Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

A/n1: God. I wanted to at least make Lovino start talking to Antonio about all the things he has experienced during his stay in Venice in this chapter, but you know me – I rattled on and on and on and in the end, I had to postpone it to next week. Urk.

A/n2: Antonio's narrating this chapter again. I thought you should know.^^

A/n3: Alright, just for the hell of it, confession #3! 8DDDDD
I'm a very short girl/woman. No, really. I'm short. I'm 1.63 cm (about 5'4 or 5'5 in American measures, I believe) and in a country that's overflowing with huge people, that's so very TINY it's almost ridiculous. XDDDDDDDD
It's not just me, though. My parents aren't very tall either, and neither are my brothers. I'm the smallest among my friends (well, except for one girl) and people mistake me for a much younger person most of the time because of my height and fairly childish face. The most shocking example was when I was still an intern at a high school. When I was trying to comfort a flipped-out kid while walking through the school halls, they scolded the BOTH of us for being out of the classroom.
'You kids should know better! Go back to your lesson!' the janitor nagged at us – and I never felt so weird before. You know why?
I was fucking twenty-four years old during that time. The girl that was with me, was sixteen. Gah.
Oh well… I should try and see my youthful appearance as a good thing, I guess. But man, it can be hard to convince teachers, students of the same age and other people when you look young.

~~ And Three Makes Five ~~

Chapter 56:

Age does not make us childish, as some say.
It finds us true children.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(German writer and statesman)

'Coming home. L.'

That was all I got.

Just this… this short, detached, cool message.

I stared at the screen of my phone and squeezed the little square thing helplessly, as if that would cause it to produce more messages from Lovino. Of course I was relieved he was coming back home now, but… but was that all?

I'm not even sure what exactly happened after I had vaguely heard Feliciano talking to Lovino – at one point I could only hear a thud and then nothing – but whatever it was, it apparently had helped Lovino in deciding whether to come back home or not. And he was coming home.

I should be glad. Shouldn't I? I didn't know anymore.

I sighed, sat back in the couch and stared at the ceiling. My eyes hurt and I was dead-tired, but luckily, the kids were already in bed, safe and sound, and Germany had gone off to bed as well. Wonder how he'd react to this news…

I wanted to try and ease/order my mind, if only for a bit, and closed my eyes.

Let's see.

If Lovino had left Feliciano's hideout just now, he'd probably be back home tomorrow, late in the afternoon. Coincidentally, Doctor Hernández was going to stop by tomorrow as well, to check up on me and Matteo. He had been around the House pretty often these past few days, and since Germany had been a wreck during most of this week, Guillermo's grandson proved to be a very good substitute uncle. Alejo and Matteo liked him a lot and Luisa at least accepted him, which was good. As for me, I wanted to hate him, the main reason for that being compared to him all the time (very annoying and wrongful), but it was difficult, disliking a guy that was so… so nice. I ended up liking him anyway. Mweh.

Also, who knows, maybe he could come in handy tomorrow, when Lovi would be back. I bet he'd need some medical attention. If not attention in general.

Poor Lovino. I wish he had called me instead of sending me such an aloof message. Of course, I could try and call him, but something inside my head told me not to. Lovino probably wanted to be alone right now – alone and angry and sad. I bet he was cursing and speeding at the highway like a complete maniac right now.

I gasped. God – I hope they wouldn't pull him over! That would be disastrous! Not to mention sad. So very, very… sad…

…

Maybe it's best not to think about that. I didn't feel like getting myself even more worked up over a man that ten times the responsible adult I am. He'd be fine. I knew he would.

Yeah – instead, it would be better to think about what to say Germany tomorrow morning. Good god, yes, Germany… what in the world should I tell him…

'He's going to be so disappointed…' I murmured, rubbing my temples.

'Is that so,' I heard a rough voice behind me.

I looked up in shock, realized whose voice I had just heard, and sighed deeply, letting my head hang low again.

'You're still up?'

'I couldn't sleep. You were talking about me, right?'

I sat back up again. 'Yeah.'

'I figured.'

Germany breathed in and out heavily, to avoid himself from making any emotional sounds, and walked towards the couch. Then he slouched down next to me and stared at his knees.

