Andy has no experience whatsoever in honeymoon trips, but as far as theirs is concerned, he's pretty sure it's going totally perfectly.
The first day, they arrive at Burly's family cabin (in a car April borrowed or stole from God knows who because hers broke and Andy doesn't currently "own" a car) and, after half an hour of search, they eventually find a window that has been left a little bit open, just a quarter of an inch, and thanks to April's tiny fingers, they open it all the way up. She climbs into the house and quickly finds a spare key under the doormat (she's so smart, Andy always thinks) to open the front door and let him in. He's pretty sure Burly's family wasn't planning on taking a week off right now, but if they do, April will totally figure something out. They spend that first day making out − and a little bit more than making out, they're married after all −on the couch and Andy still feels all warm inside all the time thinking about it, about her. He's still getting used to wearing a wedding ring, to feeling that tiny bit of metal on her own ring finger, and it just keeps reminding him that he's married to the coolest chick in the world. Perfect first honeymoon day with the perfect wife? Yes yes yes.
There's a lot to do at a lake house, but very little that April is actually into, so they spend most of their time there either napping or hanging out or watching the fire in the hearth since there's no tv (which Andy finds relaxing and cool and April boring and pointless), having sex on just about every surface of the house (April is very creative when it comes to that), using all the dishes and putting them on the floor everywhere (her idea) and swimming in the lake (his idea − April is so pretty in a swimsuit). They have a lot of fun all in all. If Andy knew that this lake house was as great as it is, he would have broken into it long before. Well, not that long, really. He has only been with April for a month, after all. For a second, he wishes they'd get their own cabin so they could have a quiet little nook in case they want some peace just the two of them, but he shakes that thought off. They'd never get the money. Lucky they have Burly's house.
At some point, Andy decides he wants to make the best of their stay in such a beautiful location and go do something outside. It's not like they're going to take a vacation again any time soon, considering they're broke as hell. April refuses to go hiking or fishing (which is just as well, considering Andy has no idea how to fish and just suggested the idea because it sounded cool), but compromises by agreeing to try waterskiing later.
Waterskiing is a complete disaster, and yet Andy has the time of his life. He has never driven a boat before, and after a whole day driving one, he still has no idea how to do, but it's just so much fun. April doesn't know how to waterski either, despite his best advice. She falls so many times that he's starting to wonder if she's doing it on purpose. He has to laugh every time, too, because her hair is tied up in a way that makes her look like an angry cat every time she comes out of the water and it looks like she's about to hiss. They take turns a few times and he isn't much better than her − she says he looks like a dog and he growls and barks and she laughs when he bites at her calves. The weather is fair in the afternoon, but as time goes by, it's starting to get a little bit chilly and he doesn't really want to swim anymore. They make out in the boat, but in the end, she's shivering and it's starting to get dark, so he takes her in his arms, literally bridal style because she was his bride like last week, and takes her back inside.
He did have fun splashing around in the lake, driving the boat a tad too fast and spitting water at her, but it's even more fun taking a bath together in Burly's huge bathroom (which, what is he doing with a tub that size in a wood cabin in the first place? Why?) for hours before eventually April complains about the water being cold again, like why did they even leave the lake if they just stayed in the bath until it's freezing, Andy, we have to get out of here, but he loves grumpy April too because he gets to cheer her up every time.
"Babe, you're gonna feel so hot right now, I swear, it'll be just like a faucet."
"Furnace," she corrects him, but she's smiling already.
Maybe it's the booze April found after breaking through the pantry door, maybe it's the smell of the fire that reminds him of long camping nights with his brothers when he was a kid, maybe it's all the sex they had on Burly's couch (also crazy comfortable, they should really come back to this cabin again, it's the best), maybe it's the bacon and pancakes they gorged themselves with afterwards, maybe it's the warmth of his super dope wife's tiny body covering his as they cuddle under a blanket, but Andy can't think of a better night in his whole life than this one. He can't remember a time he's ever felt more completely relaxed.
"I know we should totally, like, go to bed right now," he mumbles, "but I just..."
"I'm gonna break your knees if you move," she interrupts and nestles her head right under his neck. Her lips brush against his skin, soft as a feather, and he wraps his arms around her even tighter. He's not quite sure because it's raining outside and he can't really hear that well, but he thinks she just let out that sort of moan that he only gets to hear when she's super comfortable and happy and safe, and he likes that, because he only gets to hear that when they cuddle late at night and she's almost asleep (come to think of it, could it be a snore? He's not sure), and he wants her to be happy around him as much as he is around her.
"I love you," she sighs and that's no mistake, she's said it loud enough. "My husband."
"Love you too," he replies and yawns. "So, so much..."
His only response is the quiet breathing of his kickass wife sleeping.
The next day, he wakes up to the sounds of rain slashing on the window and of rustling and tiptoeing around. He rubs his eyes, forces them open in all his sleepiness and finds his beautiful wife pacing across the room, picking things up and shoving them into her backpack.
"Hey, babe."
She turns to him and gives him the cutest smile, a bit crooked, her I-just-did-something-wrong smile which is like his third favorite April smile after her sexy drop-your-pants-right-now smile and her special I-hate-everyone-but-I-love-you smile.
"Hey."
"Watcha doing?"
She looks up from a pile of books she's been stacking in her bag and her smile gets broader.
"Helping Burly away with things he doesn't need."
"Seriously?!" He stands up, all tiredness gone. "What did you got?"
She looks at the bag, then at him, then at the bag again and begins listing everything. He walks up to her and hugs her from behind and her melting into his embrace, holding his arms makes him all giddy and happier than all the stuff that she's stolen and that is theirs now.
"... and this flashlight, and the lavender shampoo that smells good, and this pack of..."
He stops her with a kiss, and an hour later, when they're all sweaty and worn out on the floor after the best sex they've had so far (sometimes it feels that they're getting better every time), she also steals the blanket from the sofa, the one that's super soft.
Andy is the one who brings up Leslie and convinces April to send her a video. April is less than ecstatic when she finds out that they had a working network connection all along, but he laughs it off and they still send the video to Leslie (they accidentally film twenty minutes of making out and a little bit of foreplay but he trusts April to cut that part). They still watch tons of Netflix after that, or at least they put it on, and at some point they forget about it and jump each other's bones.
When they pack up their stuff and all the stuff they stole at the end of their honeymoon, Andy sort of wishes they'd stayed here longer. April notices he's sad and offers him to pretend they stayed a week longer, and stay at home instead eating take-outs and wearing nothing at all, and Andy realizes their honeymoon is never really going to be over.