Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Yay, I'm back, peeps! Did you miss me? I hope you missed me, because I sure missed you.^^ Turkey sure is a beautiful country and the people are pretty nice (even though they tried to sell me and my family as much fake things as possible, but I guess that was our own fault for going to the shopping district that much, one guy even started to recognize my father and yell "ey, papa!" to him whenever he saw him, which my dad loved, no wonder he bought all kinds of crap).
Anyway, I'm back and flying in a plane is freaking awesome. Yay!

A/n2: The Netherlands has been in the (international – really!) news quite a lot lately – and of course, not in a very happy, cheery way, because we Dutch people like depressing shit like we like our tulips, cheese and wooden shoes.
I could tell you more about that, but I could also tell you about a very sweet song a Dutch musician made for a pregnant radio news anchor.
The sweet song it is!~
Okay, about this song. It really is a very soothing, wonderful song, and you should all listen to it. It's called "Take Your Time Girl" and the soft beating rhythm you hear on the background is the baby's heartbeat.
Now go listen to it! Hop! *makes weird swatting movements with hands*

A/n3: And now for something completely different! Prepare yourself, because in this chapter, I'm going to bombard you with several sorts of learning and development disorders that my teachers and books taught me when I was still a pedagogic student. Hooray! 8DDDDDDD
Better quickly scan some paragraphs if you don't feel like getting your head filled with all of that…

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 22:

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.
Plato
(Greek philosopher)

'Alright then… Luisa… Alejo… and Matteo… I'll just write it down really… there.'

Doctor Tosca wrote the names down on her notepad and seemed to be quite relieved when she looked at us again.

'Well, those names are surprisingly run-off-the-mill – no offense. It's pretty refreshing, really, especially since I've heard most European nations have… um, gifted their kids with a terribly long, difficult names.'

'Is that so?' Antonio asked, while we both put our kids down (who saw the huge shopping bags and immediately started plundering them like the grubby little tyrant-pirates they were).

'Oh yes.' Doctor Tosca made a somewhat sad face. 'That poor doctor of mister France. Mister France's daughter has at least six names. Six! And she isn't even baptized (yet?). Let alone the name of your brother-in-law, mister Spain… It's a good thing most nations have agreed to call the kids by their nickname.'

'I guess we'll hear more about those names upcoming Tuesday,' I sighed. 'We'll have another European meeting then, right? I'm curious about how everybody's doing with their kids. Maybe some countries have gotten some nasty burn-outs already. I hope Germany is one of them. I might even pray for it.'

'Well, aren't you evil, you hot piece of a man, you. Why, I should strip you and your partner down to your socks and have lunch on your butt-muscles.'

…

Antonio and I gave doctor Tosca a look that told everybody who saw it that we were not only slightly amused, but also slightly exhausted and annoyed to hear this.

'I did it again, didn't I.' Doctor Tosca blushed, coughing.

'You sure did,' I sourly said, yet still feeling slightly complimented because of the wonderfulness that was my muscular butt. Fuck yeah, rock hard!

'I'm sorry.' The young doctor took out the nightmare-picture of her mother-in-law again. 'I'll make sure to get immensely laid tonight.'

'So will we,' Antonio simply said, effectively making me snap my head up at him and making it very red and hot at the same time.

'A-Antonio, dammit, think about the kids, you pervert!'

'They only have eyes for the toys anyway – and you know it's true. After all, you promised you'd do something for me this morning… remember?~' Antonio grinned, wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed a kiss down in the nape of my neck right in plain view of everyone around us oh GOD. 'I won't find rest until you'll do what you've promised me, my love… you know I won't.'

'S-stop that, dammit,' I grumbled, half-heartedly trying to push him away.

'Yes, please stop that.' Doctor Tosca shivered and quickly re-adjusted her glasses. 'All these hormones roaming free inside my body are responding on all kinds of sexual impulses. Even the homo-erotic kind. Which is very unpractical, because I still need to be professional, stop thinking about your naked bodies and tell you about the info my team and I have gathered about your children. Although I'm sure your naked bodies would look wonderful—'

'Well, we're listening!' Antonio hastily said, before the piercing eyes of doctor Tosca could undress him any further. 'Please tell us what you've discovered about our kids so far! Are they countries, for example?'

