

'But you… you hurt the creepy kid!' I nagged at him, walking over to him to poke him in the chest.

'I – ouch! – I hurt him? Why? How?' Antonio rubbed his chest.

'By not-letting him sit on your lap, dammit!'

'But I was already holding the other two kids, you saw that yourself!'

'That's not the point, Antonio – that boy thinks you hate him!'

'What!' Antonio gasped. 'I don't hate him at all! Why… why would he think that!'

'Because you barely give him any attention!'

I stared at Antonio with clenched fists and a trembling lower lip. Still, I tried to keep my voice strong and steady as I started talking again.

'T-that kid's doing his best to make you notice him… t-to make you pick him first, for a change… t-to motherfucking smile at him… and yet… h-he probably thinks you prefer his brother and sister over him… do you know how that feels, Antonio?'

Antonio's frown slowly faded away. He avoided my eyes and eventually shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

'No, I… I don't think I—'

'Well I do.'

Once again, I felt tears painfully stinging behind my eyes.

'And it sucks balls, Antonio.'

Antonio immediately looked at me again, his eyes big and baffled.

'O-oh… Lovi… Now I understand. I… god, I'm so sorry…'

But I didn't want to hear his petty mumbling and resolutely turned my back on him, walking over to the kids. Poor demon children needed some encouragement before the tests and examinations would begin, dammit…

\0o0/

'Hey,' I carefully started, sitting down next to Dumb Kid. 'How are you doing, runts?'

Instantly, all three kids looked up to me. Dumb Kid just smiled broadly and began babbling something to me that I didn't understand. Moody Kid frowned, but honored me with a small nod of the head anyway. And Creepy Kid was slapping a little twig on the ground pointlessly, looking sad.

I cleared my throat and patted Dumb Kid's head. 'Listen, um… you're going to get a check-up from that… nice young lady with the big boobies over there in about a few minutes. You see that lady? What a nice lady, isn't she?'

I decided to keep the fact that the nice lady had tried to convince both of their fathers to fuck her flat to myself.

Dumb Kid, easy to influence as always, looked at the doctor – who didn't look that friendly at all, now that I thought about it – and beamed yet another grin at me.

'Niwes lady!'

'Yes, a very nice lady,' I said, relieved.

Moody Kid wasn't easy to influence at all, sadly enough, and just stuck her tongue out at me.

'Anyway…' I muttered, snapping my fingers to get Creepy Kid's attention as well, '…when the nice lady's going to do… all kinds of things with you, Papa Lovi and Papa Toni will be buying some nice things for you, in the big city.'

Because if we had to meet up with that specialist anyway, Antonio and I might as well go get some damn toys already. Killing two birds with one stone and all that convenient shizzle.

Unfortunately, I might as well could have told the kids that we were going to dump them in a bottomless pit, because the looks of sheer horror and disbelieve on their faces were fucking killing me.

'N-no, no!' I was quick to say, thinking hard of something positive to say about the nasty shit the kids were going to get through. 'It might seem a bit creepy, lonely and scary, but really, it isn't! It's… a really fun... endurance game!'

'Game?' Moody Kid repeated questioningly.

'Yes, a game! That you'll have to play without us! A really… um… exciting, wonderful game, and… um…'

Fuck, I didn't know what to say.

I didn't fucking know what to say, because I was scared to death I might tell them a lie, and I just knew they would never ever forgive me if they found out that much.

…

Dammit.

Dammit dammit dammi—

'Well, you all know how scary certain games can be, right?' I suddenly heard a familiar, but peppy voice say.

There Antonio all of a sudden was, sitting next to me and not-so-subtly pulling Creepy Kid on his lap – what the hell did he think he was doing, did he really think it was that easy to win a kid's trust?

Creepy Kid's face immediately lit up as he gazed upon Antonio in admiration and grinned happily.

…

Okay, apparently, it really was that easy to win that kid's trust but now let's see if he can keep it.