'…so Romano couldn't…?'

'He tried.' I swallowed. 'He tried very hard.'

Germany smiled sadly. 'I know he tried – you kept me informed, after all. But Feliciano's not as easy as one might think. He's pretty complicated. He's very stubborn and hard-headed and he never gives up his plan, no matter what.'

'Did you expect Lovino to fail?' I wanted to know.

'I don't really know what I expected.' Germany frowned. 'Romano's the same as Feliciano, in terms of stubbornness and being complicated. I had hoped he'd be the key to… b-bringing Feliciano and Mimi back.'

'I know.' I patted his shoulder, but I could barely look at him. The big, brawny man was stuttering. It was one of the most depressing sounds I had ever heard.

'I thought he loved me – I thought he trusted me. I… I never thought Feliciano, of all people, would ever… betray me like this…'

'He didn't betray you, he… he just…'

Germany shook his head and grunted. 'No. He grabbed my daughter, he took my heart with him as well and he ran for it, Spain, and that's betrayal.'

I fell silent and stopped patting his shoulder. It became too painful and awkward.

'I think… I think I'm going home now, Spain.'

'You sure?' I asked – and wanted to smack myself for sounding relieved.

But Germany gave me an understanding smile and nodded, raising up from the couch.

'Yes, I'm sure. I better go back to Germany and check if Gilbert and his family haven't broken down the House yet. Emile is a sweet kid, just like Canada, but he can be pretty loud and aggressive if he needs to be. I'm sure Canada and Gilbert could use a stern, big uncle – even if he wasn't all that useful here.'

Now I felt even more guilty and I shot up from the couch as well.

'Germany, seriously, if you want to, you can stay here – really.'

'It doesn't matter, Spain, you can't protect me from being surrounded by happy families. If it's not Gilbert's, then it's going to be yours, and since Gilbert's my brother, I better go and assist him. And… and maybe it's not all that bad.' He breathed in sharply again and fisted his hands. 'Being with them… it's better than being all by myself.'

I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and stay put, even though I really wanted to comfort him. But I couldn't comfort him – not the way he wanted to be comforted. Germany wanted Feliciano to barge in and hold him in his arms, hushing him and assuring him things were going to be okay. I wasn't Feliciano, and the only person I actually wanted to comfort right now, even more than I wanted to comfort Germany, was Feliciano's older brother.

…

How awful. How very awful to not be able to comfort each other, even if you really want to.

But that was how it went, that was what we both agreed to without even speaking out the words and that was how I had to watch Germany leave in silence only a few minutes later.

It had been a while since the last time I had felt so utterly useless.

/0o0\

The hours that followed after Germany had left the House were surreal and strange, as if I was having some sort of dream. I'm not even sure how long I stayed up – I only knew that I woke up the next morning in the exact same position as I had ended the night before.

Sitting up, on the couch, with my hands on my lap.

I felt pretty groggy, of course, but I didn't want to let that get the best of me. I still had to take care of the kids, after all, and I had to make sure that I would be prepared for Lovi's return. I needed to… I don't know, maybe inform the kids about the state of mind Lovino would be in after he'd come back home.

So later that day, when I was having lunch with them and Dr. Hernández (because why not, the man deserved it), I tried to tell them to be very careful with Papa Lovi when he'd returned from Italy.

'Why?' Luisa asked, squinting her eyes.

'Um, well…' I started, while handing over a piece of buttered bread to Matteo, '…Papa Lovi's going to be very tired from his big journey! Maybe he'll also be a bit huffy and sad. So don't be too rough with him, okay?'

'I thought Papa Lovi was gonna look for uncly Feli,' Alejo said and frowned.

'He… well, he did find him – I told you, right? He called to wish you a good night every day!' I pointed out.

'But, but, but why did uncly Germ-Germ leave, if Papa Lovi findeded uncly Feli?' Alejo carried on.

'Yea,' Luisa added, 'and why is Papa Lovi gonna be huffy and sad?'

'And why doesn't I has WINGS,' Matteo joined the conversation, standing on his chair with spread arms.

…

I didn't know anymore and face-palmed myself.