That last, seemingly nonchalantly-asked question did the trick, and doctor Tosca finally snapped out of her sexual frenzy. She abruptly got this super-stern glistering in her eyes again and cleared her throat.

'Shall we continue this conversation inside, mister Romano, mister Spain?'

\0o0/

We made sure the kids were in the living room, playing with their toys and shit, when Antonio, doctor Tosca and I sat ourselves down in the kitchen. Antonio made us all some cool drinks – handmade tomato juice, tapped straight from Antonio's homegrown, huge tomato's, mmmmmmm, and I don't give a shit how suggestive this sounds – and then doctor Tosca could explain what she had discovered about the demon children.

…

What? Yes, I was still going to call them demon children! So what? I liked calling them demon children, dammit, it makes everyone around me realize I'm talking about my kids.

…

Maybe I'd start calling all other kids "Minions of Death". Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

'First of all,' Doctor Tosca suddenly started, ripping some pages off her bloc note and neatly sorting them on the table, 'I'd like to inform you that your sons are twins.'

'Twins!' Antonio squeaked, like it was the best thing ever.

'Yes, twins. The kid with the evil streak is the oldest, the other boy's the youngest. Also, they apparently seem to be four human years old. The girl, however – Luisa, right? – she's only three years old.'

'Alright, that's nice to know,' I said, 'but what about their mortality, hm? Are they mortal or not?'

'I'll come back on that subject later.' She gave me a very earnest glare. 'Don't be so impatient, mister Romano. Right, then… I'd like to talk to you two about some physical weaknesses and learning/developmental disorders your children might have.'

'Disorders?' Antonio once again repeated her. 'What, like dyslexia and stuff?'

'Precisely.' Doctor Tosca smiled. 'You surprise me, mister Spain. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?'

'All thanks to books!' Antonio grinned proudly.

I huffed. 'Yeah, well, I also happen know precisely what you're talking about, thank you very much.'

Dammit, what the fuck was dyslexia again?

'Your oldest son seems to have a mild version of ADHD. It's nothing to worry about though, it's not that worrisome that he'll need medicines. You just need to be firm with him and have good schedules he should follow up.' Doctor Tosca browsed through her paper like it was an online searching device. 'The younger son, Matteo, isn't completely… potty trained yet. According to the answers he's given us, he can't always keep his bed dry during the night, and that's something to worry about. The boy should be fully toilet trained at his age already, so I suggest you keep a good eye on him and make sure he goes to the toilet on a regular basis at night.'

I blinked my eyes. What the fuck, so our kids actually had flaws?

…

…

Well, with dads like me and Antonio, maybe I shouldn't be too weirded out about it.

'Then Luisa.' Doctor Tosca frowned. 'She's a smart little girl with a great interest for books. Then again, she's having some psychological attachment issues. According to several tests we did with the attachment theory in the back of our head, we're thinking she might be suffering from RAD.'

'…what?' I stammered, barely recognizing a word the woman just babbled to me.

'Reactive attachment disorder.' Antonio's face looked kind of grim. 'In other words, she hasn't seen able to form a normal attachment development with her caregivers, thanks to either neglect, abuse or, say… an abrupt separation from her caregivers between certain crucial ages. Kids can also get this if their caregiver isn't responding on their needs correctly, or when their caretakers frequently change.'

I narrowed my eyes. 'What are you, a walking Wiki-passage?'

'Well, there is a lot of information on that site…'

'It doesn't matter where mister Spain got that information from,' doctor Tosca interrupted us, 'in the big picture, it's true what mister Spain says. Like all the other children that have appeared all of a sudden, Luisa didn't spend a lot of time in the loving care of her parents. But unlike most other kids, Luisa doesn't respond too well on that. She really has trouble connecting with people. I suspect this isn't only because she hasn't experienced her first two years with you – like all the other kids – but also because one of you might have, or has, suffered this same disorder.'

'Oh?' I said. My throat felt kind of dry all of a sudden.

'Please tell me the truth. Which one of you has, or had, attachment issues? I haven't known you for such a long time, so I'd like to know this – who knows it might come in handy in the future.'

And now, I couldn't swallow anymore. Great.

Antonio didn't say anything to me, but he did give me a soft nudge to my side.

So, slowly, I raised a weak little finger.

'I guess I have had them.'

And, let's be completely honest here, maybe I still have them.

A short silence.

'...mister Romano, you have had RAD?' Doctor Tosca then finally said. She sounded genuinely surprised and for some reason, I really liked that.