'You see,' Antonio started, weirdly shuffling closer to me and the two other kids, 'when I was around your age, centuries ago, I once played this game of tag with some other Spanish kids. It was a lot of fun, but it was a bit scary as well, because people were fighting around us because of some silly war. We really had to watch our steps!'

Moody, Dumb and Creepy Kid gazed at him, obviously feeling a bit concerned.

'Ah, I guess it was kind of dangerous, BUT!' Antonio poked Creepy Kid's cheek, who giggled and playfully swatted it away. 'It was also very awesome! I mean, there where weapons lying on the ground everywhere, so really, if those mean men would try to hurt us, we'd just snatch an axe or gun off the ground and defend ourselves!'

'Ohhhh,' Dumb Kid said with big eyes, drooling again.

'This check-up you're going to get? It's also a game. Like that war the kids and I got into, we had to endure it till the end. But that didn't mean we couldn't make the best out of it while playing it!'

The kids nodded a bit, but I didn't know if they really understood what Antonio was trying to tell them – hell, I didn't even know I understood what he was trying to tell them – but I tried to explain it to them in words that were, hopefully, easier to comprehend.

'What Papa Toni's trying to tell you, is that you should try to have fun.' I smiled a very small smile and patted Moody Kid's shoulder encouragingly. 'It might be a bit scary, but oh man, think of how cool the three of you will look afterwards! I mean, all those other kids you saw on that meeting? They all cried like babies. The game was just too hard for them! Pussies, right?'

'Pwussies!' Dumb Kid exclaimed, and tumbled over for unknown reasons.

'But you!' I continued, feeling braver now that the kids started to gather their confidence. 'You are different! And you're not alone. You have your siblings with you! Together, you can do anything! You can do this!'

Antonio nodded enthusiastically. 'Yes, Papa Lovi's right! You can totally do it!'

'And when you get back from that game, Papa Toni and I will be waiting here, with a nice little present for each one of you, to celebrate the glorious return of the goddamn Fantastical Trio!' I ended my speech.

I heavily, OH SO VERY heavily doubted the kids weren't scared at all anymore now, since I had rambled and blabbered so many weird, energizing things that it was making me dizzy, but when I saw the revitalized blushes on the faces of the demon children, I realized I could be wrong about that.

'YAY!' Creepy Kid chanted, brimming with self-confidence.

'WAYYY!' Dumb Kid shouted, rolling over the grass.

'Eh,' Moody Kid huffed – but didn't seem to have that "oh god is that a car coming at me at full speed" –look in her eyes anymore.

And then Dumb Kid crawled off the grass and hobbled over to Moody Kid, to playfully sandwich her to the ground in celebration.

…

I swear, that kid's so weird.

'Noooo!' Moody Kid instantly nagged, but laughed anyway when she saw just how much Dumb Kid was laughing.

…

F-fucking cute.

And hey!

Well!

Look at that!

I inspired the kids to make the best of it! No, wait… Antonio and I, we inspired the kids to make the best out of it!

And it felt fucking wonderful!

Antonio chuckled as he put Creepy Kid on the grass – that immediately ran over to his brother and sister and whacked himself down on top of them as well – and then Antonio looked at me, and I looked at him, and he smiled, and I smiled, and I think he wanted to say something, but then doctor Tosca was clearing her throat all of a sudden.

I lifted up my head, and yes, there she was, to ruin the daaaay!~

'Mister Romano, mister Spain?' Doctor Tosca tapped her pen against her clipboard. 'I'm glad to tell you we're ready to start the examinations, and that you two can go yell at each other somewhere else.'

I looked over to Antonio for a minute, who didn't look all that angry anymore, before turning my face back to the doctor.

'I-I think we're finished yelling, doctor Tosca.'

She smiled, but she wasn't impressed. 'Well, that's good! You temporarily have stopped threatening to kill each other – all for the kids. How very mature of you.'

'No, you don't get it,' Antonio said, getting off the ground – and swiftly walking over to me to help me get up as well. 'We're done fighting now, really.'

