So, the two were standing, smiling blandly at Naruto's former teachers while trying not to burst blood vessels in their respective foreheads.
"Good morning, Hokage-sama," Soba's addled brain managed to tip her torso into a bow.
"'Morning, Kakashi-sensei. Iruka-sensei. Soba, Iruka-sensei. Iruka-sensei, Soba." Soba bowed again, feeling a pang of nausea that time.
"Naruto, it's one in the afternoon. Did you just wake up?" Naruto nodded weakly at Kakashi, and at that moment, both of his mentors simultaneously noticed the Uzumaki swirl on Soba's shirt. Two pairs of eyebrows rose in tandem, with great speed and lechery. "Maa, Iruka and I will buy you whatever you call this meal!"
"Breakfast," mumbled Soba, plopping down on a stool next to Iruka, who seemed really amused by her. She ordered her meal by pointing at words on a chalkboard and put her head down after the ordeal. Naruto did the same, only seated on the other side of Kakashi.
"Since neither seems to be functioning, I'll explain. Soba and her brother Dai were the two Grass shinobi on the opiate ring mission." Kakashi spoke to Iruka while Naruto and Soba inhaled their meals to avoid having to speak words.
"Ah, you're the kunoichi I've heard so much about! It looks like our Naruto managed to break you in a week, ne?" Iruka was a tan, friendly-looking shinobi with a horizontal scar across his nose. He gave Soba a warm smile that she couldn't help but reciprocate. The bowl of ramen had revitalized her somewhat, so she felt confident in her ability to control her facial muscles. Naruto and Soba were sitting with the two senior shinobi between them, so the blonde had to strain to hear what Iruka was saying to the kunoichi.
"I think it was the other way around!" Soba quipped, sending Naruto a playful glance. Kakashi and Iruka laughed heartily at their pupil's expense. The latter was scowling with his mouth full.
"Is this your first hangover, Naruto? You look terrible!" Naruto's scowl deepened.
"That obvious?" Kakashi and Iruka nodded in earnest.
"You forget that we were young once, too!" Kakashi's only visible eye revealed a mischievous glint.
"Kakashi, you were both old and hung over this morning." Iruka muttered, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Don't be all patronizing when you're no better than they are." The Hokage slumped in his seat, chastised by the Academy instructor.
"Aaaalways undermining my authority, Iruka. How will I ever get respect from the young shinobi with you here to keep me honest? Maa, I should fire you." The man he was addressing shook his head, smiling.
"First of all, you don't have it in you to fire me. Secondly, you think that paperwork you do is in any way respectable? Who do you think has to redo it so that it's legible?" Kakashi scratched the back of his head, waving his other hand at Iruka to quiet him. Soba was suppressing laughter to be polite, but she found it both entertaining and bizarre that their village's strongest shinobi and his aide were so casual and open. Her village elders were very proper and somber at the best of times, pontificating at worst. She saw Naruto chuckling out of the corner of her eye and it seemed like this was a regular occurrence. Iruka and Kakashi continued squabbling like an old married couple until Naruto faux-sweetly reminded them that they were paying for his bill. Soba, on the other hand, pulled out some money from the pocket of her pants to cover her meal. Iruka waved her hand away.
"Don't worry about it!"
"Iruka-san, I can't possibly-"
"Consider it a thank you for taking Naruto out for some fun. He's been a little lethargic over the past month, and I'm glad he got out to spend some quality time with a nice human being." Soba opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish, trying to come up with an appropriate response.
"Hai. It was as much for my benefit as his. It's nice to relax a little bit!" Nervous, Soba swept all of her hair up in her hand and let it drape over her right shoulder. The older man's face lit up with another smile, and he turned to address his former pupil. Loudly enough for Kakashi and Soba to hear, Iruka chastised Naruto, hands on his hips: "If you're going to have a girl," He cleared his throat, "...sleep over, give her a less obviously Uzumaki shirt, Naruto. You know how the village talks. I hope that you two were, ahem, careful." The blonde's eyebrows disappeared in his scruffy hair, and his eyes widened to the size of saucers. He stammered, nearly weeping from mortification when Kakashi encouraged him to borrow a copy of Icha Icha if he needed it for ideas. Puzzled and mildly horrified, Soba was dragged out of the shop by a beet-red Naruto.
"Soooba-chan, they both think we, you know, last night." He tilted his head suggestively halfway through the sentence. Soba missed the point in a spectacular way.
"We did drink a lot, but-"
"No. I mean, they think you slept over but without the sleeping." The blonde's voice had dropped to nearly inaudible levels, and after some straining, Soba understood what he had meant. She stared at Naruto, dumbstruck, once her brain had finally latched onto the concept of 'undertones.'
"That's bad. I mean, not for you! They know you! I'm just a kunoichi from a different village, and now they're going to think I'm some irresponsible, boozehound of a tramp who can't control herself around attractive men! This is awful!"
"Did you just call me attractive?" Naruto couldn't help the colossal grin threatening to tear his cheeks.
"Of that whole tirade, that is the only thing you latch onto?" She desperately tried to mask her slipup beneath a cool facade. Needless to say, it wasn't her most successful attempt.
"And you're not a tramp. That's an awful thing to call yourself." He now had his brow knotted together, blue eyes looking down into green. Soba shrugged noncommittally, toying with a loose strand of her hair.
"Naruto, what was Hokage-sama talking about? Icha Icha?" Naruto turned an exceptional shade of puce.
