"Are you okay? You don't really look well."

"I'm fine."

"Cristina…" Meredith looked at her friend's face curiously through the computer screen.

"Mer I'm fine."

"The scale goes…"

"Stop it. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong." Cristina cut off her best friend.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Because you're a curious gossip?"

"Curious yes, gossip, no. I kept your daughter a secret for like ten years."

"And then she visits you alone and all that falls to crap. Great job, really."

"You're not seriously going to pick a fight over this? I mean you and Owen worked it out after all. Or what did you guys do during that night in the on – call room? Not really talking if I remember correctly."

"I'm not picking a fight I just… You know what, forget it."

"Come on Cristina I was kidding. Though the on – call room part was true."

Cristina buried her face in her hands. Stupid, she thought. Idiotic, irresponsible.

"Will you just tell me what's wrong?" Meredith inquired.

"No. I need to do things right this time. I need to make it up to him."

"This time? What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"I'm just glad you're going to come back."

"Well if I can find a replacement."

"You really can't find anyone?"

"Seems like it. Apparently no one wants to be chief of a very prestigious research hospital."

"Right now I hate Ross for getting his girlfriend pregnant." Meredith chuckled.

"I know. I'm happy for him though. He's great with Olivia and he was always there for me during my la – my pregnancy with her."

"Cristina are you…?"

"Shut it Mer. I tell you when I'm ready. Like I said." Of course Meredith would connect the dots. She had a thing for dots. But the final dot wasn't confirmed yet, so maybe she was wrong. Although Cristina knew deep in her heart she wasn't.

"Okay I gotta run pick up Livie from school. Talk to you later?"

"Alright. And Cristina – "

"What?"

"Just get it over with. You'll feel better."

And with that Meredith's face disappeared from the screen of her iPad. She sighed. Mer was right. She just had to get it over with. But she wanted to know if she was happy about it or not before she found out for sure. And right now, she wasn't sure.

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"How was your day?" Cristina asked as her daughter opened the door of the car.

"Fine. Frau Müller said she was sad that I was moving but told me she was happy you got back together with Dad." Olivia grinned.

"You told her that?" She said a little concerned. She didn't want everyone to know the reason for their move.

"Well shouldn't I have?" Olivia asked confused. Why would she not tell her teachers?

"No it's fine. Just don't tell the whole story okay?"

"What whole story?"

"You know everything that happened to your dad. And me. No one needs to know that."

"Okay."

"So when's daddy gonna come here? You said he'd stay with us until we move."

"I know. He'll be here soon. I hope." Secretly she wished that he would take his time. She longed for him, sure, but she still needed a little time to herself to realize and accept everything that was happening. She pulled into the driveway. She opened the door and immediately felt that something was different. She grabbed her daughter's arm and stopped her from going upstairs.

"What?" Livie asked.

"Something's wrong. Someone's here."

"What are you talking about? No one's here."

"Just stay with me okay." She whispered. Olivia rolled her eyes in annoyance but did as she was told. Cristina silently walked to the living room, Olivia behind her. She peeked around the corner and saw a tall, red haired man smiling at her. She let out a relieved breath.

"Owen what on earth are you doing here?" She said as she stood up straight in the doorframe. Olivia peeked out behind her mother and as she saw her father she immediately ran towards him. Owen scooped her up and whirled her around in his strong arms.

"Hey princess how are you doing?"

"Great. We were just talking about you."

"Really? What were you talking about?"

"I was wondering when you would finally get here. Mom said she didn't know."

"Why didn't you tell me that you were coming? I would've picked you up at the airport."

"Meredith said you were acting a little odd during your skype session yesterday and you were a little off when I talked to you too, so I thought I'd surprise you and come here. Meredith gave me her key."

"Well I'm definitely surprised." She said, still a little shocked. How the hell was she going to hide it in front of him?

"You don't look so good. Everything alright?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, no I'm fine." She said shaking her head. She was feeling nauseous again.

"You sure?" He asked, Livie still in his arms.

