"Soba-chan! DON'T READ THAT!" The blonde ran towards the kunoichi sprawled across the roof, his arm outstretched. Her head popped up from behind the luridly orange novel.
"Why not? It seems interesting enough so far..."
"It is porn. Like, literal porn." Soba blinked up at him, face impassive.
"Is that why you were so reluctant to tell me about it?" The orange book was still open in her hands, being lewd. Naruto wanted to slap it away, envisioning a future Soba with a black mask on, slouching around and hiding behind the pages when she was meant to be training chuunin. Realistically, the kunoichi wasn't going to turn into his former sensei just by reading the book, but it was a legitimate concern on Naruto's part. The blonde's overactive imagination then flashed to Soba with red lines down her cheeks, her hair long, scruffy and white, sneaking around and spying on men in a bath house. While this internal narrative took place, the woman had resumed reading.
"Soba." He admonished.
"Are you uncomfortable with the adult content?"
"Are you not?" Soba shook her head no, and Naruto became mentally paralyzed. Sure, it was deeply disturbing that Kakashi-sensei had lent an aggressively sexy novel to the woman that he, his former student, was interested in, but there was a part of him rubbing his metaphorical chin, thinking I could work with that. That small part seized the rest of his thoughts, holding them hostage. He felt the air around him grow warmer, and he had to resist the desire to do something inappropriate. What that was, his mind had yet to establish.
"You know, knowing he was reading smut makes all the stories you told me about Kakashi-sensei so much funnier." Naruto just mumbled incoherently. "You okay?"
"It's really warm here."
"Is it?" Thankfully, the kunoichi was much more observant of people than Naruto thought she was. She struggled with romantic emotions, but more visceral things, like desire? Arousal? Oh, she could spot that a mile away. She had intentionally been nonchalant about the saucy novel to see the blonde's reaction; his flustered face had been all that she needed. She was only on the fifth page and hadn't gotten remotely close to anything suggestive, but she had read the blurb. It was fun to play along. "You know what? I am feeling kind of warm, now that you mention it." Soba was actually feeling a little chilly due to the fall breeze, but she unzipped the jacket to her navel, fully aware that, given her sitting position, her chest was really, really close to emigrating from her shirt. She lifted her head from the book in time to see Naruto stumble and fall off the roof like a sack of potatoes. A pained groan issued from an overhang below Kakashi's office.
"It was a pleasure meeting you, and I look forward to our continued friendship." Kakashi bowed, removing his hat only when the man he was meeting with had left. Iruka closed the doors behind himself after escorting the elderly visitor out of the office. Out of the corner of his eye, the chuunin glimpsed something fly past the window and land with a loud thud somewhere below.
"Kakashi, did you see that?"
"I sensed something large flying by the window, but I didn't see anything." Kakashi shrugged off his Hokage robes, more comfortable dressed as a regular shinobi, and joined his friend at the sill.
"Naruto, what in the world are you doing?" Iruka really never missed an opportunity to call back to his teaching days, the Copy-nin mused.
"Hurting."
"Sounds great!" The silver-haired man waved at him, smiling. His brown-haired companion swiveled his head to the right, confused.
"He just told you he was in pain."
"Oh, he did? I didn't hear."
"You were right here."
"I wasn't listening."
"He said one word."
"I just listened for fifteen total minutes in that meeting. I've hit my quota."
"Your quota."
"Yes, it means 'a limited or fixed number of-'" Iruka shoved him out the window.
"That was for doodling kissy faces and fluffy puppies during the meeting." The brown-haired man yelled down, his arms crossed, a satisfied smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
"How do you always know?" Kakashi groaned.
"I taught children."
Soon, a forehead-protector-wrapped bun peeked over the roof to see what all the noise was about. Soba expected to see Naruto lying on the overhang, but was surprised to see the Hokage in a pile on top of the blonde. She stood up and leapt down, tucking the world's most controversial orange book into her utility belt. When she touched down, it was Kakashi that looked up at her first.
"I was betrayed by my closest friend." The mask muffled the dramatic tone somewhat. The kunoichi considered the statement, then looked up to the window at Iruka for confirmation. The brown-haired man was audibly rolling his eyes, but gave Soba a mischievous wink. She suppressed a giggle. Iruka was fast becoming one of her favorite people.
