Yesterday was such a terrible day for me and thank you so much to those who sent me messages on my tumblr. I can't tell you how much your love and support for this story means to me. I woke up in a much better place and I am going to keep telling this story. In the next chapter, we have Daryl learning more of Beth's eating disorder.
To those that hate this story and insist on telling me about it, if after twenty-four chapters, you are still reading a story you despise so much and sending me cruel reviews to tell me about it, I am not going to let you get to me anymore.
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Chapter Twenty-Five.
She was almost asleep when she heard his bike outside and then moments later, she heard his steps on the porch and the front door being unlocked and creaking on its hinges as he opened it. She rolled over and looked at the clock, letting out a yawn as she did. It was a little before midnight and she laid there, listening to him as he moved around the front of the trailer. Dropping his keys on the counter, getting himself a glass of water from the sink tap. He came into the room a moment later and he stood there, looking at her.
"Is everything alright?" Beth asked, her voice slightly rough from not being used in a couple of hours.
He nodded but still didn't say anything. He kept standing and Beth looked up at him, feeling her brow furrow the longer she looked at him. He finally let out a soft breath and turned, sitting down on the edge of the bed, his back towards her. She rolled onto her side, looking at him. The moon was big and bright that night, shining through the trees and through the open blinds of the windows. She watched him sitting there, his arms on his knees and the glass of water between his hands.
"Was talkin' with Merle at the bar," he said and he broke the silence so suddenly, it startled her. "Merle was doin' most of the talkin' actually. Told me some things."
She wasn't sure why but she felt nervous. "What did he tell you?" She asked softly.
"I've been thinkin'…" he trailed off for a moment. "I've been thinkin' a lot of stupid stuff. 'bout you and me."
Beth felt her stomach clench but she didn't say anything. She pushed her hands down onto the mattress and sat up. She drew her knees up, hugging them to her chest, and she looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
"Was thinkin' that maybe I don't deserve you or that I was maybe usin' you."
Beth immediately opened her mouth to argue with him and ask him how he could possibly be using her but Daryl didn't give her a chance. He kept talking.
"But Merle didn' waste time in straightening me out. We're Dixons and we're pieces of shit…" he trailed off again and he turned his head, looking at her. "But I think I'm a less piece of shit when I'm with you."
Daryl turned a little to face her more.
"My mom died and my dad used me as his own punchin' bag for years, beatin' the shit out of me whenever he felt like it. And even after bein' on my own for a while, I didn' think I had that much good 'round me." He shrugged his shoulders then and lowered his eyes to the bedspread. "Guess I don't really know how to act with somethin' as good as you suddenly bein' in my life."
He was quiet after that and he didn't open his mouth to say anything else. Beth figured he was probably tired. She had never heard him say so much at once before and he probably wasn't used to stringing that many words together. But everything he had said had been absolutely perfect and whatever Merle had said to him in the bar earlier that night, Beth reminded herself that she would have to thank him.
Beth pushed herself forward and sat on her knees beside him.
She had no idea that he had been having doubts like this and she wondered if they should talk about it more. Maybe they would – later – but not right now. Not tonight. Tonight, he had thought some things and admitted some things and maybe tonight, it was all alright.
She slid her hands over his cheeks and he tilted his eyes up, looking at her. She gave him a small smile and then without a word, she leaned down and brushed her lips against his.
"I don't think you're a piece of shit, Daryl Dixon," she said in a whisper.
He smirked at that, turning more towards her, a hand sliding up her back to the back of her neck. "Did you just swear?" He asked.
She smiled, her cheeks warm. "I might have," she said and he smirked at that. "It was exactly what I wanted to say to you though."
Daryl leaned over, setting the glass of water down on the bedside table, and then he was able to slide his other hand up her side. He pulled on her gently, silently beckoning her to come closer, and Beth shifted herself, sitting down sideways on his lap, her arms sliding around his neck.
She looked at him and he didn't say anything as he leaned in and brushed his lips across hers this time. "I love you," she whispered.
He nodded and visibly swallowed, his eyes darting down for only a moment before they lifted back to her. "I believe you," he said quietly and she hadn't even known that he had been doubting her. "I don't know what to do," he then admitted.
She shook her head. "You don't have to do anything, Daryl. Just… feel it."
He nodded again but he still looked nervous. Or maybe it was uncertain. She couldn't be sure and she tightened her arms around his neck, hugging him. She heard him sigh softly and his arms bound around her waist, hugging her a little too tightly but there wasn't a single part of her that cared.
There were so many things she wanted to tell him besides that she loved him. She wanted to tell him that before him, she hadn't thought she would ever be happy again. She didn't know if she even wanted to be happy. Her life had seemed so set in stone. She had been terribly sick and she was getting better but she would always be sick and everything she did for the rest of her life would be about food and weight and everyone watching her – either pitying her or wanting to stifle her.
With Daryl though, she felt happy. She felt like she could breathe.
