Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: Many thanks to all those wonderful reviewers that read my little fic about the Netherlands and Liechtenstein! I'm so happy you liked it.^^ I can't say it enough! Oh! And also thanks for all the anime recommendations I got! I surely enjoyed myself during Christmas!

A/n2: So there's this guy I met at a youth center a few weeks ago. I was doing some voluntary work, and he was there too, taking care of the music and stuff since he's a sound…check… person. I don't know, he's a technician and he knows all about sounds and shit, let me put it that way.
Anyway, this guy has fallen in love with me, or so my friend said. Ever since he first laid his eyes on me, he apparently wants to know me better. He has the same hobbies as I have (although I doubt he also writes fanficion), he likes the same music, and yes – he's actually about my age (two years older), too!
He's a really kind, dorky person that fails to have normal conversations with me because he's too shy and unsure.
He wanted to show me around the youth center last week, so he asked me if he could. That is, he attempted to ask me, and he eventually succeeded. XDDDDD
'You'd look so cute together,' my friend told me afterwards, when she had said the guy was in love with me. 'Why don't you go out with him? He's a nice guy!'
…yeah, problem is… I'm not attracted to him.
AT ALL.
The single time there's a man that likes me, and wants to get to know me better, I actually feel nothing but friendship for him. It's so sad.
Now, some people around me are a bit mad at me, because I won't answer this man's feelings. It's no wonder I'm still single, they say, because I'm a picky bitch that doesn't know when to accept a guy's affection.
So… what, do I instantly have to accept each and every guy that happens to fall in love with me? Even when I don't feel any passion or lust for the guy?
I want to fall in love with a bang. I want to be conquered and touched and feel totally bewildered because of a man. I want to feel like… like a woman heavily in love, you know?
So what should I do? I'll meet the guy tonight again. Should I tell him I'm not interested in him, even before he has confessed to me?

A/n3: Watch the sticks whenever the \0o0/ break comes. The second you see something different about them, you know it's Antonio who's taken over the narration.

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 31:

The only reason that they say "women and children first!" is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Jean Kerr
(Irish-American writer and playwright)

So yeah.

After I had pushed Antonio away from me and murderously chased Feliciano over the corridor for at least ten minutes before I could finally give him the punch in the guts he so fucking damn shitting much deserved, my sobbing brother started explaining his creepy behavior.

It turned out that Feliciano, who had gotten worried ('Because you didn't come downstairs for such a long time, veeee!'), had been fucking peeking through that door opening since the moment I had told Antonio to hurry the fuck up and screw me already.

A very, very embarrassing situation to get caught in – or so Feliciano had though, and therefore he decided to discretely turn away and wait on the corridor until Antonio and I were done having uncomfortable but much-wanted butt-sex.

Discretely my ass, because Antonio had spotted him right away and wanted to warn me about him, but then I suddenly started stroking his damn cock and he kind of forget about Feliciano a bit – until he had pushed me against the wall, a wall that provided Feliciano with some very colorful, lusty images of a very horny Italian and Spaniard. Only then, Antonio remembered him and managed to combine his willpower with his embarrassment (after all, having sex with you partner while his brother fucking watches you from the corridor is very awkward) and pulled away from me.

And then Feliciano waved at me, and then I suddenly needed to kick his ass so damn hard, it would come off his body and fly into space.

And that's what happened, dammit.

Antonio successfully sent me downstairs, his rock-hard dick still showing as he quickly entered the bathroom afterwards, Feliciano came with me while crying and whining I shouldn't hit a fellow, virgin Italian ('YOU LITTLE LYING SEXFIEND,' I yelled), and I was hating the whole fucking world, as usual.

What a nice start to an already wonderful evening.

…

If we didn't leave in like, five seconds after Antonio had returned from the shower, I was going to gnaw on the seats of the couch out of sheer damn frustration, dammit.

\0o0/

The bad news was that Antonio – who had no doubt been jerking himself off while showering, that nasty pervert – took at least half a hour before he finally showed up in the living room.

The good news was that the tardy bastard was instantly forgiven by me the fucking second I saw him, because he looked gorgeous – and yes, he had put on those lovely black pants I had sorted out for him.