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto groaned, "You are really heavy."
"Maaa, dissention in the ranks! First Iruka, and now you? Yes, I may have gained some weight since stopping missions, but who are you to comment on my physique?" Soba was vibrating with silent laughter and extended an arm out to help the psychologically distraught Kakashi-sensei to his feet. "See? She is not even a shinobi of Konoha and she offers help instead of discussing my physical attributes. And she is supportive of Icha-Icha. I should fire both you and Iruka and hire Soba to work for me."
"Kakashi-sensei, I don't work for you..." The blonde rolled over and staggered to his feet.
"Well, I can adopt her as my former student."
"How does that even work?"
"I'm Hokage. I am capable of doing these things."
"I would be honored to be adopted as a former student, Kakashi-sensei." The woman bowed deeply, an amused smile threatening to stretch her cheeks further than she could manage. Naruto stared at her, mouth agape, and spluttered laughter was heard from the window above.
"You're supposed to be on my side!" The blonde huffed.
"And why's that?" She quipped, hands in her pant pockets. Naruto flapped his mouth open and closed like a goldfish while Kakashi and Iruka chuckled.
"Because we're friends!"
"I guess you're right. You did lend me your sweater after all!" Naruto nodded, as though the action would cement her statement.
"We should probably get you a shirt now, ne?"
"Ah, yeah, that's right. Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, I think we'll be taking our leave now. If you ever decide to formally retroactively adopt a student, I would love to be considered." Kakashi nodded solemnly in reply.
"Bye!" Iruka grinned.
"Before you go, I expect reports on your mission status." Kakashi said in a serious tone.
"Mission status?" Soba inclined her head in confusion.
"Icha-Icha, of course!" The visible eye curved as he grinned. The blonde standing beside the kunoichi felt tendrils of dread creeping up his limbs.
"Hai, Hokage-sama!"
Naruto now understood why Sakura suggested that Soba go shirt shopping on her own. He was draped over a chair by the changing room, praying for a swift end to his misery. Soba had picked out a pile of shirts to try on quickly enough, but he couldn't begin to understand why each needed to be analyzed for fifteen minutes. It's a shirt. Her utility belt hung from the back of the chair, and a familiar orange color peeked out from one of the pockets. Falling victim to his own morbid curiosity, he shimmied the book out and surreptitiously opened to the first page. As though she had sensed his motion, Soba flung open the change room door and stood there, hands on her hips in a victorious stance. Naruto quickly shoved the novel under his thighs to cover it.
"This one!" The shirt was scarcely bigger than the torn up one, Naruto thought, but he wasn't complaining in the least. The long-sleeved black crop top with a deep v-neck was form-fitting, and judging by her facial expression, was to Soba's satisfaction. The bottom of the shirt, which sat just above the bottom of the kunoichi's rib cage, had two strips of ribbon that she was struggling to tie. "Naruto, could you help me?" She gestured to the undone strips of fabric. The blonde was then faced with a conundrum. He was sitting on Icha-Icha, and if he stood up, the orange color would attract Soba's attention like a beacon. If he called over the shopkeeper, he would miss the opportunity to be closer to the kunoichi, but would also avoid incurring her wrath and/or mockery. Soba's eyebrows were raised questioningly, watching sweat suddenly beading on Naruto's forehead. The blonde stood and crossed the distance between them in a flash, turning the kunoichi around so that she wasn't facing the chair. In his haste to distract her, he had overestimated the distance between them. Soba supported herself from falling by bracing her arms against the door frame; Naruto had come at her so quickly that he had knocked her body forward. Realizing what he had done, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back to standing.
"The...um...shirt is nice." The blonde mumbled, his body a scarce two inches away from her back. Soba thanked the deities that she wasn't facing him because she was more than a little flustered at his proximity.
"Thank you. Um, could you tie the ribbon, please?"
"Oh yeah!" Naruto was trying to act casually, but he couldn't pull his wits about him fast enough. He was frozen, his hands still holding her bare waist. He raised his arms to the ribbon, his fingers lingering on her side for a moment too long to be anything but sensual. Soba was desperately thinking of anything she could to distract her mind from his touch. Her brain walked through kunai throwing techniques, her village elders in loincloths, and anything else that could be as far from sexy as possible. None of her tactics seemed to be working. She pressed her lips together tightly.
