Summary: Bucky finds that children are surprisingly resilient, wise, and just really really blunt. He finds himself not minding that much.

You know that feeling, when you cry so much to the point that your eyes become puffy, your face is stiff and patchy with dried up tears, and your head just absolutely kills? Well that's currently what Bucky is feeling right now. The tears haven't stopped either, they just keep flowing out and making his face feel even more sticky and wet. What was once gross sobbing and hiccuping and rocking his body back and forth has now become silent crying, you know the kind where you just lay on your bed like a lifeless shell and let the tears come out full force. There's no reaction, no emotion, no nothing. You're just there, not really caring about what's going on around you.

"Hey Buck." Steve dips down on the bed beside him and squeezes his shoulder. "You up for some food or anything before I leave for work?"

Bucky shakes his head against his tear-streaked pillow. "M' good."

Even without looking up he knows Steve has a disapproving frown on his face. "Well, okay," he replies with some difficulty (see, told ya). "There's stuff for you in the kitchen, you just have to heat it up okay? I'll try to come home as soon as possible."

"S' fine," Bucky huffs as he pushes himself up to peck Steve's cheek. That one tiny action practically drains him because the moment he gets up he flops back down again. "Take your time," he sighs into his pillow, "You have a huge painting job today, don't you?"

Steve gives a crooked grin at the tiny gesture, forgetting for just a millisecond that Bucky was currently drowning himself in tears. "Yeah, I do. But family comes first."

"Yeah, yeah. Now go!" He waves his hands towards the door. "Go my knight in shining armor! Bring back the bacon for your loving fiancee!"

Steve snorts. "Bacon?"

"Figuratively of course."

"Uh-huh," Steve snorts again. He ruffles Bucky's hair while standing up. "Don't think too much!" He calls out over his shoulder.

"Don't be cheeky punk!"

"Jerk!"

The front door closes shut behind him, and Bucky is now left with an all too silent apartment. He sighs and rolls over to the other side of his pillow not flooded with tears. He tries to distract himself by doing a number of things, like rolling around on the bed, fluffing up his pillows, even spinning the simple golden band tucked around the ring finger of his left hand. Despite the absolutely horrible past couple of hours he's had, he still can't help smiling at the sight of that little golden strip of metal. They haven't made it official yet, instead wanting to keep the news to themselves first. They wanted to at least have some peace and relaxation before the whole chaos known as 'marriage' started. Of course Steve told Peggy and Bucky just had to tell Nat, Sam, and Clint, but they wanted to hold off on their families first. Especially now since, well…

Bucky sighed again and rolled over for what seemed like the tenth time. As much as he wanted to tell his family, now he actually couldn't. Not with the news he just received, that he might never… he might… Fuck, he can't even think of the damn word in his head. All he can recall is that visit to the hospital last night, how weary his mom looked, Becca holding Peter with all her might, his other sisters crying on the other end of the phone. Even Steve looked like he was on the verge of breaking down. It had at least touched Bucky's heart to know how much Steve has come to really care for this new family of his. Steve doesn't really have much in the way of family, and Bucky's mother had been more than willing to adopt Steve as one of their own.

It's about an hour later, right after Steve's left for work, that Bucky finally decides to get out of bed and be at least semi-productive. There's no point wallowing in bed, especially when… when… Right, shutting down that line of thought now.

He eats a little bit of the lunch Steve's left out for him, cleans the place up a bit, even goes out for a brief walk before deciding the sky is too gloomy for Bucky to be spending all his time outside. He does go to the park nearby for a while though, sitting on a bench and taking in the bleak looking sky.

A miserable day to match my miserable mood. How poetic. Bucky scowls up at the sky just for good measure.

He's so focused on directing his anger at the sky that he jumps when something hits his foot near the ground. He looks down to see one of those kiddie soccer balls by his left foot.

"Sorry mister!" A little girl comes running up to him with floppy auburn hair stuck in a messy braid. The hair instantly reminds him of Natasha, and he can't help the smile creeping in and taking over his previous frown.

"It's okay, no problem," Bucky replies. He bends down to pick up the ball and hands it back to her, not even noticing that he used his left hand. Apparently the little girl does, with the way she stares all starry-eyed at it.