'I don't believe you, even it is true what you're saying, because that'll mean I've rung that specialist for naught. And that's just unpractical.' Doctor Tosca frowned dismissively. 'So please tell your kids to come with me, and then please go back into your House. The kid-specialist-man can arrive any moment now.'

'Huh?' both me and Antonio very intelligently remarked. 'You mean he's coming here?'

She gave us a fiery glare. 'Yes. And you will meet up with him, his kid and his partner.'

…

…

I had a very bad feeling about this.

\0o0/

Antonio and I decided to say a quick and none-too-dramatic "see you later" to the kids, because hugging them all hysterically and bawling that they should be brave never helped any kid.

So, although they did look kind of nervous again, the three kids still walked into the floatable lab with their heads held up high, holding each other's hand and looking so unbearably determined and cute that I had to look away and keep myself from going full-Antonio on the image.

As soon as the big, soft doors of the lab closed – I sure hoped everything would be hygienic in there, by the way – Antonio gently pushed me back to the House, not saying a single word until we were inside.

'They'll be fine,' he told me, upon seeing my now slightly panicked facial expression, and patted my hand. 'They'll be just fine, after that inspirational pep-talk you gave them.'

I felt my ears were starting to turn red and coughed, looking away from him but allowing him to hold my hand at the same time.

'W-well, you started the pep-talk. With your grandpa-story about the past. Seriously, you sounded so… so…'

'So…?' Antonio smiled and leaned towards me, his face very close to mine.

'So…' I swallowed, '…old.'

'Hmm, that's not very cute of you to say…' He brushed some strands of hair out of my face and kept smiling at me so damn tenderly, I could even feel it in the pockets of my pants, and that was really, really strange.

'I'm sorry,' I suddenly blurted out, still trying hard to avoid his eyes (and failing), 'I'm sorry that… that I said mean shit to you. I mean, you deserved it, for stomping on that creepy kid's heart, but still. Y-you didn't mean to. So I'm sorry.'

Antonio was quiet for a moment, but then he hummed contently and took a hold of my other hand as well, rubbing his thumbs over the back of my hands.

'I'm also sorry, Lovi. For… making you and that little boy upset like that, and not even realizing it. That was very stupid of me. And I shouldn't have said those awful things to and about you either, but, well, you did piss me off greatly.'

I snickered. 'Yeah, you sure were pissed off! I hadn't seen that angry mug of yours in a long time.'

'Was I intimidating?' Antonio grinned, like a child, like – well, like Creepy Kid, really.

'Pfffhhhbbl,' I flabbered (yes, I flabbered, it's a word) my tongue, 'you were about as intimidating as a frustrated beaver.'

'That's pretty intimidating!'

'If you say so.' I smiled at him and I didn't even know why.

He sneakily pulled me closer. 'Did you think I was handsome, though?'

'I always think you're handsome, you dam-building stud.'

'Handsome enough for a kiss?~'

'Moron.' I chuckled and wanted to grab his shirt to connect our faces and indeed kiss him, but then, sadly enough, the doorbell chimed through the House like a metal, upbeat-sounding earthquake.

'Always, always at times like these,' I muttered with a sigh, letting go of Antonio. 'Hell, I'm not even surprised anymore.'

'You don't have to get that, you know,' Antonio said, who also sounded pretty annoyed.

'I will, though.' I smiled apologetic to him. 'Sorry.'

'Ah, it's okay, sweetie. By the way, could it be that specialist doctor Tosca was talking about?' Antonio wondered as he followed me through the room and hallway.

'We'll figure out soon enough, won't we?' I sighed boorishly – but when we stood in front of the door, I felt a lot less at ease and my hand just kept… floating in the air for a little while, before I finally put it down on the doorknob.

Antonio watched me acting all nervous and shit and grinned, but was smart enough to keep his mouth shut.

Then, after a last, deep breath, I turned the doorknob and pulled open the heavy door.

On the doorstep, there were standing three somewhat familiar figures: a blonde, young woman, a small boy and a…

…

A…

…

NETHERLANDS.

'Yo,' he greeted our astonished faces with a dry nod. 'I'm a specialist.'

Wha…

What the FUCK?!