The better news was that Luisa, Matteo and Alejo were hyperactive as sugar-loaded bouncing balls and didn't stop asking Feliciano and Germany to play with them/feed them/watch TV with them/destroy the universe with them.

And the best news was that we really could leave as soon as Antonio had come downstairs, because while that jerk had been masturbating and soling the bathtub, I had explained to the demon kids' uncles what to do and not to do once we were gone.

And you bet they were going to miss me. And my hair.

When I'm gone.

Cue shuffling cups here.

…

Sorry, I thought it was funny. My mistake.

Anyway, Antonio was fetching our coats when I told my brother and his ugly husband once more to call me right away the second something bad happened.

'Also, don't forget to read them a bedtime story! Luisa loves bedtime stories. Oh, and you should help Matteo with brushing his teeth – those two, three pieces of teeth he has – since he tends to brush the entire bathroom while brushing his teeth. Don't ask. And Alejo! Try to make sure he doesn't watch the horror movie on the Creep Channel, because he likes to copy. And also-!'

'Veeeee, yes yes, we got it, Lovi!' Feliciano laughed and patted me on the back in a shockingly brotherly way. 'Don't you worry! We are parents ourselves too, if you hadn't noticed yet! We take good care of them. Right, Luddy?'

Sadly, "Luddy" couldn't answer, because Alejo was having an involuntary, one-sided pillow-fight with him.

Feliciano didn't notice the looks of peril the poor man sent him, since he giggled and promised me the demon kids were going to have "so much fun with us, veeeee!~", and I chose to absolutely, unmistakably agree with that.

'Lovino's a real father already, can't you tell?' Antonio, who came back with our coats, said, while smiling proudly. 'I always knew he'd make a great father. I love it when I'm right!~'

'You're… well, you're a pretty decent father yourself, too,' I told Antonio with a coy blush as he helped me with my coat.

'By the way, Lovi, what do your kids call you?' Feliciano asked us – finally realizing Alejo was beating the feathery crap out of Germany and that Luisa, Mimi and Matteo were happily rooting for him. 'Because if your sons and daughter misbehave, like they're kind of doing right now, Luddy and I can threaten to call their scary, cursing parent!'

Patient and mature as I was, I let that mean jellyfish-sting of him slide right off me.

'The kids call me Papa Lovi – Antonio's Papa Toni.'

Feliciano was quiet for a second and crooked his head, as if he didn't understand.

'Veee… so… you're not Mama Lovi?'

'No,' I said, offended, 'I'm Papa Lovi! Papa! Because, oh, well, I AM a papa!'

'But don't you aim to be the mama?' Feliciano wasn't even fucking teasing me – his eyes told me he was dead serious. 'I mean, you're obviously the more feminine guy of the two of you, so wouldn't it make more sense to tell the kids that that would make you the mama?'

'What the…' I started, but Antonio swiftly cut me off, before I lost my temper.

'Ah, Feli, I really don't think Lovi's the more feminine guy of the two of us – I am!~ See? I even use tildes when talking!~'

My brother eyed him critically. 'Big Brother Toni? Naaaah, you can't be the mama. You're clearly the more dominant guy, since you're bigger and older than Lovino. That makes you the papa.'

'Whatever gives you the damn right to decide who's what in our relation, Feli?'

…

Yes, that indeed was Antonio who said that. Not me.

And you bet it was fucking awesome to see Antonio getting protective of our relationship.

'I'm Papa Toni,' Antonio continued to a slightly uncomfortable Feliciano, 'and Lovino's Papa Lovi. We're both men, so we're both papa's. It's simple as that. Get used to it. You don't hear me or Lovi complain about the fact you and Germany are apparently Mama Feli and Papa Luddy. And that's very mature of us, because you bet I think it's both ridiculous and offending that you call yourself a mother.'

Feliciano stared at Antonio as if the former had given him a firm smack in the face – and let's be reasonable, he kind of did just that. Verbally, but still. Ouch.

Antonio seemed to realize that too, as he watched Feliciano's eyes quivering madly.

'I-I pushed it too far, didn't I?' he nervously asked me.

'You pushed him right over,' I nodded calmly.

'Oh man,' Antonio instantly stammered, 'Feli, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hurt you! I-I just wanted to… oh come on, don't cry, please don't cry!'