I furrowed my brows and moved around on my chair uncomfortably. 'As far as I know, I never had any scary disease or anything.'

'It's not a disease, mister Romano. A disorder is a psychological error.'

'Yeah, well, I'm not mad either.'

She smiled politely. 'Having a disorder also doesn't mean you're mad, mister Romano. It's just something you happened to get in your younger years. Well, that's the case for a lot of disorder, anyway. And that disorder must have caused you to face some difficulties in real life, right?'

'Whatever.' I folded my arms and looked away from her. What the hell, was she also some sort of Freud-person? Was she going to tell me to lie down on a couch later? Did she wanted to know if I was abused when I was a kid?

Well, I didn't exactly feel like getting examined by my personal doctor who, apparently, didn't only wanted to get in my pants, but in my head as well. I mean, we were talking about the kids, not about me.

'Now, I'm not saying you actually had RAD,' doctor Tosca said upon noticing I was slowly raising entire fortress-walls around me again, 'I'm just saying that we've seen parents that had RAD, whose kid(s) got it as well. It's not something the child inherits, though – it's just a recurring patron.'

'You mean people who have had RAD could make the same mistakes as their parents?' Antonio asked.

'Exactly,' doctor Tosca nodded. 'But it doesn't have to mean they will make the same mistakes.'

'Are we finished talking about this subject yet?' I suddenly snarled. 'I mean, sheesh! I'm a good parent, dammit! Just because Grandpa Rome preferred my brother over me and left me all on my own doesn't mean I suck at bonding or whatever!'

I could tell from the startled look on the doctor's face that I said too much.

I groaned and face-palmed myself. Dammit, I really did say too much. Fuck.

'So you didn't get the attention from your grandfather you wanted?' doctor Tosca dared to ask.

'I'm not telling you anything anymore.' I shot a glare at Antonio. 'And neither are you, Antonio!'

'No, his grandfather pretty much ignored Lovino,' Antonio said.

I gasped. 'Goddammit, Antonio!'

He looked at me sternly. 'Sorry, Lovi, but it's about time you talk to someone about your past, and how much that past affected you in your daily life.'

'Shit, you're acting like I'm totally traumatized or something.' I shook my head, grimacing. 'Look, it wasn't a nice period of my life, but I got over it. Can we just leave it at that?'

'You know, I wasn't a good caregiver for him, either,' Antonio told doctor Tosca.

I gasped, again. 'What the.. would you PLEASE stop ignoring me like that, dammit!'

But Antonio didn't and he continued his tale – in this low, sad voice.

'When Lovino and his brother were still young, flourishing parts of Italy, all of Europe wanted a piece of it. Austria, Francis, me – we were all fighting to get a nice bit of Italy to rule over.'

'I'm not listening to this!' I yelped in a loud voice, and demonstratively turned my back on both of them. Now the corner of the table was pricking in my side, but to hell with that.

'In the end, Austria managed to get Italy – mostof Italy. So he didn't only get the praised and talented Northern piece of Italy – Feliciano – no, he also got the… less popular, less wanted Southern piece of Italy: Lovino,' Antonio said.

I made a huffing noise, but didn't attempt to stop him. Fine. If he wanted to tell that beautiful story, he should tell it. See if I cared, dammit.

'Now…' Antonio swallowed a bit, '…Feli wasn't that much to handle. He was a bit whiny, but he obeyed Austria's orders and he kept the House clean. Lovino, on the other hand… well… he was hard to deal with, let me put it that way.'

I squeezed my arms. 'Fuck you, Antonio. Fuck you very much.'

'But… but it was true, right?' he stammered. 'You weren't exactly the sweetest kid we had ever seen.'

'As if all of you bloodthirsty countries were that kind and lovable.'

'I'm not saying that we were nice, I know we weren't.' Antonio sighted. 'Anyway… Austria couldn't work things out with Lovi, so he asked me to take care of him. And so, I got a piece of Italy as well, and I was incredible happy to have him. However…'

'…you didn't take care of him that well either, did you?' doctor Tosca said, her voice rather icy now.

'N-no.' I could hear Antonio was getting nervous. 'Lovino didn't obey me. He made a mess of the House and couldn't even clean his own mess up. I got pretty frustrated with him.'

'Right, right…'

Doctor Tosca paused for a moment.

