AN: I know it´s late, but well...yeah here it is! Oh, btw...kudos to those who shared their memories! I laughed my effing a$$ off at work today! Thanks!
DreamTeam...Ladies there arén´t enough words to describe how awesome you guys are!
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NUTHIN!
That´s What Little Girls Are Made Of…
Chapter Fifty-Six
EPOV
Somehow, I´d managed to get back into my Izzy´s good graces after my royal fuck-up in Forks, despite my good intentions, I´d gone about it the wrong way.
And my friends had no problem telling me as such.
"You did what?" Alice, Jasper´s girlfriend, shrieked. "You fucking asshole! What the hell were you thinking, Edward?" Apparently, Jasper and Alice shared more than a bed; it seems that those fuckers shared a pair of ears as well!
Since that night, there´s being a constant ringing in my ears; I think the little pixie damaged my fucking hearing.
Tonight, we were all at Em´s for a barbecue. He called it a little pre-birthday soirée, since, and I quote, "In a couple of days, your head´s gonna be so far up little Buzzy Bee´s ass, you won´t be able to think straight."
Jackass!
Yeah, that was three days ago, and I´d yet to come up with a comeback, but, I was still working on it.
Stepping out onto the rooftop patio, I nearly choked to fucking death on my beer.
There, standing next to the grill, in all his crazy-ass glory, was my best friend, Emmett. Now, you may ask yourself, why would I find that choke-worthy?
Well, allow me to explain.
At first glance, nothing seemed amiss. But, when he turns around, and I see what he´s wearing, I nearly lose my shit.
Picture this, six-foot-five, three-hundred-thirty pounds of solid muscle, and he´s donning an apron with a naked man gripping the hips of a sheep, plowing into his ass, and then tell me you would have been able to keep it together.
Not-to-mention, said sheep´s tongue is hanging out of his mouth and smoke coming from his ears.
I beg to fucking differ!
Say what you fucking want, you would have lost your shit too!
"Dude," Em boomed. "I can see just how jealous you are Bro, so, I got you one too!" Tossing something black my way, Em just gave me his signature goofy-grin.
Of course, I was wary of what it might be and with good reason, too.
Taking a deep breath, I unfolded the material with practiced caution. You just never knew with Emmett McCarthy. I didn´t realize that Jasper was reading over my shoulder until he sprayed my back with Heineken.
"Damn Em," Jasper choked out between guffaws. "You hit the nail on the head!"
What?
Looking down, I focused on the green and white letters that read: IF MASTURBATING WAS A CRIME, I´D BE ON DEATH ROW!
Could this fucking day get any worse?
What a fucking douche!
I told him that in confidence!
Bastard!
Crazy fucker was always finding shirts and aprons with sexual sayings on them. The last one he wore, said, "Heads, I Get Tail, and Tails, I Get Head!"
Yeah, Em was one crazy motherfucker, but he had a heart of gold.
Too bad I was going to rip that fucker out in about two seconds!
More tomorrow! We´re getting close to the present! Stay with me! Let me hear from you!
Krazi
xoxo