"Woah. Is that a metal arm?" She breathes out in awe.

"Sure is," Bucky replies easily. He's gotten used to these kinda reactions. Kids will either a) react like the little girl or b) shy away until their parents coaxed them out of their scared state because they felt back for Bucky.

"Can I touch it?" She asks.

"If you want," Bucky shrugs and brings his arm closer. He snorts when the girl throws her ball off to the side to stare and poke at Bucky's arm. He watches her little fingers glide over the ridges of his arm, going all the way up to his bicep and then coming back down to his forearm.

"My uncle has a fake leg."

"Does he now?"

"Yeah! It's not as cool as yours, but mom said he's gonna try and get one of those proto-somethings—" She wrinkles her nose as she attempts to sound out the letters "—from Mr. Tony Stark. You know, the really rich guy who's always on TV?"

"Yeah, I think I'm familiar with him," Bucky responds wryly.

"My uncle was a soldier," she says suddenly. "Are you a soldier?"

"I was, yeah," Bucky nods.

"He was a hero. He got a medal when he came home," the little girl announces proudly.

"Wooooow," Bucky drawls out, trying to sound impressed as he nods along. "That's pretty neat. I never got a medal."

The girl scrunches up her face at that. "How come?"

"Probably not as heroic as your uncle." Actually, Bucky, Sam and the rest of their unit were awarded some kinda medal of honor or something along those lines, but they'd all declined the award. They didn't need a tiny piece of metal to tell them they'd done their jobs. And maybe Bucky just didn't feel like he deserved one.

"Well… that's okay!" Her face smooths out at last. "I think you're a hero, even without a medal! Sometimes you just need people to acknowledge you as a hero, not a medal."

Bucky can't help chuckling at the all too serious look on her face. Well, as serious as you can get for a little kid. "You think so?"

"Definitely!" She states firmly.

"I guess that makes me a hero then."

"Good," she beams in approval, then hops onto the bench and pats the spot next to her. Bucky raises an eyebrow at that. It's not until the girl gives him a pointed look that he finally sits down next to her.

"Don't you have to get back to your mom or dad or something?" Bucky asks. He looks around to make sure there's no angry or worried parent in sight. The last thing he wants for this day is for someone to think he's a child abductor or something. And yes he did shave today before going out, so he doesn't look like a complete hobo.

"Babysitter," is all the girl says, as if that explains everything. She swings her legs back and forth on the bench.

"Ahh, I see."

"It's okay. She'll find me soon enough."

"Well… if you say so." Bucky should probably be a little more concerned, but somehow he finds himself trusting the words of a— "By the way, how old are you?"

"Eight," she declares. She puffs up her chest to make her look extra authoritative.

Right, so trusting the words of an eight year old. Because that makes sense. Bucky just shrugs and leans back against the bench. It's a couple minutes later until Red starts talking again, and what she says next completely takes him by surprise.

"Why are you sad?"

Bucky's eyes, which were closed during those couple of minutes, finally opens and blinks down at her. "Why was I sad?" He repeats slowly.

Red huffs and rolls her eyes, surprisingly well for an eight year old. She's got the attitude and everything. "That's what I just said."

"Right, right."

"So?" She pins him down with a stern look. Again, don't ask him how an eight year old could look stern. "Why are you sad?"

"I didn't think I was sad."

"Well you looked it," she shoots back.

"I'll make sure to watch how I look," Bucky replies sarcastically. Red just keeps staring at him. God it reminds him so much of Nat, so much to the point that it finally makes him give in with a reluctant, "I kinda just got… proposed to."

Red gasps and covers her mouth. "YOU DID?!" She gasps.

"Uh, yeah," he admits sheepishly.

"But then why are you sad? You're getting married," she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well," he sighs, and then just kinda leaves it at that because how exactly is he supposed continue this sentence? Would an eight year old even get it? No harm trying I guess.

"You know how… when good things happen, you just want to tell people? Like shout out I JUST GOT MARRIED and stuff?"

Red nods her head.

"Well… I can't. I can't… tell people."

"Why?"

Bucky stares down at her. "Because… well because…." Actually, why indeed?

Red continues to blink at him.