But Feliciano did cry, and he did it with style. None of that loud bawling and screaming – nope, just some silent, manipulative tears that very beautifully streamed over his flawless, slightly reddened cheeks.

GODDAMMIT, EVEN I THOUGHT THAT LITTLE BASTARD LOOKED LIKE AN ANGEL.

So while Antonio tried his very best to make it up with Feliciano, Feliciano immensely enjoyed the attention he got from him – he really is a spotlight-loving idiot, after all – and I just stood there, next to the door, observing Germany's feverish fight against the kids and Antonio's desperate attempts to make Feliciano feel better.

…

…

I have had fights that started out a lot more romantic than this damn date.

\0o0/

Thankfully, all things come to an end – even very awkward and painful things.

So you can easily imagine my enormous relief when Antonio and I finally said goodbye to our kids, my brother and a very traumatized Germany and walked away from our House.

'You know,' I started, as soon as we had gotten out of the street we lived in, 'that was pretty stupid of you, Antonio. Giving Feliciano such a mean "you're not my mom don't judge me" speech – the poor bastard doesn't always know he's acting like an asshole. You should point out things like that to him in a much gentler way. Like you always point them out to me.'

Antonio groaned and ruffled his hair. 'I knew you were going to say something about it. I'm sorry. I just… it's a lot more difficult to be patient with Feli. I sometimes think he's way smarter than he tries to make us believe.'

'He is,' I agreed.

'That's why I thought I should give him some… firm words.'

'And firm they were.'

'B-but!' Antonio now looked at me almost panicky. 'I immediately tried to make it up with him afterwards!'

'Yes, and so he still got his way and received the attention he was looking for,' I said. 'Don't underestimate my sly younger brother – he might be a crybaby, but he knows exactly what he's doing.'

'Oh.'

'That's why you should have explained things to him in a friendlier way. He can't do much when he's given the exact right amount of attention and friendliness.'

'I… I see.' Antonio sighed.

I sighed as well, but then I smiled and gave a playful poke to his face. 'Hey, but I really liked what you told him there.'

'You did?' Antonio gave me a suspicious look.

'I did.' I resisted the urge to blush. 'I-I mean… you really defended my honor and our bond in general. That takes some courage, especially when faced with a flaky, silly brother that seems to have very simple, clichéd ideas of our relationship. You bet he was impressed.'

Antonio's eyes lightened up a bit. 'You really think so?'

'Yup.'

'Were…' Antonio moved to walk a bit closer to me, '…were you impressed as well?'

'I wouldn't smile like this if I wasn't, darling.'

Antonio now looked like he had won the fucking lottery and flushed heavily, laughing softly and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, as he complimented me for having such a cute, red, frowny face.

And I just let him hold me, touch me, compliment and embarrass me, while I grasped his arm with my hand and told him to not get used to me calling him darling, dammit.

But I couldn't stop smiling.

I just couldn't stop smiling.

/0o0\

It's at times like these when I fully realize how lucky I am to have a man like Lovino by my side.

There aren't many people out there who… really understand me, you know? Ah, sure, they try, they're doing their very best to catch a glimpse of what's underneath this smiling façade of mine, but they give up as soon as they think they know me. And people think they know me way too quickly. It's funny, in a way, but it's also degrading.

It's easy to say I'm just a Spanish fool that skips through his life without having any worries, any fears for what happened in the past and what might happen in the future. Sure, I've mellowed down, I've grown some intelligence and I even managed to bind someone to me that actually accepts me just the way I am, but…

…ah, I'm scared.

The truth is that I'm scared, yes.

Right now, I'm happy. Really happy! I mean, I have everything a man like me could ever wish for: a house, a loving partner, a bunch of good friends and yes, I even have children nowadays. My loved ones and I are in relatively good health and my mood's perfectly fine, too, and if I didn't know better, I'd be extremely overjoyed with all of this and enjoy this wonderful life I was currently leading to the fullest.

But I'm scared this all might… shatter within the blink of an eye. And when that happens, right on the moment I've accepted all this luck and happiness, I wonder if I'd be ever able to recover from it.

To be honest, I think I'd snap. I think I'd revert back into the person I was before I came to my senses. I think that maybe, just maybe, I'd go mad enough that even Lovi's voice would no longer be able to save me from myself.

And I'm so scared of that happening.