But she didn't tell him any of that. She would someday but not right now. Right now, she was just going to hug him and kiss him and hope that he could feel her love for him because if anyone deserved to be loved in this world, it was him. She didn't know anything about his childhood – just what he had said just now but she wasn't surprised. She had had a feeling it had been something like that and it really did explain so much about him. He had been horribly abused and he was still feeling the pain of it so many years later. She knew she wanted to help him like he was helping her. She just hoped she would be able to. Hopefully, if she kept loving him, it would start to make a difference.
She wanted to help him. She wanted to be good for him like he was good for her.
Beth pulled her head back and she brushed hair back from his face before kissing him. Not just a brush of lips but a kiss with soft pressure and her hands in his hair and she felt Daryl's lips pressing against hers in response. She was slowly lowered down onto her back with Daryl above her and he was kissing her a little harder now. She welcomed it happily and she arched her back up from the bed slightly as she felt one of his hands drift down the side of her body to her thigh.
His lips were suddenly gone and her eyes snapped open to look up at him, wondering why he had stopped when he had already been making her feel so good.
"Tomorrow, at the garage, I'm prob'ly gonna punch Axel in the face," he said unexpectedly. "Jus' so you know. Don't want you to worry or nothin'."
She looked at him, a little confused but more amused than anything and she let out a soft laugh, nodding her head. "Okay…" she said, not to sure what to say besides that and Daryl's lips formed into a small smirk before he lowered his head down and kissed her again, his body settling down on top of hers.
…
"I love everything you've done here," Annie smiled as she spun in a small circle, looking around at the front of the trailer. "When it was just Daryl, it was such a guy place but now, it looks like a home."
Beth smiled at the compliment. "I didn't want to change too much. It's still his place."
"It's both of yours," Annie turned back to her. "And fresh flowers never killed anyone." With that, she leaned forward and sniffed at the bouquet of fresh wildflowers in a pitcher on the table.
Beth laughed, going towards the cabinet to pull down glasses for the pitcher of fresh lemonade she had made. "I just picked those yesterday. Daryl was trying to show me how to find my way around in the woods without my compass but I saw these growing and I got distracted. I don't think Daryl was excited about them as I was."
Annie laughed, leaning against the counter, watching her. "Those Dixons take their woods so seriously. Merle has tried to show me a few things but if I feel something even brush against my leg, I shriek. I am not an outdoors girl," she said and it was Beth's turn to laugh.
It was a warm spring day – summer nearly upon them – and the windows in the trailer were open as well as the front door, allowing a gentle breeze to blow in through the screens. Birds were chirping and the sun was shining and it was such a beautiful day, Beth was humming as she moved around the small kitchenette, getting lunch ready. Merle and Daryl were outside, working under the hood of the pickup truck, more swear words leaving Merle's mouth than any other kind. Rick and Lori Grimes were coming over, too, but they hadn't arrived yet and Daryl had seemed hesitant about inviting them though he hadn't explained why.
"How is everything going between you two?" Annie asked in a softer voice, not wanting it to carry outside.
Beth smiled and nodded. "It's going really well. I'm so happy and I think he's happy, too," she said.
"He is. Trust me," Annie was quick to say. "I've never seen Daryl quite like this. He was always so quiet and serious and… brooding? I don't know if that's the word and he's still quiet and serious but he smiles a lot more now. He doesn't constantly look like he's so stiff, you know?"
Beth glanced over her shoulder as if she expected Daryl to be standing there before she leaned in a little closer to Annie, also lowering her voice.
"Does Merle… does he ever talk about-"
"His childhood?" Annie guessed and Beth nodded, relieved that she got it because she hadn't been sure how to ask. "Not really. I'm taking that Daryl doesn't either?"
"No," Beth said. "And I'm not asking him to. I know he'll probably never talk about it with me and that's fine. He never has to talk about it. I was just… curious."
"I get it," Annie replied. "And Merle has let a few things slip but nothing in too great of detail. Their dad, well, I think even the Devil was a little nervous of Will Dixon the day that man died. Have you seen Daryl without a shirt on yet?" She then asked.
Beth shook her head.
"I'm pretty sure he has the same back as Merle," Annie said. "Will Dixon was a terrible man. I have no idea how Merle and Daryl turned out like they did. They've had their issues but they've come out on the other side and are better men now."
Beth nodded this time, finding absolutely no argument but she felt herself almost shiver at the thought of Daryl's back and just what his dad had done to him. She certainly wasn't going to ask or rush him. Letting him see her without a shirt on had taken so much courage on her behalf. She understood if Daryl would never feel quite ready to show her himself without his shirt.
"Son of a bitch!" Merle suddenly shouted from outside.
"Well… kind of better men," Annie said and Beth laughed.
Daryl pulled open the screen door a second later and stepped inside. "Hey," he grunted to the two and then stepped past them, going into the bathroom, coming out a second later with a small first aid kit in his hand.
"What did he do this time?" Annie asked, not looking alarmed in the least.
"Here," Daryl thrust the kit into her hand without explaining. "Prob'ly would want you seein' to him more than me."
Annie looked to Beth and rolled her eyes and Beth laughed as Annie took the first-aid kit and went outside to see to her husband. Beth looked to Daryl and smiled and she bounced up on her toes, giving him a brief kiss. When she settled back on her feet, she saw that Daryl's lips were twitching in a smile.
