If you don't like smutty humour please don't read past ******smut warning*** it won't affect the story line. I have been writing such heavy stories lines recently this just sort of came out of nowhere.

...

Gwaine and Freya went to look round the house they had been offered. It was indeed much larger than they had expected but was manageable at four bedrooms. They were not permitted to rent any off or have people stay for long periods, having said that Gwaine did gain permission for Elyan to stay when he wanted to. They decided it was ideal for them and that they would be fools to turn down rent free accommodation in such an expensive area. Gwaine checked the tunnel and it was indeed sealed off with a thick metal door. He quickly decided not to ask if they could use it. It was very clear that the King had no intention for it ever to be unlocked. In fact he was told by Morgana that Arthur had wanted the tunnel destroyed but that English heritage had strongly contested such a move. The garden was small but as the house was in Windsor great Park that wasn't really an issue.

The wedding was fast approaching and Morgana was determined to spend some time with Merlin before the wedding. She was conscious of the fact that she had hardly seen him recently and she felt their relationship had become strained since he had gone to Balmoral. When Merlin came back he seemed to have preferred to spend time with Arthur rather than her. Setting aside a whole weekend for Merlin she made it her task to find out why and what she could do. It turned out far easier than she thought. The very first morning at breakfast he surprised both her and Arthur when he asked "Why are you here?"

The question floored her and surprised Arthur who asked a question of his own. "Why shouldn't Morgana be here? we often have breakfast together"

Merlin looked puzzled "She hasn't been lately she has more important things to do" Merlin's voice was petulant and he avoided looking at his sister.

"Merlin! Don't talk about your sister as if she isn't here it's rude" Arthur snapped he could see the words had upset her

"No Arthur he is right, I'm sorry Merlin but I have been very busy, I didn't want or mean to avoid you and I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings." She reached out for Merlin's hand. But he jerked it away.

He looked down at the floor "I understand, you have Leon now, he is who you love now"

"Oh Merlin just because I love Leon doesn't mean I love you any less. I love you and Arthur just as much as I ever have. People can love lots of people and you will always be very important to me. That is why we are going to spend all weekend together. I get married next weekend and I will be going on honeymoon and I will miss you so much"

Merlin looked at his sister "Is a honeymoon like a holiday? Can I come?"

Arthur butted in as he could see this getting complicated "No Merlin you cannot. A honeymoon is a very special holiday and only the new married couple go."

"So you won't be going?" Merlin asked the King

"No I an not nor would I want to your sister and Leon will be all lovely dovey and won't want anyone there." He looked slightly disgusted at the thought.

Merlins face changed "You mean like when they got engaged?"

"Worse!" Arthur laughed

Morgana pretended to look insulted "Merlin take no notice of Arthur, but he is right it is a very special holiday when newly married people get used to being together."

*************smut warning**************

Merlin's next comment had Arthur choking over his food and Morgana going bright red.

"Oh you mean sex. Gwaine has told me all about that. Is that what you and Leon will do on honeymoon?""

Once Arthur had got his breath back he said "I think that is enough of that conversation we will talk later Merlin" muttering under his breath "And so will Gwaine"

Merlin seemed to relax more after that and before long the pair were back on their old terms. After breakfast Arthur left the other two and went to find Gwaine talking the surprised man to his office. "Gwaine I know you talk a lot to Merlin and I am grateful but what exactly have you told him about sex that makes him think it is acceptable to bring the subject up at the breakfast table in front of his sister"

Gwaine couldn't help himself, propriety or not he burst out laughing. "Oh why couldn't I have been there?" he saw Arthur's expression and rephrased his remark "I'm sure Sir you don't want to know exactly what I said. But we had that conversation a long time ago, it followed on from the conversation I had with him about the fact that morning erections were normal."

Gwaine couldn't believe he was having this conversation with the King of the United Kingdom. "Well will you revisit the subject and ask him not to discuss such things over the meal table or indeed that he is to limit such talk to either yourself or me, and then only when we are alone. Can you imagine what would have happened if it had occurred at a formal dinner"

Gwaine's face creased up once more "I'm sorry Sir I really am but I can't help but think it might liven them up"

At that Arthur also started to laugh "Having a brother has certainly altered my life. Just never write your memoirs I don't think the public will ever see us in the same light again" he looked at Gwaine "I suppose I should thank you for dealing with that conversation for me. I don't think it is in your job description"

"Sir it is one of many strange conversations I have had with the Prince. For a man his age he is very naive, I suppose we should be grateful when you think of the abuse. Some of the language he uses sometimes makes my hair curl. Luckily I think I have stopped it all now. He used to consider the strangest things as well… almost polite endearments between friends."

"Do I want to know? Just let me know one of the politer ones just so I am pre warned." Arthur found himself blushing. "I did go to a boy's boarding school but I never thought…."

"Well for a time he did call me a 'cocksucker' sometimes it turns out that his uncle used to call him a phrase with that in it. Even when not actually…."

Arthur looked out the window to compose his face. Turning back he said "Well, thank you but please make sure he does understand, can you imagine what the tabloids would make of that if it slipped out"

As they realised what Arthur had said they both broke down laughing "Oh dear, I thought I was past laughing at such stupid things." Arthur said as he pulled himself together. "Seriously Gwaine thank you. I realise now it could have been much worse, and in a way it was funny to see the Princess's face when her brother mentioned sex and Leon in the same sentence." Realising what he had said he added "And if that remark is repeated outside this room I will have to bring back capital punishment"

"Discretion is my middle name Sir anyway I signed the official secrets act and I think that covers that sort of thing"

"Gwaine go back to work"