Chapter 3 (Part III) - The Stakeout Catalyst

A/N: For the purpose of this fanfic, I am going to make Olivia 42 in this 2012 flashback instead of 44 (as referenced on the character's wiki page). This means that Olivia will be 45 in the present (which in this story is 2015). I couldn't find Nick's age, so I am going to make him a little younger than Danny Pino; he'll be 36 in this flashback (39 in the present).

Nick looked away, but he could almost hear her brain working overtime to decipher his words.

I'll do my best to earn you, he thought to himself, sounding out each word in his head like a child learning to read for the first time. The more he recalled his words, the more he wanted to facepalm himself for being so careless. Note to self: Never make a vague statement to a cop. Especially to a detective, and definitely not to a senior detective. He knew she would obsess over it until she found an answer.

He wondered how long it would take her to figure it out. By the way she was dissecting him with her eyes, he guessed it wouldn't be too long.

He sighed and turned to face her, tired of feeling like a lab specimen. "Liv, if you're trying to make me feel uncomfortable—you're doing a bang-up job," he deadpanned.

His sarcasm bought her out of a trance, and she looked away for a moment, not wanting to make their close quarters awkward—after all, they were only halfway through their stakeout.

"Sorry. Just trying to make sense of what you said in my head," Olivia said, not looking the least bit apologetic. She looked him right in the eye, "What did you mean by that bit about working hard to earn me? Am I some sort of prize or something?"

Nick's jaw almost dropped at how dead-on her interpretation was, but he couldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd hit the nail on the head. He did his best to remove all traces of emotion from his face—a tactic that he used during interrogations.

"C'mon Liv, you're reading too much into this. I meant earn your trust. It just came out wrong, is all."

She eyed him a bit more at that, scanning his face for clues, but Nick's face was a blank mask. She turned her head to look out the window. "You may think you're slick, Amaro," she said, still gazing out the window,"but I know that you're hiding something..." her voice trailed off a bit.

Olivia thought back to the last person that kept things from her, and her thoughts grew dark. Elliot. He was a fucking champ at keeping his own private life a secret. But while his daily sagas were off-limits, he had no problem prying into hers. Or giving her advice, whether she thought it was good for her or not. In fact, Elliot cared little about other people's opinions when he was in lecture mode. He tended to preach his "sermon" like a pastor behind a pulpit on Sunday morning.

"Sanctimonious bastard," she mumbled and emitted a low, bitter chuckle. It's too bad he couldn't direct his "insightful" observations inward. Or sit on some shrink's couch to systematically cool his rage in therapy.

But in the end, for all of Elliot's "helpfulness," he could never follow his own advice, and he let his anger simmer for years, until the day it came to a raging boil. Ironically, his temper was not a factor on the day he shot and killed a teenaged girl.

Twelve years, she thought to herself. Twelve fucking years they were partners, and she hadn't gotten so as much a text from him when it was all said and done. Aside from the military chain he sent her, he vanished without a trace. Like all the men in her life had.

Olivia hated secrets. But Nick's secret was intriguing. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. If she didn't know any better, she would say there was an underlying sexual meaning behind his words. Olivia shook the idea from her mind; it was ludicrous to even consider. He was her partner. He was 6 years younger than her, that alone was a major deal breaker. Wait, why am I using the word deal breaker? Why the hell am I even considering the possibility? It's out of the question. Period. End of story. I mean, it has to be, right?

Right?

Nick looked over at her and narrowed his eyes. She had been silent for a while, and was living in her own world. Her brow furrowed back and forth, and confusion was etched across her face. He knew when Olivia was quiet, it was always for a reason.

There wasn't a break in their case, so he knew whatever was on her mind had nothing to do with work, which made him all the more curious.

In many ways, Nick was very intuitive—much more than the average male. Maybe it was because he was raised in a household of women; maybe it because he was a cop. Perhaps it was a bit of both; either way, he knew when to trust his gut.

And his gut was screaming at him that something was off.

"Everything alright over on Planet Benson?" he said, trying to lighten the mood.

And just like that, Olivia snapped back to reality. She looked up and saw Nick staring at her with a mixture of curiosity and concern. Her breath hitched in her throat. His intense gaze made her panic, and for a second, she thought he could hear her thoughts. She almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous she was being, but held back the giggle for fear that he would think she really was nuts. He was already eyeing her like she was cuckoo (but not for Cocoa Puffs).

Olivia looked up at the roof of the car for a few seconds, and let a long sigh escape from her lips before she turned to look in his direction. Her eyes darted down for a bit before she looked him in the eye. Nick made a mental note of her facial changes.

Looks like I 'm not the only one with a secret, he mused.

"I'm OK, Nick, just reminiscing about the SVU of days past."

"From your tone, they don't sound like happy memories."

"No. Yes. I mean yes and no. It's complicated."

"So uncomplicate it." he challenged.

Olivia arched her eyebrow, surprised at his boldness. She had to admit she'd grown closer to him in the year that they had worked together. Even though their partnership had endured a lot of hard knocks, they were in a good place. But he was pushing it.

"Nick, I know you mean well, but don't." her tone was even, but held a hint of a warning.

"Liv, you and I have been partners for over a year now. Is it so bad that I want to understand you, the real you? You should know by now that you can trust me."

"Can I? I mean you did ask for a partner switch behind my back and-"

He cut her off, "Liv, I know that wasn't my proudest moment. I allowed my emotions to take over; you know I'm better than that. I always have your back. I saved your life, remember?"

Olivia felt a twinge of guilt. She looked at Nick's earnest face; he just wanted to get to know her. He was right; his request wasn't unreasonable. But Olivia was a private person. She wasn't ready to peel back all the onion layers just yet.