'You know,' Dr. Hernández gentle, patient voice suddenly started, 'maybe it's best you just do what Papa Toni has told you to do. I know you have lots of questions – which by the way is perfectly normal for children of your age, you want to know everything, oh, so fascinating! – but Papa Lovi needs to recover from his trip. Otherwise, he can't even answer your questions!'

Alejo, Matteo and Luisa exchanged deliberated looks.

'Papa Lovi doesn't bring uncly Feli and Meepy Mimi back, huh,' Luisa then kind of harshly concluded, just when I thought that Hernández' explanation had been good enough for the three of them.

I couldn't bring myself to lie to them, so I groaned softly.

'No. Papa Lovi did his best, but… uncle Feli didn't want to come along.'

'So that's why Papa Lovi's gonna be huffy and sad,' Luisa said, sighing and rolling her eyes. 'I get it now.'

'Me too,' Alejo nodded.

'I wanna fly to the moon,' Matteo revealed. 'And plant Mia's evvvverwywhere!'

I chuckled, I couldn't help it, and poked Luisa's face.

'You're a smart little lady, aren't you?'

'No,' Luisa huffed, pushing my hand away with a shy smile.

'And I? And I?' Alejo urged to know as he grabbed my sleeve and tugged it.

'Yes, you're a very smart little lady as well!' I grinned.

'Awesome!' Alejo cheered, blushing excitedly. 'Imma smart little… uhh… heyyyy!'

'And you,' I hastily carried on as I looked at Matteo, 'are… um… you are little as well!'

'Yaaaaaaah!' Matteo briefly cried out. Then he instantly calmed down again and asked if he could have more milk.

Dr. Hernández kept smiling adoringly as he watched me and the kids eat and talk, sighing every now and then that he couldn't wait to have his own little family.

'Yeah, about that,' I started after sipping some tomato juice, 'how's it going, the… I don't know, adoption process?'

Dr. Hernández' expression got a gloomy shade, although he kept smiling, and he casted his eyes down.

'It's… it's kind of hard, I guess. By all means, adopting isn't exactly easy. There's a lot of waiting and luck involved. There are a lot of couples waiting for a child. We're just one of them. I know there probably are ways to – pardon my cold words – get a kid without facing so many difficulties, but then there's a chance we get a child that's forcefully abducted from its family…'

'There's always a chance of getting a kidnapped child,' I bluntly said. My faith in all kinds of organizations had been destroyed decennia, maybe even centuries ago – and the recent introduction of the PPSS didn't help much either.

'Probably.' Hernández sighed and gave me another smile, even though there was no trace of happiness in it. 'I beg your pardon, Mr. Spain, but I-I rather not talk about it. Do you mind?'

'No, of course not – sorry, it's not my business.'

Dr. Hernández raised from his chair to get some more milk from out of the kitchen and as soon as he had left the room, I moaned and smacked my head on the table.

'Haha, papa fell and bumped his head!' Alejo giggled. 'And now there's butter on his nose! Butternose! Ha – he's a butternose, that's funny!'

I lifted my face up, gave Alejo a stern look – and Luisa a Matteo reassuring one, since they seemed kind of worried – and continued eating.

It was like the only thing I did the last couple of days was making people feel bad about themselves or concerned about me, for Pete's sake. I was a bit out of it – maybe because Lovino wasn't home yet, maybe because I was stressed, who knows – and that was bad. I should get my act together and try not to get sidetracked by all kinds of pointless things and thoughts.

So I made a decision: instead of spending the following few hours in fear and anxiety, I was going to play with the kids and behave like the father I am supposed to be. No – like the father I am.

That helped. I stopped feeling down, hopped up from my chair and grinned at Luisa, Matteo and Alejo expectantly.

'Alright, I'm done eating! Who's up for a game of hide-or-seek?'

I think it's needless to say that three excited gasps and a lot of running and shouting noises later, the game already was on.

/0o0\

The kids and I (and at one point Dr. Hernández as well) played for a while, and it was a lot of fun – of course it was a lot of fun, especially all those times Matteo had to look for us, that simpleminded kid even inspected the vases and paintings to check if we weren't hiding there – and I honestly didn't even pay attention to all the other things around me anymore.

I… I guess that was just how much fun I had!