"Could you hurry up?" Her voice came out shrill and cracked at the end. Naruto nodded, but he couldn't keep his hands steady.
"Sir? You dropped this when you stood up!" The shopkeeper approached Naruto, holding a certain incriminating piece of evidence in her withered hand. Soba's head swiveled on her shoulders like an owl's, and a ghastly grin seized her face. The blonde jumped about five feet into the air. He then tied the ribbon expertly quickly, and scrambled back.
"Oh, it must have fallen out of your utility belt!" A nervous chuckle barely escaped his lips.
"I think I saw it slip off of the chair, sir." Naruto was caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, and Soba could not be more delighted about it.
"It's mine, thank you. I must have left it there." The kunoichi accepted the book from the gracious old woman and tucked it back in her belt. She then paid for the shirt, put her belt and katanas back on, and dragged Naruto out of the store.
"A closet pervert, huh?" Once outside, Soba could not resist ribbing him about Icha-Icha.
"I'm not a pervert." He hissed.
"Whatever you say!" She set off down the road.
"What does that make you?" Naruto caught up to her.
"I'm just curious. Not perverted."
"But it's meant for adults."
"Naruto, we're in our twenties. I'm pretty sure we qualify."
"But it's Icha-Icha." Soba shrugged, grabbing the book and flipping to where she left off. Naruto's indignant protests had only served to make her want to read it more. "Soba-chaaaaan, not in public." The blonde didn't miss a corner of her mouth quirking into what he would soon learn was a dangerous smirk. Soba offered Naruto some peanuts with her free hand. He shook his head no, lips pursed angrily.
She had originally asked about Icha-Icha out of curiosity, which then turned into a desire to make Naruto awkward, but she ended up finishing the first book later that evening. Dai pretended to faint when he saw Soba reading, of all things.
"Sister? Is that really you? Did you die during training and return to haunt me?" He was on his knees, clawing at her feet.
"Shoo, nii-san, Kakashi-sensei lent me a novel."
"I had no idea that you even knew how to read." Soba shoved her brother's face away with her bare foot. "Wait, is that what I think it is?"
"Depends. What do you think it is?"
"That looks like that series that Akira was reading when we took our jounin exams! He snuck around with these colorful romance novels and-HA! You're reading romance. Are you well? Did you suddenly develop feelings AND learn to read? This is too much for me. I need to lie down." Dai dodged a shuriken. "You must be an impostor, sent by the Leaf to spy on me. That's the only explanation."
"Brother of mine, don't forget that I still have to pay you back for spying on me the other night." The older sibling shut up immediately.
Soba ran into Iruka on her way up the stairs to Kakashi's office after her training the next day, nearly knocking a pile of scrolls out of his overburdened arms.
"Aah, I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei! Is Kakashi-sensei in his office?" The older man regained his balance and made eye contact over all of the paper.
"He is, surprisingly, but I doubt he's doing anything productive. Just let yourself in! Are you here for a-" He cleared his throat, "-mission report?" She nodded earnestly.
"If you're not careful, he might take a shine to you, and then you'll be left doing all his dirty work." Iruka muttered, more to himself than anything, and continued down the stairs carefully. "Stupid doodles." The kunoichi smiled, taking the steps two at a time, and knocking on the large wooden door when she arrived on the landing. She felt the presence of other shinobi but saw nobody; Soba assumed this was his personal guard.
"I'm busy!" Soba frowned, listening intently. There was a great deal of scratching on paper coming from within the doors.
"I'm here for a mission report, Kakashi-sensei!"
"Oh, Soba! Please come in." As it turned out, the scratching was the sound of the Rokudaime drawing doodles of his ninken on what appeared to be an important document. He gestured to the empty seat in front of him. Soba reached into her utility belt, procured the orange book, and delicately placed it on the table. The two shared a conspiratorial smile as the woman seated herself in the wooden chair. "Finished already?"
"Hai, Kakashi-sensei."
"Excellent!" Soba couldn't imagine there being a happier kage in the whole world. "Here is the next one."
Thanks for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are welcome :)