"I...I'm not sure this is the right time. I just don't know if...may..maybe another time, OK?"

Nick's face faltered a bit, but he kept his expression steady. "No worries, Liv. You'll tell me when you're ready." He managed to smile and frown at her at the same time.

Olivia saw his lips turn slightly down at the corners of his mouth. It was subtle; anyone else would have missed it. But Olivia wasn't just anyone. She was his partner. She noticed everything about him. Lately, a little too much, she chided herself.

Olivia used to always compare Nick to Elliot, because she was convinced that no one else could measure up. She resented him at first, because he wasn't Elliot. She was grieving the death of her old partnership during the first few months of her new partnership—there was something so fundamentally fucked up about that scenario. She didn't even get a transition period. It wasn't fair. But Olivia knew that life was anything but fair. After all, her mere existence was based on life's cruel inequalities—a fact that her mother reminded her of as often as she could.

Olivia realized that she had praised the wrong partner. If anything, she should have compared Elliot to Nick. Was Nick perfect? Of course not. In many ways he mirrored Stabler. He was haughty, deeply religious (which was often the cause for his self-righteousness), and when he thought he was right, he could be an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, complete with a smirk that you wanted to slap right off his face.

But Nick exposed his emotions to her in a way that Elliot never dared to. He wasn't afraid to show her that he cared. Whether it was holding her hand for support or gently guiding the small of her back when they were working a case, he displayed a vulnerability that Elliot never did-he let her in from the beginning. Even now, as disappointed as he was at that moment, he didn't pressure her into telling him what was on her mind. He didn't push her. He just let her...be.

She decided that it was her turn to let Nick in.

"I was thinking about my old partner," she blurted out. She saw his face fall a little more and quickly added, "And remembering what an asshole he could be."

Nick couldn't help but laugh at that before he reached for his water bottle and took a sip. He looked at Olivia, and his eyes danced with gratitude—words weren't needed at that moment. They both knew that this was another milestone in their relationship.

"I'm glad that we got over our issues. You're a good partner, Nick. I meant that when you saved my life. And I mean that now. You're a good partner. Better than good, in fact. Great."

Nick felt his face getting warm, as a scarlet hue crept into his cheeks. He wasn't the kind of man to blush, but the sincerity of her words touched him. And the fact that these words were coming out of the mouth of his smoking hot partner didn't hurt either.

But Olivia wasn't done yet. Maybe she was caught up in the moment and drunk on emotion, maybe she was acting on her not-so-hidden desires for her partner. She grasped his hand in hers; her touch was soft, feminine; her movements deliberate. She looked at their two hands, olive skin upon olive skin, then deep into his dark eyes; eyes whose color mirrored her own. She licked her lips, as she prepared herself for her moment of truth.

"It took Elliot leaving for me to discover what a real partner is," she confessed, and she could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes. She tried to will them back, but one managed to escape and trailed down her cheek. Her walls were splintering, the same walls that she spent decades building up and reinforcing around her. The dam of tears that she held back for the past year overflowed and streamed down her face.

Olivia Benson had become unglued.

Nick watched the scene unfold before him in complete shock. He knew that the waves of emotion that engulfed her wasn't just from today. These were feelings that she had pushed deep down long ago, and they picked this exact moment to resurface. He wanted to see a softer side of her, but he never wanted to see this. She was broken. He felt a little nauseous and guilty for probing.

There was only way he could make it right.

He inched slowly towards her and wrapped his arms tight around her as best as he could from the driver's seat. She tensed a bit at first, and then relaxed, sobbing even harder before tucking the side of her face into the crook of his neck, and bringing her arms around him.

They remained like this for many minutes; partners locked in a lovers' embrace. She lifted up her head noticing the tear-soaked spot where her face had been just moments before.

"Your coat, I'm sorry. In this weather, the last thing you need to be is wet." She reached for the stack of napkins from the diner and began to blot the moisture from his parka.

He gently took her wrists and stilled her movements. He wanted to let her know it was OK to expose her feelings, she could drop her 'Badass Benson' demeanor for one night. With him, she could just be Olivia.

He cupped her face in his hands, and wiped her tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs. He watched her closely; she looked surprised, but she didn't pull back. He then dipped his head low and kissed her right cheek, tasting the salt from the tears. His kisses trailed down her jaw until they reached her lips. He looked up at her, asking if he should keep going with his eyes. He didn't want her to think he was taking advantage of the situation. When he looked up at her, any trace of sadness in her eyes was replaced with pure, unadulterated lust. Her dark orbs bore into his and spoke volumes; she wanted this.

She wanted him.

Holy Shit! He felt himself instantly harden. He lunged for her mouth and attacked her lips. Despite the cold, her mouth was on fire. She kissed him with passion, and her tongue darted out to part his lips even wider. His tongue plunged into her mouth and locked with hers, dueling for dominance.

He grabbed the back of her neck and deepened this kiss, trying to devour her lips. She moaned softly into his mouth, and Nick lost it. He thrust against her thigh as he kissed her. Olivia's eyes widened at the sensation of his member rubbing against her. His dick felt like a concrete pole against her leg. Oh God, he feels so good. She opened her legs to allow him better access and moaned again into their kiss.

He moved his mouth away from hers and latched onto her neck, as his hands traveled down to her ass. Firm and full—each cheek was more than a handful. He gave them both a firm squeeze. Fuck, she feels amazing. Better than in any of my fantasies. He began bringing his hands up underneath her coat to claim her breasts, when a sharp knock on the car window brought Olivia and Nick crashing back to reality.