Arthur spoke to Gwen about his conversation with Merlin "How can I convince him he is loved and none of what happened was his fault?"
"Do just as you are doing Sir, he is beginning to process it all himself, that is why he asked you. He reads a great deal, and is very intelligent, but he needs to overcome the indoctrination he received over most of his life. The fact that he turned to you, the head of his family, is good. But make sure you are honest with him. He has to trust you and the Princess completely. He would not be able to cope otherwise. It won't change overnight, you have to understand that, you are effectively replacing the only family he has known. The people who have been with him were his family. He believed what they told him, and still does. He really believes he is bad, disobedient and as he says a disgrace. He needs as much love as he can get"
"I have never wanted to hurt anyone as much as I want to hurt them" Arthur admitted "We are told we should forgive, but I can't and I don't think I ever will be able to, how could they, how could his own father and Uncle allow such things to happen, and to do such things?"
"It is early days yet for you all Sir, try to concentrate on the future and not the past. It will be easier once the trail has taken place I'm sure." Gwen said sympathetically. "You have so much on your plate at the moment, but you must take time to be together and relax as a family if you can"
"Thank you Gwen, I wish I could…..but I will do my best" Arthur went back to his office and his paperwork.
Morgana wasn't coping much better, she at least managed to spend a bit more time with Merlin but felt the same anger and hatred to the perpetrators. She like her brother had had a difficult relationship with Uther, although not quite the same pressure as her brother. But he had been her father, at some level she wanted to mourn him, but she hated him too much for what he had put her brother through, what he was putting them all through now. She kept in close contact with Morgause and Leon and the siblings had promised to return soon for a weekend. Due to both her position and her father's expectations she, like Arthur, had very few friends. Uther had always told them that they had to be above such things, that people would use them. But Morgause had always been there for her, they even went to boarding school together.
She found herself getting friendlier with Gwen as well. Luckily Mithian had found her a different counsellor so there was no impropriety with making friends. Gwen was at lease able to understand. Morgana was pleased when her protection officer and Gwen had started dating. It meant Gwen would be around for longer. As Gwen was taking over more of Merlin's care she had moved into quarters in Buckingham palace and often spent some of her free time with Morgana.
After his chat with Arthur Merlin went back and collected Aithusa and with Gwaine and Elyan went for a long walk in the palace gardens. Elyan had taken over the role Gwaine had previously had and Gwaine spent more time directly with Merlin. Merlin found he could talk to Gwaine in a way he couldn't talk to Morgana or Arthur. He was scared of saying the wrong thing with them. Gwaine was different, he wasn't family so Merlin felt safer speaking to the brunette. Gwaine was also happy to let Merlin just think or sit in silence, whereas his siblings seemed to feel the need to fill spaces by talking or doing things.
When they got back to his rooms there was a box of cards and letters in his room. Morris looked at Merlin "Sir the press office dropped these off, they are the cards and letter the King collected for you yesterday" he didn't mention they had been carefully vetted and that the ones from cranks and crackpots had been removed.
Merlin smiled and Gwaine picked them up "Where do you want them? Your desk?"
The pair sat down together and started to look through them together. Merlin was overwhelmed by the kind words from people he didn't know. He found one with a picture draw by a child, Merlin showed it to Gwaine "Why has she drawn me with a crown on my head?"
"Because you are a Prince, which makes you a royal Merlin. People look up to you because you are special to them. That's why people bow and call you Sir or Prince Merlin" Gwaine said.
"Arthur is the King" Merlin said puzzled.
"Yes King Arthur is the King and your sister is Princess Morgana and you are Prince Merlin. That is why when we are with other people I must call you Sir or Your Royal Highness." Gwaine explained
"Are you a Prince?"
"No Merlin I am not, I am just an ordinary person." Gwaine grinned
"Well I like you and you should be a prince, in the books Princes and Kings protect people, and you said you would protect me" Merlin said logically "Do you just like me because I am a Prince?"
Gwaine shook his head "No Merlin I would like you even if you weren't a prince, you are a special person"
"Are we friends then?"
"I hope so Merlin, I am what is called a Protection Officer it is my job to look after you, but I am your friend as well" Gwaine said trying to be honest with the confused man.
Merlin fell silent but continued to look though the letters. Then he asked "What does this mean" He pointed to the top of one of the letters.
"That's were that person lives Merlin it's called an address" It came to Gwaine then just how strange things must be for Merlin, he had no reference to the life he was now living.
Merlin said no more but after a time he started to write. He had written several sheets when he turned to Gwaine once more. "I have written to some of these people, how can I let them have the letters?"
"If you give them to me I will try and get it sorted for you?"
"I have written to the ones who put addresses on the letters, some didn't so I can't answer them" he looked sad.
"Merlin you won't be able to write to everyone who writes to you. You will get to many letters for that" Gwaine tried to tell him.
"I can try to write to the small people some are young" Merlin said
"Small people? Oh you mean young people as in children. Even them you won't be able to write back to them all. That's why the King talks and gets filmed for television, because he can't write to everyone" Gwaine tried to explain not wanting Merlin to spend all day writing.
"Then I'll ask the King if I can do that" Merlin put his pen down and stood up.
"Ask him when he comes in later Merlin, I think he is in a meeting at the moment" Gwaine wondered what he had started.