Halo 4 Screwed Up Version
Chapter 5: Reclaimer Not Again
hey what's up before you read the story i have something important to say... . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .SOMETHING...there i said it
p.s. sorry it took so long the reason was winter break
p.p.s. AND I WANT TO THANK Cybermat47 FOR COMPLETING "Halo: Reach Screwed Up Version" SPANK YOU SO MUCH
p.p.p.s. YES I WANT TO SPEAK IN CAPS BECAUSE I CAN YOU SUCK LMAO
Captain Andrew Del Rio surveyed Requiem's surface from the window of Outfinity's bridge.
Two Broadsword fighters pass overhead, disappearing along the horizon.
He gazes around the bridge for a brief moment and walks over to the holodeck.
The hologram depicts a Pelican flying through a desert canyon.
Del Rio proceeds to address the ground teams.
Here comes that asshole with a face.
"Outfinity to Gypsy company..." said that Captain with an ass for a face.
Wait a second...Oh My God...I said Gypsy!
*runs around like a person who got his ass cut off (how does that work)*
GYPSY! GYPSY! GYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPPSSSSSYYYYY!
Okay I'm done now let's continue.
Captain Del Rio Assface continued, "The air corridor to the gravity well is blocked by a network of particle cannons."
Chief says to himself, "That explains that the cannons are blocking my internet. Now I'll never be able to upload that video of Cortana with A.I rampancy problems."
Captain Assface with shit coming out continues, "Our shields are still down. Open the lane for us to move up and provide air support."
Chief questioned, "Captain, what's Force Recon's assessment of the terrain?"
The hologram of Captain looks at him with a shit coming out of his mouth (not really but LMAO), "I know you've been of the field for awhile, Master Chief, but this is a blowthrough op. Sending in recon would slow us down." (blow...through? Why do I have sexual thoughts right now?)
The Delley Rio man continues...again, (holy whale piss, are you done yet) "Telemetry indicates are being controlled from a command post. Neutralize the targets. Outfinity out." (Oh thank the non existing dicks of the Sangheili. Just kidding! They have dicks. Their just internal. Don't ask how I know this.)
The transmission ends.
Cortana says, "I don't know about you, but I usually like a little more 'intel' with my intel..."
Chief replies, "Bitch, of course the narrator lets you speak first, and whatever you said didn't make any fucking sense.
The pelican crash lands because I'm 5 and I like explosions.
Chief survives and see's a big ass vehicle called a "Mammoth". (but it isn't furry sex)
Cortana said shocked, "Well, someone's overcompensating."
Then out of nowhere a crowd of audience starts laughing.
Everyone looked around wondering what the fuck that sound was.
Everyone shrugged it off.
Chief went on the Mammoth which is a giant big truck, time to be a redneck.(mmmm furry...wait...WHAT?!)
While in the Mammoth, Cortana has a rampancy problem again.
She sounded heavily distorted, "They don't care about you - they replaced yo ass!"
Chief replies actually calm for once, "It's okay."
She replies slightly distorted (she is still rampancy), "How da faq is this okay? How is putting you at risk because I can't hold it together? Chief, do you even understand what rampancy is? We don't just 'shut down'. Our cognitive processes begin dividing exponentially according to our total knowledge base. We literally think ourselves to death." (since this part wasn't funny I'm going to say this quote that I loved, "For the love of God and all that is holy, MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!" there we go XD)
Chief answers, "Oh good I don't have to worry about you anymore."
Just to let you know I don't give a fuck about the rest of the in-game dialogue, but we are going to the part where Captain Del Rio the movie with an ass for a face has garbled transmission when Chief and Cortana walk in a structure.
Wow...that was a long sentence...
Anyways Chief makes his way through the facility.
Chief finds a console and inserted that bitch to shut cannons down. (Yes, their were cannons mentioned in the in-game dialogue and you thought I was going to say "and inserted that dick", nope. lololooloLOLOLolololdofolsofalsagFOWWOGDALOGLOL.)
Cortana was shocked for a second, "Wait something is in here...CHIEF!" (I'm here to RAPE your soul MWAHAHAH)
Then she disappears.
Surprisingly, Chief was shocked, but for some odd reason in the game it sounded like he said it with no emotion at all, "Cortana. Cortana!"
As Chief decided to not care anymore he turns around from the console and a hard (lol hard) light bridge appears on his right leading to a door.