"She's been throwing up for the last week or so. Maybe she has food poisoning." Olivia said wisely. Cristina glared at her. Why did children always have to blur everything out? Owen looked at her curiously.

"I had a really bad spring roll last week and I think it really took a toll on my stomach. I'm not the youngest anymore." She faked a smile.

"Uh huh." Owen just said, hoping that he read all the signs right and it wasn't food poisoning.

"Anyways, I need to go to the hospital real quick. Are you okay with her?" They both nodded. "Okay. I'll be back in an hour or so. Food is in the fridge. I hope. If not, just ask Olivia to order something, I know German isn't really your strong suit." She smirked. Owen chuckled.

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"Ross I need you for a sec please." She said as she grabbed her favorite attending by the arm.

"Okay… What can I do for you?" He asked confused. It usually wasn't her style to just grab him and drag him into an empty on – call room.

"I need you to do an ultrasound." She just blurted out. She figured it was best to just rip off the bandage.

"Why? I'm busy. Can't you do it yourself?" Now he was completely lost. Why would she drag him in here and ask him to do an ultrasound, something she was very much able to do herself.

"No, god damn it. I can't do an ultrasound on myself."

"What? Is everything okay? Is something up with your heart?"

She took a deep breath. He was extra slow today.

"Shane. Are you just acting stupid or are you actually a moron?"

"I'm kinda confused right now…"

"I can see that. My heart is fine. I need you to do an ultrasound on my uterus because I might be pregnant."

"Oh. Oh. Okay."

"Can we go now please? I don't have all day." She said gesturing towards the door.

When she laid down on the table he looked at her incredulously.

"Can we just please get it over with." She said as she pulled up her shirt. He put the gel on her flat stomach, followed by the wand. She closed her eyes. Seconds later she heard a steady heartbeat fill the room. A tear rolled down her face. Her life had become a nightmare. At least that was what it felt like in that moment.

"Damn it. Damn it." She whispered.

Shane wasn't quite sure what to say.

"So everything looks fine. Even though I'd suggest you go see an actual OB…"

"Okay." He sensed that she wasn't exactly happy.

"I take this wasn't deliberate."

She chuckled. No, it definitely wasn't. Her pregnancies never were.

"Do you want to talk about options…?" He asked carefully. She had once told him that she wanted a brother or sister for Olivia, but she didn't seem to want that right now.

"No." She just said, remembering having the exact same conversation with Lucy a very long time ago. Would she ever know what she wanted? Would she ever be sure? She sat up and looked at Shane.

"I printed you a picture." He said quietly, handing it to her. She took it, tears dwelling up in her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered, her voice sounding rough.

"Not a problem. Oh and if you need to talk, you know I'm here."

"I know."

He left the room and she just sat there staring at the picture in her hand. She tried not to cry. How was this happening? Again. She was just so stupid. Admittedly she had taken a chance, again, but she should've known by now that when she took a chance it always ended the same way. Now she had to face the consequences, again. Would she tell Owen? Who was she kidding, she had to. She wished she had a choice, but deep down she knew she didn't.

She put a hand on her stomach.

"You just had to take up residence in my uterus, hadn't you?" She told her baby. Sometimes she wished she would have a hostile uterus too, but she pushed those thoughts away immediately, knowing that nothing good would come from that. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She carefully unlocked the door to her house. It was pretty late already. She entered the house and it was completely silent. She took off her shoes, hug up her coat and tossed her bag and key on the little table next to the door. She walked towards the living room.

She smiled. Owen's arm was around Olivia and they were both asleep on the couch. Surprisingly, Olivia was already dressed in her pajamas and was all curled up on Owen's lap. She saw the open DVD of Livie's favorite TV show on the floor. The TV was still on, though the volume was almost on silent. She switched it off. She looked at them. It was a beautiful image, a daughter in her father's arms. She didn't want to disturb the peacefully sleeping couple so she decided to clean up the kitchen, to find it already cleaner than it had ever been. Clearly, Owen had had his hands in on this. She went back into the living room and decided to carry her daughter up to her room.