But at a certain moment, while I was hiding behind a large plant right next to the person being "it" (Luisa this time), I could hear a car pull over from the outside. And judging by the sound of it, it was Lovi's car.

I wasn't the only one that had heard the car, since Luisa instantly stopped counting and the doctor popped out of the toilet – ohh, that's a mean hiding place! – to point out that Lovino had probably come back.

'It's Papa Lovi, Papa Loviiiiiiii!' I heard Alejo's aggressive yet shrill voice somewhere in the distance, and watched the kid sprint out of the living room, followed – of course – by Matteo, who for some reason had drawn camouflage-like things on his face with permanent marker.

'Papa!' he cried out. 'Papapapapapapapapapapa!'

'Papa Lovi's not gonna hear him, so Teo's dumb,' Luisa told me, as she patiently waited for me to step away from the plant, and offered me her hand.

…

S-so… so cute!~

But I kept my endeared shrieks of joy to myself and calmly took her hand, as the two of us walked to the main hallway as well.

'Are you happy Papa Lovi's back?' I asked her, smiling down at her.

Luisa puffed her cheeks and held on to my fingers a bit firmer.

'…y-yea.'

'Me too.'

'Cause I gave him my thingie!' Luisa continued, making gestures at her neck. 'That helped!'

I chuckled. 'Yeah, it did!'

Luisa grinned a bit and wanted to say more, but then we suddenly were in the main hallway, and she changed her mind.

Lovino opened the front door, just when the entire household had arrived in the hall, and he blinked, surprised when he noticed all of us staring at him as if he was Santa Klaus himself.

'Oh wow,' he started, putting down his bags with an amused smile, 'looks like I was expected!'

'PAPA!' both Alejo and Matteo screeched – and they ran towards him, hug-tackling him to the ground. Luisa burst into laughter and let go of me, joining her brothers in the loud and wiggly hug-fest.

Lovino had only been able to utter an amused 'oof!' before he tumbled on the floor, and I felt so very happy and relieved to see him rolling around with our flock of laughing kids, almost as if nothing had happened at all, and I secretly wanted this moment to last forever.

It's because he looked really cheerful right now. I noticed. Cheerful and upbeat and not huffy or sad at all, even though I knew he had left his brother and niece behind, even though he knew there actually wasn't that much to smile about right now, and that's why I'd do pretty much anything to keep Lovino this happy and worriless.

'Aww!~' Dr. Hernández sighed next to me. 'Look at that, they're so very happy to see their father again!~'

'Yes,' I said.

'And he's happy to see them, too!~'

'Naturally.'

'I wonder how long it will take before he breaks down.'

'Yeah—what?' I tore my eyes away from Lovino and the children and looked at the doctor, shocked.

The doc didn't look back – he just had this distant air hanging around him.

'You wonder about that as well, don't you?'

'I…' I tried to say.

He interrupted me right away. 'Mr. Spain, is it alright if I come back tomorrow, to check up on you, Matteo and Mr. Romano?'

'Sure, but… why don't you just check—'

'Well, I had wanted to tell you before, but I think it's better if I leave you all to yourself. He needs his family right now.' He frowned a bit. 'You are his family. All four of you. And I'm not.'

I opened my mouth automatically, but nothing came out.

'Great!~' Dr. Hernández smiled joyfully at me and gave me a hand. 'Then I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Spain!'

And he… left. He just walked past the living knot of arms and legs and excited faces in front of the door and nodded one last time at me, and then he disappeared.

…

He was a very good doctor, that Dr. Hernández, and he was a good person as well, but he always seemed to get a mental shutdown whenever the family-vibes around him got too strong. I guess the poor guy, that never had gotten very much of a loving family of his own, just couldn't handle all the love. It probably is too much for him.

I felt so sorry for him. I really hoped he and Stefano could adopt a child themselves as soon as possible. And I hoped Guillermo would get a bit nicer towards him already – the old coot was all the family his grandson had, after all. He should thank the Heavens for a grandson like that.

Then I stopped thinking about Dr. Hernández and his family issues and smiled at Lovino, who tried to get up from the floor, snickering and cuddling his sons and daughter affectionately.

Yeah.

For now, let's just focus on him.