"Do you want some lemonade?" She asked, picking up one of the glasses.
"You ain't gonna smack my hand away this time?" He asked.
She pulled the large pitcher from the refrigerator. "I only did that once and you were being bad. This lemonade is for this afternoon. And it's now the afternoon so now, you're allowed to have some."
Daryl smirked and she felt him watching her as she poured him a glass. He shook his head. "Don't know what the hell you've done to me, Greene," he then said.
"What do you mean?" She returned the pitcher to the refrigerator and then turned to the counter, resuming cutting up the strawberries for the fruit salad.
"Never had this many people here at once," he said.
That made her smile and she couldn't help but lean up and kiss his cheek this time. "We'll go back to being hermits tomorrow. I promise."
He smirked at that and she was pleasantly surprised when his hand rose to the back of her head and he leaned in, kissing her. She loved when Daryl kissed her first.
Her daddy had an old picnic table that he wasn't using and he gladly let Beth have it when she asked about it. She and Daryl had brought it back to the trailer and Daryl had given it a fresh stain of waterproof varnish. Today, Beth had covered it with a plastic tablecloth and had set out six settings and she and Annie were carrying food out from the trailer as the Sherriff's car pulled up. Beth smiled as she saw Rick step out and then his son, Carl, from the passenger side. She wondered where Lori was but she smiled brightly as Carl approached, his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans.
"Hi, Carl," she greeted. "I hope you're hungry. I probably made way too much food."
"Thank you, Beth," Rick said, coming up behind his son. "And he's thirteen. He's always hungry. Hope you don't mind me bringing him here instead."
"Of course not," Beth said honestly and she wanted to ask about Lori but she wasn't going to. She knew it wasn't any of her business unless Rick mentioned it first.
He didn't.
"Hey, Officer Friendly!" Merle came out of the trailer, his hand now wrapped in a white bandage and wide grin was spread across his face.
Rick rolled his eyes but he was smiling, too. "How's it going, Merle?" He asked.
He went to go meet him halfway and the two men shook hands, exchanging a few words, and Beth looked back to Carl.
"Did Judith stay home with your mom?" Beth asked.
"Yeah. We didn't know if you'd want a baby around," Carl said with a shrug.
"You could always bring her. I love babies," Beth smiled. "Can you help me with bringing out the rest of the food?" She asked.
"Sure," he shrugged again and headed towards the trailer.
Beth turned and saw that Daryl was there now, too, he and Rick standing a little bit away from everyone else, Rick talking to him in a whisper. Daryl was doing nothing but standing there and listening, his face seemingly completely blank as he did so.
She went inside where Annie stood at the refrigerator, handing Carl the big bowl of pasta salad to carry outside, and she then took the platter of potato salad for herself.
"So are you and Daryl going to have a baby?" Carl asked, looking to her, and Beth couldn't help but be taken aback, wondering where on earth that question had come from before she remembered her and her siblings at that particular age. They knew what was polite and what was not but they hadn't really cared and asked whatever they felt like.
Beth did her best to smile. "I'm not sure," she answered as vaguely as she could. That was definitely something she hadn't thought about. "I might not even be able to have children," she then heard herself add for some reason.
It was certainly something she didn't think about. Not at this point in her life. She was still too young and she was even still a virgin for goodness sakes. And she wanted to keep being with Daryl and maybe, someday, their relationship would progress in that direction but for now, there was no reason to think about it and worry. The doctors in the hospital and the clinic had gone over all of the lasting effects of her eating disorder with her. Some of it was a cause for concern and she had always wanted to be a mother but babies and whether or not she could have them wasn't the first forethought on her mind at the moment.
"Oh," Carl looked almost sad at that. "That sucks." He paused a beat and looked down to the salad before looking at her. "This looks really good, Beth," he said.
Beth smiled a little easier now. "I expect you to help me have as little leftovers as possible," she said.
"Yes, ma'm," he smiled at her and she laughed as he left the trailer again.
She looked to Annie and Annie was looking at her and Beth expected her to ask why she wouldn't be able to have children but Annie just gave her a small smile and followed Carl out without prying. And Beth released a relieved breath. She went to the crockpot on the small counter and turned the knob off before lifting the lid and picking up a spoon, stirring the shredded barbecue pork that had been cooking all day. Her stomach rumbled as the heavenly scent tickled her nose.
She had no idea how she had gotten Daryl to agree to this. He was a man who liked his privacy and solitude but she had always liked cooking for others and she wanted to repay Merle and Annie for all of those dinners they invited her and Daryl over for.
And she felt herself smiling to herself because she knew he had done this for her. He did so much for her – whether he realized it or not and more times than not, he didn't realize it. It was as if every day, he strived to make her happy and she just wanted to throw her arms around him all of the time and assure him that she had never been as happy as she was here with him.
She jumped when suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind and she heard a snickering in her ear. She elbowed Daryl in the stomach and then turned her head, looking back at him.
"Don't be mean to me," she gave him a small frown.
He smirked and shook his head, leaning his face in towards her. "'m not plannin' on it."
…
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