'Mister Romano,' she then said, 'could you please tell me what age you were when mister Spain took custody over you?'

Hesitantly, I looked over my shoulder. 'Um… you mean my nation's age? I guess I was—'

'No. Your human age.' Doctor Tosca's brown eyes seemed to burn. 'You were still a child, weren't you?'

I snorted. 'Don't look down on me, woman. I already was a nation, not some stupid little chil—'

'Tell me what your human age was, mister Romano.'

'…six.'

I looked down.

'I-I was six human years old, I guess.'

'You were a child,' doctor Tosca stated. 'Just like I had thought you were. I paid good attention during my history classes, mister Romano – I knew you had to be very young when you got into the hands of mister Spain.'

'I was old enough, dammit.'

'No, you weren't.'

I was getting fed up with this. Was she pitying me? I didn't need her goddamn pity.

'So what are you trying to say?' I snapped all of a sudden, turning back to face my doctor and Antonio. 'For your information, doctor Tosca, none of the nations enjoyed a great childhood, for fuck's sake! We were all having a shitty time growing up!'

I grabbed Antonio's arm and shook it for some unknown reason. 'This guy, he spent most of his youth playing around in mud and dead bodies. And back then, he was even younger than I was when Austria gave me away. It's no wonder he's a little fucked up in the head nowadays, dammit!'

'H-hey!' Antonio said, flushing furiously.

'So I was a bit neglected and ignored. Big deal.' I let go of Antonio. 'I still survived, didn't I? I still managed to crawl back onto my feet, just like Antonio did – just like all nations did. You can't compare our situation to that of you humans. So don't you dare feeling sorry for me. Don't you fucking dare.'

Once again, there was a silence. It just was slightly longer and a lot more uncomfortable this time.

Doctor Tosca, however, seemed to be completely unfazed by my angry outburst. She still looked at me with those small, inspecting orbs, before slowly, calmly, breathing in.

'I know you personifications are different from humans. But you can still get hurt. You can still get traumatized. You can still die – maybe not because of old age, but because of harm that others might do to you. You are not untouchable. You are not. Everybody's replaceable, mister Romano. Please don't forget that.'

Then she made a downright horrified face, as if she was shocking herself because of something that she had said, and she quickly averted her eyes.

'Anyway, back to the things I need to tell you about the children—'

'Wait, what was that all about?' I instantly said. 'Everybody's replaceable? What the hell are you talking about? Why shouldn't I forget that?'

'Never mind that, mister Romano.' The doctor tried to sound as cool and composed as she usually was, but I noticed the popping veins in her neck and the traitorous blush on her cheeks. Also, her hand was shaking. Doctor Tosca's hands never shook.

My heart started pounding like mad again, just like before, when Antonio told me about that guy that had called us. Something wasn't right. And something told me doctor Tosca wasn't telling us everything she knew.

Of course, I wanted to confront her, lash out at her and what-not… but then Antonio, who no-doubt had seen the scary look on my face, gently took hold of my hand, squeezing it warmly. Subsequently, he pulled me closer towards him so that the doctor couldn't hear what he muttered to me.

'How about letting doctor Tosca just tell us what she needs to tell us, sweetie? Hm?'

I stared at him. 'The fuck, Antonio? She's hiding something from us, dammit!'

'Yes, I agree. She's definitely hiding something from us. But…' Antonio peeked at the very stressed-out looking doctor, '…you shouldn't be so harsh, my love. Don't forget that she's one: only following orders, two: pregnant, and three: just a mere human girl. Don't hurt her feelings.'

'But-!'

'Be nice, Lovi.' He smiled at me. 'After all, you Italians are always gentlemanly to women.'

…

Dammit, he knew he could manipulate the crap out of me with that damn smile of his. And with pointing out that stereotype of the Italian gentleman.

Which was absolutely true, by the way.

…

Better live up to everyone's expectations, I guess.

'F-fine,' I hissed, frowning, 'but if you're telling me later I'm being paranoid, I'll wipe the floor with you!'

'Ah, I also think something's fishy about all this, Lovi, so don't you worry about that. Now, pull that mean scowl off your face and act like nothing's wrong.'

'Alright.'

I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and pushed Antonio back a bit, so I could look at doctor Tosca.

'So anyway, doctor Tosca – what was that you wanted to say about the kids?'