/0o0\

And so, our day slowly, peacefully and nicely came to its end.

…

That's right. Slowly, peacefully and nicely. Lovino didn't show me or the kids any hints of being mentally broken or upset the remainder of the day – he just did his duties of being a dad and a loving husband, and he did it very earnestly. I mean, I could tell he loved doing all these activities, and that was… okay, I guess.

For example: he hugged the kids, he teasingly suggested I should make them macaroni for dinner ('Since you love pasta so much – right? Heh.'), he mentioned I should consider wearing aprons all the time ('And I mean just aprons, if you know what I mean.') and he smiled a lot.

It's just that…

It worried me.

Lovi wasn't the type to smile all the time. Not in these kind of situations. Especially not when his feelings were figuratively thrown on a huge heap of trash like that. Lovino was the kind of guy that got mad when he didn't get his way and would curl up and cry in a corner when things really got out of hand. He showed how he felt, all the time, no matter what, and even though some could consider that a weakness, I thought it was incredibly strong. To stay true to yourself and your feelings, no matter what – I still had trouble with that.

So to watch Lovino force himself to be happy and carefree without even seeing any signs of actual forceful behavior…

My god, it only proved how weak he was, right now.

I realized this too late, as always. I think I finally got the silent hint when I brought the kids to bed – Lovino had offered to wash the dishes – and Luisa asked me why Papa Lovi was acting so cheerful all the time.

'Well – he is cheerful!' I tried to explain. 'He's very happy to see you and the boys again, after all!'

Luisa frowned, her green eyes eyeing me wearily.

'I'd be very very very sad to lose Teo or Allie.'

'Um,' I stammered.

'Don't be dorky, Lulu – Papa Lovi's sad, too,' Alejo sleepily said from his bed. 'I know.'

'Yea, I hugs him a LOT, but he's still vewy sat,' Matteo also pointed out.

I was astonished, really – to discover the kids sensed something was wrong with Lovino because he was acting like everything's okay faster than me. It made me realize I actually hadn't focused on Lovino at all yet, even though I had wanted to give him all of my attention ever since the doctor had left…

But… Lovino hadn't wanted my attention just yet. He had firstly wanted to smile, to be strong, to show the kids that everything was a-okay. He didn't want me to come to his side and tell him it was fine to feel awful already – that was for later. I could understand that, and maybe that's why I unconsciously played along.

However, I had played along way too long, and now the kids were more or less scolding me for not finishing the play earlier.

No wonder the three of them had behaved so nicely, or didn't protest when I told them it was bedtime – they wanted me to just do something for their father already.

And the second that particular alarm in the inside of my head started ringing, I instantly knew I indeed needed to get busy – so I wished the kids a very good night, told them I loved them (I had started telling them since a day or two and it felt surprisingly good when I said it) and I also quickly added a quick 'thank you' before closing their bedroom door.

Right. Focusing on Lovino again – but for real this time.

/0o0\

When I returned to the kitchen, Lovino was still washing the dishes. I stared at his silent back, his head facing the wall, and I paused for a moment to smile a little.

Lovino had always been kind of slow when it was about cleaning things up, but it pleased me a lot to see he at the very least tried to help me out with these kind of in-door activities. He cared, after all. He cared for the House and he cared for the people he loved. He wanted to help them out as much as he could, regardless of his own opinions about certain things. Regardless of his feelings.

…

Oh, Lovi.

Enough already.

'Lovino,' I simply said as I walked towards him – and I saw I had startled him . 'How are you?'

'Oh, I'm-I'm fine,' he nonchalantly said, putting a bowl on the countertop next to the sink. 'Just washing the dishes.'

'Hm-hm.' I approached him some more.

I could see that Lovino noticed, somehow, that simply telling me what he was doing wasn't going to convince me that he really was fine – and I could also finally see some cracks in the fake wall he had constructed around him. His weakness was breaking. That was good.

'I… you should really do a better job at eating your goddamn food, Antonio!' he hastily said as he – kind of spastically – put away some plates and forks as well. 'I don't care you don't like pasta, you should learn to set a good example for the kids, dammit! You have no idea how much trouble it can be to have kids that don't eat their dinner!'