What would I do? What would my relatives, friends and fellow personifications do? What would Lovino do?

'What if all of this goes down the drain one day, Lovino?' I suddenly found myself asking out loud, while Lovi and I walked down the road.

Lovino, who had this adorable smile on his face even since he let me know he had been very impressed by my confronting words to his cute – yet annoying – younger brother, gave me a curious look, without losing that smile of his.

'Hmm?'

I grinned back at him a bit awkwardly. Lovi had such a great mood at the moment! He was friendly and romantic and understanding, and I bet he was thinking about having hot sex with me just as vividly as I thought he was, and here I was, feeling good but stressed because of all kinds of reasons.

Gah, I was such a moron! I should embrace this moment and enjoy every minute of it!

'What if,' I nevertheless muttered, removing my arm from his shoulders and grabbing his hand instead – it just was easier to walk side by side like this, 'what if the worst case scenario happens, Lovino? You know, with… the kids and everything…'

'What is this worst case scenario you're talking about?' Lovino asked.

'Me going crazy,' I bluntly said.

'Oh.' Lovino's smile started to fade and he didn't say anything for a while, thinking and frowning as we kept on walking.

'I-I'm scared,' I continued. 'I'm scared, Lovi. I'm really happy – but I'm also scared. Do you know what I mean?'

'Yes.'

I felt a bit relieved – Lovi said he knew what I meant. And I knew that was true, since there wasn't anybody on this world that knew me better than Lovino.

'Whatever happens,' Lovino slowly said, after a long silence, 'you should always keep in mind that you're not alone. I know you think you are sometimes – but you're not. I'm with you.'

'L-Lovino…' I stammered.

He blushed and frowned and for a second it looked like he wanted to hide his face, but I could tell he really didn't want to look away from me now.

'I-I'll always be with you, Antonio. And I'll… I'll protect you. I'll take care of you. No matter how much you'll freak out, no matter how scary you might become, no matter how broken you might get – I'll be right next to you, always.'

'But can you handle me?' I softly asked.

He smirked. 'What, do youthink I can't handle you? Man, Antonio, give me some credits already. I've seen more fucked up sides of you than anybody, and did that ever made me want to leave you?'

I smiled and shook my head.

'Now then.' He flushed some more and cleared his throat. 'I-I love you, dammit. Don't fucking forget that, you moping bastard.'

'I'm not moping!' I protested, pouting. 'I'm just musing!'

'Well, don't. It makes me want to punch your face.'

'Loviiiii! You shouldn't be so mean!'

'I'm not being mean, I'm just being me.' He snorted. 'That's something completely different.'

'I still think it's mean.' I sighed – but then I smiled and pulled him a little bit closer, brushing some strands of hair away from his ear. 'But thank you, my love… For comforting me.'

'M-my pleasure,' Lovino murmured, breathing out in short, shivering puffs.

After that, we just kept on walking. I talked about all kinds of things, now feeling a lot better, and Lovino listened to me, nodding or shaking his head every now and then while once again this very small, but very honest smile kept gracing his face.

I couldn't wait to see that beautiful face of his in an entire different, more private, dark and romantic setting.

/0o0\

Our hotel was located in a quiet, kind of boring little town, not too far away from where Lovi and I lived. It was on the countryside – cows and unsteady houses everywhere – and everything was really old-fashioned and crappy, technologically wise.

Still, Lovi's eyes were positively shining with delight when we got there. He loved old towns with (probably) a lot of history, after all. Also, he loved architecture and crumbling buildings. I couldn't see what was so wonderful about an old church with a lot of silly details, but Lovino couldn't stop looking at it. He loved it so much. He really enjoyed watching these kind of things.

I didn't care about it – but I did care a whole lot about Lovino, so while he lively talked about and stared at yet another weird building that was almost falling apart, I was silent and looked at him, at his excited face, his bright eyes, his happy smile, and thought once more what a miracle it was I happened to have won over such a sensible and loving heart.

…

Maybe I should cut back on reading Jane Austen novels.

Anyway, we walked about for a while, since I wanted to show Lovino all the buildings that could make him even more enthusiastic – because nothing's more beautiful than a happy, overjoyed Lovino. Thanks to that, we arrived at the hotel I had called earlier this week (you know, for reservations) a bit later than expected.

