The bathroom was empty when Lapis entered into one of the stalls and shut the door closed. Class had started and she never cut class but she couldn't go to class now. Not like this.
Why did this things have to happen to her?
She had never been kissed before and the problem wasn't that her first kiss was with Jasper. She could care less about who it was. She just couldn't understand why nothing she tried to do ever worked. This was why she was hopeless, this is why she never tried.
Though in a way, this is what she planned. She decided that having control over Jasper by having her be infatuated with her even more would allow her to destroy her reputation. It did kind of work, in the sense that Jasper was seething with rage but when Lapis stopped her she calmed down and...apologized. But Lapis wasn't sure she could handle this. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel tears swelling up in her eyes.
She fell to the floor and started crying. She really hoped no one came in and heard her. God, why did the person who had to fall in love with her be the person Lapis hated most in the world?
This past days she had been hanging out with Jasper and Peridot acting like she was staring to trust them, when in truth she had her guard up at all of times. She learned about them, things she never would have cared to known. How Peridot was a neat freak and needed her things to be organized or she couldn't concentrate. How Jasper had a skin allergy and that's why she had those marks that looked like scars.
She especially learned that Jasper tried to act like she was never unfazed by anything and that she thought she had her life under control, but when Lapis rarely initiated a conversation with her or would sit next to her at lunch time, she noticed Jasper would shift a little and her eyes would look somewhere else. At that moment she had still not been sure if Jasper was really into her but she could sense the bigger girl get uncomfortable and start ranting about something, trying to shift her mind away from those emotions.
But she knew now. She had never expected though for it to go as far as for Jasper, even if she was aggressive and forceful, to have the guts to kiss her. Jasper wasn't her usual aggressive self, the one that made her want to crush weaker students and laugh at their pain. Peridot had told her that when Jasper got really mad, she completely lost her sense of reality and nothing could stop her from wanting to take out at that rage, and Lapis witnessed that just moments before Jasper had kissed her. Jasper seemed to have changed in those few seconds before she kissed Lapis. She looked at Lapis with regret and pity. Even after all she had done, how she picked a fight with Garnet and even tried to hurt Steven.
But that wasn't enough for Lapis. She hated Jasper and she would always. No matter how much Jasper started acting nicely and stopped her aggressive nature, Lapis wouldn't fall for it. She had dealt enough with people like her, and she was tired. Jasper was right, she was uncaring and vengeful. But it was all because everyone made her this way. The only person she would protect was Steven because he stood up for her. She would never forgive the people who hurt her or Steven and if she had to she would take down Jasper with her to accomplish it. She continued to cry but looked up at the window, where she could see the blue sky and sunlight reflecting in the stall.
She wished she had wings so she could fly away from her problems. She wished she could escape it all.
Jasper punched the ground. 'What am I doing!? Why did I just do!?' She pulled her hair and kept on punching the ground. This wasn't suppose to go this way. She had wanted Lapis to hang around with them so she could have an excuse to be around the smaller girl. It had started to work as she could sense Lapis getting used to being around her. Lapis would deal with her when she would make fun of other people, even though she didn't like it. She hung around Jasper and Peridot even though she hated what they would do, and Jasper knew that. But she knew Lapis still was with them because she was using their popularity to protect herself. Jasper knew that Lapis would sit beside her and talk to her but only because she had to so she could get on her good side. She knew Lapis wasn't really interested in her, in fact she had just admitted that she hated Jasper. That's why she was so angry, angrier than before, about the fact that she had let her emotions go to far and kiss Lapis.
This was the first time Jasper could sense her anger being directed at herself. She had been angry a lot, but never had she ever wanted to beat herself up. Now she did. But it wasn't a good anger, like when she wanted to let out steam on other people. It was the worst anger she had ever experience because she actually felt bad. She kept on punching the ground and growling. She hated this. She hated how she was feeling. And it was all Lapis Lazuli's fault, who had turned her into this. At first she thought she hated Lapis because she was a coward and a weakling. She couldn't have been wronger.
She had not realized it before but Lapis had a power over her. A power no one ever had over Jasper. Lapis was small and thin and she let people bully her even though she could stop them because she was scared. But even though she had fear and distrust, she could control Jasper without even trying. She was affecting and changing Jasper completely.
Jasper wasn't just angry at herself. She was mostly angry because of Lapis. Because for the first time in her life, Jasper was insecure about the future.
She hated this school. She hated the students. She hated the teacher who gave her an F. She hated those three girls. She hated the chubby boy. She hated Peridot. But most of all, she hated Lapis. She hated her because she loved her.