Owen had decided to spend a couple of nights in Germany at Teddy's place in order to help her move all her stuff to Zurich. Cristina had seen this as a welcome opportunity to spend some quality – alone time with her daughter. Since Owen had become a part of their lives, things had changed quite drastically. Not in a bad way, but it was still a change. And she had become too comfortable. Owen had basically spend every day with Olivia. Alone. She had made the mistake of believing that Olivia would be as comfortable and familiar with him as herself. But she wasn't. To her daughter, Owen was basically a stranger. She didn't immediately realize that her baby girl needed her now more, not less.

So now they were lying next to each other in Cristina's king – sized bed. Olivia's head was resting on her mother's chest and she listened to her heartbeat. Cristina's arms were wrapped tightly around her daughter. She had missed this. She still didn't like to admit it, but in those silent moments, Olivia gave her the strength she so desperately needed now. She stroke her hair and held her tighter.

"Mom, if you're going to squeeze any harder I'll die from oxygen deprivation."

"Sorry." Cristina said and let go a little.

"Don't. It's okay…" Olivia said and Cristina could feel her hot tears on her shirt.

"Hey, Livvie, don't cry baby. What's wrong?" She said while sitting up and looking into her daughter's teary eyes.

"I don't know I just… I've missed this. Us being just us. I know that sounds horrible but I just missed you a lot." Olivia said, drying her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.

"I know and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you lately. I really am. But you know how stressful my work sometimes gets and I didn't think of how much it affected you this time because I thought you knew and understood. And you never said a word so…"

"Mom I do know that. And I don't know why it bothered me so much this time but it just did. So I'm glad that we're doing this right now. Just us."

Cristina bit her lip. What her daughter didn't know was that they weren't completely alone. There was someone else in the room who was not yet to be seen. But it would be cruel to tell Olivia now, when she needed to believe that her mother was there for her and her alone. Right? But sooner or later she had to tell her. And it should be rather sooner than later, Cristina figured. Olivia noticed her mother's face expression and looked at her curiously. There was something she wasn't telling her.

"Mom? Is there anything you want or need to tell me?"

"No." Was the first thing that left her mouth. Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Okay yes, but not tonight. Tonight is just us. You and me. Mother – daughter night." She said with a small smile on her lips.

"You sure. Because it might be better to tell me at night so that I can sleep on it and maybe be less pissed the next day." Livvie smirked.

"I'm sure. Now come here and hug your old mother." She said as she started tickling her.

"No stop please." Olivia laughed. It had been a while since she had seen her daughter this happy. It warmed her heart. And again she thought about how her life had played out so differently from what she had planned.

She pulled her daughter on top of her, so that her head was again resting on her chest. She had always liked that position. Even when she had been a baby, it somehow had always calmed both of them down.

"You're a good mom. I love you." Olivia said suddenly. Cristina was taken a little bit by surprise.

"I love you too. Don't ever forget that." Cristina said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

They lay there in silence until Olivia fell asleep. Cristina considered putting her back into her own bed, but decided that they both needed each other's company tonight. She began to think about her past again.

Had she ever pictured herself in this position? Most certainly not. Would she have been happy without all that? Probably yes. She mentally punched herself for even thinking that. But then she was right, she probably would've been happy. Because she wouldn't know what she was missing. She breathed in the smell of her daughter's hair. She was so smart, and so beautiful. She was perfect. At least to her, she was perfect. The thought of ever not being with her made her throat close and she almost couldn't breathe. What was it about babies that makes one soft?

She closed her eyes and remember all the times she thought she wouldn't make it. And how something Olivia had done, each and every time, had made that thought go away in an instant. There was one particular night that came to her mind. She had to smile, remembering that event. Those were one of the moments she would never forget.

It had been a very long, exhausting day. She had had more patients than she could handle, one of her new bioengineers had managed to break one of the printers and to make the day even worse, Ross had called in sick so she had to find someone to babysit her barely one year old daughter. She had just started walking so she had developed a habit of randomly throwing thing off of the place they belonged. And she had been teething a lot lately which made her pretty cranky.