"I mean… because… my dad is sick?" Okay, not the best way of explaining things but he can work with that.

"Does he have a cold?"

Bucky almost starts laughing hysterically. God, if only had he had the cold. "Ah, no not exactly. He… it's a little more serious than that."

"My grandma had a serious illness." At Bucky's taken aback look she continues, "Mom said she had cancer."

"Do you… do you know what cancer is?"

"Mhmm, not really," she shrugs off. "All I know is that it's serious, but then grandma got better!" She smiles at him.

…Well then.

"Does your dad have cancer by any chance?" She asks.

"Uh… no there's… there's something wrong with his heart."

"Oh!" And then leaning in she whispers, "Did he have a heart attack?"

"How do you know about heart attacks too?!" Bucky asks incredulously.

"Because my uncle had it," she answers simply.

"The one with the fake leg?"

"No, my other uncle," she replies in that obvious tone again.

"And… did he make it?" He asks carefully. He doesn't know why he's trying to be so careful, especially when Red's already proclaimed both her grandma and uncle have had serious illnesses.

"Yeah he did, but dad said it kinda took a lot out of him. He has to take it easy from now on, so he can't pick me up and run around with me anymore."

"Oh… sorry about that."

"It's okay! He's alive, and that's what matters." Another smile is directed at him.

"That's… one way of looking at it I guess."

"You shouldn't be so sad!" Red says. "Your dad will probably get better, and then you can tell him the good news!"

"Yeah but what if he doesn't?" The question's out before Bucky can stop himself.

Red cocks her head at him and frowns slightly.

"I mean… it's just a possibility I don't think—"

"Why are adults always so negative?" Red asks, genuinely curious.

"Uhhhhh because we're adults and it's kind of our job to be negative pieces of sh— garbage?"

Red raises a skeptical eyebrow at him. Bucky has a distinct feeling she knew he wasn't actually intending to say the word 'garbage.'

"You can still be an adult and not be negative," she says matter-of-factly.

"Uhhh I guess?"

"So then be an adult and not negative."

"Right… because it's that simple."

"It is! Just try it, you won't know until you try."

Bucky's about to answer, but that's when the angry/worried adult or babysitter in this case comes looking for Red.

"Lydia! Ohmygosh you cannot do that! You can't just go running off like that!" Babysitter person comes to a halting stop by Lydia and hugs her tightly. Lydia only rolls her eyes while Bucky tries not to snort.

"Sorry, she kind of—"

"Oh no no it's fine gosh don't worry about it!" Babysitter waves off. "Thank you for keeping her company, I don't know what I would have done!" And with that she takes Lydia by the hand and leads her away from Bucky. He waves at her, already starting to miss the little girl's company when she turns back and yells, "Just try it!"

Bucky barks out a laugh when she's finally out of sight. God, are all kids like that these days?

The next time Bucky goes back to the park, it's a couple days after he received word of his dad's heart attack, after the doctor told him and his family it was too serious and that his dad probably wouldn't make it, and if he did it was going to be a long night ahead of him. He goes to the park, in the hopes of maybe seeing Red— Lydia, again. The world must not hate him just yet, because he does find Lydia sitting in the exact same spot as the last time.

"So did you tell everyone?!" Are the first words out of her mouth when Bucky sits down.

Bucky rolls his eyes. "At least gimme a minute to sit down first."

"Okay, okay," she huffs, and then literally two seconds later, "So did you?"

Bucky angles his body so he can actually look her in the eyes. "Not yet," he replies earnestly.

"What?!" Lydia nearly screams. It definitely gets them a few stares.

Bucky just shrugs and smiles. It's a genuine smile too, not forced because he's in the presence of a child or anything. It's a real, actual genuine smile. And it's such a great feeling, because he's literally felt like crap the last couple days, and it's the first time since he's been able to really smile, since Steve proposed to him and then shit went down and then the breakdown happened.

"Well," Bucky finally says, "I have to wait for my dad to wake up first. But then maybe after that? Yeah, I'll tell everyone the good news."

Author's note: Just for some clarification, yes Bucky's dad does survive his heart attack and everything's okay and everyone's going to be happy! There MIGHT be a continuation of this.