I almost fell for it – really, I was about to protest and discuss another unimportant subject with him – but I managed keep my mouth shut and ended up standing right behind him.

Amazingly, Lovino didn't try to think of something else to trick me. I guess he kind of gave up. He just let out an annoyed sigh and dropped the sponge he had just used to clean out a stockpot and leaned his arms on the counter with a heavy head.

'Don't sneak up on me like that. I'm not in the mood.'

'I know.' I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him against me. 'I know, Lovi.'

For a second, I thought Lovino was going to let me hug him to my heart's content. His body felt clammy and unsteady, so I think he had longed for a bit of comforting attention for a while now. I was more than willing to give him all the comfort and attention he wanted, and since the kids were gone, I thought he wouldn't feel bad about showing me how he really felt.

But I was wrong, and instead of breaking down in tears or turning his body so he could fully accept the hug, Lovino fiercely shoved an elbow in my stomach, almost making me throw up the horrible pasta dinner.

'No,' he hissed as he turned around to my slightly bend-over figure. 'Don't – you hear me? Fucking don't.'

'For God sakes, Lovino, you're upset,' I wheezed, glaring at him angrily. 'I just wanted to…'

'I know you "just wanted to"! You always "just want to"!' Lovino nagged, pushing me aside. 'But I don't want to fucking cry, you damn bastard – I cried the whole way from Italy back to Spain, dammit! My eyes are fucking burning! Look at them – look at how squinty and swollen they are! All because of that fucking idiot! That… that worthless, good-for-nothing, Mimi-nicking asshole!'

The monotonous, annoying pain in my stomach slowly lessened as I watched Lovino growling and snarling and kicking over chairs and my jaw dropped when I realized that he was throwing a tantrum. Like a kid. Like… like…

…my god, like Alejo.

He was deliberately trying to break stuff, just like Alejo would whenever he got frighteningly mad, and knowing that Alejo had inherited this aggressive side of his personality from Lovino was actually pretty amusing. I mean, I thought the kid had all his bad traits from me, but…

Crash – I was brought back into reality when I noticed to my shock that Lovino was now ferociously tossing freshly-cleaned plates, glasses, bowls and pots on the ground, and I suddenly knew what to do.

I pursed my lips together and harshly grabbed Lovino's wrist, dragging him behind me as I briskly walked out of the kitchen, to the stairs.

'What the- let go!' Lovino snapped, trying to free himself – and failing. 'You fucking piece of shit – you don't fucking understand it anyway! Let go of me or I'll fucking tear down the place!'

'Right, so you'd rather behave like a damn kid and wreck the place than you'd want to talk to me about what is bothering you?' I icily asked him without slowing down my pace. 'Are you that unreasonably emotional right now?'

'Fuck you, Antonio – FUCK you,' Lovino grunted and now tried to scratch me with his nails.

'Fine,' I continued, and stopped in front of a spare bedroom, 'let's start here, why don't you? We don't use this room anyway. Tear it apart all you want.'

And without waiting for a reply, I swiftly pushed Lovino into the spare bedroom, locked the door and waited – with bated breath.

First, nothing much happened – it all went pretty fast, so everything needed to sink in, I think. But then it suddenly started: the loud noises, the disturbing sounds of fabric getting torn to pieces, of items being thrown apart against walls, of cabinets falling over, and it actually soothed me.

Lovino got the message, and instead of bonking on the door and screaming at me to fucking let him out, he was destroying the spare bedroom that nobody liked anyway.

Okay.

Okay…

All I needed to do now, was wait.

I took a couple of breaths, deep breaths, grabbed a chair and sat down in front of the bedroom. I tried to calm down. I really hoped I hadn't hurt him when I had pulled Lovino upstairs, and I really hoped that stashing him in a bedroom like that was… well, I won't say the "right" decision, but at least the most logical one.

I knew Lovino, after all. He was lazy and although he was stronger than he looked like, he tired himself easily whenever he was doing something that was too heavy for his body. Breaking down one room would hopefully exhaust him enough to keep himself from destroying more.

…

Okay, so, for the meantime, I guess I could sit and read something.

/0o0\

It went on a lot longer than I had expected.

