AN: I revised this piece of work and added a little bit of details. I fixed the grammatical lapses I have overlooked before and here it is! Thank you for those who have read this work of mine!

Eren stared blankly at the ceiling. He was tired of grieving. His eyes seemed to have cried out every tear, he felt light-headed and drained. Things happened so fast. It's been a few hours since he lost his comrades in the expedition. And within these hours he hasn't done anything better than to grieve. If only he followed his instincts and transformed into a Titan he might've saved his comrades from the Female Titan. Why did he let that monster get too close to them?

He appreciated Mikasa and Armin's attempt to make him feel better, but he thought that it would be best if he should be left alone. He hated the look on Mikasa's face when he asked to be alone. It's as if she had failed trying to cheer him up. And Eren hated it when Mikasa is upset; the best thing he can only give her is a faint smile.

Eren felt the weight on his chest become heavier at the thought. He was tired, yet he can't bring himself to sleep. The scene kept on running in his mind; it's as if he was watching their deaths all over again. He felt responsible for the loss of Captain Levi's group. If only he was strong enough to protect them, nothing like this should've happened.

"I'm not strong enough to protect them…" he whispered to himself, as he slowly sat up on his bed. He looked through the window, and realized that it was already dark. The navy blue blanket of the night sky was dusted with glowing stars. He knew that these are one of the things that can be considered beautiful in their own dark world. And unfortunately for Eren, he cannot enjoy the luxury of watching the stars tonight.

Eren pushed the white covers away from his body as he stood up on his feet. Eren searched for his slippers that was lying somewhere on the floor. He decided to get some fresh air to soothe his mind. He should at least try, even though he highly doubts that it would make much help at all. Eren took the oil lamp at his nightstand, considering the fact that all lights must be out at this time, and walked to the door to leave.

Eren walked through the corridors, trying hard not to cause any form of noise so as to not wake the others up. Of course he can't stop the creaking sound the wooden floor makes as he took a step. He slowly strolled onto the wooden staircase, the flame burning from his oil lamp served as his only guide through the pitch black corridor.

The moment he reached the staircase, Eren's eyes widened in surprise as he saw a faint light coming from the dining room. Yet there were no signs of anyone being awake at this time aside from him. Eren wondered who might be awake at this hour. He knew that everyone was exhausted because of the long, miserable day they had and needed all the rest they can get.

"Who on earth would stay up this late?" Eren muttered to himself, raising his brow in wonder. His green eyes gazed at the doorway of the dining room.

Eren slowly crept through the shadows and peeked at the door. Seeing someone awake at this time surprised him before, but now he was a lot more surprised when he saw the person sitting on a chair. It was no other than Captain Levi himself.

The captain looked vacuously in the open space; his fingers slowly traced the rim of the white teacup placed on the table. He wasn't fazed by the sudden flicker of the candlelight and the room was filled with silence.

"Captain Levi… What the hell is he doing there?" Eren thought

"Eren, I know you're just standing there. Show yourself." Levi said in his usual tone, not even glancing at the young soldier's direction. Eren almost jumped when he heard the captain call him. He was surprised that the captain knew he was there all along. Eren should've known better that Levi isn't someone you can just easily sneak up to.

The titan shifter timidly went in front of the door, and Levi stared at him blankly. Eren has no idea if he made the captain angry because he was spying on him or he will just be dismissed soon. Levi might even demand some answers once Eren shows his face to the captain.

"S-sorry, captain! I didn't mean to sneak up on you at this hour! I can just leave at once if you would want me to." Eren explained hastily, but ended up eating up his words due to his nervousness. Levi waved his hand passively at Eren.

"Mind sitting here with me for a while?" Levi called, and Eren was shocked for awhile, bu then he simply nodded. He took the chair just beside the captain, trying to be formal as much as possible. After all, he is still in the presence of a superior and it would really be disrespectful if he casually sat down.

"No need for formality at this time, Yaeger" Levi said as he brought the teacup to his lips. Eren looked at the captain; confusion was evident at his face. First, the captain asked for his company and now he was asking him to be casual? It was rather strange for Captain Levi.

Then the scent of coffee wafted in the air. Eren was confused as to why the captain drinks such beverage at this time of night. He knew that coffee is usually used to keep a person awake and is usually drunk in the mornings, but why is Levi drinking it at night?

"So bland and cold… The coffee tastes like shit." Levi mumbled as he gently put down his cup of coffee on the saucer. Eren dumbly watched the captain's actions, his eyes followed the movement of his arm before staring back at the captain who didn't even looked at him the moment he sat down beside him.

