Halo 4 Screwed Up Version

Chapter 1: Dusk

sup my school's internet keeps being a bitch and plus since i'm a senior in high school more God damn homework so i'm trying to get to this but my popularity has gone down sooooo...i guess i'm thinking of quitting of writing or keep going on idk yet though so i'm still here for the time being :3

Somewhere in space the Backward Unto Dusk has it's rear end torn off and now it can't shit.

Wait a second, it's a fucking piece of machinery.

I mean seriously why the hell did I type that.

Holy shit a lot of debris.

Basically it has been four years since the Dahalo Event.

When master queer blew up everything not giving a single fuck.

You can hear Cortana in the distance looping, "Mayday, mayday, mayday. We are UNSC Backward Unto Dusk. Someone fucking answer already."

Then a random orange glow starts going across the ship.

The scene changes to Cortana appearing, looking around, wonder what the fuck is going on.

Then Cortana decided to wake up chief just to piss him off.

She only did it for no apparent reason for the last few years just or fun.

Chief woke up finding out that the door is stuck.

Cortana said, "Alright Chief this is not a joke this time. Activating gravity..."

Everything that was floating fell on the floor.

Chief sighs, "Well, you have been busy. So, I ain't mad."

Cortana replies, "Holy shit really?"

Chief answers, "NO YOU FUCKING BITCH I'M PISSED!"

Cortana said happily, "Well its good to have you back."

Chief decided to kick open the cryo pod door.

Chief said to Cortana, "Let's get back to work."

She replies, "I thought you'd never ask."

Chief answers annoyed, "Well I didn't ask, but okay then."

Chief pulls Cortana out of that thing she always appears on (for fuck sake don't pressure me) and puts her in his helmet.

She replies, "We've got intrusion alerts lighting up on multiple decks. Our best bet to figure out who's boarding us is the observation deck which is four floors up."

Chief replied happily, "YAY! We got some asskicking to do :3."

The ship shakes violently.

Cortana answers, "Well it's definitely not a rescue team."

Chief was walking through several halls then a random question popped into his mind.

"How long was I out?"

Cortana answers, "4 years, seven months, ten days."

Chief replies, "What the fuck!? I'm so God damn old!"

Cortana sighs.

Chief entered the operations room.

Randomly an orange glow goes across the ship, it shook violently.

Chief questioned shockingly, "Da hell was that?"

Cortana answers quickly, "Sensor scan, high intensity! Doesn't match any known patterns!"

Chief replies, "Well, fuck!"

Chief killed a Sangheili, but I thought we were friends :,(

Chief and Cortana opened up the blast shields and OMG DAT GRAPHICS THO, but a Covenant fleet and a metal ball or planet.

I don't know where the other one is though (wink wink).

5 seconds later (fucking hacker).

Chief fired a missile at one of the Covenant ships.

It blows up (nooooooooooo really).

The metal planet noticed it and started scanning chief.

Cortana said, "Uh, Chief?"

Chief felt horny, "MMMMM that tickles."

The metal planet stops scanning and it opens up and everything started being pulled in.

Chief was about to do the dumbass idea and run back in the Backward Unto Dusk but he got pulled in along with the rest of the shit.

Then the title of the game appears and i'm like, "Piss."

I hope you enjoyed. :3