Summary: Steve introduces Bucky to the Harry Potter movies. It goes as well as one would think.

"No."

"But whhhhhy?"

"Absolutely not."

"Come on, please?" Steve brings his hands in the praying position and puts on his signature puppy dog look. He's got the eyes and the pouting down to a T, and Bucky knows he'll be giving in soon enough. His longest record was actually a minute which is saying a lot.

"We are not watching all 7 Harry Potter movies, now Steven Grant Rogers stop giving me that look," Bucky says in a firm voice.

"But it's HARRY POTTER Buck." If possible, Steve's eyes grow bigger and more watery.

"It could be freakin Hunger Games for all I care and oh guess what? I still wouldn't care." Bucky almost regrets saying that because he sounds like the complete opposite of what a perfect boyfriend should be. But at this point he kind of just accepts the fact that he'll always be an asshole of a boyfriend and Steve will still love him till the ends of the earth and Bucky will still be forever baffled by that. He's not sure how he hasn't managed to piss off the whole three people in his life.

"But Buuuuck, you love movies," Steve almost whines.

And yeah Steve's right: he does. Normally Bucky would jump at the idea of curling up on the couch with his boyfriend watching movies and eating popcorn and drinking over-priced coffee.

Normally though.

Don't get him wrong. He still loves movies and TV, but he's a changed man now. He has a life, and this new and improved life includes decreasing his couch potato time. Instead he resolves to go out at least once a day (now increased to 2-3 times), make conversation with people, and just be social in general.

And besides, there are seven movies total. They're based on that book series by someone named Rowling?

"Come on, Bucky please please please please please please—"

"Just because you say please a bajillion times over doesn't change anything," Bucky says.

"—Please please please please please please please please please please pleeeeeease…."

Bucky lets this go on for approximately another minute (because he likes to see Steve struggle and don't look at him like that it's kinda cute) before he makes a huge show of sighing and rolls his eyes.

"FINE."

Bucky pretends not to smile at the look of childish excitement spreading over Steve's features.

"Really?!" Steve asks excitedly.

"Yes, yes, we'll watch them," Bucky huffs in defeat. "But if my legs go numb by the time this is all over no sex for a whole month."

Steve's face turns serious and he nods his head in a grave manner. Bucky will probably regret this later but whatever. His new and improved life also involves being more open-minded, and if that involves blazing through seven movies about a wizard then so be it.

So they start with the first one (obviously because it's called a series for a reason), and Bucky already wants to laugh at the terrible movie effects because what the actual fuck.

"These are horrible," Bucky is almost crying at this point. He has to wipe away the tears from his eyes.

Steve swats him on the arm and sniffs. "They're beautiful."

"By the way, what's going on with Hermione's hair?" Bucky gestures to his own head, which he can't really say is much better because it isn't.

"It gets progressively better, let's just say that."

"Oh my god, is that Voldemort? Is that really supposed to be Lord Voldemort and the best he can do is to stick himself on the back of some guy's head?"

"Bucky."

"Why is it called the 'Chamber of Secrets'?" Bucky asks as he plops down beside Steve. After his last commentary Steve wouldn't let him go to the bathroom until the credits started rolling.

"Because it takes place in a chamber," Steve simply answers.

Bucky gives him a look.

"Of secrets," he adds in mock amazement.

"Wow, never would have guessed that one Stevie." Bucky rolls his eyes and watches the screen title zoom in. The effects still suck, but if he wants to be able to go to the bathroom he'll have to reduce the commentary.

"What the hell?!"

"Bet you never saw that coming huh?" Steve smirks and stuffs some popcorn into his mouth.

"Tom Riddle… Lord Voldemort… how did I not see this coming?!" Bucky is trying to run through all the scenes in his head again because really, how did he miss that?

Steve chuckles and ruffles his hair. "Ready for the third one?" He stands up half-way but Bucky tugs him back down. He loses his balance a little and flails his arms as he grabs the back of the couch. "Bucky—"

"Wait, just, wait." Bucky holds up a hand and closes his eyes. He needs to figure this out if this is the last thing he remembers because he could die tomorrow from like, movie overload, and he would have let this conundrum fly right over his head.

Luckily Steve is very forgiving and waits patiently while Bucky thinks it over.

"I like this Sirius Black dude. But the name man. So many puns." Bucky shakes his head sadly. He really pities the guy. How many times did his friends make fun of him during his own time at Hogwarts?

"Don't worry, the internet has that taken care of." Steve pulls out his phone and shows Bucky the hundreds of Sirius Black memes that have evolved since. Bucky is absolutely ashamed of the internet community.

They can do better than this.

"I ship Cho Chang and Harry," Bucky says as they're watching the Yule Ball scene.

"Nooo Cho belongs with Cedric. Look at them they're adorable." Steve points to the two of them dancing. "Plus Harry gets with Ginny later."

"Ron's sister?" Bucky asks incredulously.

Steve nods as he watches the scene. He's watching very closely and Bucky can't help staring at Steve instead of paying attention to the movie.

"You want to dance don't you?" Bucky teases.

As he expected Steve's face flames up. "What? No, I don't—no."

Bucky sighs and stands up. He holds out his hand and a memory of a past Halloween party enters his mind. "Come on ya punk, let's get this over with before the scene ends."

Steve's eyes keep darting between Bucky's face and his hand. Eventually he does stand up and his hands fumble awkwardly as he tries to place them in the right positions.