The screaming, the shouting, the throwing, the crashing, the smacking, the kicking, the pounding, the shoving, the breaking, the ruining – in other words, the complete destruction of the poor spare bedroom. Lovino really was on fire today, or so I could say, and it was very hard for me to stay exactly where I was and read a stupid magazine about cats.

God, I wanted to run into that room, press Lovi to my chest and keep him there until he had calmed down again – but it was too late for that now. Besides, I wonder if a cool-down hug would have really worked on Lovino right now. I had seldom seen him this desperately furious. Maybe he wouldn't have had accepted a hug, not even from me…

So I told myself to just keep on reading about tabby cats, wonderful, cute tabby cats and oh, I didn't know most red cats were male, and so, I slowly but surely managed to shut out the noises coming out of the bedroom and enjoy – yes, actual enjoy – the article.

Minutes, maybe even a whole hour passed while I was sitting, waiting and reading. Then, I finally finished the magazine and looked behind me, to the door, and listened.

Silence.

Not complete silence though – I could hear soft sounds coming from out of the room. But soft sounds are no sounds of complete molestation, so… so it sounded like Lovino was done. And so was the room, probably.

I got up, put the magazine on my chair and carefully knocked on the bedroom door.

'Lovino? Can… can I come in?'

No answer. Just that soft sound. Well, I took it as a "please, do come in" and slowly pushed the door open.

Slowly but firmly, though – I had to push quite hard, too, since there were all kinds of junk and broken furniture lying in front of the door. But I succeeded, got in the room, and had to gulp a lot when I let my eyes swiftly check out the room.

Oh, it… it was terrible, really.

The wardrobe that once stood against a wall lay down on the floor now, splintered to chucks and bits of painted wood and old clothes. Lamps were broken – I had to watch out where I walked, or I'd get glass in my feet. The windows were bust and there was a chilly wind blowing in from the outside now. The curtains couldn't cover the large crack in the windows, because the curtains had been torn apart and lay everywhere around the room. Even the wooden floor hadn't been spared, I could clearly see the massive amount damage Lovino did to it – probably by smashing the two chairs against the laminate. The linen of the bed somehow was dangling from the ceiling now and there were small bits and pieces of wrecked alarms and clocks casually sprinkled on the ground. The wallpaper was partly ripped off the walls here and there and the bed – well, it only stood on two legs now. The other ones where snapped off.

And in the center of all this loud, scary declaration of hate, despair and nothingness, Lovi was, on the floor, slouched down in front of a broken mirror, his hands covering his face, his body shaking, his entire person crying.

My heart felt like it was getting sliced, patiently, one strip of flesh at a time. It hurt so much to see him like that.

'L-Lovi…' I stammered, tiptoeing around the mess on the ground to avoid getting hurt by all the glass, splinters and other broken items on the floor, and never took my eyes off him. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

Lovino didn't move, nor did he show me any signs that he had heard me. He stayed put and wept, but at least he didn't try to toss something at me, or shout at me, so I tried – tried – to see these non-signs as a good sign.

After what seemed to take ages, I reached Lovi's destination, miraculously spared by the depressing ruins of what was once a spare bedroom, and I dropped down on my knees.

'Lovino…' I said, gently plucking his hands from his face so I could collect it in my own, '…h-hey, sweetie. Feeling a… a little bit better now?'

It was such a stupid thing to ask – but my mind was blank, I couldn't think of anything more sensible.

'N-no,' Lovino blubbered with quivering lips, and he swallowed. His face looked strained from all the tears he had shed already, red and hot and devastated by snot and other body fluids. It was sticky – sticky and wrinkly, and it even was a bit bloody, since his hand, fingers and knuckles were battered and cut.

'Oh Lovi…' I sighed, softly wiping one of his watery eyes, '…my love, if it hurts so much, then why didn't you just talk to me… you know I'd listen to you… right?'

'S-sorry,' Lovino hiccupped, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, and leaned his forehead against my chest. 'I-I'm sorry…'

I stroke his sweaty hair and hugged him. 'Don't be – you didn't do anything wrong.'

'Didn't do anything wrong? I-I fucking stampeded through the room! I totally trashed it!' Lovino shrilly said.

'Aw, this room needed to be remodeled anyway.'