Sure, we could have taken a taxi, and certainly, we could also have walked a little bit faster, or we could have skipped the town-tour, but we… um, well, we simply hadn't done that.

So yeah, we were a bit late.

Not that it really mattered. I wasn't planning on going out tonight anymore anyway.

All I wanted was to get us into our hotel room as soon as possible so I could finally have the sex with Lovino I so very much longed for.

…

B-but was Lovino thinking that as well? I mean, the hotel, no matter how crappy even that building was, still was a hotel with a cinema in it. Maybe Lovi wanted to watch a movie, first. Or maybe he wanted to grab a bite at the hotel's restaurant. This was supposed to be a date, after all.

So after checking in and saying "sorry for being so late, we were distracted by the crappiness in this town" to the lady behind the counter that was just as dusty and old as the hotel itself, I turned to Lovi – who was now walking round the lobby like he was walking around in an amusement park.

'This hotel looks like it can fall apart any fucking moment now,' he muttered as soon as I got close enough to him. 'I mean, look at that! They even have phone boots! Those old-fashioned ones! You have to put money in it and everything!'

'You don't like it?' I nervously asked, because maybe I had indeed overdone it with making Lovi focus on all the unsteady, exhausted and extremely old thingies in this town.

Lovino shrugged. 'It's not that I don't like it – it's just that I wonder whether we'll wreck this place or not tonight. You know. Because of all the sex we will have.'

I stared at him and this sneaky little grin and felt I was getting slightly aroused.

'You don't want to eat something or watch a movie first, then.'

'Screw food and stupid movies – the only one I want to eat or watch is you.'

Lovino smirked like only he could smirk. He had this glint in his eyes that always made me want to jump him and totally mess him up.

Then the seductive spark in his eyes disappeared for a second, making room for a more worried one.

'B-but if you want to watch a movie or eat something first, I'm fine with that! I… I don't really feel like having a serious date, but if… if you like it, I don't mind doing all the date-stuff first!'

'No, no!' I stammered as well, shaking my head. 'It's the same with me! I much rather have lots and lots of sex with you now than anything else!'

Lovino's eyes seemingly became bigger and a blush colored his cheeks. 'Y-you'd also like that?'

I smiled warmly at him. 'Of course, my love.'

'Dammit. We're such pathetic lovers.' He chuckled and gave me a soft, almost shy push. 'We can't even decently date. Feliciano would be so disappointed.'

'Ah, I really don't care what Feli's opinion is,' I said, gently – but determinedly – grabbing Lovino's arm and pulling it through my own. 'So let's go upstairs, to our room, and completely destroy it with our naked bodies.'

Lovino's face heated up even more and he frowned. I grinned provocatively. I think he wanted to scold me for saying such a perverted thing in public – when the dusty old counter-lady suddenly halted me.

'Yes, so I happened to overhear what you told your lover,' she said in a very sour, deadish voice, 'and I'll let you know that you must pay for everything you two might wreck during your sexual escapades. This is not a funhouse. It's a serioushouse. Which, thankfully, has got very thick walls.'

'Oh, not thick enough,' I said.

Lovino groaned and gave me a sharp jab in the ribs.

'Sorry, miss. We were just kidding, we won't destroy our room, it… it was just a figure of speech.'

'That's right. But that figure of speech will prove to be way too loud for your so-called thick walls,' I promised her.

'Antonio!' Lovino hissed.

'We didn't have sex in ages, you know,' I carried on, ignoring Lovi's red-hot face and mean elbow-pokes in my side, 'so you bet we're going to have sex, fuck and make love – and all of that on one mere evening. I can't wait to embrace, feel, lick, bite, kiss and touch Lovino to my heart's content!~'

Lovino's jaw dropped and he lowered his head, clearly too overwhelmed to say anything except soft, inaudible curses. Aww, he was so very cute when he was embarrassed!~

As for the dusty lady, she just stared blankly at me and told Lovino she felt very, very sorry for him.

Then she scurried off, most likely in order to think over her own lame sexlife and feel very envious of us.

And then Lovi and I could finally leave for our room and prepare ourselves for all the sex!

Yay!~

Wished Lovi would stop attempting to vengefully crush my toes as we went inside the elevator, though.