Just like that, doctor Tosca calmed down again, and she smiled, and I had never seen sweet, wonderful relief in such a honest and beautiful form.

…

…

Yeah, whatever.

\0o0/

So anyway.

After that awkward moment, doctor Tosca told us much more about the kids. And by more, I mean everything. Seriously everything.

Even their blood type and shit – really, why the hell did she think I gave a crap about their blood type, as long as they were healthy, I couldn't care less about their blood type – and yes, she told us so many things that I immediately forgot most of it at a certain point.

You know. It was like cramming stuff in a already full cabin. Eventually, there will come that moment when you just can't fit anything in it anymore, not even a damn post-it.

Still, I managed to catch that not only was Luisa suffering from insomnia and sleepwalking ('It's a very good possibility those some side-effects of her attachment problems,' the doctor explained – and I just nodded, I didn't feel like confessing I also had some sleeping problems) and the other important thing I heard, was that Matteo needed glasses.

Yes.

Glasses.

'He needs glasses?' I repeated her, barely believing the doctor. 'Are you serious? But my and Antonio's eyes are perfectly fine!'

'Well, that's because I'm not talking about your eyes here, but about those of your son,' doctor Tosca matter-of-factly said, and took out some red glasses.

HUGE, RED GLASSES.

The FUCK.

'Aww! He'll look so cute wearing those!~' Antonio cooed, accepting the specs. 'Look how enormously big those glasses are! Awwwwww!'

I could only stare at the thing, really. Stare and be disgusted.

'These glasses are especially made for him – they finished making him as soon as you arrived. My people tend to work very hard when they can make a lot of money with it. Anyway, when you were greeting the children, my assistant gave me the final product,' doctor Tosca explained. 'You should give it to Matteo later.'

'Who chose that hideous frame!' I said, ignoring the rest she told me. 'It's absolutely awful! What evil, wrong, foul lowlife wants my son to see the world through that piece of shit! Tell me, I'll teach that bastard a lesson!'

'Matteo.'

'What?'

'Matteo. Matteo chose this design.' Doctor Tosca smiled a cool smile at me. 'He was very keen on this model. Some of my assistants tried to convince him into wearing the blue or black ones, but Matteo insisted he wanted the red pair of glasses.'

'Oh,' I said.

Meanwhile, Antonio tried his very best to keep himself from bursting out in uncontrollable laughter and once again I sure hoped he indeed kept himself from doing just that. Evil, chucking Spanish devil, dammit.

'And…' Doctor Tosca scanned all of her papers and files very quickly, '…hm, and I guess that's all I have to say concerning disorders and physical absurdities we've discovered while testing your children. Not that bad, right?'

'I'm not so sure,' I sourly said, thinking about the not-so-rad RAD business and the things the doctor didn't want to tell us. I mean, that's kind of bad, if you'd ask me. But hey – that's just me, right?

'Wait a minute,' Antonio then all of a sudden said, now not chuckling anymore, 'what about Alejo?'

'What about your eldest son?' doctor Tosca asked him.

'Well…' Antonio's face gave me the impression he was definitely worrying about something. 'Doesn't he have more… specialties?'

She clacked her tongue and shook her head. 'No. Alejo is actually one of the most normal persons I've met so far.'

'Ah,' Antonio said, sounding absolutely baffled.

'He was very polite and nice to me and my research team. He's very charming.'

'Ahh…' Antonio said again. He looked confused, but kind of relieved at the same time.

'Now, if only you could teach him to not absolutely flip out in the worst kind of way whenever something happens that angers him, he'll grow up to be a perfectly normal, responsible adult. Otherwise, he's most likely going to represent the end of Spain.'

WHOA.

Poor Antonio now looked so damn horrified, it was like someone smacked a dead bird into his face.

'But… but you just told us he was one of the most normal persons you met so far!' I stammered to doctor Tosca, since her casual side-remark made me feel uncomfortable as well.

'He is,' she nodded, 'and that's the fact that worries me the most, probably. I mean, he seems to be so normal that I even almost forgot telling you about this dark, insane side of his. Also, you can only imagine what kinds of psychotic people I've already met so far.'

…

…

I had no words, sorry.

'But moving right along,' doctor Tosca casually said, like everything about Alejo was totally standard and not-unsettling at all, 'let's inform you two about what we've discovered about the kids' mortality so far, shall we?'

Yeah.

Let's.