"Captain, if you wouldn't mind me asking, why are you drinking coffee at an hour this late?" Eren asked, and Levi didn't give the soldier a sideways glance.

"I just tried to see if it would be the same coffee as it was yesterday. It only turns out to be some sort of garbage that I just put in my mouth." Levi said, and Eren raised his brow.

"I do not understand, captain."

"It only proves that I'm not as good in making it as she does. It won't be the same." And then it occurred to Eren. Levi was talking about Petra. Eren remembered that it was a habit of Petra to make coffee for the captain every morning. Well, it was alson her job to provide it for everyone else. Eren recalled how she would gleefully tell him how the others want their coffee made, may it be dashed with cream, sweetened with honey or just plain black coffee. It made Eren wonder how long she has been making coffee for everyone. She memorized each and every detail that is essential in making the perfect coffee for all of them. And the patience she has for doing it. By hearing Levi speak of how it would not be the same made Eren wonder if the captain mourning at the loss of a comrade or he will just miss the coffee he usually had.

Eren knew that the captain wouldn't be that shallow if he's just talking about the damned coffee. The titan shifter knew that it was something more than that, there's got to be a bigger picture. And that bigger picture meant that Petra might be a part of it.

Eren knew that Levi was cold and apathetic. Seeing his comrades die in front of him never disturbed him. It didn't even bother him when they threw their corpses so that the Recon Corps can escape. He wasn't the kind of man who would shed a single tear for the death of someone. He was a person with no feelings at all, and seeing him like this made Eren think differently about him. He was acting a bit strange.

"Are you grieving because of the loss of your comrades, captain?" Eren dared to ask and this time Levi looked at him with his indifferent eyes. His dark eyes made Eren feel like Levi trying to bore a hole on him.

"Not all of them, some of them just wasted their lives" With this, Eren confirmed that Captain Levi is really mourning for the soldiers who died in the expedition. But it somehow disturbed him that Levi called their deaths as something that isn't noble and it was nothing else but waste.

"I don't think all of them wasted their lives, they fought for humanity" Eren defended and Levi scoffed at this. Eren felt anger surfacing in him. Was Levi trying to mock him?

"If they can't fight well, they might've stayed in the walls if they are too weak. The Recon Corps is better off without them." he said as he took another sip of his coffee. And Eren abruptly stood on his feet as he slammed his fist on the table. Levi slowly put his cup down and stared at Eren, waiting for what the titan shifter has to say.

"At least they have the courage to stand up against something they knew that is too big and strong for them! They tried their best to serve humanity. Their deaths saved another comrade; they are willing to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others!" Eren said hotly, recalling how Petra and the others protected him from the Female Titan. He remembered them telling him that he should learn to trust them, and he did. In exchange of his life, four lives have been taken. And for that Eren has no idea on how to repay them for their ultimate sacrifice. He would've died by then, but fate had to be so cruel to take their lives.

"Yes, lives of thousands of soldiers in exchange for a single life. It's not rational, don't you think? Many people would only grieve. They would blame the Recon Corps for their deaths while they make rives of tears form their eyes. They would just be like a broken doll. Well, what can I say? After all, the heart is made to be broken" Levi countered and Eren gritted his teeth.

"That's not true! It only takes one life to avenge the lives lost by those thousand soldiers. If they are willing to do such sacrifice, it will only mean that they trust that man to do continue their work. To defend humanity for their sake! I know all too well. I know that I was that life that cost the lives of many soldiers. And I wouldn't let myself fail them! Because I know they trust me!" Eren cried, tears were pooling on his eyes. Levi still wore his apathetic look as he put the teacup on the saucer once again. He hid his face from the light of the candle and Eren waited for his response.

"How can you be sure that you will not fail them?"

"I know that it would be difficult, but I will not let anyone stand in my way to fight for what they have died for!" Eren balled his hand into a fist. His green eyes was burning with determination, and Levi can see that clearly.

"If you wish to do that, you have to become more powerful. You have to be more powerful to defend everything they love and worked hard for. And you have to have the strength to withstand the loved ones they have left behind for your sake. You have to bear seeing them scream at you, to see them hoping for their return or to see them cry in pain because of their deaths. They will despise you. You must have the strength to endure all of these." Levi stated

"Captain, I will get stronger. I will be able to protect each one of them. I don't care if they will hate me. All that matters is that I should honour those who died for humanity. I will never fail them." Eren said with this determined look on his face.