Lovino looked up at me bewilderedly.

'No really,' I kept talking, 'it actually looks better now. I really like what you did with the bed linen. Very, um… postmodern.'

Despite everything, the corners of Lovino's lips started to curl and he suddenly snorted – and how. In a matter of seconds, my shirt was covered in snot as well.

'Oh god,' he gasped, 'sorry - I'm so sorry!'

'It's okay,' I shushed him – like I cared about something as trivial as clothes – and pulled him off the ground. 'Come, let's go visit a bathroom and fresh ourselves up, shall we?'

'The fuck, that was one of your nicest shirts!' Lovino complained as I took him with me once again. 'I'd be outraged if you'd ruin one of my nicest shirts!'

I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. 'No, you wouldn't.'

Lovino's eyes widened and he shyly looked away, mumbling something about me being an idiot and a bastard and what not, and that was fine by me.

We left the room and walked over to our own bedroom – it was pretty close by and it had a bathroom attached to it, so why not.

Lovino and I didn't say a word as we walked around like this, my hand holding his, the both of us covered in snot, Lovi still sniveling… but it was good. It was okay. The air had lost its heaviness and Lovino's outburst was over. It could only get better from here on.

As soon as we had entered the bedroom and shortly after the bedroom, I gently made Lovino sit down on the side of the bathtub and brushed some lost strands of hair out of his face. It wasn't red from misery anymore now – it was red from… well, from being with me, I hope.

I smiled at him again and crouched down in front of him.

'Let me wash your face a bit, sweetie.'

Lovino nodded, but kept quiet.

I took a facecloth, let cold water run over it and carefully started caressing Lovino's warm face with it. Lovino moaned softly and his eyes fluttered as he watched me dampening his cheeks, forehead, eyes, nose and mouth, neck and even his ears.

'C-cold,' he eventually muttered.

'Nice cold?' I wanted to know.

'Yeah.' Lovino smiled a bit, uttering a sigh.

I felt relieved to finally see him smile again and wanted to comment about how much better he looked whenever he smiled like that – but then my attention was drawn to his hands. I should probably clean those wounds, too… but Lovino needed to clean himself up anyway.

'Lovino,' I started, still pressing the cloth against his face, 'how about you take a shower? You can look after your wounds and you can refresh yourself a bit… and I'll be waiting for you in bed. There, we will talk.'

Lovino nodded, again – almost mechanically. Then, his brows furrowed.

'Don't… don't you need to take a shower as well?'

I looked down to my shirt, but shook my head. 'Naaaah, it's only my shirt… and I don't feel like taking a shower now. I'll take one in the morning.'

'You…' Lovino inhaled raspy, '…you… can take one with me, if you want to…'

…

Temping.

Very, very temping, especially when he was looking at me like that and squeezing my hand like this.

But that probably was the same reason why I knew I had to politely refuse. Lovino was vulnerable right now and wanted – no, needed to be comforted, but I doubted that having shower sex (let's be honest, we both knew it would result in shower sex) would resolve much right now. I mean, he hadn't even talked about his feelings and thoughts about Feliciano yet! I really needed to watch my actions here!

So I chuckled and leaned forwards, pressing my lips to his lovingly.

'…I'll be waiting for you in the bedroom, my love,' I muttered as I moved away from him again. 'Take your time, okay?'

Lovino knew enough and although there was a flash of disappointment in his foggy eyes, his face rapidly changed into a more relaxed expression.

'A-alright,' he promised.

'Great.' I got up from the floor. 'Oh! Why don't you put on those nice, fluffy PJ's I love so much when you're done? I washed them just yesterday!'

Lovino clacked his tongue dismissively. 'Now why the fuck should I wear fluffy Winter PJ's in the Summer.'

'Because you'll feel like a cute, wooly sheep when I hug you!~'

'God, you're such a dork.' Still, Lovino grinned. 'I-I'll think about it.'

'I'll see you later, then?'

'You'll see me earlier.' Lovino looked up at me, his cheeks rosy and his smile growing. 'I-I don't feel like taking a long shower.'

Now it was my face that warmed up, and drastically, too, so I stuttered a hasty okay and hurried myself out of the bathroom.