The two returned to Naruto's apartment building, narrowly avoiding running into everybody the blonde knew. As they took their first steps up the stairs, both looked over to see two very familiar faces partially obscured by a decorative shrub. A fluffy white tail wagged nearby.
"Matsui Dai. I will MURDER you in your sleep." The kunoichi's twin bolted to consciousness when he heard the homicidal tone only associated with his dear sister's rage. There was only ever one reason for her to use his full name, and it usually ended in pain.
"My hangover will do that for me, imouto." Dai muttered, rubbing his throbbing temples. He didn't even look shocked when Kiba popped up beside him without warning. Both bush-dwellers looked up at the quietly seething Soba and the bewildered Naruto behind her.
"Murder. It will come to you slowly, then ALL AT ONCE." The blonde standing behind the kunoichi could have sworn that she was about to erupt into flames.
"Can I at least explain myself?"
"Do try." Her voice dripped venom. Before Dai had a chance to even begin the delicate process of begging for forgiveness, Kiba interjected.
"We had a lot of sake, and then we saw the two of you and Dai decided we should stalk you. We ended up in this bush." Dai rounded on the man sitting to his left, attempting to stab him with his eyeballs. Kiba muttered something that sounded like every man for himself and she likely won't kill you since you're related. Soba's eyes migrated from the tattooed man to the sibling who had moments to live.
"Kiba kinda oversimplified it, see. We actually wanted to make sure that you got home safely after your romp on the monument-"
"ROMP?! YOU FOLLOWED US FROM THEN? HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW TO LOOK THERE?!" In a poof, Dai disappeared, and Soba watched Kiba's retreating back round a corner. "My retribution will be swift and deadly." The kunoichi marched up the remaining steps to Naruto's apartment, the now-mute blonde following closely behind.
"Uhhh..."
"Don't worry, I'm just going to embarrass him in the worst way possible when he least expects it. There's a reason why he fears my wrath."
Soba was back in her and Dai's temporary living quarters later in the afternoon, now in her own clothing and environment. Given that she had missed her early morning workout due to a relentless hangover worse than any she had ever experienced, she took the opportunity to catch up on her training before dinner. Not like she'd be able to eat dinner anyway with the state her stomach was in. She made a mental note to avoid sake for the next eternity. At around 5 pm, the kunoichi heard a delicate creaking from the front entry and took the opportunity to begin her slow, systemic torture of her "older" brother. Soba strolled into the kitchen opposite the front entry languidly and silently, leaning on the counter while Dai attempted to be stealthy. For a shinobi, he was a mess at sneaking around. His shock of chocolate brown hair emerged from behind the door first, followed by his forehead protector, and then eyebrows. Right before his eyes were scheduled to make their appearance, Soba spoke.
"Why hello, niisan." She kept her tone as ambiguous as possible for reasons that Dai was all too aware of. Her twin popped out from behind the door, feigning a casual attitude.
"Oh, hey, Soba! Fancy seeing you here!" As predicted, Dai was doing a terrible job masking his fear. His sister, on the other hand, was just reveling in the discomfort she was causing him. That'll teach you to stalk me, you creeper, she thought, grabbing a cup of tea that she had left on the counter earlier. Bringing it to her lips and trying to avoid a facade-breaking cackle, Soba maintained relentless eye contact with the man opposite her. Dai could only gulp in response.
"Did you have fun with Kiba?" Any other person would have dismissed the innocuous-sounding question, but Dai felt like he was being slapped by the threatening undertones.
"COULD YOU JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY?!" The taller twin yelled, unfastening his jacket.
"Get what over with? I just want to know what my favorite-"
"Only."
"-Brother got up to last night!" Soba only batted her eyelashes in a way that suggested murder. How someone managed to look homicidal while batting their eyelashes was beyond Dai, but here was the prime example before him. Another casual sip of tea. Placing the teacup down on the counter, Soba walked over to the couch and patted it. "Details, please!" Hesitant, Dai walked over and sat down, wary of what was to come. His sister dropped the act.
"I'll get you back later. Now. How many people did you offend? Did any women slap you? Did any women slap Kiba? Was poor Akamaru scarred for life? I have so many questions!" Knees up to her chest, the kunoichi turned towards Dai, looking expectant. Post-shenanigan debriefs were a common occurrence in the Matsui household, even though they usually went out together. Reassembling their nights fast became a tradition after the two became old enough to drink.
"Excuse you, but don't you think that I should get your side of the evening first? Seeing as how you were the one sleeping over at a boy's home?" Dai inclined his head and wiggled his thick eyebrows. Soba could do nothing to hide the flushing of her cheeks. "HA! I don't want any gory details because ew, but a blurb would satisfy my curiosity. Then I'll tell you about each of the four women that ended up slapping Kiba. I promise it's an outstanding story."
"First of all, to completely clear up any suggestion of impropriety in your depraved mind, we actually just hung out all night, drank sake and the reason why I slept over was because I fell asleep on his couch. And he is a man, not a boy. Just to be clear." Dai snorted.
"I'm finding this hard to believe, so now explain the shirt."
"Again, perfectly logical explanation. We both showered-" Dai's eyebrows nearly collided with the ceiling. "-SEPARATELY and I didn't want to put on my gross mission shirt after. Come on, Dai, seriously, wipe that look off your face." Dai did no such thing. "Stooooop it, it wasn't like that, niisan!" Soba cuffed him on the shoulder.
"Fine. I'll take your word for it, oh great burster of bubbles."
"Shut up. Now, Kiba-slapping. I want to hear all about it."
Thanks for reading! As always, constructive criticism is appreciated :)