"Gaining strength is never an easy job, Eren"

"I know that"

"It is a journey in which you will be tested. You will be wounded in many ways possible, to the point in which you thought you can no longer have any hope left. In which you must restrict yourself in gaining happiness for the sake of getting stronger. And give up everything that you deserve to have as a human." Eren stared at Levi, the captain looked at the fire dancing at the wick of the candle. He saw through the captain's eyes that there was a distant memory that Levi dared not to remember.

"Captain?" Levi closed his eyes before slowly opening it up again.

"I'll tell you a story, Eren" Eren was a bit surprised that the captain is actually going to share something to him. Petra told him before that Levi was not someone who would just simply tell something to you if it does not involve work. Eren wasn't sure if he should be honoured that the captain will talk to him that isn't about their line of work.

"There was a man who lived in dark, lonely world. A world filled with death and sorrow. He never knew where he came from or how he ended up living in such place. He only knew that he was very unfortunate that he had to go on in this world. After all, he isn't the one to decide. In time, he learned to survive, but his methods weren't that ethical. He steals from honest men, and he gets paid to kill innocent people to survive. One day, he got caught doing his dirty work. By then he thought his life was over, but then a man in green robes went to him and took him in. That man gave him a purpose in life, but still, he had to stain his hands with blood. It didn't change much on how he lived. The only difference is that he had a place to stay and had a green robe to wear. He was trained to not have any emotions, or to learn how to suppress it. It was essential for creating a perfect soldier, someone who cannot have any weakness. Human emotions are man's weakness. It makes them do things that are beyond their consciousness. The man grew apathetic, not caring at all if his friends die in front of him. He never learned to value them anyway. He gave up gaining happiness to become stronger. He gave up having emotions to become stronger. He turned into a man with a heart of stone. Because of this, he was known to be one of the strongest. He was respected, he became an inspiration and he became a hero through the eyes of others. He was hailed to be the best. But he felt nothing. He felt no love, joy or pride from the people around him. After all, he was emotionless. All the merits he received were no different than a stone lying on the ground. It was nothing that made him feel the warmth of joy. He believed he was contented with that life, that he will die alone and soon will be forgotten. Still, the tides have been turned. He met a soldier, a woman, to be exact. She was kind, caring, bright, and beautiful, attributes a person cannot see within a soldier, yet, she is strong, stronger than any of the male soldiers out there. She intrigued him, but he didn't show it. Every day she greets him with a warm smile. Each time he walks in the corridor he can hear her steps at the corner. Every morning she makes him a warm cup of coffee. She was with him whenever he reads a book in the study. Every time they train, she never fails to impress him. When they have the duty to clean, she was always there with him to mop the floors. When they are in a battle, they work together as if their minds were working as one. He already memorized the way she moves, the way she tuck a strand of her gold hair behind her ear. The way her amber eyes sparkle whenever smiles. And every day, each time he sees her, she never fail to make him fall in love with her. But love and affection is something he was not allowed to have. He was trained not to have any affection, for he was made to kill, not to love. But this never stopped him to gain his own happiness. He learned to be stubborn, that's why. That woman was the only one who was able to make him smile the faintest smile, the woman who actually made him feel emotions. She made him feel joy, anger, worry, and love. He never knew how she got herself to love him back. What did she see in him that made her return his affections? How can she love a man that did nothing but kill? They were different people, too different. He never knew how. She showed her love to him just by simply placing a warm kiss on his forehead. He loved intertwining his hand with hers. He liked tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He loved the way she wraps her arms around him in an embrace. He felt like he was a different man. For the first time, he denied who he truly is for just a day. He secretly married her and tried to hide their relationship after. They remained the same, nothing has changed except that they savoured every moment they have with each other. But their perfect life must go wrong, as fate would have it. And it sent both of them apart. As soldiers they were faced with deadly battles, both of them knew that they should make it out alive if they wished to be together again. And they knew that they are strong enough to defend themselves. They are bound by trust woven through the years they have been together. One time the woman was overpowered. For the first time she felt weak, seeing her friends die in front of her made her weak. And then someone was about to get killed in front of her again. She never wanted to see someone die once more. She valued their life too much. Fate really had to be so cruel to the both of them. So she sacrificed her life for the sake of the other. She died, but that comrade of hers is not yet safe from the threat. Just then the man came in to help them all, only to see her lifeless body on the ground. Inside him was a mixture of different negative emotions that he cannot handle. He can't shed a tear, he can't scream in anger and pain. He only stared at her, while he was hurting too much inside. He tried his best to continue what she had died for and saved that comrade of hers. But the pain never left him. No one noticed his grief; no one cared for his pain. No one was there to console him. For they believed that her corpse was nothing to him, but little did they know that he was willing to sacrifice thousands of lives just to make her live. The pain was killing him inside, and thus he learned the real reason why he was raised not to feel anything. He cannot feel the pain of losing someone, he cannot prioritize a single person over humanity, and as a killer he does not deserve to love or be loved. He does not deserve to be happy. He does not deserve her if he cannot protect her. He knew he was strong, but he was not strong enough. After that, he returned to be that person he once was before he met her." Levi finished, hiding his face in his right hand and Eren could hardly even see his face. Eren went silent, debating within himself if he should speak or not.