Olivia was finally asleep and Cristina could feel a migraine creeping up on her. Perfect, just perfect. Suddenly she heard Olivia crying through the baby – monitor. This day can't get any worse. She managed to calm her daughter down pretty quickly. She sat down at the dinner table and buried her face in her hands.

What on earth had she done to herself? When she had told Owen all those years ago that she would indeed love her child, he hadn't understood what the problem was. But this, exactly the situation she was in right now, was her problem. She had called it. She loved her daughter, she really did, but then there were moments like that, when she thought how much easier her life would be without her. And she hated herself for even thinking that. Because it wasn't fair to her daughter. She deserved better.

Cristina started to cry. She needed something, someone to tell her that she wasn't as bad of a mother as she thought, that everything would be okay. That it was just one bad day. But lately there had been many bad days. She just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't be both, the mother and the surgeon. She wanted to, she so desperately wanted to be able to be both. She believed that she was a better surgeon than she was a mother. And it broke her heart. Because this innocent child sleeping in a little crib upstairs had no one. She had an overstrained mother and no father.

Suddenly she heard tiny footsteps behind her. She turned around, her eyes still teary. She sighed. Olivia was standing there with her brown eyes wide, a pacifier in her mouth and her favorite blanket wrapped tightly around her. It was an adorable image.

"Why Mommy cying?" She lisped through the pacifier in her mouth.

"Nothing, honey, nothing." Cristina said, drying her tears.

"But Mommy sad. Olisia don't like sad Mommy. Mommy happy wis Olisia." Livie said taking a step towards her mother. Cristina couldn't move. She knew that she should pick her up and take her back to bed, but right now, all she could do was sit there.

Olivia took step after step until she had reached her mother. She took her index finger and pulled at it.

"Look eyes Mommy." She stated in a serious tone that made Cristina chuckle. She lowered her head so that they were on the same eye – level. Olivia placed her tiny, chubby hand on her mother's cheek and smiled. They stared at each other deeply. It was like Olivia immediately knew what her mother needed to hear when she said,

"Mommy is best mommy in se world. Olisia love Mommy sooooooo much." She said while spreading her arms apart. "To se moon and back. Sisty sillion times." Olivia grinned. Cristina couldn't hold back her tears. This tiny gesture made her feel like she had done something right. Her daughter loved her. And that was the first time she had ever actually told her that.

XXXXX

When Olivia woke up the next morning, she was alone in her mother's bed. She got up and searched the first floor. She was nowhere to be found. Then she heard the sound of plates clacking against each other downstairs. Livie found her mother in the kitchen, trying to make breakfast.

"Wow. Whatever you did, it's bad."

"Why? What would make you think that?"

"You're cooking. You hardly ever cook. Especially breakfast. You never cook breakfast."

"I wanted to make it special. It's mother – daughter weekend."

"Mom, please just tell me. Rip off the band – aid. No anesthesia."

Cristina had to smile. Olivia was definitely her daughter.

"Mom!"

"Sit down Olivia." She said with a serious face again.

"Okay… Now you're scaring me." She said as she slowly sat down.

"First of all, I want you to know, that I will always love you. That you will always going to be special to me, because you made me realize how important family was. That I could do it. I want you to know that. And nothing will ever replace you. Okay?"

"Okay… Why are you telling me this?" Olivia asked, a little hesitantly.

"Because… You are going to be an older sister pretty soon. And I want you to know that this baby won't take mine or your father's love for you away." She said with closed eyes. She was way too scared to look her daughter in the eye. When she finally did open her eyes, she saw Olivia staring at her in disbelief.

"You're having a baby?" Was the only thing she said.

"Yes."

"I'll get a sibling?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Trust me this took me as much by surprise as it did you." Cristina said, taking her daughter's hand. Olivia just nodded. Cristina feared the worst. Olivia stood up and hugged her mother tightly.

Cristina started to cry and pressed her daughter against her. They were half sitting, half standing there, leaning on each other for a little while, until Olivia broke the silence.

"I love you Mommy. You can do it."

"Thank you." Cristina whispered back. And somehow she knew that they would be okay. At least that was what she hoped.

A/N: Thanks for the kind reviews. I hope you liked this chapter and LEAVE A REVIEW to let me know what you think.