That's right a Big Fucking Door, or BFD for short. (lol more like big fucking DUCK...or dick which ever one works)
The BFD opened and he approached a beam of blue light.
He trips over his feet and the screen turns white, blinding the audience.
Chief held a hand up trying to see through the shrine of Requiem's artificial sun. (holy shite, it's fake?!)
A figure descends from above towards him.
Chief said shocked, "No. Nooo. NOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M NOT READY TO DIE!"
Chief regained his senses (not really), "Jesus? Is that you?"
The unknown thing said, "I am what remains of the Forerunner, once known as the Librarian. My memories were retained to assist humanity on their path to the Mantle. Though sadly, that plan is now at risk. The Didact is leaving Requiem. Soon. You must not allow it."
Chief said to himself, "Aw shit!"
The Librarian says something about Didact getting a Composer or something, but I'm not typing that much of the script.
She also says something about that the Prometheans are human. (dun dun DUUUUUUN)
Yeah he was imprisoned here so he won't destroy humanity by using the Composer.
Too bad!
Like every fucking sci-fi book out there, humanity is always threatened to be destroyed.
Anyways the Librarian is interrupted by the Didact and She gave Chief some supera powas.
Chief leaves and his body glows with energy as the Librarian accelerates his evolution. (holy shit)
Not soon after he is beset upon by Forerunner forces.
Cortana appears on a pedestal to his left.
Chief notices it and grabs Cortana and says, "Dammit! You're not dead!"
Cortana replies, "Well I'm not BYOTCH!"
cHIEF GOT THE FUCK OUT BY GOING THROUGH A PORTAL!
wAIT A SECOND...
Ooops forgot to turn off caps, I keep forgetting that sometimes.
After when Chief goes out of the portal, he spawns right in a battlefield! BATTLEFIELD! BATTLEFIELD! WOOOOO!
Got kind of carried away by listening to the song called "Battlefield" by Jordan Sparks.
Del Rio said to Chief, "About fucking time bitch! Blow up that gravity well!"
Chief grabbed a lazer pointer and pointed at the gravity well (omg I keep saying "gravity well" son of a bitch I said it again)
Then Outfinity blew the fucking gravity well.
There now here is the fucking cut scene and this fucking level will be over.
My hands are getting tired...
The cut scene begins to skip, so the gamer had to clean the disk and YAY now it works again.
The screen fades to Outfinity's ship in flight.
Then zooms into the bridge where the Master Chief (he queefed), Cortana (dat Bitch), Del Rio (shit coming out of his ass face), Lasky (can't think of something to say about him), and Palmer (someone's bitch) are just talking away. (oh great -_-)
Del Rio starts off, "Outfinity cannot handle that kind of punishment...not again."
Cortana replies, "This isn't about us or this ship anymore."
Chief answers, "Bro we've seen what the Didact is capable of. Humanity will be fucked if he leaves."
Del Rio got shit everywhere, "Look...I understand what you think you saw."
Cortana got pissed (lol), "Did you just fucking say "think" you mother fucker?! I want to beat his ass."
Chief started getting pissed, "I know what I saw you shit storm."
Literally shit was on the floor, on the ceiling and on someones lap.
That person was eating it.
Del Rio insulted Chief and Cortana by calling him an aging Spartan and his malfunctioning A.I.
He told his nav person (his face covered in shit) to start leaving the planet.
Then Cortana showed her rampancy which caused a little electronic shock wave, "I will not...allow you...to leave...this...PLANET!"
Chief sighs, "Cortana..." (wow that's all he said? really?)
Del Rio Shit Face ordered Lasky to remove the A.I.'s data chip and retire it for final dispensation.
Chief took it and put it in his helmet.
I love how Palmer says nothing...quiet bitch.
Del Rio said angrily, "Give. Me. That. God. Damn. Chip."
Chief replied, "Hell no mother fucka!"
Del Rio decided to yell, "I...am ordering you...TO SURRENDER THAT A.I.!"
Chief stands up to his face, "Fuck. You." (holy shit he just went there)
Ha ha ha, he tells Palmer to arrest him and Lasky stops him.
Then Chief told Lasky, "Get word back to Earth that trouble is coming, Cortana and I will do what we can from here."
Chief walks away and Del Rio took one final shit about the size of Antarctica.
You better leave a review because this took me forever. PLEAAAAAASSSEE!