Levi told the story without bothering to say the name of the man and the woman. Eren found it quite odd to hear Levi tell him a tragic tale of love, it was hard to believe. But Eren wasn't stupid to not realize who the man in the story is. It was no other than Captain Levi himself. As for the woman, Eren knew from the start that it was the soldier Petra Ral. He had assumptions before that Petra was closer to Levi than anyone else, but it never occurred to him that she was actually his wife.

"Captain, why are you telling this to me?" Eren asked Levi, his voice shaking. Levi did not move a muscle. Eren tried to process everything again in his mind, only to have his eyes pool with tears.

"I told you that she was weak, too weak to defend herself, what more defend someone like you?" Levi said, "She's too stupid and insensitive. Did she not think that you might be in a lot graver situation if she leaves your side? Did she not even think of the people she will leave behind?"

Levi's tone became cold, filled with anguish and Eren felt bad for the captain. He was the reason why Petra died, and he can't blame Levi if he was angry at him.

"But if it weren't for her, there would be no hope for humanity" Levi looked at Eren, "I do not trust you, titan shifter. But perhaps, you may be the key for the freedom of humanity from these titans"

"I'm not even strong enough…" Eren muttered, the images of his dead comrades raced through his mind again.

"I know you are not strong enough, not yet. You can't even defend Mikasa when you have to" Levi stated and Eren chuckled humourlessly. Mikasa is a different case. She was more than capable of taking care of herself that she even has room to save him.

"Mikasa doesn't need any protection, captain. She is stronger than you think she is."

"That's what you think, Yaeger. But there will be a time in which she can't even defend herself because she's too weak. If there is no else capable of defending her, who would? She will just die. Do you want her to die?" Levi asked

"No! Of course not!" Eren said hastily

"That's why you should become stronger Eren, stronger than Mikasa can ever be. If you are stronger by then, you might actually protect her. You should never become a person like that man. He was weak to protect that woman. He was stupid to let himself be devoid of feelings that he never even got to show that woman how much she means to him" Levi said. Eren stared at the captain's eyes. At first glance, it didn't show much emotion, but if you look deeper, you can see sorrow in his eyes. His actions may look like he never cared, but his eyes speaks otherwise. Levi may not know it himself, but now Eren knew that Petra was right about the captain. Levi is actually a man filled with emotions, only those who knew him can see right through it.

"I'm sorry, captain. For your loss, that is. I promise that I will honour her death by being able to continue the work she's left behind. I will become more powerful, captain"

Levi raised a brow at Eren.

"I will look forward to that, Yaeger. Go back to your chamber. And I do not need your condolences. Nobody died anyway." Levi stood up from his seat and took his empty cup with him, leaving Eren in the dining room, as if they never even talked to begin with. Eren gave a faint smile.

"So the captain has feelings after all" he thought as he went back to his room.

Levi put his teacup on the sink and washed it soap and water. As he runs his hand through the cup, he cannot stop thinking about her again. He put the cup and saucer back to the cupboard and turned to leave. When he reached his chambers, he sat down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. His hand ran through the soft fabric of the bed sheets.

Often times in the morning back at their old home, every morning he could see her sleeping soundly beside him. It was one of those perfect moments in which she was the first person he could see in the morning.

"Your death is not our end, Petra. You just happened to go to a world where there is no bloodshed and sorrow. At least, you are free from all pain and fear. How I wonder, when will we meet again?" Levi closed his eyes for a moment. For a moment he felt something warm on his forehead and soft delicate hands brushing on his hair.

He wanted to touch her back, but he knew that he can no longer feel her. He can no longer hold her hand the way he did before. He can no longer feel her lips against his. He just longed for her. And perhaps, this was enough for him.

Levi smiled faintly as the feeling went away. He heard a soft whisper in the air.

"I love you so much, Levi" Levi opened his eyes, his faint smile never escaped his lips

"As do I, Petra"