They had to re-wind a little of course but it was so worth it.

"I don't like Umbridge," Bucky states the minute she shows up. "I'm getting this bad vibe from her."

"No one likes her," Steve leans in and whispers without tearing his eyes away.

So yeah, it's official: Umbridge is a total bitch and Bucky totally whooped in triumph as she got taken away by the centaurs.

He also has a newfound respect for the Weasley twins.

"You have got to be kidding me," Bucky whispers. Sirius Black. Just died. He friggin died and got sucked into that mirror thingy and no Bucky did not tear up as Lupin held Harry back.

"I am going to kill Bellatrix," Steve says in a watery voice. Unlike Bucky, Steve has no problem letting the tears flow out.

They have to pause the movie for a good twenty minutes while they hug it out on the couch and tell each other 'I love you' over and over again.

Bucky realizes it's moments like these that you really have to appreciate in your life. He makes sure to call his family later and Steve hides in the bathroom to call Peggy.

"He looks like he's eating her face off," Bucky says through a mouthful of popcorn. They've already gone through like five bags.

It's the scene where Ginny and Harry share their first kiss and they're trying to hide the Half-Blood Prince's book.

Of course Steve goes teary-eyed at this. "But they're so adorable together, look at them."

"She just left him in the room by himself," Bucky says in a judgmental tone. "That was like, a one night stand. Minus the one night stand part."

"So like a five minute kiss stand?"

"Exactly."

"SNAPE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Bucky jumps up and points an accusing finger at the screen. "DUMBLEDORE TRUSTED YOU YOU FUCKHEAD HOW COULD YOU?!"

Steve looks at Bucky amusingly as he shouts more obscenities. Little does Bucky know that Snape turns out to be a pretty awesome guy.

Bucky wants to kill himself as he stares at Steve. "There are two parts?"

"I mean it's a pretty long book so yeah, they kinda had to make two parts," Steve tries to justify.

"There are two parts?" He repeats.

"Look, we're almost done—"

"Steve. They're two hours each." As if the last 6 weren't long enough.

"It gets progressively better," Steve repeats from when Bucky made that comment about Hermoine's hair. And yes, it did get much better.

Bucky heaves a dramatic sigh and gestures to the DVD player. "Alright then, put it in."

Steve smiles in triumph and gets up.

Bucky decides he doesn't like Bellatrix from the way she tortures Hermoine off screen. He kinda liked the craziness until she killed off Sirius and mocked Harry about it.

"Karma does get her eventually," Steve responds calmly.

It does, and Bucky may have done a little dance rendition around the room while Steve recorded the whole thing.

"NO DOBY DON'T DIE ON ME," Bucky yells like a madman.

Doby does die in the end and Bucky is very ready to make a complaint to Warner Brothers.

Steve shakes his and smiles. He pats Bucky on the head and stands up. "I'm going to make more popcorn. Don't do anything stupid for the five minutes that I'm gone."

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

Steve barks out a laugh as he walks to the kitchen.

"So basically Harry was just Dumbledore's sex slave correct?" Bucky notes from the way Aberforth scoffs at his deceased brother.

"Oh my god Bucky."

"Whaaaaaat? It pretty much sounds like Dumbledore used Harry."

"He had his reasons," Steve says in a small voice. He can't deny that Bucky has a point.

"YOU GO MCGONAGALL YOU TAKE DOWN SNAPE!" Bucky cheers as McGonagall casts spell after spell until Snape escapes with the flourish of his cloak.

"So cool," Steve says in awe.

"I wanna be her when I grow up."

"Totally," Steve agrees.

"So Snape."

"Yes."

"Was actually good."

"Yes."

"And he's loved Lily Potter since like age 10."

"Yep."

"Oh my god what the fuck James Potter you suck."

Steve has to bite his lip to hold in his laughter. Bucky now feels the pain of the Snape fandom.

"I can't believe this. I think this was worse than when Sirius died."

"Told ya Snape was awesome."

"Wow just.. wow. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable." Bucky shakes his head at the floor in disappointment.

Steve will probably have to introduce Bucky to fanfiction later.

Bucky feels like putty. It's 3 am which is pretty damn late considering they didn't start their marathon early enough.

Steve is sprawled over his half of the couch with his head in Bucky's lap. "So, what'd you think?"

Bucky groans and throws an arm over his face. "Why did I let you talk me into seeing all seven movies?"

"Because I'm awesome and they're awesome too, admit it." Steve nuzzles his cheek against Bucky's thigh and sighs in contentment.

Bucky chuckles and runs his fingers through Steve's hair. "Yeah, they were awesome. You, eh, maybe so-so. You're still a ginormous punk."

"And you're a jerk," Steve throws right back. They smile at each other, but they're half-loopy half-delirious from the sleepiness.

Yes it is 3 a.m. and Bucky will be dead tired tomorrow, but these movies were definitely life-changing. Next Halloween, Bucky is so going as a wizard.

Suddenly he jolts up which jostles Steve's head in his lap. "I can show these to Peter."

Steve makes a noise below and rubs the side of his face from where he was knocked. Bucky laughs at his new discovery and leans down to kiss Steve. "Yeah okay I've changed my mind. You're pretty awesome."

Steve hums and laughs at the same time. "So what should we do for next movie marathon?"

Bucky makes a face. "Slow down there soldier, one thing at a time okay?"

They next time they decide to watch all three Hunger Games.

Bucky thinks he should take up archery with Clint.