She scooped her into her arms and Olivia immediately wrapped her arms around her mother's neck. Cristina, careful not to wake her, carried her up the stairs and put her down on the bed. She covered her with a blanket, planted a kiss on her forehead and quietly closed the door behind her.

Cristina walked down the stairs to find Owen wandering around, probably looking for his daughter.

"Hey." She whispered.

He whirled around and stared at her. She knew that stare. She had seen it before. A very long time ago, during a very dark night in her old apartment she had shared with Callie. It made her freeze at the spot. He started running towards her and she knew. She knew he wasn't awake. She knew he was having a nightmare. Before she could run or even move he reached her and pressed her against the wall, so rough she couldn't breathe for a second.

"Owen." She managed to say. "Owen wake up, please." She tried kicking him and used her hands to push him away but of course he was stronger. Suddenly a noise on top of the stairs took away his attention. Olivia was standing there watching her father with terrified eyes. He let Cristina go for a second. She used it wisely to slip away and run upstairs, grabbing Olivia locking her into the bathroom. Owen had followed her and when she turned around she slapped him as hard as she could. Suddenly the stare in his eyes disappeared and he came back to her. She sighed in relief. He was breathing heavily. She hugged him.

"You're okay. It was just a nightmare. Everything's fine." She said nuzzling into his chest.

"Wha – Cristina what happened?" He asked confused. He heard Olivia sobbing behind the door.

"You just had a nightmare. I was too slow to react I'm sorry." She told him almost apologizing.

"Did I hurt you? Did I hurt Olivia?" He asked very quietly.

"A little. She just saw how you almost strangled me. Again."

"Cristina. I'm –"

"I know. You weren't awake. But you are now."

He just looked at her with the most apologizing, sad eyes she had ever seen.

"Since when are you having nightmares again?" She finally asked.

"I don't know… I just… I just never cared because it didn't really threaten anyone."

"It threatens you." She said seriously.

"When I found out about Olivia I started seeing a shrink again. That's why it took me so long to get here. I wanted to make sure I was okay. That I wouldn't hurt either of you. But apparently…"

"Stop it okay. I know you're trying. And it'll be alright. I just need to talk to Livie. She's probably scared out of her mind."

"No. Let me talk to her."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Cristina turned around and opened the door to the bathroom. Olivia was sitting in the bathtub, shaking.

"Baby…" Cristina said as she pulled her into a hug. "He just had a nightmare. It's a thing form the war but he's getting better okay. He's trying for us."

"Did he want to kill us?" She asked her eyes wide in shock.

"No. No of course not. He was asleep. He didn't know what he was doing." She pressed her daughter close to her chest to let her feel that she was there for her. "He wants to talk to you." Olivia stared at her mother as if she was out of her mind.

"I'll stay if that makes you feel more comfortable." She suggested. Olivia nodded. Cristina called for Owen. He entered, looking so guilty that it ripped her heart apart.

"Livie I'm so sorry for scaring you." He said reaching out for her but she just shrunk back into her mother's arms. He knelt down in front of the bathtub. Cristina gave him an encouraging smile.

"I didn't want to hurt you, I promise. I was dreaming that someone had taken you away. I was looking for you. And I didn't recognize your Mom in the dark so I thought she had taken you away from me. I finally got to know you and I thought you were gone again. I… I thought I had lost you, when I had just found out about you. I panicked. I wouldn't have hurt you. I promise."

Cristina knew that he was telling the truth. And it broke her heart. Someone had taken her away. He wasn't wrong. She had taken her away from him. It was her fault. She had deserved it. She started to cry. Owen took her face into his hands and kissed away the tears and whispered and apology into her ear. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

They sat there like this for a while. Cristina and Owen's hands entwined and Olivia nuzzled into her mother's chest, still looking scared. All three were crying. But it wasn't a sad kind of crying. It was a healing kind of crying.

A/N: Long chapter. I hope you liked it. And PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW so that I know people are actually reading this. Thank you.